Jealousy--Good, Bad, or Indifferent

Olivia

Olivia

Well-known Member
Location
Hawaii
What makes you jealous? And is Jealousy always bad?
 

I am not a jealous person. That said, when my ex cheated on me, I became very, very jealous. Situational/acute jealousy is, I think, very different than chronic jealousy, which is indicative of the insecurity of the jealous person and doesn't have a great deal to do with any factual, logical reason to be jealous.

Cheating spawns jealousy because it's about the other person doing things that betray your trust. Chronic jealousy isn't about trust, or one's significant other, or their actions or words, it's about the person experiencing the jealousy, and their own insecurities and self worth.
 
I would get on with something else. There's always something else; many, many choices.

Jealousy is a waste of time. You only have ONE life. For Gods sake, DON'T WASTE IT !!
 

My mama told me, "if she can take him, let her have him." Mama was smart. :D I've never wasted any time being jealous, romantically speaking.

Now when my best friend got a housekeeper... I was GREEN.
 
I get jealous when someone gets a whole lot of attention because of something they did, or figured out which is the exact same thing I did years before and heaven forbid someone should complement a person on a recipe that I gave to that person. I know it is petty but smoke comes out of my ears when that happens. The very least they should do is tell them it was my recipe or serve it when I'm not around. I know, if I feel that way I shouldn't share my recipe. I'm trying.
 
Apart from when I've been cheated on in relationships..and that's a different type of jealousy IMO.... I really don't feel jealous of anyone in the proper sense of the word.

I may wish I could have a certain thing that someone else has..like a luxury yacht for example, but I don't feel jealousy because someone else has it...
 
No! I’m not a jealous type either.
I can’t claim to have never felt it but I don’t feel it often.

Like Hollydolly there isn’t any one thing I can think of that I feel jealous of.
I’m most grateful for the life I have and the people in it.

And I’ve never been cheated on so I don’t know that feeling. .... touch wood.
 
Is there absolutely nothing positive about jealousy/envy? How about using it as a motivator to achieve something someone else has achieved that you want to also and it gets your butt moving to achieve it?

Or not taking your SO for granted when you realize that someone else finds him or her an attractive and appealing person? Maybe motives you to do something nice for that person?

If my guy would have absolutely not even a tiny bit of jealousy if some other guy came on to me, I would find that a little bit of a let down.

Anyway, just some thoughts about the other side of the green monster.
 
Keesha said:
And I’ve never been cheated on so I don’t know that feeling. .... touch wood.
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I pray you never will know it. I don't think I've ever felt anything else like it, like I was being eaten up from the inside, sucker punched, betrayed at the most visceral level.

I have never been unfaithful, never cheated on a boyfriend, or my husband, even when my marriage was at its absolute worst. The sad thing about his cheating is that it began early in our marriage, long before it became a difficult relationship, so there wasn't even the excuse that things were awful. He just did it because he could. I still kick myself sometimes because I was so completely clueless for the longest time.

Is there absolutely nothing positive about jealousy/envy? How about using it as a motivator to achieve something someone else has achieved that you want to also and it gets your butt moving to achieve it?

Or not taking your SO for granted when you realize that someone else finds him or her an attractive and appealing person? Maybe motives you to do something nice for that person?
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Personally I've found nothing positive in feeling jealous or envious. I have always experienced them as very negative emotions, not motivating at all, instead just causing depression, apathy, and an overall misery. For me, they are not the kind of emotions that get me moving, get me motivated, that spur me on to action. Instead they just make me want to climb back into bed and pull the covers over my head in despair.

My fiancé IS an attractive and appealing person. ;) I've seen other women eyeing him appreciatively. ;) Makes me proud to be with him. I do nice things for him because I care about him, not from any sense of competition with anyone else for his time or attention.
 
I think the only thing that would make me jealous is if I ever found out that my husband had cheated on me. So far I never heard anything of him cheating. Besides that I can't think of one thing that would cause me to be jealous.
 
Ronni said:
I pray you never will know it. I don't think I've ever felt anything else like it, like I was being eaten up from the inside, sucker punched, betrayed at the most visceral level.

I have never been unfaithful, never cheated on a boyfriend, or my husband, even when my marriage was at its absolute worst. The sad thing about his cheating is that it began early in our marriage, long before it became a difficult relationship, so there wasn't even the excuse that things were awful. He just did it because he could. I still kick myself sometimes because I was so completely clueless for the longest time.



Personally I've found nothing positive in feeling jealous or envious. I have always experienced them as very negative emotions, not motivating at all, instead just causing depression, apathy, and an overall misery. For me, they are not the kind of emotions that get me moving, get me motivated, that spur me on to action. Instead they just make me want to climb back into bed and pull the covers over my head in despair.

My fiancé IS an attractive and appealing person. ;) I've seen other women eyeing him appreciatively. ;) Makes me proud to be with him. I do nice things for him because I care about him, not from any sense of competition with anyone else for his time or attention.
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I pray I never feel it either. I’ve got a great man who I know would never do that and I’ve been blessed with very considerate men in my life. One guy physically abusive and that was exceptionally painful but that’s life.

Dont ever kick yourself for being clueless. That’s the innocence in you getting bashed. I’ve had similar shocks by being so gullible and naive. Of course it’s upsetting when we trust a person we love and we get deceived. That shows the depth of our love AND think of it this way. You wouldn’t be the same person without the experience nor would you have met Mr. Wonderful who you are with now if it weren’t for that scumbag.

And I know I’ve said this before but you two are a perfect match for each other. You BOTH BEAM ‘in love.’

Sometimes we need to thank the universe for things we once considered mistakes.
 
I have to preface this:I didn't have a normal childhood when I was between ages 10-16 and school work was always difficult for me. My older sister and younger brother I always felt were smarter than me. I was put back in the 4th and 9th grades
I was sent to 2 boarding schools a co-ed one in Deerfield,MA the other,all girls in Toronto,both for 2 yrs,then lived with my aunt&uncle for another 2 yrs.
My siblings had the luxury of staying home interacting with our parents 24/7,during those yrs I came home for holidays and summer vacations,they were strangers to me. This is the only time I was really jealous and it took me years to deal with it and to forgive my parents Sue
 
I'm with your mama, C'est Moi. When my exhusband flirted with other women, even going after a good friend co-worker, I saw him as making a fool of himself. So felt no jealousy. Even after I filed for divorce, and then found out he'd gotten a poor foolish girl pregnant, I felt no jealousy of her, just pity that she was gonna be stuck with him. lol
 

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