Joke of the Day

A new pastor was visiting the homes of
parishioners. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home,
but nobody answered his repeated knocks at the door. So he took out a
card and wrote “Revelation 3:20” on the back and stuck it in the door. When the
offering plate was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been
returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, “Genesis 3:10.” Reaching for his
Bible, he broke up in gales of laughter. Revelation 3:20 begins: “Behold, I stand at
the door and knock.” Genesis 3:10 reads: “I heard your voice in the garden and I
was afraid for I was naked.”
 
An elderly gentleman walks in to an Ice Cream Shop. Staggers to the counter fighting each step-in pain. With a shaking voice asks for an Ice Cream Sunday.

The counter woman asks,
Crushed Nuts today?

He replies,
No arthritis.
 
A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. "You'll get your chance in court. " said the Desk Sergeant. "No, no no! " said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years! "
 
A very rich greedy old man knew he was dying and wanted to take it with him, so he left his doctor, his lawyer, and his priest, each 1 million dollars to be put in his coffin so he could "take it with him".
So, at the funeral the priest confesses that he only put in half the money because the poor in his flock really needed it more than a dead man.
The doctor said: "I only put in 25% because some needy patients needed life saving operations.
Then the lawyer said "I am disgusted at your lack of integrity and loyalty to an old friend! I gave him a check for the full amount!"
 
:peace:
After being married for 50 years, a man took a careful look at his wife one day and said ...
"Fifty" years ago we had a cheap house, a junk car, slept on a sofa bed and watched
a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 18-year-old girl.

Now ... I have a $500,000.00 home, a $35,000.00 car, a nice big bed and a large screen
TV, but I'm sleeping with a 68-year-old woman. It seems to me that you're not holding up
your side of things."

His wife being a very reasonable woman told him to go out and find a hot 18-year-old girl
and she would make sure that he would once again be living in a cheap house, driving a junk car,
sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.


Aren't older women great? They really know how to solve an old guy's problems. :grin:














 
One evening a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leave her, hoping she will be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seems OK, but after a while she slowly starts to fall over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her up. Again she seems OK, but after a while she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back and once more bring her back upright. This goes on all morning. Later the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting to her new home. They ask, "So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you good? "It's pretty nice," she replies. "Except they won't let you fart! "
 
Three guys drinking in a bar.


The first man says 'I think my wife I sleeping with a house painter. I keep finding smudge sof paint all over the bedroom'.


The second guys says 'Well now you mention it I think my wife must be sleeping with an electrician. I keep find odds and ends of electrical equipment in our bedroom'.


The third guy says 'Tell me about it. I think my wife is sleeping with a horse...I keep finding a jockey under the bed'!
 
Last edited:
The managing partner in an accounting firm is very annoyed with one of his junior partners and has called him in to chastise him."How could you possibly advise the client in the way you did? That was completely unethical. We are always conscious of Ethics in this firm. ~~~You do know what Ethics is don't you? "~~~The young partner is offended. "Of course I know what Ethics is. It's a county in southern England. "
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top