Just not in the mood...

L

Ladybj

Live, Laugh and Love
Location
Somewhere in the USA
My niece has a few things planned in December. She know my sister was recently killed. She is having Christmas dinner at her house, she is having a get together for her son Dec 11th and having a get together for her birthday Dec 28th. I am so not in the mood. It was tough getting through Thanksgiving. It's just hard.

I don't want to be a "debbie downer" but I am not in the mood. Not sure how to tell her, I am not in the mood.
 

It is okay to bow out, if you're just not up for it.
Just because the holidays are here, doesn't mean you want to pretend to be merry and bright.
Most people have had years when they didn't want to celebrate anything, just because the calendar said it was that time of year.
Everyone has tough Christmas holidays when the whole family comes down with the flu, or couples are separated, going through divorce, or feeling grief because of the loss of a loved one.
Just be honest with well intentioned people who try to include you. Thank them for their kindness, tell them you just aren't up to it this year, and maybe next year you'd like to get together. People will understand. Give yourself time to heal from your loss.
 
I agree with everyone else. Tell her and see how you feel later. My dad died just before Thanksgiving, years ago and no one felt like a celebration. It happens. Those closest to you would understand. Multiple hugs. Holidays are a joy for those who celebrate, but a hardship for those who mourn.
 
I know just where you are coming from Ladybj and empathise with you. At a time of loss of a loved one Christmas and all anniversaries are very hard to deal with and I know only too well losing my Husband. This year for me it's a tad easier with the advent of Christmas and the follow up of New Year.

I agree with everyone else in here and do hope this will be a comfort to you. Do what is right for you and go by your feelings taking it slowly day by day xx
 
Duster said:
It is okay to bow out, if you're just not up for it.
Just because the holidays are here, doesn't mean you want to pretend to be merry and bright.
Most people have had years when they didn't want to celebrate anything, just because the calendar said it was that time of year.
Everyone has tough Christmas holidays when the whole family comes down with the flu, or couples are separated, going through divorce, or feeling grief because of the loss of a loved one.
Just be honest with well intentioned people who try to include you. Thank them for their kindness, tell them you just aren't up to it this year, and maybe next year you'd like to get together. People will understand. Give yourself time to heal from your loss.
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Thank you sooooo much!!!
 
Aunt Bea said:
I agree with the others.

Ask your niece to keep a place open for you and see how you feel when each day arrives.
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I text her today to let her know I cannot confirm if I was going to make it to her birthday celebration. She said she understand and took my name off the list. She did not leave an option as to say well just in case you up to it, you are welcome to join us. Life goes on. I cannot sweat the small stuff these days.
 
debodun said:
I feel for you. My family had some significant losses this year, but we still went ahead with our holiday party. Perhaps getting out and socializing can get your mind off of your troubles. Just a thought, but you now what is best for you.
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Thank you. Unfortunately, socializing will not be good for me right now. I will be totally faking it and trying hard to push through which will cause a bit of stress and anxiety. I may shed a few tears when people are trying to enjoy themselves. I have dealt with death in my family with my mom and two brothers but NEVER a tragic death and on my birthday. So, no... However, I will move forward slowly with the help of my counselor.
 
I can tell you that you are not alone on this boat. It feels so much that way, and in your situation, it was a terrible shock and is under added difficulties.
It will take time and much help which you deserve, for you to move forward well, and in a good healthy way. You seem like someone who will do that, but we each need to do it gradually.

Perhaps it is a fleet of many small boats near each other, moving very slowly in a forward direction, over these waves.

Others are not in the exact same boat as you, but there is a lot of overlap and we can feel acceptance and caring and understanding.
 
Just tell your niece, thank you very much for including you, but you are just not ready yet, for those types of gatherings.

Let her know you appreciate not having been excluded, it was right for her to invite you, but tell her it's too soon for you.

Most people accept that wording, and you wouldn't want to alienate or push away those people, so tell her you will want to do these things later on, but not yet, now.

EDITTING my own post, this one: I had missed one of your above posts, that you already texted her. That is fine. Now just focus on the little things you can do to care for yourself during this difficult time.
 
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Ladybj, it has all been said by others and I agree
with them, but I would like to ask you to just try
a little bit to cheer up, I know that it is a sad time
and you are hurting, but just sit and think of the
good fun times that you had.

Just don't get sick by being too down, we have all
been there before and it does get better a little bit
each day.

Mike.
 
Mike said:
Ladybj, it has all been said by others and I agree
with them, but I would like to ask you to just try
a little bit to cheer up, I know that it is a sad time
and you are hurting, but just sit and think of the
good fun times that you had.

Just don't get sick by being too down, we have all
been there before and it does get better a little bit
each day.

Mike.
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Thanks Mike. As I have stated, I am moving forward slowly. It was just such a SHOCK.. Everyone grieve at their own pace, in their own way. I made a promise to myself that NOTHING will put me in the dark place I was in years ago. I am not fooling myself and try to rush through my grieving process... one day at a time. I have no doubt things will get better.
 
Kaila said:
Just saying hi and hope you are doing alright, this week, @Ladybj ! 🌺
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Thank you. I am taking one day at a time.. it seems to be getting a bit easier. Of course I have a lot of sad days but I find myself smiling. Spent the day with my daughter today which was MUCH needed and MUCH FUN. Thank you again.
 

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