Learning How To Live Life

Morning. I love my morning game of not dropping my pills in the heating vent when trying to get them picked up off the counter. Dexterity hell. LMAO!

Poor eye sight and lack of attention to details led me to purchase the wrong incontinence product last time so I will be wearing the bikini version for the next 54 days. HAHA! Ever since my hysterectomy I have to wear things to keep everything in check. LOL! Plus, sometimes the competition for the 7 rest rooms at work can be tight. *Grins*

I have to say getting older is definitely interesting some days. I sometimes have to get creative with how I do things at work to make it through the day. Whatever works. *Shrugs*

Can't wait til Saturday. I'm ready to be off. I gotta check my Rx and see if I need to refill anything before Thanksgiving. Don't wanna run out of anything. Next week our new year starts for health benefits so I will have to log into the site and get my health insurance set up for this coming year.

I'm thinking about cutting open one of my Thomas Bagels tonight and toasting it and then putting some of the sliced chicken lunchmeat and some cheese on it and melting it a little in the microwave for supper. We'll see.
 

Your first paragraph of the above post sounded like a pill game activity that was created for o.t. by an o.t.πŸ˜„πŸ˜πŸ˜†

And your last paragraph, I slightlyπŸ™„ misread;
You would open a bagel and toss it,πŸ™ƒβ˜ΊοΈπŸ€—πŸ€­
Not sure what you'd do with the chicken then. πŸ˜‰πŸ€”
Toss it in the same general direction?πŸ˜„

But perhaps i should try to read more carefully. 😊
 
So tired. One more week. Then I can rest for a week. So excited. The day I go back, snow is in the forecast. Just a little though. There's a couple forecasts for snow in December up until the 21st. According to Accuweather.

Anymore it just seems like time is just flying by. I can't believe it's been almost a year already.

It's been 11 months since I went no contact with dad. He emailed once to check on me after someone committed suicide in our hospital emergency room lobby. I just mailed back I'm fine. Haven't heard from him since. I don't want to hear from him anymore ever again. Or the rest of the family for that matter. Shouldn't be a problem.

When people don't love you but act like they do, eventually you get it figured out. Then they get p----d off because they can't manipulate or use you anymore for whatever their purpose was to begin with. I no longer let people that close. Why give them the opportunity? Everybody stays at arms length now. It's easier on my soul that way.

I'm having some coffee again. I'm just tired of being exhausted all the time. If this is what it's like to be old then it's gonna kinda suck. I may be spending more time napping when I'm off. LOL
 
@katlupe but when you're working it never gets here fast enough if you're off. LOL!

@Kaila yes they do. And with my raise I will make $22 an hr while I'm there. We have a $2 differential after 3 pm and then on weekends it's $4. 😁 I don't even know yet if she's called in. I have to call and check. If I get my packages early enough I'll go work today.

If not then I won't be working til tomorrow. I have around $200 worth of cpap equipment and another portable nebulizer for the house coming. And Saturdays I usually don't see anything til around 6 pm or later on occasion.

I told them I'd be there for sure on Sunday. All I would have to do is our break room for our department, the lab in the basement, their break room and the resident/student docs lounge. Then I'm free to go home. So I might be looking at a 4 hr. shift. Maybe.
 
Sunday we're looking at a high of 40ish and the low will be 20ish. Monday will be just a skosh warmer. Then back into the 60s. The forecast says snow the day of my return from vacation. LOL!

Well, other than dust in other areas of the hospital, we passed our inspections with 2 different sets of surveyors. ACHC and KDHE. I don't know if OSHA is supposed to come yet or not.
 
well shoot, the portable nebulizer i got today isn't working. i'm gonna try another brand. if that doesn't take care of the problem, i will just have to use my rescue inhalers at work. :(

the neighbors have friends over and they're a little noisy. they don't do it that often and they aren't keeping me awake all night or anything so i'm not gonna worry about it. the rest of the time they're quiet as church mice so no complaints.

just gonna grit my teeth and turn the tv up a little. *rolls eyes*
 
Aw, hi @Ruthanne! Thanks for popping in. Things settled down around 11:30 or midnight. Their friends went home. The neighbors are good kids. They're usually very respectful and quiet so I can't really fault them for having a little company for a few hours and having fun. I'm just thankful they don't have music cranked up for hours at a time and be hootin and hollerin like some ppl.
 
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Waiting for word on whether or not I'm working today. The lead is gonna text me soon and let me know. The gal was still pretty sick yesterday so she said she doubts she'll be in today. So I will probably end up filling in which is ok. I volunteered. Weekends we have fewer staff so having 2 ppl out can be pretty difficult.

I have to giggle cuz the kid that will give me a ride today wants to go in early for a 20 minute service in the hospital chapel. He basically said he's tryna get right with God. I thought well you're gonna need more than 20 min twice a month for that. LOL! At least he's trying. Maybe it will interest him enough to dive deeper. Never know.

If I have time I might eat a little something before work. We'll see. I need to get my other bag of lettuce salad ate up. Today's the exp. date. So if I open it, it will surely turn brown. LOL!
 
i worked a 4 hour shift. home shortly after 7. started on my diamond art kit that i bought. i'm not sure if i like it or not. kinda do. i need to get a tv tray cleared to work on.
 
Morning. Sheesh! Some folks sure do get their feathers ruffled on here sometimes. I no longer tolerate anger and hatred. I put them on ignore before I put up with that nonsense anymore. I prefer a more tranquil life now. I don't have the energy for the upset anymore. LOL!

I'm gonna try to sleep some more here in a bit. I just woke up and felt the need to piddle around online for a bit. I took my melatonin early last night and was in bed around 12:30.

I have some new foam padded masks for my cpap coming Thursday. Hopefully I can keep from having the bridge of my nose torn up anymore. The masks can cause the skin to break down and deteriorate so I'm trying to avoid that. I have to wear mine kinda tight or they leak all night and make me crazy.

Working my normal shift today. I kinda enjoyed the break from it yesterday with that other area.

Back to sleep. See you in a bit. *Nevermind...I decided I needed some breakfast*
 
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Been a while since I did a face in hole pic. LOL!
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Thinking about Thanksgiving. I work that day and we will get a free holiday meal. Looking forward to it. They used to serve it but now they put it out buffet style and it's much less stressful. Might have to bring myself home a meal as well.
 
In a post earlier about depression I was made out as the bad guy which is fine. But I have been down that dark road and I understand it quite well. I also know that entertaining the depression and wallowing in it is dangerous. Never got a t-shirt for my attempted suicide.

Allowing yourself to be swallowed by depression can lead to severe physical and mental health consequences, including an increased risk of self-harm or suicide, substance abuse, chronic illness, and the deterioration of relationships. Without treatment, depression can significantly worsen and prolong, impacting your thoughts, sleep, eating habits, and self-worth.

It's crucial to seek professional help, as clinical depression is a serious illness that cannot be overcome by simply "pulling yourself together".
Mental and emotional dangers
  • Increased risk of self-harm and suicide: In severe cases, untreated depression can lead to self-harm or suicidal thoughts and actions.
  • Cognitive distortions: Depression can warp your perception, leading to excessive self-blame, rumination, and a focus on negative experiences.
  • Damaged relationships: Untreated depression can strain social connections, making it difficult to maintain meaningful relationships with others.
  • Emotional numbing: A person may become emotionally detached, experience outbursts of anger, or develop resentment towards others.
  • Loss of self-worth: Depression can lead to a feeling that your opinion, needs, and desires don't matter, eroding your self-confidence.

Physical health dangers
  • Chronic pain and fatigue: Depression is linked to physical symptoms like chronic pain and a lack of energy.
  • Increased risk of other illnesses: Chronic stress from untreated depression can increase the risk of heart disease, diabetes, and other cardiovascular problems.
  • Immune system suppression: Depression can weaken the body's immune system.
  • Sleep and eating problems: The condition can disrupt normal sleep and eating patterns, leading to disorders.

Social and behavioral dangers
  • Substance abuse: There is an increased risk of developing a drug or alcohol addiction.
  • Risky behaviors: Untreated depression can lead to other risky behaviors.
  • Difficulty with other illnesses: It can make it harder to cope with and recover from other serious medical conditions.
  • Work problems: The illness can cause difficulties with performance and engagement at work.

What to do
  • Seek professional help: Clinical depression is an illness that requires treatment, such as medication and/or psychotherapy.
  • Don't blame yourself: Depression is not a sign of personal weakness, and it is not your fault.

  • Connect with others: Talk to trusted friends, family, or a support group to avoid feeling isolated.
  • Find purpose: Engage in activities that give you a sense of meaning and purpose, and recognize your contributions to the lives of others.
One of the biggest things I noticed on a mental illness site was the unwillingness of people with depression to even try to do things to help themselves find their way out. Therapy wasn't helping, medication wasn't helping. It was replaced by constantly reliving the thing that put them there and constantly complaining because they weren't getting any better. I know it sounds heartless of me to make such a comment but,

I found it was actually better for me not to dwell on it and to find other things to do besides giving it license to take over my world. The more time I spent on the mental illness forum the worse I felt. You can't help yourself feel better if you're constantly going back to that dark place to visit it every day. One has to learn to turn their back on it and walk away.

If I had allowed myself to stay in the state I was in I guarantee I wouldn't be here right now. The stuff that drove me to that darkness was in my face every single day for over 50 years. Each day I kept waking up and coping with whatever each day brought. Therapy did no good. Meds did no good. I had to figure it out on my own. One thing I learned was the more I ignored it, the better things got.

There are lots of things online with ideas for coping mechanisms but many refuse to even try. You can't just sit there and do nothing and let it take your life. You have to fight. Sometimes that fighting is simply a good cry and other times it requires shutting down in order to get through it.

When I lost my mother I shut down for 2 years. The only thing I did was work and play video games. Until one day I was finally able to cope with the situation. I've lost my entire family because I couldn't mentally handle what was happening at that time. But it's ok. Because I'm a survivor. And that person no longer exists within me.

I try not to ever judge people but there are times when a person has to help themselves in life if they want to survive. I have been left to cope with my own sh*t my whole life. I'm surprised I'm not in a padded room right now. But here we are. ;)
 
Continued...
I also understand that not everyone copes the same way. The thing is, to find a way to cope that you can deal with that doesn't make matters worse.

I had to wake up each day and play the hand I was dealt no matter how painful it was and come home deal with the agony alone. When I was little and my parents would make me cry, my father used to come in and take pictures of me crying and laugh.

They always told me how painful it was for them that they couldn't do anything to help me but later on in life they started making fun of me for stuff. The only person that truly cared about me died when I was 13.

I wasn't able to hide from the pain and sadness. I wasn't able to hide from my life because I was the object of everyone's attention because of a disorder I had. I never really started to have a more normal life or be able to learn how to behave like a normal human being until I hit my 50s. I still struggle to this day because my life was kept very antisocial because of my parents and I never outgrew it.

To this day I am still alone because I choose to be because people can't be trusted. But I am no longer miserable. I live my life how I want to the best of my ability. But at some point along the way if we don't try to help ourselves out of the hole we're in things will never improve.

Depression is a horrible thing to have to live with. But you have to care enough about yourself to try to take care of yourself and be gentle with yourself until you're strong enough to face life. And people are a lot stronger than they give themselves credit for. When you're left with no other options than to be strong you would be surprised what you can get through.
 
*sips coffee* Morning.
Getting ready for another day.

Thursday will be busy for me because I have to call the pulmo about some prescriptions, sign up for my insurance benefits for the new year & they gave us the option of the mandatory meeting on Bed Bugs or we can register to watch it on our site where we do all of our mandatory state tests.

I opted for the online thing since it's my day off and I'm not paying Uber almost the whole hour of pay to go do that. If I'm gonna hafta basically do it for almost nothing then I might as well do it from home for free.

They got the bullet resistant stuff done on the windows. Not seeing any metal detectors being put in yet at work. But they're famous for starting things and not following through.

Today is supposed to 65 for the hight and 34 for the low. Still seeing green grass yet. It's weird cuz it was 20 the other night.
 

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