Living Apart Relationships for Seniors

I don’t think it’s fair to judge this kind of arrangement in a relationship as somehow lacking, or inferior to a more traditional arrangement. Just because it’s not typical doesn’t make it flawed.

One of my clients has this arrangement with her husband. They are both wealthy seniors, this is their second marriage, and he maintains his home and she hers. They live 15 minutes from each other and do all the things together that traditional couples do, but at the end of their days together they go to his house, her house, or each go their separate ways. This is a very comfortable and workable arrangement for them.

I love my husband deeply and he me, but if he wanted this kind of arrangement I would have no problem with it. I don’t believe thats any reflection on the quality of our relationship, I think it just speaks to who we are as individuals.

We each work so we’re away from each other during the weekdays, but together in the evenings after work. While we do a lot of stuff together on the weekends, we also do plenty solo, and have no problem with that. I guess what I’m trying to say is that we give each other space.

The ease with which we live together has a LOT to do with how similarly we keep house. We are both neat freaks, fastidious, don’t like clutter, want things clean. He will grab the vacuum, duster, toilet brush every bit as frequently as I do. I’ve lived with someone who didn’t care, and it was really hard.

I think similarity of housekeeping habits play a part in a harmonious relationship too, and may be a point in couples keeping separate residences.

EDIT TO ADD: I have zero problems with clutter and untidiness in someone else’s home. I don’t even really notice it honestly unless things are SO bad that I’m concerned something is going to come out of the toilet and bite my a** lol!! But I find it impossible to fully relax in my own space amidst clutter and mess. Which is why it’s so hard for me when I’m living with someone who is more relaxed in their housekeeping style.
 

Last edited:
If a couple were married and living in a duplex (each their own side) as mentioned earlier, I could understand that. It might be nice to have their own corners to go to. That way if one wanted the television and one was not such a clean freak that might make things run smoother. It's the living with someone and not being married and the friends with benefits thing that bothers me personally. To me that is no different than living alone. I can do that all by myself. I think married couples need space. Time away from one another to be who they are.
 
I would enjoy a casual living-apart friendship that included enjoying good food, good conversation, good music, and mutual help in emergencies etc. while both having independent homes, finances and lives. I’m not sure this would be called a relationship so much as a friendship. But for many of us who have already experienced live-in relationships, including marriage, the return to the peace, quiet, simplicity and space of one’s own place is more attractive than the return to a live-in or marriage situation. You never live with just one other person. It always includes their baggage from their various other prior obligations and relationships.
 


Back
Top