Living In A House An Ex Or Deceased Family Member Was In

I'm living in the house I inherited from my parents. It's 2500 sq ft brick Victorian, 3 stories on a 1/4 acre lot. It was okay when my parents were alive - we all had enough space for our "stuff" and dad could help with yard work and other maintenance. Both of them passed in the house (dad in April 1983 age 61, mom in November 2006 age 76). It doesn't bother me about that aspect as it does about how it is just too big for me for one old senior couch potato to maintain. I can do less every year and to hire people to fix things usually mean I get cheated (like the guy I hired to paint the front porch for $4000. He didn't even scrape off the old paint or prime the old surface and painted latex paint over the old oil-based paint. Over the next winter most of it flaked off).

I looked at senior housing a few years ago and found out you either have to be destitute or a millionaire to get a place around here in a independent senior facility (can't earn over $40K for subsidized housing and the other end were "luxury" apartments around $5K a MONTH! I have money, but that "luxury stuff" is a little out of my range. The contractor that repaired a porch step recently told me that I COULD sell my house if I was willing to go "dirt cheap - and I mean DIRT CHEAP." He didn't mention a figure, though.

house front 1.jpg
 

ClassicRockr said:
Well, if something was to happen to my wife (death), not only would I move, but I'd have to move to an area/state where we'd hadn't visited or lived before. I love memories, but sometimes memories can be haunting to very emotional. A movie I can think of is, We Bought A Zoo.

When a person goes to any store where their spouse, or other deceased family member was with them, it can become emotional in the "thought banks" of the mind. I'd never/ever want to forget my wife, as she wouldn't want to forget me either, but living in and/or going places we had gone together, would be just too hard on either of us.
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Im currently going through that! Glad to hear it’s not just me. Costco is the worse!
 
Giantsfan1954 said:
So true,once had an absolute, embarrassing meltdown in the soda aisle of the grocery store when my eyes happened to land on the Polar Seltzer hubs used to drink like it was his job.
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I had a meltdown at the mall the first Christmas after my husband died. He was very into Christmas and I thought maybe it would put me in the mood for the holiday. Instead, I fell apart. If the reindeer handlers hadn't taken pity on me and let me love up on the critters, I don't know how I would have made it out.
 

ClassicRockr said:

So, would you stay in the house or move, due to a divorce or death of someone living in the home?​
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If my lady passed before me;

I wouldn’t move or sell a thing…’cept for all that yarn and llama wool.

I would surely keep the bed
Many good (really good) memories

I’d never remarry

Maybe get a cat

…or a wolf

Become weirder, hairier

Be that crazy guy…deep in the woods

Or

Sell, move to the coast,

Write

Frequent watering holes (where everyone knows my name)

Become weirder, hairier

Get a cat

Be that crazy guy that wears cargo pants in winter
 
Falcon said:
Some homes are sold and re-sold many times throughout the years. It would be difficult to tell if somebody died in ANY of them.

And REALLY, What difference does it make?
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I agree. I don't see what difference it makes, either. Everybody's gotta die somewhere. My mother did not want to die at a hospital -- she wanted to die at home, and I was able to see that she was able to do that.

Why would someone's dying in the house matter? I don't understand.
 
Butterfly said:
I agree. I don't see what difference it makes, either. Everybody's gotta die somewhere. My mother did not want to die at a hospital -- she wanted to die at home, and I was able to see that she was able to do that.

Why would someone's dying in the house matter? I don't understand.
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Some folks simply don’t want to live in a house where they know someone has died. Death creeps some people out.

Heck, I can’t even remember if I’ve ever been to a “viewing” or funeral.
 
I would stay put.

The spirits of my loved ones are more agile and mobile than I am so why try to outrun them or hide from them.

I actually enjoy the little reminders and memories that come to me when I go places or use things connected with the people from my past.

I would, however, get a new place if I was starting a new relationship. I don't think that it is fair to expect someone to comfortably fit into a home where you have enjoyed a completely different life for many years, raised a family, etc...
 
Coming up to thirty years, I still live in the house where I raised my kids and asked my second wife to move out. I have no problems, whatsoever, with memories haunting me. I even have some old pictures, somewhere, since I never bothered to throw them out. Other women have come and gone. No big deal, I like the house. Before this house, I lived in a house, for eight years, where a guy blew his head off on the patio, some years before I bought it. Again, no big deal. I still own that house.
 
Like I said, some folks can handle it, some can't. Those that can't have replied to this thread also. Nothing wrong with those that can't or won't.
 
treeguy64 said:
Who is the above addressed to? Not me, I hope, because I never said anything was wrong with anyone.
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Not you or anyone directly, but Ken-N-Texas mentioned that the would move.

I don’t think everyone reads all of the replies to a thread, especially if there are a couple of pages or more. So, I just wanted everyone to know that we weren’t the only couple that felt the way we do.
 
As for me, a house is just a house, a bed is just a bed. Any relation to past events is just memories and they're inside my head. Clean the house, change the sheets and maybe rearrange the furniture to accommodate my own personal needs better.
 
.

I still live in the same house where my son died five years ago.

My father had died in the previous house we lived in [I had bought it from my father's estate.]

Here's the irony... my father was in the kitchen, had a massive heart attack, fell to the floor and died.
A few years after my son and I moved into that house, my son was eating in the kitchen, had his
very first seizure and fell on the floor in the exact spot my father had died. Many years after we
moved from that house to this house, my son died during a seizure.
 
KingsX said:
.

I still live in the same house where my son died five years ago.

My father had died in the previous house we lived in [I had bought it from my father's estate.]

Here's the irony... my father was in the kitchen, had a massive heart attack, fell to the floor and died.
A few years after my son and I moved into that house, my son was eating in the kitchen, had his
very first seizure and fell on the floor in the exact spot my father had died. Many years after we
moved from that house to this house, my son died during a seizure.
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I’m really sorry you had to go through that kingx.
That must have been very difficult.
 
Keesha said:
I’m really sorry you had to go through that kingx.
That must have been very difficult.
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Here's another irony. On the day my father unexpectedly died,
My son and I had gone out for breakfast at Dennys. Since we
were close to my father's house, we stopped by around noon
and visited with him for a little while. Ironically, in what would
be our very last conversation, my father and I spoke about
the resurrection. Not exactly a topic we usually spoke about...
but both of us had seen the same movie the night before
by that name, "Resurrection."
 
I still live in the house that my husband died in and it doesn't bother me one bit. This house is full of good memories!
 
I would NEVER want to forget my wife, but constant reminders of her, like going the places we had fun at........well, memories are great, but.
 
ClassicRockr said:
Some folks simply don’t want to live in a house where they know someone has died. Death creeps some people out.

Heck, I can’t even remember if I’ve ever been to a “viewing” or funeral.
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Maybe that's the problem... at an early age you weren't exposed to "death" being part of the cycle of life.
Parents who try to "shelter" their children from this natural conclusion to life, do not do them any favors.
And creepy unnatural Hollywood horror movies are the worst.
 

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