Loneliness & Boredom, how to escape

F

Frio

New Member
Loneliness and boredom have been a part of my life since my wife's passing 3 years ago. The combination of the two has been soul crushing, but three years on, I'd have to say that boredom is the biggest problem.

My wife was my best friend for 35 years and I now find myself at a loss for how to successfully navigate this new phase of life. We were seldom bored. She had her hobbies, I had mine, and we had things we did together. I especially miss our long road trips by car sharing the things we saw and did.

Following a two wheeled addiction that began when I was 15 years old, my main hobby for years was motorcycle travel across the US. However, thanks to geezer issues like arthritis, I seldom ride anymore. I wish early in life I had taken up something like golf because of the social aspect of it. Instead, I got hooked on long distance motorcycle riding which is primarily a solitary sport. Years ago, I was really into fishing but I burned out on that. All this to say that I need to find new hobbies or activities that will get me involved in meeting people and getting me out of my shell, but I am at a loss for what that might be.

As to loneliness, because neither my wife or I had children (my first marriage, her second), it can be hard for attraction to develop when I meet most women because there's just not a lot in common. Folks naturally want to talk about their grand children etc. and that is perfectly understandable but I can only relate as an outside observer. I really envy folks who have grand kids and close family ties but that just wasn't in the cards for me.

I really feel like writing more but it's late. Just needed to vent.
 

Last edited:
Give me a break.
There are so many things to get done before I die.
🙄
 

Frio said:
Loneliness and boredom have been a part of my life since my wife's passing 3 years ago. The combination of the two has been soul crushing, but three years on, I'd have to say that boredom is the biggest problem.

My wife was my best friend for 35 years and I now find myself at a loss for how to successfully navigate this new phase of life. We were seldom bored. She had her hobbies, I had mine, and we had things we did together. I especially miss our long road trips by car sharing the things we saw and did.

Following a two wheeled addiction that began when I was 15 years old, my main hobby for years was motorcycle travel across the US. However, thanks to geezer issues like arthritis, I seldom ride anymore. I wish early in life I had taken up something like golf because of the social aspect of it. Instead, I got hooked on long distance motorcycle riding which is primarily a solitary sport. Years ago, I was really into fishing but I burned out on that. All this to say that I need to find new hobbies or activities that will get me involved in meeting people and getting me out of my shell, but I am at a loss for what that might be.

As to loneliness, because neither my wife or I had children (my first marriage, her second), it can be hard for attraction to develop when I meet most women because there's just not a lot in common. Folks naturally want to talk about their grand children etc. and that is perfectly understandable but I can only relate as an outside observer. I really envy folks who have grand kids and close family ties but that just wasn't in the cards for me.

I really feel like writing more but it's late. Just needed to vent.
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Anytime you want to please vent on. I'm still married and bored. I love my husband but life has been a standstill for a few years now. I so wish I could speak about my grandchildren but unfortunately my disabled son isn't able to have children of his own. I'm kind of in your same boat and once again, please feel free to vent anytime you want to. I'll listen.
 
Frio said:
Loneliness and boredom have been a part of my life since my wife's passing 3 years ago. The combination of the two has been soul crushing, but three years on, I'd have to say that boredom is the biggest problem.

My wife was my best friend for 35 years and I now find myself at a loss for how to successfully navigate this new phase of life. We were seldom bored. She had her hobbies, I had mine, and we had things we did together. I especially miss our long road trips by car sharing the things we saw and did.

Following a two wheeled addiction that began when I was 15 years old, my main hobby for years was motorcycle travel across the US. However, thanks to geezer issues like arthritis, I seldom ride anymore. I wish early in life I had taken up something like golf because of the social aspect of it. Instead, I got hooked on long distance motorcycle riding which is primarily a solitary sport. Years ago, I was really into fishing but I burned out on that. All this to say that I need to find new hobbies or activities that will get me involved in meeting people and getting me out of my shell, but I am at a loss for what that might be.

As to loneliness, because neither my wife or I had children (my first marriage, her second), it can be hard for attraction to develop when I meet most women because there's just not a lot in common. Folks naturally want to talk about their grand children etc. and that is perfectly understandable but I can only relate as an outside observer. I really envy folks who have grand kids and close family ties but that just wasn't in the cards for me.

I really feel like writing more but it's late. Just needed to vent.
Click to expand...
 
Frio, I am so glad you found us! Welcome and I hope you enjoy your interactions with us immensely. Losing a loved one takes time and each of us deals with it in our way. Visiting here will help you reconnect with the world and happiness. We are a group of older and most interesting people.

Perhaps you could use your knowledge of motorcycles to help some new riders, or perhaps you could still attend motorcycle events even if you no longer ride.

What was your favorite motorcycle and why was it your favorite?
 
My mother died a couple of years ago, and my dad was rattling around in this bigass house they bought back in 2005. He was sort of spiraling. My brother and I both invited him to come live with either of us, and he instead asked us to move in with him. Now there's 9 people and 3 dogs in the house and while he is being allowed to grieve, he isn't being allowed to crawl up into himself. Also, he doesn't have to worry about his retirement funds running out before he does.
 
Frio said:
Loneliness and boredom have been a part of my life since my wife's passing 3 years ago. The combination of the two has been soul crushing, but three years on, I'd have to say that boredom is the biggest problem.

My wife was my best friend for 35 years and I now find myself at a loss for how to successfully navigate this new phase of life. We were seldom bored. She had her hobbies, I had mine, and we had things we did together. I especially miss our long road trips by car sharing the things we saw and did.

Following a two wheeled addiction that began when I was 15 years old, my main hobby for years was motorcycle travel across the US. However, thanks to geezer issues like arthritis, I seldom ride anymore. I wish early in life I had taken up something like golf because of the social aspect of it. Instead, I got hooked on long distance motorcycle riding which is primarily a solitary sport. Years ago, I was really into fishing but I burned out on that. All this to say that I need to find new hobbies or activities that will get me involved in meeting people and getting me out of my shell, but I am at a loss for what that might be.

As to loneliness, because neither my wife or I had children (my first marriage, her second), it can be hard for attraction to develop when I meet most women because there's just not a lot in common. Folks naturally want to talk about their grand children etc. and that is perfectly understandable but I can only relate as an outside observer. I really envy folks who have grand kids and close family ties but that just wasn't in the cards for me.

I really feel like writing more but it's late. Just needed to vent.
Click to expand...
Have you checked to see if there's a Xerocraft or other skill-sharing coop in your area? Teaching youngsters skills is very rewarding, and you get to meet people.
 
I also lost my wife 3 years ago. I know how you feel. I don't think there is an easy fix. Your mind is stuck in the past. It doesn't want to accept the present. Once you get over that, you can move on with your life and find things that interest you.

I found that just writing things down helped, even if you just tear it up afterwards. Spill your guts on paper. It's like self counseling. I wish you well with it.
 
Frio said:
Loneliness and boredom have been a part of my life since my wife's passing 3 years ago. The combination of the two has been soul crushing, but three years on, I'd have to say that boredom is the biggest problem.

My wife was my best friend for 35 years and I now find myself at a loss for how to successfully navigate this new phase of life. We were seldom bored. She had her hobbies, I had mine, and we had things we did together. I especially miss our long road trips by car sharing the things we saw and did.

Following a two wheeled addiction that began when I was 15 years old, my main hobby for years was motorcycle travel across the US. However, thanks to geezer issues like arthritis, I seldom ride anymore. I wish early in life I had taken up something like golf because of the social aspect of it. Instead, I got hooked on long distance motorcycle riding which is primarily a solitary sport. Years ago, I was really into fishing but I burned out on that. All this to say that I need to find new hobbies or activities that will get me involved in meeting people and getting me out of my shell, but I am at a loss for what that might be.

As to loneliness, because neither my wife or I had children (my first marriage, her second), it can be hard for attraction to develop when I meet most women because there's just not a lot in common. Folks naturally want to talk about their grand children etc. and that is perfectly understandable but I can only relate as an outside observer. I really envy folks who have grand kids and close family ties but that just wasn't in the cards for me.

I really feel like writing more but it's late. Just needed to vent.
Click to expand...
I am in the same boat. Neither my husband nor I had children, (my first marriage, his second). I'm a recent widow from this past year. I've really not had a lot of hobbies. My hobby has always been work. I do feel lonely and bored at times. My husband and I were loners and did not socialize a lot. We traveled a lot. I don't think I'd enjoy traveling by myself. It's more fun when you have someone to share your memories with. Having said that, to try and get out of my funk, I started doing volunteer work at a historical museum. It's very interesting to see how people used to live and what all they went through.
I hadn't been to church since my younger days, and I started going to a church where I know the minister and his wife. That has helped occupy my time. I'm starting to learn stories from the Bible that I missed in Sunday School years ago and it's interesting.
I've been wanting to volunteer at a no kill animal shelter or a rescue. There are no rescues near me but there are at least three no kill shelters within 20 some miles of me. My only hesitation is that I will have to toughen up a little before I try to do that. Anytime I've been visiting in shelters before, I've bawled my eyes out. I admire people who are emotionally tough enough to work in them.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm constantly trying to think of places I can volunteer at. Hopefully it will make a difference in someone or somethings life and in doing that, maybe I won't be quite so lonely or feel so misplaced.
 
TeePee said:
I am in the same boat. Neither my husband nor I had children, (my first marriage, his second). I'm a recent widow from this past year. I've really not had a lot of hobbies. My hobby has always been work. I do feel lonely and bored at times. My husband and I were loners and did not socialize a lot. We traveled a lot. I don't think I'd enjoy traveling by myself. It's more fun when you have someone to share your memories with. Having said that, to try and get out of my funk, I started doing volunteer work at a historical museum. It's very interesting to see how people used to live and what all they went through.
I hadn't been to church since my younger days, and I started going to a church where I know the minister and his wife. That has helped occupy my time. I'm starting to learn stories from the Bible that I missed in Sunday School years ago and it's interesting.
I've been wanting to volunteer at a no kill animal shelter or a rescue. There are no rescues near me but there are at least three no kill shelters within 20 some miles of me. My only hesitation is that I will have to toughen up a little before I try to do that. Anytime I've been visiting in shelters before, I've bawled my eyes out. I admire people who are emotionally tough enough to work in them.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm constantly trying to think of places I can volunteer at. Hopefully it will make a difference in someone or somethings life and in doing that, maybe I won't be quite so lonely or feel so misplaced.
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Sorry for your loss @TeePee and Welcome to the forum. Your interest in volunteering is admirable. Hope you explore and enjoy yourself here. 🌹 :)
 
When we lost my daughter in law, who was only 49, my son was having a really hard time accepting this. They were only married 10yrs., no children. I was afraid his lucrative IT business would suffer, but, I stayed with him for a while. Convinced him finally to join a bereavement group led by a former priest. They became fast friends and Kevin helped him enormously. Now, my son too, is a bereavement counselor.

A gal from our past is now living with him. He isn't interested in her romantically, but even though she married one of his best friends, she divorced Dan and made a bee-line for my kid. She's always been after him, but he does like the companionship. She's a few years older, and has 3 kids and several grandchildren. So, he is really too busy to think too much.

However, he cannot let go of his late spouse, and in some ways it's a good thing since he talks about the good times. Encourage your dad to think of all the good times he and your mom had, Luce. Let him talk about those times to all of you. It really is cathartic.
 

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