Looking for another mate.

Robert59 said:
They came looking for me only. One came for me at Walmart and one at Sam's and another one at doctor's office which one was a nurse and another one at a eye doctor office. One was at walk-in clinic. I'm a big joker with the woman. Always have been.
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Congratulations! When you say they came for you, does that mean they asked you out on a date? Are you dating any of them now?
 

I'm sorry, but your post has me confused. You posted on Feb 14 that your girlfriend had moved out and had been put into a nursing home (I'm sorry to hear that! :cry: ) but then four days later on the 18th, you posted that you can't live alone and were looking for a "new mate." I'm assuming you mean like "roommate" or someone to do housework instead of the way I think of "mate" since she'd just been gone for a few days?

In any case, I hope things work out for you.
 
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Robert59 said:
I'm not going after anymore women till my girlfriend dies from this condition called Dementia. I would take her back if I could. Her sister just calles and that all.
Nursing homes is a trouble place To be if you don't know anybody. I would visit her but can't.
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You miss her but sometimes we must suffer to make sure the person we love can get the care they need. Sometimes the best thing we can do is not visit or call for a little while. It is good for the person that is sick to adapt to their new home/reality. They will bond with their caregivers and other people that live there. They will settle into a new routine. Yes, if and when you visit or call it will be of a great comfort but by that time they will have started a new life. The kindest, most loving thing you can do is let her adjust to her new home.
 
Sippican: co-habitation for ?? months (I think 6) is considered "married" in British Columbia, Canada. My partner and I had assets and we want our children to be recipients of our assets. A co-habit agreement was drawn up by our lawyers to protect our "heirs".
 
The nursing home sent her to a group home instead of this nursing because I think not enough money. Now they are talking about moving to a group home. She started to freak out and ran in the street out front and was sreaming she didn't like it because they had four people per bedroom. Today she was told she might move back in with me.
 
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HI @Robert59
This entire time period has been very difficult for you.
I am very sorry, you have these difficulties.

I don't want to write out the specifics from your posts over the past year or two,
but I do remember...
there were lots of extreme difficulties when she was living with you,
and all of her different medical issues were becoming very hard for you to try to find ways to deal with.

All her illnesses, have gotten worse, and are getting worse now, and they will continue to get worse.

I don't see how you could take care of her, so I don't think it's a good for her ( or for you)
to have her come back to your house.

It would be nearly impossible for most anyone to continue to take care of her at home.

You also have some serious medical issues, yourself,

that she will not be able to help you with, at all,
and your illnesses also will make it impossible for you to take good care of her, and will make it too hard for you to take of yourself at the same time, while trying to watch her. It would be very difficult for anyone.

I understand how attached you are to her, and that you do care about her, and that you don't want to live alone either.

That is all hard, but I think it would get much worse for you, and for her too, if you try to do it again, when she is getting worse.

Remember that her sister did not communicate well with you, back when you and your girlfriend needed more help.
And her sister did not help with her care, in any way, when the girlfriend lived at your house.

You had no one else to help take care of your girlfriend, then. And it seems certain to get even more difficult and impossible.

It is better to let her relative deal with where she lives now, I am sorry it is this way, but everything looks that way.
 
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BC Flash said:
Sippican: co-habitation for ?? months (I think 6) is considered "married" in British Columbia, Canada. My partner and I had assets and we want our children to be recipients of our assets. A co-habit agreement was drawn up by our lawyers to protect our "heirs".
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This seemed crazy to me so I looked it up. According to https://dialalaw.peopleslawschool.ca/marriage-agreements/:

Under the BC Family Law Act, couples are considered spouses if they’re married or have lived together in a marriage-like relationship for at least two years. Couples who’ve lived together in a marriage-like relationship for less time but have a child together are also spouses (except for when it comes to property, debt, or pensions).
 
Perhaps no one can take care of either of them, so what difference does it make.
They could spend their last days together, instead of being tied down in a bed in an institution.
I'm not saying one way or the other, and don't know the specifics, so am just offering an alternative viewpoint.
It's not an easy thing to go through when you're close to someone, they're being taken from you, and everything's fading away.
 
I would agree with some of that viewpoint,
except that I do know more of the specifics, and it seems like it would be a lot worse, for both of them, than their present living conditions.

But of course,
Robert and every other person in similar situation who might read this thread,
can decide for themselves, what point they are at,

as they should, and as I too, might have to do, if ever in similar circumstances, as well.

I just thought I should remind him, of how very difficult it was, and will be, if he tries to do it again. Doesn't seem better or manageable or possible in any way, to me, from what I learned about his situation and hers.
 

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