Many Women Will Never See Justice in This Lifetime

Warrigal said:
Good questions but I have no answers. What I do know is that my country has a big problem involving domestic violence. Women are being killed by intimate partners at an alarming rate*. They are most vulnerable when they finally decide to leave an abusive relationship. Fear causes many to keep the abuse a secret because if the police knock on the door, it only increases the violence.

So, I have some why questions as well.

Why do men turn on their partners and physically abuse them?
Why are women's shelters so scarce when this is a growing problem?
Why is domestic violence, abbreviated to DV, not called assault and battery?

* It was bad enough when Australian women were dying at the hand of an intimate partner at the rate of one per week but the rate is now one every four days.
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I find this shocking and heartbreaking Warrigal !! I didn't know Australia had such a problem with abuse. What you've written gives a clue as to why so many women stay in abusive relationships here in the states. Sometimes when restraining orders are filed, they really do no good because either are not enforced or infringement winds up not being reported or the woman is murdered. You asked good questions.
 

Warrigal said:
Am I to understand that US still has conscription for men?
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No active conscription today, , But registration in the event conscription is activated. At age 18 males much register.

Who must register for Selective Service​

Almost all men who are 18-25 years old and live in the United States must register for Selective Service. This includes:

  • U.S. citizens (U.S. born, dual citizens, and naturalized)
  • U.S. citizens who live outside of the country
  • Immigrants (legal permanent residents and undocumented immigrants)
  • Refugees and asylum seekers
  • Transgender people who were assigned male gender at birth
  • People with disabilities
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the above fact is very often ignored in discussions of equality. So I’ll toss it into the pot, and give it a stir.
 
Warrigal said:
Why do men turn on their partners and physically abuse them?
Why are women's shelters so scarce when this is a growing problem?
Why is domestic violence, abbreviated to DV, not called assault and battery?

* It was bad enough when Australian women were dying at the hand of an intimate partner at the rate of one per week but the rate is now one every four days.
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Frustration in other areas of their lives?
 

@Warrigal
This is a nation shame, when I studied community services I was part of a group assignment to look at the effects of children being exposed to DFV. It was an eye opener which peaked my interest in DFV and I have studied DFV some more. There's a rinse and repeat cycle of outrage, and empty promises to do more about this problem, yet the injustices keep happening. I'm interested in working with men's behaviour change because this is where the root cause of the problem lies. This is an intergenerational trauma and is incredibly complex so a long term solution needs to be found. Additionally there's an urgent need for short and medium term answers too. The women and kids of Australia deserve more than just lip service.

@gruntlabor
If only it was that simple to identify the root cause of the problem. My guess is that it is something to do with 'toxic masculinity'. Coercive control is how it begins and it escalates as the control bites in the controller strengthens their grip.
 
VintageBetter said:
Open discussion. Your thoughts?

I know it’s for certain in my own life, but I will not go into detail here. But what say you, overall, about the predicament of women in American society, especially single moms. Life going peachy and without prejudice for them as a group? I sure don’t see that.
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What the hell U talking about!
A wild young honey gets pregnant and just how many has she spread for.
A different father for 4 kids most likely. Society of the past. Kids not caring.
The young have to decide if they want to be parents or not it's their responsibility an no one else's.
the billionaire B>S of no births / no future is just their crap. 100 years of total hell and the women are done.

Most young I know say F. to more than one.
 
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January said:
Because women are not trapped in bad relationships.

Because we no longer endorse shotgun weddings.

Because women are not coerced into giving up children for adoption

Because women can earn their own money and support themselves.

Tax payers are supporting some single parent families - some 2 parent families too.

All these children? - Not all children in single parent families are in insecure situations - and some 2 parent ones are.
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If everything's so great now why do those statistics above show children from fatherless homes far more likely to end up in prison, homeless, suicidal? Yes you can find "not all" examples and exceptions and you can pretend that kids don't mind not having fathers so long as lots of other kids don't have fathers, but I look at those stats and see a big problem.

You're a good representative of our society's attitude about this, i.e. women are happier so to hell with the children.
 
From todays' papers..



Throughout 2024, the Guardian aims to report on every woman allegedly killed by a man, drawing on the work of campaigns such as Counting Dead Women, the Femicide Census and Killed Women.


In recent years in the UK, a woman has been killed by a man every three days on average, yet most of their stories have gone unheard. The Guardian wants to help change that.

This year, the toll of women whose deaths have led to a man being charged has now reached 50. Here, we mark each of their lives.

None of these incidents are linked in any way other than that a woman has been killed and a man charged in connection with her death.

On this link the photo of all 50 women killed this year...​

Pictures of the women​

 
My husband grew up with a violent domestic father and was delighted when his mother was finally able to divorce him (she had valid reasons for why she couldn't do it sooner); he wished she had been able to do it sooner; his only halfway happy times growing up were when that SOB wasn't home.

My father wasn't usually physically abusive (except to the furniture, throwing at across the room, etc.); his weapon was verbal abuse. I longed to get away from him and live with my mother but that didn't happen. Huzz said to me one day, "You know, I think you had it even worse than I did: my dad was gone a lot but yours was always there."
 
gruntlabor said:
Oho! Boy, do I ever disagree with that.
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In a DFV context the vast majority of women are assaulted by men who choose to use violence. When men are victims of DFV they are mostly assaulted by another man. Women who use violence on their partners are a significant minority.

@gruntlabor
I'm curious about what exactly you disagree with in the post by @January and why you disagree.
 
officerripley said:
My husband grew up with a violent domestic father and was delighted when his mother was finally able to divorce him (she had valid reasons for why she couldn't do it sooner); he wished she had been able to do it sooner; his only halfway happy times growing up were when that SOB wasn't home.

My father wasn't usually physically abusive (except to the furniture, throwing at across the room, etc.); his weapon was verbal abuse. I longed to get away from him and live with my mother but that didn't happen. Huzz said to me one day, "You know, I think you had it even worse than I did: my dad was gone a lot but yours was always there."
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Forgot to add: those who worry that children from fatherless homes too much of the time turn out bad, my huzz had 4 siblings (same mother & father for all 5) and there was only 1 of those (1 of Huzz's brothers) that their father paid the least bit of attention to and didn't hit. Of those 5 kids, only 1 turned out badly. Which one? The 1 brother that the dad was there for; the other 4 were ignored or hit but turned out fine. So seems like all 5 would've been better off if the dad hadn't ever been around at all.
 
Rakaia said:
In a DFV context the vast majority of women are assaulted by men who choose to use violence. When men are victims of DFV they are mostly assaulted by another man. Women who use violence on their partners are a significant minority.

@gruntlabor
I'm curious about what exactly you disagree with in the post by @January and why you disagree.
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(from post #134)
January said, "... why are some men ( because it is nearly always men) unable or unwilling to control their behavior?
I disagree with the above statement.
I disagree because I believe it is untrue. Just as many, if not more, women are unable or unwilling to control their behavior. My opinion. Handed out free of charge. Women are the emotional creatures, not men
 
@gruntlabor
Re post #144
You can believe what ever you want,as will I.
I believe that all humans are emotional creatures and I also believe that DFV perpetrators choose to use violence, meaning they don't simply succumb to the 'red mist' of temper.
I also believe what I have learned while studying domestic violence.
 
Della said:
If everything's so great now why do those statistics above show children from fatherless homes far more likely to end up in prison, homeless, suicidal? Yes you can find "not all" examples and exceptions and you can pretend that kids don't mind not having fathers so long as lots of other kids don't have fathers, but I look at those stats and see a big problem.

You're a good representative of our society's attitude about this, i.e. women are happier so to hell with the children.
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Wow - I didn't say that at all o_O

I simply listed some reasons why there are more single parent families now, in answer to your question of why there are.

Nor did I 'pretend kids don't mind not having fathers' - I think wherever possible it is best for children to have both parents.
But not neccesarily the parents living together.

Actually I don't think I am finding 'not all' examples at all - meaning I am not finding exceptions.
More children from single parent families might end up in prison - but most do not. So finding those who do not isn't the exception.
 
gruntlabor said:
(from post #134)
January said, "... why are some men ( because it is nearly always men) unable or unwilling to control their behavior?
I disagree with the above statement.
I disagree because I believe it is untrue. Just as many, if not more, women are unable or unwilling to control their behavior. My opinion. Handed out free of charge. Women are the emotional creatures, not men
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Fact remains that the vast majority of DV perpetrators and murderers of partners are men......when it comes to violence it is men who are not controlling their behaviour.

That isnt a matter of opinion or belief - it is objective fact.
 
January, I think it's interesting how your two posts above use facts in different ways.
When talking to me about the objective fact that most men in prison come from fatherless homes, you point out that most men from fatherless homes do not go to prison.
Then when talking about domestic violence you're sticking to the objective fact that most perpetrators are men. (I agree), but to be consistent, why aren't you saying that most men do not commit domestic violence?

I don't see how we (not just January) can discuss these things at all if we use personal anecdotes over general statistics. I know a woman who repeatedly beat her husband until he finally had to leave her, but I don't use that example as a reason to downplay the seriousness of the much bigger problem of men being violent toward women, and yes I know quite a few people who grew up in fatherless homes who turned out great and some who were better off without the father around. That doesn't change the "objective facts" that show that overall this huge increase in single mother homes has harmed children and our society in general.
 
Della I am not sure what point you are making.

Society being worse off with more non nuclear families now is not an objective fact, it is an opinion.

I did not ever say most men commit DV - obviously most men do not. Nowhere did I say or imply otherwise.
Most DV is committed by men is not at all the same statement as most men commit DV.
I did not think that needed spelling out.

Also nowhere did I say or imply that women are happier so to hell with the children. Not sure how you got that from my post.
 
officerripley said:
Forgot to add: those who worry that children from fatherless homes too much of the time turn out bad, my huzz had 4 siblings (same mother & father for all 5) and there was only 1 of those (1 of Huzz's brothers) that their father paid the least bit of attention to and didn't hit. Of those 5 kids, only 1 turned out badly. Which one? The 1 brother that the dad was there for; the other 4 were ignored or hit but turned out fine. So seems like all 5 would've been better off if the dad hadn't ever been around at all.
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OMG....that's just like our household.... my father favoured 2 of my sisters, the middle one and the youngest.... the elder one got away with murder, in fact she was even enabled by him.... at times, She would take great delight in telling my father that I had done something terrible that I hadn't done, just so she could watch him lose his temper and lash out at me... she got great pleasure out of that.

My youngest sister was just 10 when my mother died.. and my father remarried after just 12 months to the wicked witch of the west..and north, south and east... and they pretty much left my little sister to be raised at first by me, then when I married and moved away when she was 13 they just let her run wild....

My younger brother and I bore the beating on a daily basis... from the time we were toddlers..

Which 2 kids turned out the worst ?.. yep the 2 sisters... the youngest has even been to prison...
 

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