Massachusetts Rebound

Jules said:
Thanks for the update, WL. Your life has become very full since you moved and I think/hope that’s a good thing. The dogs all love it.
Click to expand...
The dogs love it, and I love them. My stamina and energy have noticeably improved. These are good things. I have to get more stuff done so I have some time for myself. I do read in little pieces of time through the day, but usually don't do anything I want to do. No matter what, housework and cooking and laundry are activities that make me wish for a maid and a cook, or a maid and a bigger and less cluttered kitchen.

Actually, Cousin has a maid. The company charges Cousin $40/hour for her time (3-4 hours, once a week). The RN charges $20/hour. The maid cleans the floors and the bathroom. What is wrong with this picture? I offered to do the maid's work for $40/hr, but Cousin declined the offer. Cousin, I have discovered, is very set in his ways.

In other good news, my dog is active enough now that he has lost about 10 lbs. since we moved here. He is no longer overweight!
 
So I get a problem in December. My windows computer bit the dust for good, and so did my Ubuntu computer. Finally, a week ago, I switched from Ubuntu to Linux Mint. I had to install Mint twice, but -- fingers crossed -- everything is fine now.

Then right after Christmas, my right shoulder, right arm, right upper quadrant of my back suddenly became so painful that I couldn't even hold a coffee cup. I knew the cause - helping my cousin move his legs around (he has no control over them) was a Big Mistake. Legs are heavy. It took until last weak for my back, etc., to heal. The last couple of weeks it got a little better, and then it was gone. I am very glad about that.

Solution is simple: Just say no to helping my cousin with his legs or anything else that I should have been saying no to all this time.

The good news is that one of my sons, who hasn't spoken to me for nearly two years, came to visit. He has been here since Feb. 15 and I think he's going back to California next week. That amazed me, and as far as I know, all is well with us.

My husband has been having problems since the end of October. First, he fell, couldn't get up, and senior came with the fire department and they took him to a hospital. Then he was put in rehab for 2 weeks. Then he was moved to a nursing home until around Dec 15. Then he was moved ot a personal care home (which cannot take Medicaid).

Senior services wanted his landlord's name and phone number. The woman said they wanted to get him evicted so they could provide him with senior housing. I did not give her the info. I suspect they found out anyway because husband got evicted. The landlord suddenly showed up from California. All his belongings were moved to a storage room, and he had 30 days to retrieve them for $12,000!!! After eviction, I called senior services and they said, sorry, because he is homeless we cannot provide services to him.

Meanwhile, husband feels like he is in prison. He decides to ditch the personal care home at the end of December. They couldn't stop him from leaving, so a new adventure begins.

First he stayed in hotels in his town. Every morning, the police would arrive to do a wellness check, and then he'd change hotels.

Then he moved to a hotel near Cleveland to get out of PA's jurisdiction.Then he went back to his town, and same thing happened with the wellness checks, so he decided to go to another town about 2 hours away. On the way, he fell, and was admitted to the hospital for a couple of days. Once he got there, he fell again and was admitted to a hospital for 3 weeks. While there, he had 3 neuro-psych exams. After the first two, elder services got emergency guardianship over him with regard to his lack of competence to make medical decisions.

Two days later, a 3rd exam, and the guardianship was rescinded. Husband leaves hospital. He has some cash, but not enough to do much except gas up the car and head back to his town. No money because his debit card is missing from his wallet. It's dark and rainy. He doesn't get far because he runs off the road on the interstate. State cops come by and take him to yet another hospital, where he has been for 2 weeks.

He gets another neuropsych exam. He fails it. On Thursday he has a hearing in court to get a guardian to make *all* decisions for him - not just medical. So far, he has passed two exams and failed two.

All this time, I've been on the phone with what feels like a zillion people, keeping up with what is going on. This will be another day of that, because he needs a lawyer. Meanwhile, he is frantic to get out of the hospital, but he still has no debit card. He feels like he is in prison, and I don't blame him. I've also got to find his car. Neither he nor the car were injured. Not so sure about the car because it was towed and I haven't found it yet. The police didn't impound it.

Back at the ranch, Cousin had an operation on his foot on Feb 15, and was confined to bed for a month because his wheelchair broke. This was a very peaceful time for me because my sons and his nurse took care of him. Also because I went in his room twice a day, and was not subjected to him wheeling around, watching everything I do.

All I know is that when the boys go back to CA, I will not be involved in doing anything for Cousin that will risk hurting my back again. The pain was severe, and legs that are a dead weight are very heavy. He has spasms frequently which get them out of kilter. My son said, "just say no", and that's what I've been doing. Cousin has finally gotten the message.

I'll be back later to read the forums. I tried to come on here using my son's computer, but I had changed my password and couldn't get on. Today, it dawned on me to reset it, and for once I did something right and had earlier changed the email address to one that is active. It was a piece of cake!
 
Oh, and the maid who costs $40/hr and spends 3-4 hours cleaning the house? Cousin got another one and she does the same work in 1-1.5 hours. I knew the first one was lollygagging around. My job is to keep the dogs out of the way, so I didn't see her, I just knew how long the work should take. Cousin didn't believe me until the new maid started. The first one quit working at the maid service to go back to school.
 
RadishRose said:
@WheatenLover , so good to see you! I was wondering where you were.

gosh husband is really off the wall, now. It's a shame, but at least he's going to get a real guardian now.

Let us know more about your doings. 🌹
Click to expand...
Well, I've learned things I didn't know about the situation with my husband.

First, some nursing homes actually charge patients their entire social security check less $50-$80 for the patient's other expenses.

Second, the hospital going for guardianship has cut elder services out of the loop. This is a bad thing. The hospital wants to be guardian for 2 days. This is just long enough to pay husband's bank account to a nursing home and move him there. These are not homes I would want to be in. Someone in the know thinks the hospital owns the nursing homes, and for good reason, but I'm not sure about that.

Third, I called the hospital's lawyer and requested she ask for a continuance tomorrow because my husband is about to lose major rights, has no legal representation, no way to be in court himself, and only 2 days notice to get a lawyer. This doesn't sound right to me.

Fourth, since Senior Services (a county agency) has been cut out of the loop by the hospital, illegally according to SS, that raises my hackles by quite a bit (to put it mildly).

Fifth, this is a huge cluster ****.
 
WheatenLover said:
Well, I've learned things I didn't know about the situation with my husband.

First, some nursing homes actually charge patients their entire social security check less $50-$80 for the patient's other expenses.
Click to expand...
I knew that from having worked in nursing homes. I just read an article in our local paper yesterday about the fact that some nursing homes only give the patient $30. out of their whole SS and pension checks. Then the patient cannot even purchase clothing, shoes, kleenix, better quality soaps, shampoos, etc. That is why a lot of families of nursing home residents in the places I worked handled all their money and paid the nursing home bill out of the account. It is different in each state how much the nursing home can take.
 
So things have been happening. I will be brief.

1. On a late September Sunday, my cousin called the state cops on me. He got an emergency TRO because I was planning to *murder* him, and he was in fear for his life. The next day, the judge canceled the TRO (I prevailed). But cousin wouldn't let me in the house, he illegally evicted me, and he has 95% of my belongings. Maybe the lesions on his brain made cousin act like he has. I don't know. I have bigger fish to fry. PS I am fairly certain the troopers thought my cousin was nuts, as did the judge. And I know I could go to court, but I don't have it in me.

2. I sold my car because I had no money. We rented a car.

3. My son found me a place to live with a relative.

4. We left MA and stopped to visit my husband at his nursing home. He died early Sunday morning. Unexectedly for us -- the nursing home claims they didn't have my phone number and that I am divorced from my husband. They don't claim that any more. They had my phone # and I have had to repeatedly tell everyone involved in my husband's year long ordeal that we are married.

5. We are waiting to get his ashes,and then we are on my way to my next home. There is some life insurance, so I will not be in financial trouble for the next few years at least.

I know I sound like I have no feelings. I do; it's just that they run the gamut from extreme sadness,to anger, to being afraid. Nothing very uplifting right at the moment. Aidan is with me, along with 2 of my sons, so that is wonderful. My sons are heartbroken. One is angry because of the lack of care his father received. I can't go into it now. This entire ordeal (#1-#5) is so complex and unbelievable. The first 2 weeks I was in a complete shock, couldn't think.

In good news, we stayed at two Residence Inns, and both were great. They are owned by Marriott.
 
WheatenLover said:
So things have been happening. I will be brief.

1. On a late September Sunday, my cousin called the state cops on me. He got an emergency TRO because I was planning to *murder* him, and he was in fear for his life. The next day, the judge canceled the TRO (I prevailed). But cousin wouldn't let me in the house, he illegally evicted me, and he has 95% of my belongings. Maybe the lesions on his brain made cousin act like he has. I don't know. I have bigger fish to fry. PS I am fairly certain the troopers thought my cousin was nuts, as did the judge. And I know I could go to court, but I don't have it in me.

2. I sold my car because I had no money. We rented a car.

3. My son found me a place to live with a relative.

4. We left MA and stopped to visit my husband at his nursing home. He died early Sunday morning. Unexectedly for us -- the nursing home claims they didn't have my phone number and that I am divorced from my husband. They don't claim that any more. They had my phone # and I have had to repeatedly tell everyone involved in my husband's year long ordeal that we are married.

5. We are waiting to get his ashes,and then we are on my way to my next home. There is some life insurance, so I will not be in financial trouble for the next few years at least.

I know I sound like I have no feelings. I do; it's just that they run the gamut from extreme sadness,to anger, to being afraid. Nothing very uplifting right at the moment. Aidan is with me, along with 2 of my sons, so that is wonderful. My sons are heartbroken. One is angry because of the lack of care his father received. I can't go into it now. This entire ordeal (#1-#5) is so complex and unbelievable. The first 2 weeks I was in a complete shock, couldn't think.

In good news, we stayed at two Residence Inns, and both were great. They are owned by Marriott.
Click to expand...
Oh my dear, what shocking news! I've been wondering about you. Now I am so sorry for this debacle with your cousin. He must be unhinged.

It's a shame you didn't know your husband passed until you tried to visit him! At least there is some life insurance. Hopefully your sons can work and take care of things for you.
Please keep us posted on how you're doing, where you're living, etc.

My best wishes to you, WL. 🌹
 
RadishRose said:
Oh my dear, what shocking news! I've been wondering about you. Now I am so sorry for this debacle with your cousin. He must be unhinged.

It's a shame you didn't know your husband passed until you tried to visit him! At least there is some life insurance. Hopefully your sons can work and take care of things for you.
Please keep us posted on how you're doing, where you're living, etc.

My best wishes to you, WL. 🌹
Click to expand...
We visited my husband 6 times over 3 days before he died. It was not expected by us to be that soon. He was obviously dying, though. 6'2" tall and weighed 120 lbs. He knew us, which is good, so he didn't feel so alone. I could not get anyone to take me to see him until I got thrown out, so that is one good result of the eviction. (I have bad cataracts and it is not safe for me to drive - although I actually passed the vision test in Mass!)

The second good thing was that I was able to sell my car, so we have funds. I think there was a 3rd good thing, oh -- that I get to live in a city I love, with people I love and who love me and who are not nuts.
 

Back
Top