Maybe this is supposed to be how we live?

fuzzybuddy

fuzzybuddy

SF VIP
Location
The Sticks, Northeast PA.
More and more of our sons and daughters are living with us. And more and more of them have spouses. And again, more and more of them have their own kids living with them . And not that far back in our history, that is how we use to live. Many generations living in the same house. You see that all through history. I was wondering, maybe that's how we are supposed to live. You wouldn't have to worry about day care or old folks homes. I kind of like that.
 

I like the notion of living in an extended family but not every family is like our friends the Waltons.

I think that many people over the years have lived in misery being trapped and taken advantage of in an extended family.

I'll go it alone, because it's what I'm most familiar with.


The-Waltons-001.jpg
 
Yes, extended family living isn't always rosy. My maternal g-mother lived with us, I loved her to pieces!

But, my Dad didn't. There was no open conflict as I recall, but the animosity was there.

My parents eventually divorced, not necessarily connected to grandmother's stay, but....
 

I think it can be a good idea. It's helpful to children to have their grandparents around. Parents are busy and oppressed, but grandparents always have time and love to give the kids. It makes them better people. IMHO.
 
I think it's wonderful if it can work out where grands help raise the kids and then are cared for by the family when they are elderly. It happens less and less these days as the grands work and when they're in need of care their children are still working. Also if there's a lot of health issues it's just not a good situation for all involved.
I always told my children they could come home as an adult but it would have to be a hell of an emergency. One of those things where I don't want them to ever feel they couldn't ask but I don't want to encourage it. Again, not a good situation for all involved unless I lived in a much MUCH bigger house.
I know people who's children have moved in with them. Some love it. They love the company and the help. Others feel totally taken advantage of.
It does seem to be happening more these days.
 
It would be so great if-

Space was adequate.
Everyone got along/no resentment issues.
Adults are emotionally mature.
Financial responsibility was equal/agreed upon.
Chores/maintenance shared.


I think Fuzzy's onto something, maybe this is the ideal; La Familia.

Safety in numbers back in the caves, at least.
 
Ha !! You say back in the Caves Radish Rose... but in fact in many countries there are still people living in caves today...Modernized caves I grant you, but near our house in Spain there are many La Cuevas where whenever they need extra space they just knock another room through into the mountain..

There's even Cave Bars and restaurants ...
 
I wish our kids were not so far away, they are both in the pacific northwest, and we are here where they grew up. Having said that, our condo is way too small for all of us. It would be nice if we all lived in the same county.
 
After my Husband got out of the Navy we bought our first house and it was just across the street from my parents house. I loved it because I could watch out for my parents as they got older. Now my daughter wants me and my Husband to move up near them. They only live about 20 minutes away. In one way I would love it and in another way I would hate leaving my house. I have wonderful memories here and my Husband feels we will make good memories living near my daughter. I have a feeling a move is in the near future.
 
In some other countries sharing a home with extended family never went out of style. It works if the young ones are raised understanding everyone's roles and responsibilities, including their own, of course.
 
We currently have 4 generations living here - me, my daughter, her son, and every other week his son. (mother and father agreed to a shared custody - one week with her and one week with Dad). So far we all get along fine - 3 of us are in school and little Robbie will start next year. We are all single so there are no spouses in the mix. I seriously doubt that my Ex would have been amenable to the situation. He couldn't wait to get them out of the house when they turned 18 - particularly the boys.
 
Well said, I doubt we'll follow their example though....

Cap'nSacto said:
In some other countries sharing a home with extended family never went out of style. It works if the young ones are raised understanding everyone's roles and responsibilities, including their own, of course.
Click to expand...


Well said, although I doubt we in Western countries will ever be attuned to look after extended families, or live together in extended families in the way those in the East have done throughout their history perhaps.

Individuality, and the pursuit of our own interests, is so ingrained in our culture, accommodating our parents and grandparents may be beyond most of us to cope with, and of course our parents too are maybe not attuned to this kind of life (good luck to those who are trying to make a success of it though).
 
Sassycakes said:
After my Husband got out of the Navy we bought our first house and it was just across the street from my parents house. I loved it because I could watch out for my parents as they got older. Now my daughter wants me and my Husband to move up near them. They only live about 20 minutes away. In one way I would love it and in another way I would hate leaving my house. I have wonderful memories here and my Husband feels we will make good memories living near my daughter. I have a feeling a move is in the near future.
Click to expand...


Your story sounds so much like the situation comedy starring Ray Romano (sorry can't remember the name of the show right now, but it was a truly great classic of the small screen, and an example of the best in US tv in my opinion - the depiction of the mother in law was wonderfully done, though I'm sure it doesn't apply to you).
 
It's still being done today. Mexicans do it in Florida and California and when I was in Singapore, I knew a pilot that lived with three generations in his home. Over there (in Singapore) space is limited. They really don't build a lot of single homes, mostly high rise apartments.
 
hollydolly said:
Ha !! You say back in the Caves Radish Rose... but in fact in many countries there are still people living in caves today...Modernized caves I grant you, but near our house in Spain there are many La Cuevas where whenever they need extra space they just knock another room through into the mountain..

There's even Cave Bars and restaurants ...
Click to expand...

Oooh, I'd love to see those!
 
We recently went to our granddaughter's 10th birthday party, the other Grandma helps our daughter-in-law with care and our granddaughter introduced her mom to another mom as "this is my real mom"..
 
During WW2 my Grandparents (Dads side) lived with us. Didn't bother me except when my Grandpa fished his nasty handkerchief out and blew his nose at the dinner table. That event usually ended my dinner.
 
I don't think having generations living together is great for everybody. I'm the guy , who started this thread. But I'm also the guy, who lives 250 miles away from where my parents lived. I used to say I like keeping a state or two between us-it wasn't a joke. My brothers were still there, and that gave me comfort for me not being there. My family never learned how to live with each other.
 
2 of my sons and their wives had made it clear that we have a place to live with them if we want it. One has a separate apartment on his property and the other has a large room for us. I hope we never have to take them up on it. Our daughter has made it clear she will financially support us. Maybe pay for our nursing home?? :( I hope we can live independently till we pass on to whatever is after this life. Although I would rather live with our kids than on the streets as a homeless person.
 

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