Maybe you are being used?

L

LadyEmeraude

Senior Member
One-sided communication: The person may only contact you when they need something or want to ask for a favor, rather than engaging in regular or meaningful conversations.
  1. Inconsistent behavior: The person may switch between being friendly and distant depending on whether they need something from you, rather than maintaining a consistent level of engagement.
  2. Lack of reciprocity: The person may not offer to help you in return, or may be unwilling to compromise or make concessions for your benefit.
  3. Disregard for your feelings: The person may not take your emotions or needs into consideration, and may prioritize their own interests over yours.
  4. Asking for too much too soon: The person may ask for increasingly large or unreasonable favors without building up a sense of trust or reciprocity first.
  5. Using guilt or manipulation: The person may try to guilt-trip or manipulate you into doing something for them, rather than making a clear and respectful request.
  6. Disappearing after they get what they want: The person may disappear or become distant once they have received what they wanted from you, rather than maintaining a continued relationship.
  7. Taking advantage of your skills or resources: The person may only be interested in you because of what you can do for them, rather than valuing you for who you are.
  8. Disrespecting your boundaries: The person may ignore or dismiss your boundaries, such as by asking for personal information or favors that you are uncomfortable with.
  9. Lack of appreciation: The person may not express gratitude or appreciation for the favors or help you provide them, or may take you for granted.
** the above is a C & P. Copy and paste.**
 

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Years ago, my dad had a firm opinion about never lending out his tools.
So he did not. The couple times he 'did' they were returned broken in some
way. He'd say "I'll never change my mind on this ever again"....

My motto as his daughter 'lend out your tools and get screwed"
 

@LadyEmeraude
THANK YOU, for this very well thought out thread.

I have done a lot of venting about my foster daughter…..everything you’ve listed, describes the relationship between her and I, sadly.
Since her and her partner moved here 6 years ago, from another town close by…..that’s when it started, still continues.

Have had 3 friends over the years, followed the same pattern……sadly……I ended those…..hurt too much.

I need and wish I could get rid of that sign on my back saying……USE……HURT……GET DUMPED ON.

Again thank you LadyEmeraude 💐 and to all those of you for sharing 💐.
 
By now, my inner alert system is pretty well attuned to people. I've had some less-than-wonderful relatives, but they're either dead or live so far away that they're mostly irrelevant to my live.

My friends and other relatives? All stellar, I'm happy to say. Not a user in the bunch. We accept each other's foibles - some are good at keeping lines of communication open, with others I am mostly the one to reach out. We don't keep score.

Life evens most things out anyway. I've been there for some when they needed a hand or a shoulder and others have been there for me. Rarely have they been the same people. Pay it forward and pay it back.

In my thirties when I was being strong-armed into volunteering for all manner of things, a close friend saw my frustration and said, "Learn to say yes without resentment and no without regret." The other thing I've learned to do is play for time by taking a day or two to think about it, check my calendar, talk to my husband, whatever.

@MickaC, I've read about your heartaches with your foster daughter. The question isn't why she (and the other three you mentioned above) do that, because it's actually irrelevant. (Her problems are hers to sort out.) The important question is why do you repeatedly allow yourself to be at the receiving end of bad behavior and are you willing to stop?

The way to remove a sign on your back that says, Use, Hurt, Dump on Me, is to say NO. That's all there is to it. If they care about you, they'll treat you better. If they don't, they'll move on to another target, in which case you've lost nothing.

Just my opinion.
 
StarSong said:
By now, my inner alert system is pretty well attuned to people. I've had some less-than-wonderful relatives, but they're either dead or live so far away that they're mostly irrelevant to my live.

My friends and other relatives? All stellar, I'm happy to say. Not a user in the bunch. We accept each other's foibles - some are good at keeping lines of communication open, with others I am mostly the one to reach out. We don't keep score.

Life evens most things out anyway. I've been there for some when they needed a hand or a shoulder and others have been there for me. Rarely have they been the same people. Pay it forward and pay it back.

In my thirties when I was being strong-armed into volunteering for all manner of things, a close friend saw my frustration and said, "Learn to say yes without resentment and no without regret." The other thing I've learned to do is play for time by taking a day or two to think about it, check my calendar, talk to my husband, whatever.

@MickaC, I've read about your heartaches with your foster daughter. The question isn't why she (and the other three you mentioned above) do that, because it's actually irrelevant. (Her problems are hers to sort out.) The important question is why do you repeatedly allow yourself to be at the receiving end of bad behavior and are you willing to stop?

The way to remove a sign on your back that says, Use, Hurt, Dump on Me, is to say NO. That's all there is to it. If they care about you, they'll treat you better. If they don't, they'll move on to another target, in which case you've lost nothing.

Just my opinion.
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Thank you for your opinion, means a lot to me…..my plans are to stop with her.
If she has a change of heart, I’m willing to listen, if not, I’ll be moving forward and on. I have wasted a lot of emotions and time with this, I know, it’s time to call it quits.

Will focus on my up coming move, and will enjoy it.

Thanks again, StarSong.
 
MickaC said:
Thank you for your opinion, means a lot to me…..my plans are to stop with her.
If she has a change of heart, I’m willing to listen, if not, I’ll be moving forward and on. I have wasted a lot of emotions and time with this, I know, it’s time to call it quits.

Will focus on my up coming move, and will enjoy it.

Thanks again, StarSong.
Click to expand...
You are too kind and gentle a person to have someone like this in your life. You deserve far better. 💓
 
Great post, Lady E; thanks for posting!

Jules said:
The person who initiates a friendly conversation with you just to try to pry info from you. It may be meaningless; they just want info.
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Also, Jules, this is so true and sometimes I think it's also done by people who want to think of someselves as such a "friendly person, everybody wants to be my friend", etc. So I've finally learned at my old age to not mistake friendliness for friendship.

I've heard that if you wondering if someone really wants to be your friend or not, try telling them something momentous that's happened recently to you. Then next time you talk to them, make a vague reference to it if/when they ask how you're doing, "Oh, well, I'm still kind of sad over what happened" or "Oh, I'm still on Cloud 9 about our recent purchase", something vague like that. And if their reaction is, "Huh? What happened?" or "Huh, what purchase?" and a lot of time hasn't passed, then you'll know that you don't matter at all to this person; no matter how friendly they act towards you whenever you run into them, they forget your existence as soon as you're out of their sight. (I no longer bother doing this myself; since I'm too old and time is too short, I've gotten very skeptical about most people's friendliness; self-protection, don't you know.)
 
LadyEmeraude said:
One-sided communication: The person may only contact you when they need something or want to ask for a favor, rather than engaging in regular or meaningful conversations.
Click to expand...
An interesting way to list many reasons why individuals shouldn't immediately assume everyone is a "good Joe" just because they appear to be friendly to you. Haven't we all been on the receiving end of this selfishness? How we react to it after a certain time frame falls on our own shoulders. Being too nice and too gullible over and over doesn't get us our halos any quicker.;)
 

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