Meanie Mom- I was

BlunderWoman

BlunderWoman

Senior Member
When my son was 13 he started up looking for a little trouble to get in to. I told my ex " Take him to work and have him changing tires every day." So my son spent the entire summer changing tires from early in the morning until late in the evening. The next summer I got him a job roofing. One of my sisters back then accused me of 'child abuse' for doing that. Her son dealt drugs in high school and ended up doing some jail time. My son came home with callused hands too tired to get into any trouble. Until now she talks about the 'sad life' I gave my son because I had him working every summer. Everybody got together last week & she mentioned that 'sad life' thing again while patting my son. He laughed. He said " Yeah Mom could get dead serious and she was hard to fool. She knew exactly who she was dealing with though. I think the working was good for me Aunt Mxxxx."

I'm really proud of that kid now. He's a responsible husband. He married a girl that already has a son with an absent father. He loves that kid just like he's his very own. He's a hard worker.

I look back & I still think I did the right thing by keeping that kid busy & tired. My sister still says it was 'abuse'. I didn't keep any of his paychecks & the money he made was his.

Did any of you ever put your kids to work?
 

Absolutely not child abuse, BW. I think your son probably enjoyed his summers working with/for his dad.

My son at that age helped his dad (my ex) doing outdoor woodwork making decks and porches. He got strong learned a lot and had a great time and made himself some money on top of it. He told me that he enjoyed that experience very much.

When I was a teen, my sister and me spent our summer holidays picking berries around the neighborhood farms to make money for our school clothes. I never considered it a bad thing. Maybe your sister is just trying to make herself feel better about her own son's past.
 
Cookie said:
Absolutely not child abuse, BW. I think your son probably enjoyed his summers working with/for his dad.

My son at that age helped his dad (my ex) doing outdoor woodwork making decks and porches. He got strong learned a lot and had a great time and made himself some money on top of it. He told me that he enjoyed that experience very much.

When I was a teen, my sister and me spent our summer holidays picking berries around the neighborhood farms to make money for our school clothes. I never considered it a bad thing. Maybe your sister is just trying to make herself feel better about her own son's past.
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She & I always have clashed. She says it was 'child labor'. Your son doesn't look back on his early work as a bad thing either. That's good to know. :)
 

There's a lot to be said for teaching them young the value of hard work and money. My daughter, at 12, wanted a pair of $75 jeans. She was going to die if she didn't get those $75 jeans. So I told her that I'd put up $30 (which was the going price for "good" jeans back then) toward the jeans and if she wanted the $75 ones, she'd have to earn the rest of the money.

She and a friend got a job at the local flea market (which was within biking distance of our house) dipping ice cream on Saturdays. After four Saturdays, she'd earned about $50. The next weekend, I dropped her and a friend off at the mall to hang out and get her jeans. I picked them up a couple of hours later and all she had was a small bag containing a cheap t-shirt. I asked her why she didn't get the jeans. She looked at me and wailed, "But, Mom, it would have taken ALL my money!!!!"

A grand AH-HA! moment. It would have taken all HER money.....when it was HER money, $75 was too much for jeans. Lesson learned. More than one lesson.

This was the kid who worked at the juice bar of a gym when she was 14, worked for a regional airline when she was 15 and bought herself a new car when she was 16. She now has two masters degrees and makes twice as much money as my husband and I did together. I do think she learned her lesson.
 
Technically, BW, under labor laws here in Canada, kids can get a job at 16. But when I was 15 I lied and got a summer job in a fruit cannery and no one checked. Plenty of kids help out on a farm or in a family store on a casual basis That's different than a company hiring a child to work on a construction site or a factory where there are serious safety issues.

I think you did the right thing with your son, it seems like he benefited by the experience and avoided the drug culture that many teens get involved in.
 
My daughter worked at a movie theatre, gift & card shop, and leather shop in her teens. The sense of achievement and pride of having earned a pay cheque does a lot for their self esteem, and appreciation for how money is earned. The first thing I did when I moved away from home, was to write a letter to my parents to thank them for all the years they worked to support me.
 
BW, one of my sisters does the same as your sister does .. tries to put me on a guilt-trip, brags about being the perfect Mom, etc. Oh, really? I guess that's why her eldest son has had nothing to do with her for the past 20 years .. but, that was apparently his fault (it wasn't).

You did right by your son. Wish we'd had the opportunity to go to work with/for a parent, as we were always at loose ends during the summer. Being 7 yrs. older than my brother, I had to be around to 'babysit'. I didn't get paid for it, but did babysit a neighbour's kid one summer.
 
Pinky said:
BW, one of my sisters does the same as your sister does .. tries to put me on a guilt-trip, brags about being the perfect Mom, etc. Oh, really? I guess that's why her eldest son has had nothing to do with her for the past 20 years .. but, that was apparently his fault (it wasn't).
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You know she and her son did not even speak to each other until the last 4 years ( much like your sister). I have no use for her son whatsoever. I really don't care for that guy a bit. A few years back she quite suddenly lost her fiancee. She had been living in a nice brick home with a pool that he owned. IMMEDIATELY upon his death his grown son gave her 3 days to vacate because her fiancee had not changed his will. She was paralazled with grief. She had 3 days with no other warning to move everything she owned and find a new place while she was completely in a ZOMBIE state of shock. Believe me when I say she was like a zombie. It was very very sad to see her that way. When she called me I drove down with my son and rented a big UHAUL truck. Her son showed up only to tell her HE WANTED HER TV. I told him he could not have it because I
was buying it from her. Then he wanted her laptop. I told him he could not have it because I was buying it from her. He LEFT. He saw her in THAT STATE and he just left. I lost every bit of respect for him that day. My son and I went next door and talked to her neighbors they were good people. Her neighbors,my son, and I loaded that UHAUL with all her belongs while she sat there in her zombie state. I gave her the money for the TV and laptop ( which I later returned to her). My ex paid her rent for 3 months on a rent house & we took her stuff there. My daughter drove down to stay with her and help her get settled in. Her son was absent during this whole grief period. Now she & him are all chummy. I do understand a mothers love..but I'm his aunt..I'll never like that guy now . Do you know he called me up and had the nerve to ask me to give him her tv a couple of days later after the move? I told him to get a J.O.B. and buy his own $#^& tv. He doesn't like me either :D
 
That was a horrible thing for a son to do to his own mother, BW. If I were her, I would question his motives for wanting to be in touch again.
 
Pinky said:
That was a horrible thing for a son to do to his own mother, BW. If I were her, I would question his motives for wanting to be in touch again.
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I know! He's selfish and thoughtless. I don't know about why she adores him now. He went from illegal drug dealing into legal ownership of a pot store & made big money. Now he's wealthy & he thinks he's better than other people. My sister has always admired money. Maybe that's why. ???
 
BW, my dad started taking my brother and I to work when we were 14. He was building up his construction business at the time, and me and my brother (well, mostly me) were starting to get into a lot of ....mischief.

You HAVE to put a boy to work when he's in puberty. You HAVE to. Trust me, that's good parenting.
 
Wrigley's said:
BW, my dad started taking my brother and I to work when we were 14. He was building up his construction business at the time, and me and my brother (well, mostly me) were starting to get into a lot of ....mischief.

You HAVE to put a boy to work when he's in puberty. You HAVE to. Trust me, that's good parenting.
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Thank you Wrigley :)
 
If the truth be known, I bet she's wishing she had followed your example and she's just trying to make herself feel better by putting you down. Don't let her do it! You did the right thing and your son is a good example of it!
 
BlunderWoman said:
I know! He's selfish and thoughtless. I don't know about why she adores him now. He went from illegal drug dealing into legal ownership of a pot store & made big money. Now he's wealthy & he thinks he's better than other people. My sister has always admired money. Maybe that's why. ???
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Maybe .. but, if that's the reason, it's sad. I hope he treats her right as she grows older.
 
Pinky said:
Maybe .. but, if that's the reason, it's sad. I hope he treats her right as she grows older.
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He is very wealthy. Brags all the time about that & all the STUFF he owns now. My sister works like dog. Her back was broken years ago & she still works like a dog 5 days a week. He hasn't bought her anything or sent her a penny. He just moved to South America not long ago with his family to own a 'coffee' plantation. I seriously doubt he will ever do anything towards helping her.
 
BlunderWoman said:
He is very wealthy. Brags all the time about that & all the STUFF he owns now. My sister works like dog. Her back was broken years ago & she still works like a dog 5 days a week. He hasn't bought her anything or sent her a penny. He just moved to South America not long ago with his family to own a 'coffee' plantation. I seriously doubt he will ever do anything towards helping her.
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I hope your sister's health doesn't deteriorate, BW, as it seems she will not be able to count on her son to help her out.

When I started working, I was drawing minimum wage, but my sister and I sent money home to Mom, every pay day. It wasn't much, but, it was something .. to say "thank you for providing for us while we were growing up .. now, treat yourself to something nice".
 
Pinky said:
I hope your sister's health doesn't deteriorate, BW, as it seems she will not be able to count on her son to help her out.

When I started working, I was drawing minimum wage, but my sister and I sent money home to Mom, every pay day. It wasn't much, but, it was something .. to say "thank you for providing for us while we were growing up .. now, treat yourself to something nice".
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That was nice what you two did for your mother. :)
That is the sister I don't get along with well, but she's my blood..if she needs a place to live or help she can always live with me if it comes to that. We will just have to live at opposite ends of the house :D
 
BlunderWoman said:
That was nice what you two did for your mother. :)
That is the sister I don't get along with well, but she's my blood..if she needs a place to live or help she can always live with me if it comes to that. We will just have to live at opposite ends of the house :D
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I hear you. My half-sister offered to take care of me at her home while I recuperate from surgery that hasn't been scheduled yet. I went to help her out when she had a stomach tumour removed. By the duration of the time I spent there, I couldn't wait to leave. She tends to regress about our unhappy childhood, goes into parental blaming, and all that. Sigh. I would rather be by myself. I don't think I could ever live with her..not even at opposite ends of the house.
 
I came from a poor family. If I wanted anything extra or sometimes just school clothes I had to get them my self. I started working for Uncles and Aunts cleaning house when I was eight. Didn't hurt me a bit.
 
Oh no the oldest learned...you better bull crap through the first interview and launch it from there. He learned good with a family to support...yup.
 
Although I had a generous allowance I started working as soon as I was old enough. So I could buy gifts I could not afford with my allowance. My children all found part time jobs when they were in their teens.
 
life lessons really.
At age 13 my youngest was struggling with the divorce of her father and I because he was the kind of dad that bought them everything even if they lost or broke something off he went to buy it for them. I guess he called that love. Anyways, she came to me one day and was quite upset she needed new runners. We went to her favorite store to `look` but I told her we could not afford the ones she wanted from said store. Off we went to the cheap department store and she had to settle. Not 2 weeks later there was my daughter hired at the local pizza place putting toppings onto pizzas. And not long after she got her shoes too. That girl has worked ever since, she graduated high school then got her own student loan, completed her schooling and has an amazing career all because she had to work for what she wanted. I think it`s key kids learn the value of a job, hard work and money.
 

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