Memories of my challenging life-good, bad, and whatever, lol

Aneeda72 said:
Interesting enough one of my posts was edited because I mentioned the name of a person that I ignored. 🤔 I’ve seen this is a common practice on the forum, to let people know you are ignoring them, how else would they know? I mean Pecos told me he was putting me on ignore.

I thanked him for telling me. I wish there was a way to see a list of people who have you on ignore. That would be interesting, or maybe there is a list and I just don’t know how to look at it. Also, it would let you know who not to waste your time responding to.

In any event, I don‘t disagree with the moderator‘s decision. I didn’t go back and search for the post that was edited. I assume they complained, maybe they didn’t. I don’t care either way.

What I don’t understand is why they care so much that I am ignoring them. They certainly must realize why I put them on ignore. I am mildly curious, but not curious enough to have a look, 😂. I think since I put them on ignore, I should, well, ignore them.

Therefore, it was my mistake to mention their name, since I acknowledged whoever it was. A hard habit to break, not to acknowledge someone. The moderators decision was correct. I will be extra careful in the future to not do this again. It is a learning curve.

Duh me. I have to correct my post once I reread an alert.
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It is true that I once put you on ignore, but then I did go back a read a bunch of your previous posts where I acquired an understanding of where you were coming from.

And now I find that you are a among my favorite posters.

LOL, I screwed up, but I suspect that you have forgiven me for misinterpreting your post.

Are we friends?
 
Pecos said:
It is true that I once put you on ignore, but then I did go back a read a bunch of your previous posts where I acquired an understanding of where you were coming from.

And now I find that you are a among my favorite posters.

LOL, I screwed up, but I suspect that you have forgiven me for misinterpreting your post.

Are we friends?
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We are the best of friends! When you put me on ignore, a long time ago, I told you I would not put you on ignore cause I liked you 😍. I have never had you on ignore. I grow on people, like a fungus 😂. You are very supportive, and I appreciate that especially now when I am having too many health issues.
 
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I don’t feel well today at all. My heart is pounding and I feel awful, something is not right.

Yesterday I was sitting in my recliner, like today when I chest started to hurt. Nothing unusual with that with my heart issues. Then, all of a sudden, I got this intense sharp pain in my chest, worst pain I’ve ever had. So I got the Kardia out, and it said I had AFIB. Used it again AFIB.

I felt terrible, just terrible, after the sharp pain.

Lovey. I have not had AFIB in a year and half. But I’ve never had it with a huge sharp pain in my chest which made my chest hurt worst. So, off, to the instant care where they did an ekg. EKG looked fine, but they want to send me to the hospital in an ambulance, nope. But I decide I will go. They check to see which ER in driving distance is slow so I go there.

Got all the stupid heart attack tests done, no heart attack. Chest, after 3 hours, felt better, although at one point nurse commented it looked like it was hard for me to breathe but O2 was ok. Was there only 4 hours, it really was not busy. Sent home, back if you feel you need to.

Little but of a problem last night but nothing to get excited about. Got up, felt really tired, but ok. But lots of chest pain pressure this morning, what the heck? Do not feel good at all. Probably drag the useless Kardia out again and see if it has an opinion. Maybe call the heart doctor and talk to his nurse when he opens.

🤦🏻‍♀️ Stupid heart issues.
 
Please take it easy and keep us advised.

Is there an emotional component contributing to this? The sole time I had a serious chest pain I was madder than hell over something my government customer was doing. I went to the emergency room and the pain went away after I calmed down. But the pain scared me and I imagine that your pain has hit you like that.

I am sorry that you are having to deal with this on top of everything else on your platter. Take care of yourself my friend.
 
Pecos said:
Please take it easy and keep us advised.

Is there an emotional component contributing to this? The sole time I had a serious chest pain I was madder than hell over something my government customer was doing. I went to the emergency room and the pain went away after I calmed down. But the pain scared me and I imagine that your pain has hit you like that.

I am sorry that you are having to deal with this on top of everything else on your platter. Take care of yourself my friend.
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Thanks, and it could be emotions are playing a part. The problem is anytime I have chest pain I am supposed to go to the ER as I have SVT, bradycardia, Afib, stiff heart syndrome, and mild heart failure. 🤦🏻‍♀️ I don’t go every time I get chest pain, but when it’s really bad or different I go. I don’t want to add heart damage to the mix. Although I had a very mild silent heart attack years ago.

My medical situation is very complicated. 😢
 
Well, it’s been a while since I wrote here,😂. But I suppose most of my life I’d just rather forget the difficulties. Instead of trying to swim up stream, I’ve decided just to drift along with the current. This week was a bit more stressful than usual and odd. There is always odd. Got a very short phone call from my 96 year old mother, oh, goody.

It is so interesting that, like my husband, her “deafness“ tends to get better or worst at certain times. With my husband, it’s been a few years where he claims, he did not hear what I said when it is clear that he simply does listen or pay attention. 🤦🏻‍♀️ He does have some hearing loss, but not as bad as he claims. This year I decided that when we are at home and he claims not to hear me, instead of me walking over to him, or yelling, he has to walk over closer to me.

It is clear he hates having to walk over to me, as I should be at his beck a d call. His hearing has improved somewhat since I started this policy. Nothing I can do about his fake “I forgot” memory problems. His memory was getting so bad I had him tested, as I said previously. Testing showed his memory was better than the average person of his age. Now I give him a couple of days and if things are not done, I simply “stand” over while he does them. Like you must do with a teenager.

Our arguments have decreased dramatically as I started a policy last year of refusing to engage. Or when he starts to use his various excuses, I hold up my hand, give him a list of his excuses, which I number, and tell him to choose the number of the excuse he wants to use. 😊. Now, instead of him driving me crazy, I drive him crazy. We still have a few upsets but they are less and less.
 
Anyway, my 96 year old mother calls and says she is in the hospital. She says heart failure is so hard to manage. (Really? Cause I have been in heart failure for 10 years so, you know, I am aware. Plus, there is a lot of stuff wrong with my mother, but memory issues is not one of her problems.)

Anyway, she says she has been in the hospital for three days. She tried to call my brother but he is not home she guesses cause he does not answer the phone. 😮. So she has called her default child, me, to complain. She says the hospital is trying to send her to a rehab center.

At this point I speak up, (although she is having no problem hearing me, I notice). I say she should go to rehab, although she does not say what they want her to go for. I say she should finally agree to assisted living or a nursing home on a permanent basis. Myself, my brother, and my SIL have been trying to get her to agree to this for years. She says I need to ask your brother about what he thinks I should do. “Really?” I think. 😳. I so want to ask her, “then why did you call me?”, but I don’t. I know what’s coming.

Then she says, I should move to Washington state, I should live in the same building as her, “she has no family to take care of her”; the self pitying ploy is nauseating. She choose my brother, over me, her entire life. He never took a beating from her, never. He was Prince of her castle. She treats my SIL like crap, although she has done so much for her. But I should leave my life and take take care of her. His adult children, her adult grandchildren, live close to her. But I am the one who should give up my unimportant life as they are all busy.

Yup, I will get right on that, not.

She asks how my bio son and daughter are, she asks how my husband is, she doesn’t ask how I am or how my disabled boys are. She hangs up. Conversation took about 5 minutes. I call my brother. The phone is not answered. I leave a message. 🙄. Although, I know he won’t call me back, and he doesn’t.
 
A few days later, I call my brother again. I am curious to find out if mother went into rehab or died. My SIL answers the phone. Oh, yeah, she says. I got your message and tried to call you back. No, no she didn’t. This is a game they both play, childish shits that they are. They never call me, never.

I tried to call you back but your mailbox was full. 🙄. No, no it is not, I say. Oh, well, she responses, I must have the wrong phone number for you. 🙄. Hold on let me check. 🤦🏻‍♀️ No, you do not have the wrong phone number for me. I’ve had the same phone number for 40 years. You have the right phone number. Oh, she says, I must have dialed wrong.

OMGosh, we go through this routine every single time. No matter which one of them answers the phone we go through this routine every single time. They have a cell phone, it dials automatically.

Finally moving on from the subject of my phone number, I ask about mother. We chit chat for a while, she says mother is so difficult, yup, she says her adult children think they are mean to her, (well, they probably are. It is clear they are tired of her.). I tell her I totally understand and I do. She says they have their own health issues, I agree. 🤦🏻‍♀️. She says mother has been in the hospital three times this month, and on and on and on.

She says the hospital has not yet transferred her to rehab, there is an insurance issue. she says they better not expect them to pay any money towards her stay. (I am thinking yeah, good luck with trying to get a dime from these cheap rich shits. My nephew is a millionaire. He wouldn’t give me a bottle of water if it was free.)

Finally she runs down, says she needs to go, my brother wants to talk to me; but before she goes, what is your phone number? I will check my book. OMGOSH, just kill me. Kill me now. I give her my phone number, again. The same number I have been giving her for 40 years.

Really? Cause he NEVER wants to talk me. He gets on the phone. Blah, blah, blah. I am 45 minutes into this call and I still don’t know what exactly what my mother’s issues are. My brother gets on the phone and says “well, she had diarrhea of the mouth, didn’t she“. Yup, my brother, a prince among men.

They have been married over 50 years. My husband once said as bad as I am, I am better than him. I really am not sure how you draw a comparison between two total shits. But my brother has more money than my husband so based on that, my brother might be easier to tolerate, for me. But, like me, my SIL is no wallflower. Unlike me, she has inherited money, and a college education, and retired from a very good job, and her own money. Why she stays with him is a mystery. But, then again, we all dance the dance we know.

Then my brother gets to his point as I asked about mother. Yup, he says, we were not home.
 
We were buying a car. We went and stayed down by the car dealership so they they could teach us about our new car. (Yes, they have that kind of money. Not the kind where you pay your 96 year old mothers left over hospital bill, but the kind of money where you stay in a hotel, next to a car dealership, and learn how to work the bells and whistles on the new electric car you just paid cash for. 🤦🏻‍♀️ Besides mother has medicare and Medicaid.)

Blah, blah,blah, about his old two cars. He traded one and kept his luxury car as the wife likes the roominess of it. Then on and on about the new car and all the neat stuff on it, and did I know about all this new stuff. Yup, I have 2019 Subaru (which I have another 5 years of payments on which I can barely afford). Oh, he says. His balloon has burst. I have a good car. His brag is useless.

But I bet you don’t have this. No I don’t, I said, cause I don’t have an electric car. About mother? He says she may finally agree to go into assisted living but not a nursing home. Well, he says, I got to go. Bye.

But, but. I have no ideal why mother is still in the hospital. No ideal at all. 😳😂
 
Read your story from Page 1 Aneeda. I admire your courage and am happy that in spite of everything you've been through, you have retained such a sense of humour and, did you know...you have a talent for writing! 🤗🤗
 
Dana said:
Read your story from Page 1 Aneeda. I admire your courage and am happy that in spite of everything you've been through, you have retained such a sense of humour and, did you know...you have a talent for writing! 🤗🤗
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Thanks 😍
 
I am putting this update in my diary section, LOL, obviously. Anyway.

My mother died unexpectedly. My brother notified me via email. It said “news” in the subject line. In the body of the email it said “your mother died 8:40.”

I was never even told she was ill. While I was going through my difficulties with the pacemaker surgeries and blood clots she was ill. She still called me, and the last time I talked to her as near as I remembered was June 2022. I never heard from her after that and when I called she didn’t answer the phone. This wasn’t unusual. Anyway, backstory.

She entered the hospital in July, was there six weeks, and then my brother and his wife, placed her in a nursing home where she never wanted to be. She always said “never in a nursing home“. According to them, once in the home she refused to wear her hearing aids, or listen to anything they said. In October they sent an email telling me she was in the nursing home and they were cleaning out her apartment. There were a few emails where the story changed continuously. I was never told what nursing home she was in.

After I got her death certificate, I looked up the nursing home. It was terrible, and had a record of mistreatment and deaths of people who were older than 90. My mother was 97. There is no doubt in my mind that they tired of her and killed her via that nursing home.

She never wanted to be in a nursing home. They put her in a nursing home that was miles from where they lived. They took her electric wheelchair to their place and denied her the ability to get around. She was very hearing impaired and sight impaired; and was left in a bed to die.

She died in January. Number one cause of death: Failure to Thrive. She eventually refused to eat, drink, listen, or talk. They killed her.

My mother had pre-paid for her burial and cremation. My brother had her cremated, but said at the last minute, via email no “live” conversations, that she wanted “her ashes to be spread at the base of any Washington state mountain. (when did she say this? She stopped talking months before she died.) Liar 🤬 My mother, a devout Christian, wanted to be buried, placed in the ground, covered with dirt. She agree, years ago to cremation, but she wanted to be buried.

Negotiations started.

My brother got to keep everything except the pictures she promised me, her Bible, her address book, and certain paperwork for half her ashes. But he had to clear this with his “children”. Luckily his son is Jewish. I received all her ashes, but I had to pay for them to be delivered and I had to pay for a copy of the death certificate. (To date he has kept at least half or more of the pictures; even though I agreed to receive copies, of them.). I wanted her Bible to put it in her grave with her. She had read it since 1946. It came, but too late. I have it and will give it to her great granddaughter.

I buried her on her birthday during the worst snowstorm in decades. It seemed very appropriate since she was born in a snowstorm.

It is ironic that the child she never cared for, the child she abused, the child she said she did not want, has seen that her final wishes were carried out. She is buried in a vault, in the ground, under a gazebo, where vines grow, roses line the pathway, and a brook runs along side. It is a beautiful spot. She would have loved it. Since I buried her in her birthday, I dropped a birthday card in the vault as well.

She has family here that includes great great grandchildren; and as long as my family line exists her grave will be tended, and visited. She would have preferred my brother and his family, I know. But it is what it is.

As for my brother and his family, they are more dead to me than she is. She was a terrible mother to me, but she was my mother. I am glad I could give her the burial she wanted.
 
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I am still alive, barely.

I finished the blood thinners, was able to get my oral surgery. I was off blood thinners for 3 weeks, got oral surgery, three days later, huge blood clot (DVT) on the femoral vein in my leg. Had the cat scan, went on blood thinners, felt the blood clot break and a piece lodged in my calf. Leg swollen. Hurts a lot. Been there, done this. 😱😰

Will be seen by the clot specialist in April.
 
OMG, I’m so sorry When I first started reading your last post, I thought it was a family member speaking about you.

editing. So glad you‘re still with us.
 
Aneeda, though under sad circumstances, it's good to hear from you. So very sorry to hear of your mother's passing, and the sad way she went.

I hope you are as well as you can possibly be. You have been missed here. 🤗
 
Aneeda, I have missed you. So sorry about losing your mother. No matter what your relationship was with her in the past, you rose above that and did what you had to do after she was gone. So sorry about the way her life ended. It seems she put her trust in the wrong person.

I was praying you were doing better and that we would hear from you soon. Thank you for posting here today.
 
Aneeda72 said:
I am still alive, barely.

I finished the blood thinners, was able to get my oral surgery. I was off blood thinners for 3 weeks, got oral surgery, three days later, huge blood clot (DVT) on the femoral vein in my leg. Had the cat scan, went on blood thinners, felt the blood clot break and a piece lodged in my calf. Leg swollen. Hurts a lot. Been there, done this. 😱😰

Will be seen by the clot specialist in April.
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Take care! Femoral vein is in the upper thigh and this is very risky. I know this sh.t., had femoral vein thromboses already. This time (September 2022) I had to stop taking my anticoagulant for treating hemorrhoids and some weeks later got my 4th deep vein thrombosis, but fortunately I noticed it very early and it was only in my lower thigh.
Wear medical compression stockings, either thigh high or pantyhose. Best compression is 34 to 46 mm/Hg (class 3), but not tolerable for some patients. Then at least wear 23 to 32 mm/Hg (class 2). And walk with anticoagulant and compression. The more you walk, the earlier the blood clot shall dissolve.
This is me in 2009 walking with medical compression pantyhose class 3(!) shortly after my second deep vein thrombosis.

weinberg.jpg


Did you got checked for (hereditary) thrombophilia (blood clotting disorder)?
 
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