Men and Women, can they be just friends.?

Yes but mainly on phone or electronically like text. I am friends with a married woman for many years and saw her only once. Her husband knows. Friends with singles are unlikely if one of you is attracted to the other
 
Certainly. My best friend for decades was male, and I introduced him to the woman who became his wife.

My spouse has several women friends, all strictly platonic. Since I was the one who taught him (painfully and slowly) how to talk about his feelings, I took it as a true compliment when one of our mutual friends told me she enjoys talking with my spouse "because he's just a regular guy, and he doesn't have any trouble talking to me."

I asked him once why he eventually developed more female friendships, and he said his male friendships were based on shared interests, but had always been very shallow. He appreciated a woman's idea of friendship as a personal relationship, and found it more rewarding.
 

Jules said:
How many people with a spouse/partner are happy with them being good friends with the opposite sex, especially if they are single?
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It's worked out alright for me.

I have a good friend, known her since grad school. We have never had any kind of romantic or sexual relationship. She is single, I am married. I have even stayed at her house (in the guest bedroom) when visiting her city, alone without my wife. My wife knows her and is ok with it. My wife has male friends and it doesn't bother me.

It may be more common that you think.
 
Something not yet stated on this thread is that there are significant numbers of adult males that cannot easily be just friends with females acquaintances. In part that is because many have little opportunity given their life situation so when they do, may be awkward. Although they may think they hide such behavior, both their verbal and especially non-verbal communication betrays that. As someone that spent 4+ decades in high tech corporate work environments, I had to work with people from A to Z of both genders in a friendly relaxed professional manner that is a skill.
 
David777 said:
Something not yet stated on this thread is that there are significant numbers of adult males that cannot easily be just friends with females acquaintances. In part that is because many have little opportunity given their life situation so when they do, may be awkward. Although they may think they hide such behavior, both their verbal and especially non-verbal communication betrays that. As someone that spent 4+ decades in high tech corporate work environments, I had to work with people from A to Z of both genders in a friendly relaxed professional manner that is a skill.
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You make a very good point. As posted above, my spouse ended up developing several very deep friendships with women (all of whom I met, btw, and also liked). Being able to relate well with women helped his career - his last two managers were women, and he had excellent professional relationships with both.
 
This is a complex topic and I feel it cannot be explained in one paragraph. The reason is, that it depends. It depends on the culture of the individuals. Are they from a Western culture like the US or from a European or Middle Eastern culture? The culture and family I was raised up in (European) was quite religious, so there were certain unspoken 'taboos.' For example, my late husband also had certain beliefs similar to my family's, so having a male friend while married was frowned upon. However, I have had many male friends throughout my life - before I married and after my husband passed away - through my employment, community service, church, and playing in orchestras. I treated them as equals, and platonically. There were never any romantic inclinations (and if I sensed something was brewing, I would cut it off, especially if I wasn't interested).

In addition, when one sees people as not male or female, but as friends, it takes a certain talent or type of person, as I read in a previous post here. Probably religious leaders have that special ability. On the opposite end, there are people who see other people as sex objects. I, for one, can spot such a person a mile away, by the way he looks at a woman, the way he talks and flirts, etc. I have seen couples having children together, and never marrying, and the guy goes off to have a child with another woman. Still not married with the second woman. To me, that guy is seeing these women as sex objects. On the other hand, there's the other extreme, and that's our new social media society where we build "friendships" online, never having seen the other person face-to-face or had a cup of coffee with them, yet we call each other friends.

Finally (sorry about rambling), when a man or woman is married and they have a friendship with the opposite sex outside the family, if they start relating to the other person through emotional intimacy (there's more than one way to be intimate), and sharing their secrets and dreams with them, I feel something is being taken away from the marriage. These are my thoughts. I apologize for the length of this post and if I offended anyone. Just remember, we are all friends here. :)
 

Men and Women, can they be just friends.?​


Most definitely.

If the lady supports the right football (soccer) team, enjoys a pint and a sing-song in the pub.

and

If the man can learn to sit amonst 30 women and simultaneously keep up with all the conversations.

Absolutely...... I think. 😊
 
This is an interesting topic. I agree with @palides2021 it can depend on the culture people were brought up in. If you see examples and realize its possible or normal you are more likely to do it.

However I think the whole "seeing women as sex objects" thing is complex. I believe it is instinctive for men to see most women as possible sex partners. What allows the platonic friendships is not acting on that instinct. We often have to manage our instinctive drives, this is just another example. Even Jimmy Carter admitted to lusting in his heart, but I am pretty sure he never acted on it. So maybe this is a grey area, the key is what you do, not what you think about.
 
Yes. It is quite easy. I'm sure when it becomes a problem is when it entails a third party who becomes jealous or makes you feel odd about it. Being secretive about it can in some cases be a red flag. So we must depend on honesty of our true feelings to decide whether it is just a friendship and if there is a third party to be respectful to them as needed. It is what we make it.
 
I have a very close male friend. I found out about a year ago he has stage 4 Cancer. I have been checking on him to see how he is doing via phone. I have known him for over 30 years. We have not been in touch but when I found out he has Cancer, I reached out. He tells me I have no idea how I make his days a bit easy. He is single..has been married 3x. However, I make sure I always mention my husband in our conversations. God forbid anything happen to my hubby, I would not want to be in a relationship with my friend - he would, this is why I keep my boundaries and he respects them.

My hubby has a close female friend but they are not in contact. I know her...we use to be close friends. I would not mind if my husband had a female friend. We cannot be everything to our spouse. When you have a strong foundation in your marriage and have confidence in yourself - you don't sweat the small stuff.
 
At this time, a close platonic relationship with anyone other than my wife is of no interest to me. 43 years of marriage limits the desire to express my availability among dateable women.

I don’t know if I am still dateable because it has been so long since I’ve dated anyone.
 

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