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Inept said:
Dann sind Sie in Teufels Küche kommen.
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Fortunately not. The quote is from the protagonist of the novel, a man whose wife commits adultery with the scrap dealer from the title. But my wife and I in reality even know a woman who married an older man with money, but after decades of marriage got that feeling of being buried alive.
 
One may wonder why I agree with mgtow philosophy...

My ex had me hanging around people I didn't like, because they were mean, crappy people, and that seemed to be what she become. To "fit in".

Long story short, one day at a lake getaway place where folks like I just mentioned hang out, wifey had been complaining about a certain "air leak" in out bedroom floor. So I got down, having her guide me to said problem. When she stopped guiding me (I was on my hands and knees, I turned my head sideways to see what she had to say and she pulled down this old 80s tv , about 2ft by 3ft, deep back on it... dragged it off right on my head. This tv was mounted about 4 or 5 feet up the wall. Hit me in the temple. She left. Went for a walk...

Left a long welt on my head, length of the side of my head, front to back. I had ice on it most of the night. Nothing said, no apologies. Obviously I didn't go back, and I went back mid-week while everyone was at work, packed my stuff and left.

This is but one of many incidents I weathered, til I could get full custody of my daughter. 12 years have passed. We had very little sex, powertrip for her. I'd love to love and be loved, but I'm losing confidence in that gender over the years. I'm a good dude but I attract chameleons who turn into satan incarnate.
 
spookycat said:
My ex ... hanging around ... mean, crappy people, and that seemed to be what she become. To "fit in".
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I understand this. I have experienced it first hand.
spookycat said:
... one day ... wifey had been complaining about a certain "air leak" in out bedroom floor. …. I was on my hands and knees, ... and she pulled down this old tv ….... dragged it off right on my head. ….. She left. Nothing said, no apologies.​
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I think you may have been married to a covert narcissist/psychopath.
spookycat said:
Went for a walk … I went back mid-week while everyone was at work, packed my stuff and left.
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You did the right thing to get out while avoiding another nasty scene.
spookycat said:
This is but one of many incidents I weathered, til I could get full custody of my daughter.
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Not an easy thing to do. Is your relationship with your daughter good? Does she voice any allegiance to either you or her mother?
spookycat said:
I'd love to love and be loved, but I'm losing confidence in that gender over the years. I'm a good dude but I attract chameleons who turn into satan incarnate.
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I am the same. It is well noted that women who are abused (either physically or mentally) by their husbands go on to meet other men who do the same. We wonder why but the professionals know why. Men fall into the same trap seeming to attract brutal women:

 
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Yeah man, i saw a therapist for a long time afterwards... you are spot-on on your assessment (Narcissist, Psychopath)
It was mostly hell, earlier disguised as something I can't even describe.
Had ptsd dreams for many years after moving out. And CTE from the tv, which has let up at the same pace as the ptsd.
There were other head injury incidents too, her son beaned me in the head with what had to be a D cell battery thrown hard, with his friend, at nighttime.
Then there was the outdoor chair in the head from the campground, separate from first incident.
 
After we separated, one time I went to our old house to get some paperwork from her. I sat down and helped myself to some of the food she fixed.
She walked over and acted like she sprinkled something over it. I knew it was a bluff, and ate it anyway without showing concern. LOL
 
spookycat said:
Yeah man, i saw a therapist for a long time afterwards... you are spot-on on your assessment (Narcissist, Psychopath)
It was mostly hell, earlier disguised as something I can't even describe.
Had ptsd dreams for many years after moving out. And CTE from the tv, which has let up at the same pace as the ptsd.
There were other head injury incidents too, her son beaned me in the head with what had to be a D cell battery thrown hard, with his friend, at nighttime. Then there was the outdoor chair in the head from the campground, separate from first incident. After we separated, one time I went to our old house to get some paperwork from her. I sat down and helped myself to some of the food she fixed. She walked over and acted like she sprinkled something over it. I knew it was a bluff, and ate it anyway without showing concern. LOL .
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How badly did you need that paperwork? I think you made a mistake.
 
Inept said:
How badly did you need that paperwork? I think you made a mistake.
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Nah the paperwork was for something I was working on car-wise. Back in '13, no harm done. She didn't know D was coming yet. When I left in '12, it was caused by the stepson (18) being an azzhat, this was common and I tried to keep arguments calm (I'd had a stroke in '08, so calm is good, but wasn't gonna happen around them). Me and kiddo (F, 11yo) moved out and after they left for work/school next morning, I loaded up my stuff and moved in with parents. They knew what was going on. Already decided a D was emminent but didn't tell her til later. I let her have something to think about :LOL:

That kid was a pro @ escalating a mountain out of a mole hill.
 
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spookycat said:
..... She didn't know D was coming yet. Already decided a D was emminent but didn't tell her til later. I let her have something to think about.
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That's the wise thing to do. I am in that very same situation as we speak. I am making a plan but I haven't told her yet.
spookycat said:
.... I tried to keep arguments calm (I'd had a stroke in '08, so calm is good, but wasn't gonna happen around them).
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Smart. I also am avoiding any sort of discussion that can end up in a blow-out. When dealing with a covert narcissist anythng can happen at any time. It's like a hand grenade with the pin pulled. You want to make sure you're out of range when it explodes. If you have to say "yes ma'am" and "no ma'am" and bite your tongue all day long to avoid a fight then it's worth it.
 
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Inept said:
I understand this. I have experienced it first hand.

I think you may have been married to a covert narcissist/psychopath.

You did the right thing to get out while avoiding another nasty scene.

Not an easy thing to do. Is your relationship with your daughter good? Does she voice any allegiance to either you or her mother?

I am the same. It is well noted that women who are abused (either physically or mentally) by their husbands go on to meet other men who do the same. We wonder why but the professionals know why. Men fall into the same trap seeming to attract brutal women:

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Sorry to hear of your situation. Blessings to you brother...

There was a nasty argument once before that. She started drinking hard one night, I knew it was coming, but it was worse than expected! Imagine attempting to justify yourself/argue your point with a drunk narc/p-path ...lmao now, I tried to be calm through the argument (one sided) but I finally blew up and told her to go file for a D then, and I was yelling as loud as she had, called her some really bad, but true, things lol. This was two years before my "departure". Where I live, kid picks who they go with @ 12yo.



I hope your situation goes smoothly, (I know... but yeah silence/patience, maybe meds)


Inept said:
That's the wise thing to do. I am in that very same situation as we speak. I am making a plan but I haven't told her yet.

Smart. I also am avoiding any sort of discussion that can end up in a blow-out. When dealing with a covert narcissist anythng can happen at any time. It's like a hand grenade with the pin pulled. You want to make sure you're out of range when it explodes. If you have to "yes ma'am" and "no ma'am" and bite your tongue all day long to avoid a fight then it's worth it.
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me and daughter are fine. she tried to get along with her mom, but kept hearing bad stuff about me, and was always half or more, drunk. she confronted her about the tv, she said "it wasn't THAT big of a tv" and she said it must have been kind of heavy, as dad had to put it in a separate trash receptacle so the Trash man would even take it. :sneaky:
Kiddo asked me @ 15 what really happened in the marriage, I got to the party in 2006 events and she'd already heard enough.
 
Women and men have something very important in common. We are humans. You know what that means, I take it. Not enough criticism to go around for either
 
As a subtropical fruit that grows in temperate climates oranges turn orange, but for those that are grown in the tropics their chlorophyll is preserved and they tend to remain green. To get oranges the bright orange we see in stores the orange might be exposed to ethylene gas, coated in wax, and yes – even dyed.
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