Might Be A Sensitive Topic But Here Goes!

C

carouselsilver

Member
Location
Eastern PA
Today I had an eye appointment. I had a couple of pairs of used eyeglasses that I wanted to donate, so I took them over to a woman seated at a desk in the eyeglass department. I asked if they accepted donations of eyeglasses and she said yes, so I started taking them out of the bag and explaining what kinds of glasses they were (bifocal,single vision, etc.)

The woman started responding to me in an odd way, calling me "girl" in an overly familiar manner, and her voice grew markedly Southern sounding. I had just heard her speaking to a customer earlier and she hadn't sounded Southern then. She was definitely being friendly, but I felt awkward and was glad to get out of there. As I returned to my car, I realized that she had, in an effort to be friendly, made herself appear foolish.

I am mixed race with an olive complexion but look more like my African ancestors than my Irish/British ones. So why did this woman think that I would enjoy being spoken to like a Tyler Perry caricature? It made me feel uncomfortable and ill at ease because it was like she suddenly lapsed into a foreign language and expected me to respond in kind.

My question is, do you think people should change their speech in a way that they think a person from another culture might like, or should people just speak in their normal way?

I hope this isn't too sensitive a topic but I am really curious to hear opinions about this behavior.
 

carouselsilver said:
Today I had an eye appointment. I had a couple of pairs of used eyeglasses that I wanted to donate, so I took them over to a woman seated at a desk in the eyeglass department. I asked if they accepted donations of eyeglasses and she said yes, so I started taking them out of the bag and explaining what kinds of glasses they were (bifocal,single vision, etc.)

The woman started responding to me in an odd way, calling me "girl" in an overly familiar manner, and her voice grew markedly Southern sounding. I had just heard her speaking to a customer earlier and she hadn't sounded Southern then. She was definitely being friendly, but I felt awkward and was glad to get out of there. As I returned to my car, I realized that she had, in an effort to be friendly, made herself appear foolish.

I am mixed race with an olive complexion but look more like my African ancestors than my Irish/British ones. So why did this woman think that I would enjoy being spoken to like a Tyler Perry caricature? It made me feel uncomfortable and ill at ease because it was like she suddenly lapsed into a foreign language and expected me to respond in kind.

My question is, do you think people should change their speech in a way that they think a person from another culture might like, or should people just speak in their normal way?

I hope this isn't too sensitive a topic but I am really curious to hear opinions about this behavior.
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I can't answer your question... .. but wow, how disrespectful, I'm stunned.. btw who is Tyler Perry ?
 
Seem like you were being generous and friendly and she was being friendly and cooperative. I wouldn't try to read between the lines and hear what is not being said. Let it go. On a positive note, The Lyons Clubs of America have collection boxes around, where they are active, to collect used glasses. The prescriptions are identified and labeled and then matched up with people who have a need.
 

ElCastor said:
Yikes! I can't imagine (or maybe I can) what that woman was thinking. She may have meant well, but must have come off ignorant and possibly racist.
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It crossed my mind. I am not upset about it, just puzzled. I have had similar situations happen; for example, I had to see this counselor once a week. She was highly educated and easy to talk to, but for some reason she thought that I liked being called "girl.' I gently requested that she just call me by my name and we got along fine after that. I know that people who have been friends a long time might playfully refer to each other as "girl," but I personally don't care to be addressed that way. I am a senior and proud of it!
 
Meanderer said:
Seem like you were being generous and friendly and she was being friendly and cooperative. I wouldn't try to read between the lines and hear what is not being said. Let it go. On a positive note, The Lyons Clubs of America have collection boxes around, where they are active, to collect used glasses. The prescriptions are identified and labeled and then matched up with people who have a need.
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Thanks for the info! I was aware that there was that option, but I couldn't seem to find a drop box around here. Since Covid, a lot of donation options have changed.
 
My gut reaction is that this light-skinned lady wasn't trying to be offensive (although I can see how it might seem that way). I believe it was more of an automated reaction in an attempt to establish a bond. I wouldn't like it either, but as long as she was sincerely being friendly, I'd try to let it go.
 
Wow, I think that would have upset me, too.

Once in a while someone will respond to me by mocking my accent.

My Minnesota in-laws think I have a southern accent. I wish. What I have is a hillbilly twang from growing up in West Virginia. People will laugh and then repeat back to me exaggerating the way I talk. They usually mean it in an affectionate way, but with some people you just know they're being condescending.
 
Em in Ohio said:
My gut reaction is that this light-skinned lady wasn't trying to be offensive (although I can see how it might seem that way). I believe it was more of an automated reaction in an attempt to establish a bond. I wouldn't like it either, but as long as she was sincerely being friendly, I'd try to let it go.
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+1, just trying to connect, albeit in somewhat of a clumsy, ignorant way.
 
Della said:
Wow, I think that would have upset me, too.

Once in a while someone will respond to me by mocking my accent.

My Minnesota in-laws think I have a southern accent. I wish. What I have is a hillbilly twang from growing up in West Virginia. People will laugh and then repeat back to me exaggerating the way I talk. They usually mean it in an affectionate way, but with some people you just know they're being condescending.
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I wasn't upset, just found her odd and puzzling. The weird thing about it is that I was born and raised in New Jersey, and I have the accent, which sounds nothing like a Southern one. I was more offended by being called "girl." Sometimes you just have to think, "See you, wouldn't wanna be you!"

BTW, I like the Virginia accent. Does the West Virginia accent sound different from the Virginia one?
 
Oh dear, my accent would drive you nuts. Teehee

Isn't it weird that what bothers me is when a salesperson will speak to me in Spanish; I find that offensive. I speak more English than Spanish. I usually answer in English when I respond to these people.

Sorry, I got off topic.
 
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PamfromTx said:
Oh dear, my accent would drive you nuts. Teehee

Isn't it weird that what bothers me is how a salesperson will speak to me in Spanish and that I find that offensive. I speak more English than Spanish. I usually answer in English when I respond to these people.

Sorry, I got off topic.
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Not at all, thanks for replying! My father was born and raised in Texas, so I would probably feel right at home talking to you! BTW, why do people speak Spanish to you? Are you Spanish? I have had people speak Spanish to me also, and they tell me that they thought I was Puerto Rican.
 
carouselsilver said:
I wasn't upset, just found her odd and puzzling. The weird thing about it is that I was born and raised in New Jersey, and I have the accent, which sounds nothing like a Southern one. I was more offended by being called "girl." Sometimes you just have to think, "See you, wouldn't wanna be you!"

BTW, I like the Virginia accent. Does the West Virginia accent sound different from the Virginia one?
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even I know as a Brit what New Joisey accent sounds like, it's one of the most distinctive ( to me ) of all American accents
 
It's similar to people that insist on calling senior citizens boys, girls, honey, sugar, etc...

It may be fine with family and friends, but a stranger shouldn't presume that such familiarity will be welcome or acceptable to everyone.

IMO it's another example of a lack of manners and professional standards in our society.
 
Tish said:
That is just nasty.
Although you are in good company, being an Aussie when I travel overseas, I usually get people trying to say G'Day Mate in what they think is an Aussie accent.
I usually just laugh it off.
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I have my accent mocked all the time by the English... they think they're being amusing.. and also think they're doing a great imitation of mine, which they're not, instead it's mocking ..it's extremely irritating...
 
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I would think that she made a very bad attempt to be friendly and was disrespectful instead. I have my own opinion of people like that:
"Some people were brought up and others were dragged up"

Too bad you could not ask "why are you talking to me like that?"
 

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