Might Be A Sensitive Topic But Here Goes!

I think she saw you as a generous, kind friendly woman. I think she felt that she could be her normal self in your presence. Just because someone appears to be a certain person by skin color does not mean that is how they identify. I have two family members that identify more on the latin spectrum but they are white. They are married to spouses of latin descent and were raised in that culture. They are comfortable either way, speak english or mexican and flip back and forth in one conversation.
 

Blessed said:
I think she saw you as a generous, kind friendly woman. I think she felt that she could be her normal self in your presence. Just because someone appears to be a certain person by skin color does not mean that is how they identify. I have two family members that identify more on the latin spectrum but they are white. They are married to spouses of latin descent and were raised in that culture. They are comfortable either way, speak english or mexican and flip back and forth in one conversation.
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I'm not sure what you mean by her normal self. I forgot to mention that she was white. Could you explain what you meant, please?
 

carouselsilver said:
Today I had an eye appointment. I had a couple of pairs of used eyeglasses that I wanted to donate, so I took them over to a woman seated at a desk in the eyeglass department. I asked if they accepted donations of eyeglasses and she said yes, so I started taking them out of the bag and explaining what kinds of glasses they were (bifocal,single vision, etc.)

The woman started responding to me in an odd way, calling me "girl" in an overly familiar manner, and her voice grew markedly Southern sounding. I had just heard her speaking to a customer earlier and she hadn't sounded Southern then. She was definitely being friendly, but I felt awkward and was glad to get out of there. As I returned to my car, I realized that she had, in an effort to be friendly, made herself appear foolish.

I am mixed race with an olive complexion but look more like my African ancestors than my Irish/British ones. So why did this woman think that I would enjoy being spoken to like a Tyler Perry caricature? It made me feel uncomfortable and ill at ease because it was like she suddenly lapsed into a foreign language and expected me to respond in kind.

My question is, do you think people should change their speech in a way that they think a person from another culture might like, or should people just speak in their normal way?

I hope this isn't too sensitive a topic but I am really curious to hear opinions about this behavior.
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It's a bit odd for sure. I have heard of folks doing that before. It is a kind of weird, nerdy way of trying to connect with someone.

I don't think they mean to offend, but, you know, they do tend to offend.

I do think that folks who do that are most often very very harmless.

The real, deep, racists who are the real problem, they would never try to reach out to a person like that, in that awkward way. They would more stay silent, but live in some real hatred in their heart.

I doubt that woman had any of that toward you.


There is a comedian who has a routine, about her mom doing that...to every single person she meets. And how embarrassed she gets when her mom does that.

Rachel Feinstein On Her Aggressively Liberal Mother | CONAN on TBS​



 
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As my Wife and I gradually get back to eating out, we run across being addressed as "You Guys" a lot. It is more a generational thing. The more formal terms seem to be out of fashion, with Millennials . All they need to say is a few words of welcome. This happened just recently at Crackle Barrel. I try not to be annoyed, as it doesn't seem to bother my Wife.
 
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Meanderer said:
As my Wife and I gradually get back to eating out, we run across being addressed as "You Guys" a lot. It is more a generational thing. The more formal terms seem to be out of fashion, with Millennials . All they need to say is a few words of welcome. This happened just recently at Crackle Barrel. I try not to be annoyed, as it doesn't seem to bother my Wife.
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I would find "You guys" annoying as I am not a guy. I guess all we can do is not be annoyed, but sometimes I want to shake people.
 
carouselsilver said:
I would find "You guys" annoying as I am not a guy. I guess all we can do is not be annoyed, but sometimes I want to shake people.
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As I was born and raised in NY, "you guys" is perfectly natural to me, always has been.. regardless of age or gender.

Edited to add: in contrast, a generational thing that kinda bugs me is referring to everybody, regardless of age or gender, as "dude."
 
Meanderer said:
As my Wife and I gradually get back to eating out, we run across being addressed as "You Guys" a lot. It is more a generational thing. The more formal terms seem to be out of fashion, with Millennials . All they need to say is a few words of welcome. This happened just recently at Crackle Barrel. I try not to be annoyed, as it doesn't seem to bother my Wife.
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this has been used to address females as well as males for years now in the Uk.. we all used to get irritated by it when a waiter would ask 'what can I get you guys'' ? to my husband and me .. but you just have to ignore it otherwise you ( one) become permanently offended
 
@Sliverfox I am just trying to say that people react to people as genuine, for the most part, as who they are. She may not have been comfortable with the customer before you and just went back to her normal way she speaks. You indicated your heritage in your post which led me to think you thought she was being disrespectful.

I bring up my family because we all don't look alike or communicate the same way. I live in
Texas and we have many Mexican Americans in our family. My grandson, (step) is my grandson, he is white, japanese, and mexican american. Looks nothing like me but loves me and I am one of his Grandmas. Let someone tell me otherwise you would see a mad lady! People these days have many different races, religions and even same sex marriages mixed in their families. Yet they are still a family and love one another deeply.

You do not know how this young woman was raised, to her she was just being her "normal" self. I do not believe she was trying to be disrespectful to you or make you uncomfortable in any way.
 
Not sure if this fits here but here goes.....When I take the cat to the vet for his monthly nail trim the lady tech is bi racial, and refers to me as Hon or Honey. I certainly do not take offence, I have been called worse.

I think she just sees me as a senior lady and is trying to be nice. She calls the cat Sweetie Pie and he is anything but.
 
hollydolly said:
even I know as a Brit what New Joisey accent sounds like, it's one of the most distinctive ( to me ) of all American accents
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Holly, I am a native New Jerseyan and most people think I am from the mid west. Further, it is not Joisey as most of us will tell you. Those in my state with a distinctive accent live just across the river from New York or Philadelphia. Now, they are what you have no doubt heard from any Jerseyans you have met.
 
carouselsilver said:
I wasn't upset, just found her odd and puzzling. The weird thing about it is that I was born and raised in New Jersey, and I have the accent, which sounds nothing like a Southern one. I was more offended by being called "girl." Sometimes you just have to think, "See you, wouldn't wanna be you!"

BTW, I like the Virginia accent. Does the West Virginia accent sound different from the Virginia one?
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No the Virginia accent is what I would call a southern accent, softer, like Georgia or North Carolina accents. West Virginia sounds more like Texas or Kentucky. Like Sissy Spacek in coal Miner's Daughter.
Gary O' said:
Tried Mandarin in China
Got laughed outa the place
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I went to Mexico with my son wearing his West Virginia University T-shirt and a couple of Mexican men pointed at us and started laughing, asking if we had any possum pie. We didn't mind that at all, we thought it was funny.

In England I got some "Deliverance" jokes, but for some reason they thought my Minnesota husband sounded like John Wayne. He does not.
 
Meanderer said:
As my Wife and I gradually get back to eating out, we run across being addressed as "You Guys" a lot. It is more a generational thing. The more formal terms seem to be out of fashion, with Millennials . All they need to say is a few words of welcome. This happened just recently at Crackle Barrel. I try not to be annoyed, as it doesn't seem to bother my Wife.
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Yea, "hi guys" from someone who is my granddaughter's age sounds just inappropriate. I don't take issue though, but if I ever hear "my dudes" I'm going to lose-it right there.
 
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Della said:
No the Virginia accent is what I would call a southern accent, softer, like Georgia or North Carolina accents. West Virginia sounds more like Texas or Kentucky. Like Sissy Spacek in coal Miner's Daughter.

I went to Mexico with my son wearing his West Virginia University T-shirt and a couple of Mexican men pointed at us and started laughing, asking if we had any possum pie. We didn't mind that at all, we thought it was funny.

In England I got some "Deliverance" jokes, but for some reason they thought my Minnesota husband sounded like John Wayne. He does not.
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Yes just because he's American..lol.... I've had friends who when in New York have been asked where on the East coast they're from... the US East Coast, the US East cost :LOL:... again most Americans can't tell the difference between the different countries in the UK.. Scottish,English, Welsh....or Australian or new Zealand..

I have a very good ear for accents...
 
Lee said:
Not sure if this fits here but here goes.....When I take the cat to the vet for his monthly nail trim the lady tech is bi racial, and refers to me as Hon or Honey. I certainly do not take offence, I have been called worse.

I think she just sees me as a senior lady and is trying to be nice. She calls the cat Sweetie Pie and he is anything but.
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I also had a similar experience working with someone who called everyone "Sweetie." It felt odd at first, but over time, I got to accept that lingo from her.

When I was in Australia, and worked briefly in my uncle's restaurant, the customers would say "Thank you, Love," to me. I never could say that to anyone. Because I didn't say "Love" back, my uncle had a talk with me that I wasn't being friendly! That was over 30 years ago, but it's remained with me since then!
 
People take offence at things that are so unimportant. Be a duck, let it wash over you.
To OP: the woman at the desk probably lost patience because you were explaining which glasses were which. These days there is a machine that can tell that in a second.
 
carouselsilver said:
My question is, do you think people should change their speech in a way that they think a person from another culture might like, or should people just speak in their normal way?

I hope this isn't too sensitive a topic but I am really curious to hear opinions about this behavior.
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No, they shouldn't. I'd feel insulted if someone started speaking to me differently than everyone else. I mean, she may as well have said "Yo sista, I notis you Black."

Jeeze maneeze
 
Meanderer said:
Seem like you were being generous and friendly and she was being friendly and cooperative. I wouldn't try to read between the lines and hear what is not being said. Let it go. On a positive note, The Lyons Clubs of America have collection boxes around, where they are active, to collect used glasses. The prescriptions are identified and labeled and then matched up with people who have a need.
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I have to disagree, man. In my opinion that lady was being stupid.
 
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