Monogamy versus Polygamy in modern civilization

OneEyedDiva said:
I was in a polygamous marriage for 28 years. I wavered for 3 before deciding to get married, despite not knowing anyone else in that situation (besides my co-wife, of course). The arrangement worked very well for me. I said I'd never marry again after my first husband. And if my second marriage would have been a "traditional" one, I wouldn't have done it. There were no young girl wives. We were all in our mid to late 40's at the time. There was no communal living. I had my place and my much needed space and they had theirs.

We were considered the ideal model for polygamy in the community. My co-wife and I got along, helped each other with projects and socialized together. We had a tradition of going out to dinner to celebrate each others' birthdays. Even her sisters invited me to their events and performances. I was apprehensive about entering into a polygamous marriage at first, but my family and friends came to love my husband, which wasn't hard to do because he was a kind, caring man who'd give the shirt off his back. May he and my co-wife rest in paradise.

About three years before I finally gave a definitive yes, I had read books about polygamy both by Muslim authors and a non-Muslim female author, I was surprised to find the latter. I can't think of the name of it right now though...it has been more than 3 decades since I read it.
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Why not? In your case this was an excellent outcome. I remember that I've read that the actor James Brolin also lived with two women and this very succesful.
 

OneEyedDiva said:
About three years before I finally gave a definitive yes, I had read books about polygamy both by Muslim authors and a non-Muslim female author, I was surprised to find the latter. I can't think of the name of it right now though...it has been more than 3 decades since I read it.
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I have heard of, but not read: 'Polygyny with Mercy.' The author's name took some searching: 'Abdullateef Lanre Abdullahi.'

One religion that tolerates polygamy is The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, informally known as the Mormon Church.
Irene Spencer grew up in a fundamentalist Mormon family- the thirteenth of thirty-one children- so it was no surprise that she found herself, at sixteen years of age, in a plural marriage, sharing her husband with a half sister. Enduring abject poverty, living in isolation, and suffering the neglect of a husband with divided loyalties created unbearable conditions.
Irene Spencer came from five generations of polygamy. As the second of ten wives, she was the mother of 14 of her husband's 58 children. Her captivating story in her book: "Shattered Dreams," provides an intimate look at the daily struggles Irene faced as a plural wife.
 
OneEyedDiva said:
I was in a polygamous marriage for 28 years. I wavered for 3 before deciding to get married, despite not knowing anyone else in that situation (besides my co-wife, of course). The arrangement worked very well for me. I said I'd never marry again after my first husband. And if my second marriage would have been a "traditional" one, I wouldn't have done it. There were no young girl wives. We were all in our mid to late 40's at the time. There was no communal living. I had my place and my much needed space and they had theirs.

We were considered the ideal model for polygamy in the community. My co-wife and I got along, helped each other with projects and socialized together. We had a tradition of going out to dinner to celebrate each others' birthdays. Even her sisters invited me to their events and performances. I was apprehensive about entering into a polygamous marriage at first, but my family and friends came to love my husband, which wasn't hard to do because he was a kind, caring man who'd give the shirt off his back. May he and my co-wife rest in paradise.

About three years before I finally gave a definitive yes, I had read books about polygamy both by Muslim authors and a non-Muslim female author, I was surprised to find the latter. I can't think of the name of it right now though...it has been more than 3 decades since I read it.
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Was this is in the US? Because polygamy is illegal here.
 

Irishdude said:
Was this is in the US? Because polygamy is illegal here.
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Yes, my husband and I were born and raised in the U.S. and came from Christian familys. He became Muslim long before I met him. I took my Shadada (accepted Islam) the same day I married my husband about 30 years ago. To answer your question, here is an excerpt from a reply I made to another thread about polygamy last year (the first sentence refers to my husband's nephew):

Funny story....when one of his Muslim nephews first saw us together, he wouldn't speak to me (he thought I was just some "chick on the side") until he found out we were married. Then it was all love and he started affectionately calling me Auntie. Although not recognized as "legal" here in the states, these marriages are recognized as legitimate unions in the Islamic communities. An Islamic marriage contract is drawn up and signed by the couple. Although not recommended but permitted (there's a historical reason as to why), Muslim men can have up to 4 wives at a time, provided they are treated justly and equally supported.

My husband who was an Imam and sometimes referred to as Sheik advised the young men who asked him about polygamy that it's best to have just one wife. It is not permitted to keep the additional wife or wives a secret, either from the existing wife or the public, which distinguishes it from bigamy. The wife (wives) must be of sound mind and the age of consent. It is not permitted to marry the wife's sister. There was no sensationalism involved in our marriage. In fact, I watched an episode of Big Love and saw things that turned me off and I know they would not have been permitted in Islamic polygamous marriages.
@horseless carriage
 
OneEyedDiva said:
Yes, my husband and I were born and raised in the U.S. and came from Christian familys. He became Muslim long before I met him. I took my Shadada (accepted Islam) the same day I married my husband about 30 years ago. To answer your question, here is an excerpt from a reply I made to another thread about polygamy last year (the first sentence refers to my husband's nephew):

Funny story....when one of his Muslim nephews first saw us together, he wouldn't speak to me (he thought I was just some "chick on the side") until he found out we were married. Then it was all love and he started affectionately calling me Auntie. Although not recognized as "legal" here in the states, these marriages are recognized as legitimate unions in the Islamic communities. An Islamic marriage contract is drawn up and signed by the couple. Although not recommended but permitted (there's a historical reason as to why), Muslim men can have up to 4 wives at a time, provided they are treated justly and equally supported.

My husband who was an Imam and sometimes referred to as Sheik advised the young men who asked him about polygamy that it's best to have just one wife. It is not permitted to keep the additional wife or wives a secret, either from the existing wife or the public, which distinguishes it from bigamy. The wife (wives) must be of sound mind and the age of consent. It is not permitted to marry the wife's sister. There was no sensationalism involved in our marriage. In fact, I watched an episode of Big Love and saw things that turned me off and I know they would not have been permitted in Islamic polygamous marriages.
@horseless carriage
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I understand. You are an SF member I respect and I thank you for your very cogent answer.
 
Irishdude said:
Was this is in the US? Because polygamy is illegal here.
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Even if marriage to several partners (male or female) is illegal, the government doesn't care with how many women a man and with how many men a woman is living in the same household. It's non of the government's business.
And then there are other forms as polyamory.
Monogamy didn't make us human, it only made poor creatures of us.
 
Irishdude said:
Irishdude said:
Successful monogamy is difficult, so wouldn't successful polygamy or polyandry be even more difficult?
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No, because the wives would be too busy snarling at each other to have time to bother with the poor husband.
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But that is presuming they all in one communal house.

often the wives have separate houses which the husband takes turns spending time at.
 

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