My Brother Moved to a Nursing Home

ronk

ronk

Member
I moved from Maine to Minnesota after 30+ years to once again be close to my family. I moved into the same building with my brother. We were in the same building for 4 years. We never had a great relationship, but it was nice having family around. My brother has many health issues. He's so heavy that he can barely get out of bed. He should have moved into a nursing home long ago.

My brother is now at least an hour's drive away from me. I have no car. I can't reach there by bus. It would cost over $100 each way to take a taxi. I have mixed feelings. At various times I've been so frustrated with his stubborn selfishness that I almost totally severed our relationship. I finally settled on seeing him once a week. At times even those visits were almost unbearable. My brother knew he couldn't take all his stuff with him, so he gave me a lot of great stuff, including a powered recliner chair, Xbox One, 40" TV, etc.

My Dad had suggested that I might want to move in order to be closer to the rest of the family. They're an hour's drive away, in a different city than my brother. I'm living in a great building, in a small town. I might never find another great place to live in. Many Senior Citizen buildings don't have vacancies. My parents and my brother are somewhat abusive, emotionally. I always get the message that my needs and feelings don't matter.

I'm better off living here. There is no use mourning a "family" I never really had.
 

I hope your brother does well in the nursing home Ron. I think if you're comfortable and happy where you are now, you should just stay put. Good to see you again, hope you're doing okay.
 
Yes Ron, I agree with Seabreeze. If you're comfortable there, stay. Sorry your brother isn't well.

You still have us to talk to!
 

Thanks for your support. My brother wasn't able to get around much. He had to use a wide wheelchair. I think he never even took a shower in the 4 years I lived here. It was often very hard, just dealing with the smell. He had a nurse who visited him weekly, and monitored his health. My brother listened to her sometimes. Things really came to a head when he was unable to get out of bed a few times. Let's just say his bed was "destroyed." I hear he gets physical therapy 6 days a week. He has his computer, one of his TVs and one of his XBox One devices hooked up. He has wifi for the Internet.

My brother was strange when it came to electronics. He had two Xbox Ones and the newer Xbox OneX. He only used one of the Xboxes. He had a second TV in the living room for over a year, but never used it. We never watched TV together. He played games in his bedroom. I found our visits difficult because he usually ignored me. If he was in the same room, he was on the computer. I could rarely have a conversation. I finally started bringing my iPad so I could play a game, and ignore him too. We thought it would be nice to "treat" each other sometimes, but that rarely happened. Often I gave him a 12-pack of our favorite beer, but the most he ever gave me was one beer at any given week.

I was the youngest brother of our original family. But I never really had a "big brother." All of us had many emotional challenges. We grew up with a mother who often needed to be hospitalized because of her emotional "breakdowns." We were very shy. But I was often able to overcome my shyness just enough to speak to people to get some things we needed. I was the "official mouthpiece!" My Dad always insisted I had to look out for my brothers. I should never complain if they mistreated me. I know my brother is "in a better place," but he's still alive. He has the best chance of living his remaining years in a healthy manner. I miss my brother just a little. But I know we'll never have a great relationship. Recently I had lunch with my Dad and his twin brother. The free food and beer was good. But I really don't like the abusive way they treat me.
 
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