My Dad's 90th Birthday, His Dementia, and Depends

MarkinPhx

MarkinPhx

Well-known Member
Location
Phoenix
My dad turns 90 today. Overall he is in good physical shape but he was diagnosed with dementia a couple of years ago and it is showing it's effects. Such a horrible thing to watch. When he was told that he had to give up his drivers license a couple of years ago it was the first time I had seen him cry in nearly 20 years. The last time is when my mother had died.

When I went to visit him today to wish him a happy birthday, I was asked by his wife and my sisters if he would consider start using Depends or something similar. I dreaded that conversation, especially on his birthday, but I am happy to say that he is very open to the idea. I have been very blessed to have my father around for so long and though he does have the dementia and has issues communicating now, it has not gotten to the point to where he is totally helpless or too much for his wife to handle.

I guess I am just venting here but my heart goes out to anyone out there who has had to deal with a loved one who has been affected with such a horrible thing. I know my dad will only get worse as time goes on so I just try to treasure the time I spend with him now since he does still remember who I am.IMG_20190615_155440.jpg
 

Yes, it's good you still have your father. I sure wish mine was still around. I do have my mother, though, and she's in great shape considering. I'm heading up to North Narrowlina for some business and then back to the Florida Panhandle to visit my mother. One sister is there and another is coming in and we're going to sit down with her and have a little Come-to-Jesus meeting on her financial affairs. I'm not looking forward to it. The "meeting", that is.
 
That is a nice photo Mark. You are blessed to still have your father and he is certainly blessed to have you. It's good that he's not opposed to wearing Depends. I went through this with my mother who lived to be 97. She spent her last 3 years in a nursing home because I had a heart condition that made it hard for me to continue to take care of her. She knew that and told my husband, our doctor and me that once she got to a certain point, she wanted to be put in one. Thank God she was in a wonderful place and the staff loved her. Those with dementia go through what is called "sun downing" where the dementia gets worse at night and sometimes causes a personality changes, for the worst. The good thing is that you will have help with your father. Remember to take good care of yourself too.
 
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Happy Birthday to your father Mark, please give him a birthday hug for me. Wonderful photo of you and your family, I can see the love. I remember your telling us about your Dad, and was wondering how he was doing. It must be very difficult for you and your family to watch his memory fade, my heart goes out to him and all of you.

My husband's father didn't have dementia, but he had a major stroke which made him paralyzed and not able to speak or function at all on his own, he lived with us for his last years. He did wear adult diapers all the time because he was bedridden. When we could we lifted him onto a portable potty we had in his room, but the diaper went on immediately afterwards. I'm happy to hear that he still knows who you are. Please take care of yourself during this time, I know this hit you hard. đź’™

Happy-90th-Birthday-Congratulations-600x600.jpg
 
That really is a lovely photo, and such an irony that your dad has dementia when he looks so young ( I know, I know, even young people get it these days)... but you get my meaning.. I'm sure that what's left of his mind is that mentally strong man who knows he's ill, and has to comply.. which is lucky in a way because often by the time they need to , they won't.

Does your fathers' wife have someone to help her care for him ?

I'm sorry Mark , that you have to see your father go through this, it's not something any of would wish on our loved ones..
 
MarkinPhx said:
My dad turns 90 today. Overall he is in good physical shape but he was diagnosed with dementia a couple of years ago and it is showing it's effects. Such a horrible thing to watch. When he was told that he had to give up his drivers license a couple of years ago it was the first time I had seen him cry in nearly 20 years. The last time is when my mother had died.

When I went to visit him today to wish him a happy birthday, I was asked by his wife and my sisters if he would consider start using Depends or something similar. I dreaded that conversation, especially on his birthday, but I am happy to say that he is very open to the idea. I have been very blessed to have my father around for so long and though he does have the dementia and has issues communicating now, it has not gotten to the point to where he is totally helpless or too much for his wife to handle.

I guess I am just venting here but my heart goes out to anyone out there who has had to deal with a loved one who has been affected with such a horrible thing. I know my dad will only get worse as time goes on so I just try to treasure the time I spend with him now since he does still remember who I am.View attachment 95034
Click to expand...


Happy Birthday to your Dad !
 
hollydolly said:
That really is a lovely photo, and such an irony that your dad has dementia when he looks so young ( I know, I know, even young people get it these days)... but you get my meaning.. I'm sure that what's left of his mind is that mentally strong man who knows he's ill, and has to comply.. which is lucky in a way because often by the time they need to , they won't.

Does your fathers' wife have someone to help her care for him ?

I'm sorry Mark , that you have to see your father go through this, it's not something any of would wish on our loved ones..
Click to expand...

One of my sisters in the picture has a husband who has Alzheimer's . He is only 67.
 
Your Dad looks so young, and happy - bless his heart. Lovely family photo. Thank you for sharing it with us. Sorry to hear your brother-in-law has Alzheimer's at such a young age.

Keep strong, and wish your Dad a happy birthday from us here at the forum.
 

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