My Friend’s Girlfriend (?)

oldman

oldman

Well-known Member
Location
PA
Just before I came down with the Virus, I was talking on the phone to a friend that I knew from work. He lives in Albuquerque and his wife had passed away about two years ago to cancer. I was kind of his leaning post when he needed someone to speak to. He has been very lonely since his wife’s death.

He met a woman at a senior center’s dance and after a few months, they became more than friends. He never wanted a full blown relationship, but she is bugging him to move in together. She wants to sell her house and move in with him. He told me that he’s not ready for that type of a relationship, but this woman is being persistent. She told him that he has until the first of the year to decide or she is going to move on. He asked me for advice.

I told him it sounds like she wants a more serious relationship than he does. I also told him not to allow himself to be talked into anything that he may regret later and if you have to let her go, then so be it. I only ever saw a picture of her, which for being 68 years old, she looks good. They do have a lot in common, so I can understand his hesitancy for not wanting to let her go.

Personally, I prefer not to give opinions when it comes to relationships. I think each of us has to make our own decision.

What do you think?
 

oldman said:
Just before I came down with the Virus, I was talking on the phone to a friend that I knew from work. He lives in Albuquerque and his wife had passed away about two years ago to cancer. I was kind of his leaning post when he needed someone to speak to. He has been very lonely since his wife’s death.

He met a woman at a senior center’s dance and after a few months, they became more than friends. He never wanted a full blown relationship, but she is bugging him to move in together. She wants to sell her house and move in with him. He told me that he’s not ready for that type of a relationship, but this woman is being persistent. She told him that he has until the first of the year to decide or she is going to move on. He asked me for advice.

I told him it sounds like she wants a more serious relationship than he does. I also told him not to allow himself to be talked into anything that he may regret later and if you have to let her go, then so be it. I only ever saw a picture of her, which for being 68 years old, she looks good. They do have a lot in common, so I can understand his hesitancy for not wanting to let her go.

Personally, I prefer not to give opinions when it comes to relationships. I think each of us has to make our own decision.

What do you think?
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I think your advice was solid, and you didn't really give him a recommendation on what he should do.
You simple told him to think about it.
 

She may not have "bad" intentions, but she appears to only be considering her needs, and not his as well. Not a good basis for a two way relationship, which I'm guessing most people really want.

Edit: had I gone into marriage #2 with "eyes wide open" I would have recognized that she was not concerned with my needs, only hers.
A longer courtship would have remedied that, rather than allow myself to be rushed into matrimony. Lesson learned.
 
It seems we are all on the same page. When he was telling me about their relationship, I started to worry. In the past, he has been known to be a bit careless by not taking the necessary time to look at a situation from all sides. I asked him the simple question “Do you love her?” He said he didn’t know yet because it was too soon in their relationship. So, I told him maybe he needed to decide that first.

I think he wants to be with her, but not live with her. You know how it is. When someone asks you a question and you don’t give them the answer they want, they either reword it, or keep asking others until they get their answer. Kids do this all the time. If mom says no, they ask dad.
 
Devi said:
What you said. If it turns out well, then great -- but if it doesn't, then you interfered, with everything that that implies.
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This is another issue. When people ask for advice and you give them your best response and it doesn’t work out, guess who gets the blame? I have been on that end too.

This man is 71 years old, lives in a beautiful home in Albuquerque with the Sandia Mountains in his backyard and complains about the weather being too cold. His kids live all over the U.S., but he won’t move. If he lived nearer to at least one of his kids, maybe he wouldn’t be so lonely.
 
oldman said:
Just before I came down with the Virus, I was talking on the phone to a friend that I knew from work. He lives in Albuquerque and his wife had passed away about two years ago to cancer. I was kind of his leaning post when he needed someone to speak to. He has been very lonely since his wife’s death.

He met a woman at a senior center’s dance and after a few months, they became more than friends. He never wanted a full blown relationship, but she is bugging him to move in together. She wants to sell her house and move in with him. He told me that he’s not ready for that type of a relationship, but this woman is being persistent. She told him that he has until the first of the year to decide or she is going to move on. He asked me for advice.

I told him it sounds like she wants a more serious relationship than he does. I also told him not to allow himself to be talked into anything that he may regret later and if you have to let her go, then so be it. I only ever saw a picture of her, which for being 68 years old, she looks good. They do have a lot in common, so I can understand his hesitancy for not wanting to let her go.

Personally, I prefer not to give opinions when it comes to relationships. I think each of us has to make our own decision.

What do you think?
Click to expand...
You've extended good solid and honest advice, it is now up to your friend to garner from it what he will.
 
My opinion?
Oh heck no! There are so many women who want someone to take care of them. You talked of how lovely she was and how wonderful his home was. This is all relative, surface, changeable.
Pray, What does that have to do with anything? He will regret merging with a woman because she looks good and holds a nice conversation.
There is so much more than that! a welding of their SOULS! What do they have in common, individually, besides sex?
If a man is lonely, he should become happy within himself, become self-actualized, develop his own full potentiality before he even THINKS about letting someone move in! THEN he will attract THE ONE who is meant for him.
IF he has to ask a friend for his opinion, he already knows, in his heart, it's not the right move.
He should enjoy her PERSPECTIVELY while maintaining his solitude.
May I add, as a woman, I would not be interested in a man because he was lonely. He has to get his head together! Love himself first!

I should add: IMO!
 
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I was 100% sure it was the right thing when I got married and would settle for nothing less if I were to get married again. But...that being said... I would never get married again. Have a relationship, yes...married, no. As for your friend, I would personally avoid a pushy person like the plague. Lots of fish in the sea...feel, strongly, from what you have told us, that he should keep swimming 😊
 
You definitely handled it well. If he caves and lets her move in, he could find himself very miserable. Once someone moves in, it's hard to get rid of them, especially someone like this woman. It seems to me that if she cared for him so much she'd respect that he was truthful about not wanting to take things to that level.
 
oldman said:
She told him that he has until the first of the year to decide or she is going to move on. He asked me for advice.
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This statement jumped out at me in a very negative way. If she really cared for him and wanted a relationship, she would be understanding of his feelings of her moving in with him so soon, and would willingly wait until he was ready for such a close relationship. Also, if she truly cared for him, she would even accept that he does not want to live with her, just continue to have a relationship and live apart.

@oldman , you said he wanted to be with her and not live with her. Then he should absolutely follow his own wishes on how to live his life. As I said, she has the nerve to give him until the end of the year......she's undeserving of him and a waste of his time and emotions. IMO, she sounds pushy and seems to be bad news, he's better off without her.
 
oldman said:
I told him it sounds like she wants a more serious relationship than he does. I also told him not to allow himself to be talked into anything that he may regret later and if you have to let her go, then so be it. I only ever saw a picture of her, which for being 68 years old, she looks good. They do have a lot in common, so I can understand his hesitancy for not wanting to let her go.

Personally, I prefer not to give opinions when it comes to relationships. I think each of us has to make our own decision.

What do you think?
Click to expand...
You gave him good advice. We all have to make our own decisions, but having a friend give us their opinion before we make the decision is a good thing....food for thought.
 
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