"My good woman/my good man", terms we dont hear so much now, (and grate a bit?)

grahamg

grahamg

Old codger
Location
South of Manchester, UK
You dont hear people "in real life" referred to as "My good woman" or "My good man", they're rather archaic aren't they, used by actors in dramas set a hundred years ago or more. 👨‍🦳

However, the thought occurs me that if someone called me "My good man", (be it back then or now), I'd feel they were being a bit condescending, as though I were their servant, or "from the lower classes" perhaps, (I may be as "common as muck" but dont need it rubbing in, if you see what I mean 👨‍🌾).

I suppose fifty or a hundred years ago people's virtue might be thought about more than is the case today, (the word adultery means little enough when marriages can be dissolved in six months under no fault rules, and so on). Maybe being called "My good man" was taken as a compliment, pure and simple, and intended to be taken that way, and its just me who is wrong here? :unsure::rolleyes:
 

grahamg said:
You dont hear people "in real life" referred to as "My good woman" or "My good man", they're rather archaic aren't they, used by actors in dramas set a hundred years ago or more. 👨‍🦳

However, the thought occurs me that if someone called me "My good man", (be it back then or now), I'd feel they were being a bit condescending, as though I were their servant, or "from the lower classes" perhaps, (I may be as "common as muck" but dont need it rubbing in, if you see what I mean 👨‍🌾).

I suppose fifty or a hundred years ago people's virtue might be thought about more than is the case today, (the word adultery means little enough when marriages can be dissolved in six months under no fault rules, and so on). Maybe being called "My good man" was taken as a compliment, pure and simple, and intended to be taken that way, and its just me who is wrong here? :unsure::rolleyes:
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I can't understand why you would consider "my good man" as condescending, at all. I consider it to be as a way of one trying to show friendliness. I often use "good self" as in "And how's your good self doing?" without trying to be condescending.

But then... I'm not a native speaker of the language so I could be way wrong.
 
How words are said gives as much to the meaning as the words themselves. I think that is partly why communicating more and more via texts, emails, and social media can confuse people's understanding of the intended communication. People are losing their desire and ability for face to face interaction. The result is misunderstanding, isolation, and polarization. That is not good for society.
 

It's true that you do not hear those terms any more much.

One term that I wish would go the way of the dinosaur is when someone refers to their partner as "my old lady" and you hear that a lot more than you hear women referring to "my old man" Wonder why?
 
Lee said:
It's true that you do not hear those terms any more much.

One term that I wish would go the way of the dinosaur is when someone refers to their partner as "my old lady" and you hear that a lot more than you hear women referring to "my old man" Wonder why?
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There was a famous song fifty or sixty years ago, sung in a cockney accent about a girl following her father, and went something like this:

"My old man said follow the van,
and dont dilly dally on the way,
off went the van with my old cock in it,
I followed on with my old cock linnet,
I dillied, I dallied, lost mi way and dont know how to find it! (etc., etc.,etc.)


 
CAKCy said:
I can't understand why you would consider "my good man" as condescending, at all. I consider it to be as a way of one trying to show friendliness. I often use "good self" as in "And how's your good self doing?" without trying to be condescending.
But then... I'm not a native speaker of the language so I could be way wrong.
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If a man calls a woman "dear", "darling", "sweetheart" and so on, who he's only just met, wouldn't you think that might be a tad condescending, if not creepy?

Over familiarity is one way people do seek to undermine the confidence of others in my view, hence my opinion someone calling me, "My good man" is being slightly over familiar, (especially when they've no idea whether I'm a good man or not!).

I dont mind someone referring to me as "Your good self" though, so even if that's contradictory, I'm fine with the expression. :)
 
grahamg said:
If a man calls a woman "dear", "darling", "sweetheart" and so on, who he's only just met, wouldn't you think that might be a tad condescending, if not creepy?

Over familiarity is one way people do seek to undermine the confidence of others in my view, hence my opinion someone calling me, "My good man" is being slightly over familiar, (especially when they've no idea whether I'm a good man or not!).

I dont mind someone referring to me as "Your good self" though, so even if that's contradictory, I'm fine with the expression. :)
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I agree with "dear", "darling", "sweetheart" to be kind of crossing lines. (Though "dear" is used in letters)

But I still don't see "my good man" to be crossing the same lines or be over familiar. (Besides we do say "Nice meeting you" without having any idea whether meeting someone will turn to be a positive or a negative experience! :) )
 
I often address ladies that I know here in the geezer ghetto as "young lady". They usually give me a big smile in return.
 
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Mannytee, if I met you and you called me “young lady” Id be sorely tempted to slap your face or kick you in the shins. But I’d not give in, I’d just write you off as an ignorant jerk. Twice I’ve filed formal complaints for being called that, once to management due to a store clerk, and the other was the male head of a senior center.
You’re going to say that to the wrong woman someday, Sonny.
 
Tom52 said:
How words are said gives as much to the meaning as the words themselves. I think that is partly why communicating more and more via texts, emails, and social media can confuse people's understanding of the intended communication. People are losing their desire and ability for face to face interaction. The result is misunderstanding, isolation, and polarization. That is not good for society.
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Largely agree. Tho there are ways to communicate what/how feelings in words (if there weren't the demand for novels would not be so great.) But online people who care enough to be clear in their intent, can find ways to convey mood, emotions as well as thoughts. And if someone misunderstands me i will apologize if need be and clarify my position. i've had people get upset because i asked clarifying questions in discussions--not accusatory ones either, ones where i carefully found the least emotionally loaded paraphrasing for what they said prefaced by "Trying to be sure i understand, are you saying __________?"

Unfortunately, many people are indeed careless with language both online and face to face. What is more, some people will use the idea that one can't convey much in just words as a cover for being unpleasant, unkind or downright harsh/insulting to others.
 
Geezerette said:
Mannytee, if I met you and you called me “young lady” Id be sorely tempted to slap your face or kick you in the shins. But I’d not give in, I’d just write you off as an ignorant jerk. Twice I’ve filed formal complaints for being called that, once to management due to a store clerk, and the other was the male head of a senior center.
You’re going to say that to the wrong woman someday, Sonny.
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Firstly i think he's playing the odds if he gets more smiles than frowns or admonitions, he feels good. But secondly as so often with men i think he's not fully aware that smiles don't necessarily mean approval or happiness at being addressed in unwanted way. For many it could simply be the quickest, easy way to disengage from further conversation.

But i know when i went from getting addressed as "Miss" by strangers (or more familiar things like 'honey, sweety' by men) to being addressed as "M'am" i was thrilled. It occurred later than i would have liked due to genetics, but eventually grey hair and wrinkles did convey my seniority.
 
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CAKCy said:
I can't understand why you would consider "my good man" as condescending, at all. I consider it to be as a way of one trying to show friendliness. I often use "good self" as in "And how's your good self doing?" without trying to be condescending.

But then... I'm not a native speaker of the language so I could be way wrong.
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A cultural as well as language issue, my friend. The British class system was, with a veneer of politeness to 'underlings', alive and well at least into early 20th century. Tho to be honest/fair Americans adopted some of it just in less organized ways--the inability of some of us to recognize who besides medical personnel are 'essential' in a pandemic is but one way it manifests.


i don't know how modern Brits perceive it now but i'd be interested in hearing from some of them.
Afraid my brain too full of Chesterton and Christie to make an accurate assessment of class distinctions in modern day UK. (One of my favorite Father Brown mysteries was solved because the 'good Father' realized that people like waiters were often kind of 'invisible' at large social events even tho they would be in/out of main hall and even serving individuals food/drink. Read it over 40 yrs ago and it stuck with me as a good illustration of how some people perceive people they consider 'less than' themselves. )
 
feywon said:
A cultural as well as language issue, my friend. The British class system was, with a veneer of politeness to 'underlings', alive and well at least into early 20th century. Tho to be honest/fair Americans adopted some of it just in less organized ways--the inability of some of us to recognize who besides medical personnel are 'essential' in a pandemic is but one way it manifests.


i don't know how modern Brits perceive it now but i'd be interested in hearing from some of them.
Afraid my brain too full of Chesterton and Christie to make an accurate assessment of class distinctions in modern day UK. (One of my favorite Father Brown mysteries was solved because the 'good Father' realized that people like waiters were often kind of 'invisible' at large social events even tho they would be in/out of main hall and even serving individuals food/drink. Read it over 40 yrs ago and it stuck with me as a good illustration of how some people perceive people they consider 'less than' themselves. )
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Thank you!
 
I sometimes call my daughter, step-daughter or daughter-in-law "sweetheart" when talking to them on the phone. I picked up that phrase up from my wife, who is very much a product of the 50s-60s-70s. Sweetheart is a term of endearment, and not meant any other way, at least in the way I use the word.
 
grahamg said:
You don't hear people "in real life" referred to as "My good woman" or "My good man", they're rather archaic aren't they, used by actors in dramas set a hundred years ago or more.

I suppose fifty or a hundred years ago people's virtue might be thought about more than is the case today, (the word adultery means little enough when marriages can be dissolved in six months under no fault rules, and so on).
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There was a time when I called every lady, "dear." But some "dear." took umbrage and I got "handbagged." I still use the term "Good man," but to put it in context, if you had done something helpful for me, I might say, "Good man, thank you."

When I was a small boy attending my catholic school, one of the first religious classes was that of learning the ten commandments. Thou shalt not commit adultery, none of us had the nerve to ask what adultery was, so this six-year-old figured it out. Adultery--Adult--Growing up too fast. No problem.
 
Nathan said:
I sometimes call my daughter, step-daughter or daughter-in-law "sweetheart" when talking to them on the phone. I picked up that phrase up from my wife, who is very much a product of the 50s-60s-70s. Sweetheart is a term of endearment, and not meant any other way, at least in the way I use the word.
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As both Tom and i mentioned things like tone and context matter, and in case terms endearment the relationship between speaker and who is being addressed.
 
jujube said:
Apparently there's something wrong with me, because I can't seem to get my knickers in a twist when someone greets me as "young lady" or "sweetie" in a friendly manner. Heck, my eye surgeon says "how ya doing there, Toots?" a couple of times during my surgeries. I always answer, "doin' great, Dude!"
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Ahh, but suspect you had develped a rapport with your eye surgeon? What i object to most is strangers being familiar, talking as if we have a relationship. 'Young lady' bothers me because i looked like a teen well into 30s and it was clear that many people thought because i looked young i lacked life experience and coomon sense. Once i was over 18 i objected to being called a 'girl' for similar reasons.


When i waited tables at a diner in Memphis, TN in 1972 the guys who got familiar verbally were the ones most likely to get handsy too. Interestingly it was usually guys in suits not the students or railroad workers (station nearby, tracks ran behind the diner). A drop of coffee on a lap and an 'Oh I'm so sorry, but your hand on my backside surprised me, you're dressed like a gentleman' nipped that in the bud. My boss grumpily told me 'Some girls don't mind, they tip well.' I said 'If i was going to prostitute myself it would cost a whole lot more than those tips.'
 
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One of the "privileges" of getting older is the "right" to compliment young people (women and men) freely. I told many times a young woman I didn't know "Hello beautiful!" or a young man "My Leventis" (which in Greek means a lot more that what Wikipedia says). I always get a smile back (especially from girls) because in their mind there's no way this old man could be making a pass on them.
 
CAKCy said:
One of the "privileges" of getting older is the "right" to compliment young people (women and men) freely. I told many times a young woman I didn't know "Hello beautiful!" or a young man "My Leventis" (which in Greek means a lot more that what Wikipedia says). I always get a smile back (especially from girls) because in their mind there's no way this old man could be making a pass on them.
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That may be so in your country, not so much here.
For me one of the perks of getting older was to no longer get cat calls, and suggestive remarks just trying to do my job or get to it.
 

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