Last Monday,December 29th,I lost my husband. He was the love of my life,my best friend,my soulmate,since we were 15 and 17 years old.
Some of you may remember when I last posted in November that we were packing up to move back to California from Idaho as he was diagnosed with a lung condition and with me having cancer,our kids said we`re moving you back "home". Thank goodness they did.
The move went as planned-the kids arrived on Friday the 21st and loaded the PODS. We left Idaho at 5am on Sunday and arrived "home" at 6pm that nght.He drove the first 6 hours,I drove the second.When we arrived,we knew he was not feeling well and wanted to take him to the ER but he refused. We begged him for the next 24 hours but he refused. Looking back,I think lack of oxygen was making him confused. Finally,on Monday night,our sons in law suggested taking an after dinner walk and he couldn`t get up. So they picked him up and put him in the car.
When we got there,his O2 level was 54%.Doctor looked him straight in the eye and told him that had he not come in that night,he would have been dead by morning.
To make a very long story short,on Thanksgiving Day he was flown out to a high level hospital 100 miles away where we all endured a roller coaster fide. One day doing well,the next day not. I knew from the beginning though that,even if they could save him this time,it was only a matter of time-and probably not much time,that it would happen again. He was intubated for the helicopter flight and remained so for 12 days. Way too long.
On December 19th,he was moved to an acute care specialty hospital. It had two ICU levels-he started out in the lower caew one but soon had to be put in the high level one. So altogether,he spent 5 weeks in an ICU.
Finally,on the 29th,I said no more. I could no longer watch him struggle to breathe. And I got the one wish I prayed for-after being totally unresponsive after they took the breathing tube out,he finally began to have some lucid moments where he could talk to us and smile and laugh. He told me how much he loved me many times and kissed me so many times. I thought that would never happen. I am at peace-but I will never be the same.
And thank God for our kids. They have been there for me every single minute of this,in spite of being absolutely heartbroken themselves.
And we are friends with the owner of local mortuary here and he went and brought W home personally. Meant so much to me.
