My husband refuses to take any pain meds

debbie in seattle

debbie in seattle

Senior Member
Location
Seattle
My husband refuses to take any pain meds. It seems as if one of the several tumors in his left lung is growing and is laying on a nerve. We went through this this past summer and that’s how we found out he has terminal cancer (Mesothelioma). I’m actually rather upset with him over this. He’s in so much pain he just sits in a chair and doesn’t want to be spoken to nor be bothered at all. Problem is, we have an open concept home and his chair is in the family/ dining and kitchen area. This gives me the bedrooms and living room to be in. I tried talking to him yesterday and explained his pain is my pain also. He claims he doesn’t want to become ‘an addict’. He’s terminal, he doesn’t get that part. I also told him there is no reason for him to suffer this way with today’s modern medicine. I’ve suggested only taking half a pain pill and he refuses. Sleeping is a joke anymore, he lays in bed and tosses and turns keeping me awake. I asked him last night if he wanted me to sleep in the guest room to see if he could sleep better and he said no. He’s told me it’s ‘his body’ (wish I wouldn’t of told him that in the beginning) and he doesn’t want to take opioids. I’m becoming very, very frustrated with him, there’s no reasoning with him and he’s going to do what he wants to do, with no regards to the rest of the family. It’s killing us (the family) to see him suffer like this.
 

I understand your dilemma..I've been helping out a bullheaded neighbor with similar issues for the past couple of months....but, at least this guy is taking his meds. Here's a suggestion....try grinding up an Aleve, or generic Naproxen Sodium pill into a fine powder, and slip it into his drink. I take one a couple of times a week, after Supper...if I've been doing any hard work, and it allows me to get a good nights sleep with my hip arthritis. I don't know if there are any "legal" issues that might arise due to "slipping" a pill into a person's diet, but if he refuses to cooperate, perhaps something like this might help.
 
I would ask his doctor to review pain management options with both of you and then leave it up to your husband to make his own decisions.

I had a friend who chose not to use certain medications when he was in hospice because he decided that he would rather deal with the pain and have a clear mind instead of the drug induced fog that some of his medication caused.

I sincerely hope that you can find a solution that will help all of you.
 

Sorry to hear that Debbie, it must be very hard for him to tolerate all that pain without meds, but I can understand his not wanting to get addicted to opiates. I know it's not easy for you, but it really is his choice, you can only keep trying to convince him to take something. If he's in denial about being terminal, that's probably the main reason for his concern about addiction. I don't envy you in your position and I wish the best for both of you.
 
Debbie--There are options, if he would go to a pain management specialist. There is a non opiate named Toradol, which can be given IV, along with other drugs like Lidocaine and of course, numerous nerve medications and relaxants. The list of drugs available for pain management, especially terminal cancer patients, is very long. An Oncologist would also be a good choice of doctors for where to seek help.

However, nothing beats opiates like Oxycontin or the generic, Oxycodone. My uncle, who died from prostate cancer was the same as your husband. He would rather sit and grit his teeth instead of taking a pill. I asked him, "What are you trying to prove, that you're a tough guy? We already know that, but now you are just being stubborn."

Seriously, I wish you the best of luck and that your husband capitulates and seeks some relief, if for no other reason than to make everyone else's life comfortable, along with his own. You are a strong person.
 
Debbie, I'm so sorry that your family is going through this. As a caretaker you must be exhausted and as a wife you must be devastated...so try to take care of YOU. My father was the same as your husband when he was dying of colon cancer; he refused pain medication. I think he wanted to be as clear-headed as possible for his remaining time on earth, but of course that's speculation on my part.

Have you discussed the situation with your husband's doctor? Perhaps he can prescribe a different type of pain medication as suggested by oldman. You may have to insist on different sleeping arrangements just so that you can get some rest; it does no good for either of you if you are both exhausted. My best wishes to you in this difficult situation.
 
He may be harming his own cause by refusing to deal with pain. I think it's pretty well established now that pain takes energy the body could be using to heal. If he becomes addicted, so be it, but that's not how it actually works.

My best to you, Debbie. It would be nice if the end of your time with him would be easier than he's making it, but unfortunately he's making his choices.
 
May I suggest pain patches that dispense a controlled amount of the drug every hour.
They are changed weekly. I used these when my shoulders were very painful prior to my operations.

The idea is not to remove all pain but to take the edge off it and there is zero chance of addiction if it is monitored by your doctor.
I had to have a new script (no repeats) every four weeks to avoid hoarding or overuse.

I suggest using the words "take the edge off the pain" because it will probably be more acceptable to him.
 
I've got enough Loritab in the cabinet to sedate a full grown bull elephant simply because I always fight taking prescribed pain meds also.

I don't like pain but I also don't like the groggy / not in control feeling pain meds give me.....plus pain meds always plug me up tighter than a drum.
 
debbie in seattle said:
My husband refuses to take any pain meds.....
Click to expand...

I went thru a bit of the same
Broke some ribs, falling out a tree
Got a pretty heavy pain killer
I wouldn’t have any of it
I wanted to feel the pain
So
My lady asked the Doc to talk to me
I told him my thoughts
He said ‘It’s not for you’
He used enough words to cause to feel like the selfish turd I’d become
My lady slept much better after I popped a few
(I still have ’em…just in case)

I suggest his Doc to sit him down for a serious chat
 
A follow up on my husbands refusal to take pain meds.....
He received an email from our youngest daughters college roommate, close friend, same bday, explaining her stance on pain meds. Sadly, she was diagnosed with severe MS at the age of 33. Her dad told her that her days would be better if she could get a good nights sleep even if she had to take pain meds, esp. at night to enable this. My husband shared the email with me, I didn’t say anything to him. When we were at the doc’s he asked for pain meds to help him sleep. He also asked that he stop his chemo (one round) so that he will be healthy enough to enjoy our 2week trip to Maui, she agreed. It isn’t as if the chemo is going to cure him, there is no cure for him. All the chemo is doing is trying to retard the growth of his tumors he already has.
 
I guess sometimes it takes an objective voice of opinion to help us with difficult decisions. I'm glad for your sake and your husbands that at least you both will now get some needed rest during this incredibly stressful time. My heart goes out to you both.
 
Take care of yourself too. It takes a lot of strength to caregive to someone with cancer. I've been through it 5 times with family members and my best friend died of breast cancer two years ago. It's hard on everyone. I hope your vacation will be a success for you both.
 
debbie in seattle said:
A follow up on my husbands refusal to take pain meds.....
He received an email from our youngest daughters college roommate, close friend, same bday, explaining her stance on pain meds. Sadly, she was diagnosed with severe MS at the age of 33. Her dad told her that her days would be better if she could get a good nights sleep even if she had to take pain meds, esp. at night to enable this. My husband shared the email with me, I didn’t say anything to him. When we were at the doc’s he asked for pain meds to help him sleep. He also asked that he stop his chemo (one round) so that he will be healthy enough to enjoy our 2week trip to Maui, she agreed. It isn’t as if the chemo is going to cure him, there is no cure for him. All the chemo is doing is trying to retard the growth of his tumors he already has.
Click to expand...

Very nice of your daughter's friend to send him that email, I'm glad he asked for the medication. Have a safe trip to Maui, I hope both of you can enjoy the time together in that beautiful place.
 
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