My Only Son (or child)

I think your son is asking a lot for you to just up and walk away from your life. If you have everything there where you are and have been living in Florida for a number of years and are well situated, you are having a tough decision, I am sure.

I am going to be nosey again, but did he ever say why he left ATF for the FBI?
 
Here's another possible solution. Instead of selling your home and moving there why don't you and your son consider adding to his home what is referred to as a mother in law addition. Bedroom, bath, living room and kitchenette, or maybe an over the garage apartment.

Then you can set it up with your personal belongings and it's always available when you want to visit, be it for one day or six months. You have your own comfortable space yet close to the family.

Another advantage of that is if you get to a point where you can't live totally independently it may work as kind of a fall back home.
 
After giving this matter a lot of thought and reading all of the poster's thoughts and suggestions and also speaking with my son and daughter-in-law, I have decided to ask my son to try to find me a house or condo to rent for 6 months. I think I can do the first of November through April. That should give me enough time to try out a new situation. My son is already looking forward to going fishing and so am I. He has a pretty nice boat, so we will be able to fish offshore.

If I have to go condo, I asked him to please keep me on the top floor if its a high rise. I don't like anyone living above me because I am always wary of noise. This is going to be a really different experience for me. I have doubts, but who knows, maybe it will be a good thing. I know I will miss my friends, church, my doctors and the few women that I date now and then.

Someone asked me why my son went from being an ATF Agent to an FBI Agent. He was recruited and offered a supervisory position, which is something he has been wanting. That doesn't mean he won't be going into the field because that part will still be in play. He got a nice salary bump, but the hours were bumped also. A lot of on-call duty.

Thanks everyone for your thoughts and ideas. If this doesn't work out, I can blame it on you. Naw, just kidding. You guys are great.
 
Moon Rat said:
After giving this matter a lot of thought and reading all of the poster's thoughts and suggestions and also speaking with my son and daughter-in-law, I have decided to ask my son to try to find me a house or condo to rent for 6 months.

Thanks everyone for your thoughts and ideas. If this doesn't work out, I can blame it on you. Naw, just kidding. You guys are great.
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I hope you post here and tell us about your experiences in Hawaii. I think it would be interesting to read about. I hope you have a great time!
 
I wish you the best. I flew to Honolulu for two years out of O’Hare in Chicago. I enjoyed my winter months over there, although the flight crew was only given a day off over there before having to return. I couldn’t believe how full the flights were going to Honolulu during the summer months.

Let us know how the fishing is.
 
Moon Rat said:
After giving this matter a lot of thought and reading all of the poster's thoughts and suggestions and also speaking with my son and daughter-in-law, I have decided to ask my son to try to find me a house or condo to rent for 6 months. I think I can do the first of November through April. That should give me enough time to try out a new situation. My son is already looking forward to going fishing and so am I. He has a pretty nice boat, so we will be able to fish offshore.

If I have to go condo, I asked him to please keep me on the top floor if its a high rise. I don't like anyone living above me because I am always wary of noise. This is going to be a really different experience for me. I have doubts, but who knows, maybe it will be a good thing. I know I will miss my friends, church, my doctors and the few women that I date now and then.

Someone asked me why my son went from being an ATF Agent to an FBI Agent. He was recruited and offered a supervisory position, which is something he has been wanting. That doesn't mean he won't be going into the field because that part will still be in play. He got a nice salary bump, but the hours were bumped also. A lot of on-call duty.

Thanks everyone for your thoughts and ideas. If this doesn't work out, I can blame it on you. Naw, just kidding. You guys are great.
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I kept thinking about your decision to live in Hawaii for 6 months. I would suggest to not just stay on the island of Oahu. Do some island hopping. You can get flights between the islands for very low fares. I like Oahu because of the WWII history, but the other islands also have some unique qualities of their own. Maui is known for being the party island. Kauai is known for being very lush and smelling good from all of the orchids and gardenias. Lanai doesn’t grow anywhere near the number of pineapples as it once did, but still, there are a few pineapple fields still there. Lastly, the only other island I have been to is the big island of Hawaii, which is known for its black sand beaches. It also is the home to a very large and active volcano, Kilauea. I hope you have a great experience and that I was there with you.

They have a saying over there, “Hang loose!” When you say it, you should use your thumb and little finger to shake it at someone while saying the phrase, hang loose.
 
With housing prices the way they are right now, I can't even imagine how much it will cost to buy a home or condo in Hawaii! If you can afford it, go for it.
 
Man, good luck with this move. Even though Florida and Hawaii are both considered as having tropical environments, the vegetation and animal populations are different. Even though you may never see a snake in Hawaii, you may encounter some really dangerous insects, especially spiders, bees, ants and centipedes. The one plant to stay away from is Oleander. It is deadly. If you are a person that likes to go out in your boat and jump off to take a dip in the Pacific be careful of sharks, especially Tiger Sharks. I once meant one years back while stationed in Hawaii and learning to surfboard. I went off the board in about 15 feet of water and I met him up close and personal. He gave me a bump and I think I could have out swam Michael Phelps that day. Luckily my board floated ashore because I didn't take time to retrieve it.

Stay in touch. Hawaii is on my list of places to possibly move to. However, dseag2 is right about it being an expensive place to buy real estate. If I was a native Hawaiian, I could possibly get a free piece of land to build on. It used to be a 99-year lease and you paid $1 per year. I also liked San Diego, but I went back there just a few years ago for a reunion and I couldn't believe how big it got.
 
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My son found me an apartment in Kailua, Hawaii. It has 950 square feet. Somehow, they squeezed 2 bedrooms and 2 baths into that space. Rent is $3800 per month with one year lease. I asked him to keep looking. I would like to have 1200 sq. ft. I’m still not in favor of this move, but I would like to be with my son and his family. They offered me to stay with them, but I would like them to keep their privacy.
 
My children live about 200 miles from me. I wouldn't move to where they are. They have been on their own, married, with children and have very full lives. In my declining years I can handle it without affecting the quality of life of my loved ones. Yes, they might feel obligated to help me, and want to be near me before I die, but I would still be on my own most of the time. This isn't 100 years ago...travel and technology has made our families less intimate. That's OK, the fabric of our societies are in such great change now, that chaos is liable to ensue no matter what your choice's are. :)
 
Paco Dennis said:
My children live about 200 miles from me. I wouldn't move to where they are. They have been on their own, married, with children and have very full lives. In my declining years I can handle it without affecting the quality of life of my loved ones. Yes, they might feel obligated to help me, and want to be near me before I die, but I would still be on my own most of the time. This isn't 100 years ago...travel and technology has made our families less intimate. That's OK, the fabric of our societies are in such great change now, that chaos is liable to ensue no matter what your choice's are. :)
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Everyone’s situation is not the same. My son is my only child and his children are my only grandchildren. They all live in Hawaii and are still fairly young. They have set down their roots. I am tired of those 11 hour flights. My son and I were very close while growing up. I am not real into doing this, but if it means re-establishing a relationship with my son and grandchildren, I may do it. This is why I am going to rent for a year to see how that goes. I am going to keep my home here in Florida until after the first year. I like living here in Naples, so if Hawaii doesn’t suit, I will be back.
 
I flew out to Honolulu last Thursday to look at a few houses my son’s realtor lined up for me to check out. I don’t think this is going to work out. The weather and location were both great, but everything and everyone was strange to me. I’m going to spend December and January with my son and after that I will make a decision. Not crazy about butting into my kid’s life, but this is his idea and I kind of hesitantly agreed to it. I agreed to try this, but it may turn out to be a few weeks vacation and then I’ll come home.
 
I wouldn’t move to follow my kids as they have their own busy lives. I would go visit every winter for a month. One of my kids does live here and I see them once a week for a few hours. I remember how busy life is with working, etc.

I have a full life with my activities and it takes a long time to build close relationships. In some places you never are able to find your tribe.
 
I think a 2-month stay is a good idea, Moon Rat. I've lived with my cousin for 7 weeks, and I'm getting used to it. If you are on the fence about what to do after a couple of months, you can always elect to stay until you make up your mind about whether you want that to be permanent.

Big changes are hard to get used to, for me anyway.
 
I just returned from my 3rd trip in 2 months to Hawaii. Those 11 hour flights are killers. I told my son I decided to stay put here in Florida this winter and then in the spring, I will return and reconsider my decision. I really don’t like the idea of leaving my friends, doctors and church behind and start over. There’s no way he will leave where he is and I guess I understand. He has a beautiful place with his own boat docking area and channel going out to the Pacific. He us into salt water fishing and the kids like being able to get outside 12 months a year.

He’s retired now and living the dream with his beautiful wife, so good for them. One more year won’t make all that much difference. Before my accident, I restored cars and would like to get back to doing some of that again. I have my own garage and finishing shop, so starting back up wouldn’t be a big deal as far as costs. My last job was restoring a 1955 Rolls Royce for a Prince in Egypt. The Prince is very well known to those who follow such things. Personally, I had no idea who he was when I spoke with him. He loves cars and has a huge selection.
 
I know you did what you thought was best for you, but how did your son react to your decision?
 

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