My Saturdays and other stories of J, my son with Down's syndrome and the other kids

Aneeda72

Aneeda72

Well-known Member
Most Saturdays we take J out lunch.

Friday I get a call. It's J. "Should I cry?" No, you should not cry, I say. We have worked hard on explaining to him when he should cry and when he should not cry. How many days he can cry when a friend dies. A lot of his friends die. It's complicated for him-emotions.

His voice tells me he is upset. He is a sensitive guy. He is in his early thirties, moderately mentally retarded. Testing shows he is between 5 and 6 years old mentally. "Mom, I need to talk to you."

Ok, what's up?, I ask. "Not now mom. When I see you tomorrow, I want to talk then." The problem is by tomorrow everything might be fine. By tomorrow, he might forget. So I ask him, if they are listening. He says yes. They being his roommates, staff, and whoever. People he doesn't want to talk in front of.

When this happens he is in tattletale mode, he thinks by telling he will get in trouble. He doesn't want anyone to overhear. It means something is wrong. "Ok, we will talk tomorrow". Saturday. We go to lunch on Saturday. Sometimes he will agree to come to the house. This is rare. Sometimes we go to a movie.

J is an expensive date. Movies mean lunch out, and then popcorn, coke, possibly nachos. We go to the theater with the seats that lay back almost flat. I take a pillow for my neck and a blanket. We get comfortable, lay back, and J and I, share the blanket.

We sit back and munch while the movie starts. Once the popcorn is finished, My husband and J usually fall asleep. I sit in the middle and nudge whichever one starts to snore. You're snoring I said. No, I am watching the movie, they claim. No, you are snoring. It is always the same. It is a comfortable routine.

At the end of the movie, J asks to refill the popcorn and take it home to share with his roommates. Yup. And so it goes. Our Saturdays are committed to J. Sometimes we invite one or another of the other kids, but Saturdays are, for the most part, his.

We picked him up last Saturday. "What is you want to talk about?" I ask. There is a new staff. I can help with staff in the group home. J knows this. He must deal with staff problems at the work place. Fridays J takes popcorn to his sheltered work place. Friday is movie day and the clients bring popcorn to eat while they watch the movie. The new staff at home refused to give him his microwave popcorn.

It gets worst. Friday night, at midnight, J gets up to get a drink. He says the worker made him pour out his drink and go back to his room. He says he gets thristy at night. He says he needs a drink. He is near tears. You need to help me mom, he says. Yup, I can handle this. It's just a training problem.

I will have her retrained. "Will I get in trouble?" Nope. "Will she get in trouble?" Nope. J sometimes likes to get people in trouble. This man-child of mine can be a real little devil.

The worker has, of course, broken several laws. She has also broken group home policies, but she is new. J is on several behavior programs. He is overweigh and trying to lose weight. Staff (the workers) can suggest he eat certain foods, but they cannot keep him from eating anything he wants-the popcorn.

J has never slept much. Staff is to encourage him to go to bed by midnight. He earns points for doing so. The points can be used to go out to lunch or buy a CD. Staff can not "insist" he go to bed. Staff certainly can not refuse to let him have and drink a drink. Staff can encourage him to stay in his room at night, but not make him.

It is a fine line between following his programs and abuse. I call the head of the groups homes. He is appalled. He apologizes and will have her retrained. I call J. It's all fixed I say. He's happy again.

"Oh, mom" he says. "I can't go out with you next Saturday, I am busy. Can we go out on Sunday?" Sure I say. What are you doing on Saturday? "I am going out with Sara. We are shopping and having lunch." Sara is his favorite staff member. Going out with Sara is special. Going out with me-not so much. Lol.
 

Sorry, I don’t get on this forum very often, so this is all a little cloudy to me.

Is J in a group home for some type of handicap? I don’t mean to be insensitive, so if I use any wrong wording, just let me know. I enjoyed reading this story, but the part about “the worker has broken several laws” leaves me wanting to know more about this person. Is she a caseworker, or a group home attendant or what is her position?

Is your child in this place voluntarily? Are there costs involved? As you can tell, I am completely in the dark here.

But, good story, regardless.
 
Thank you CeeCee and Hollydolly,

J is my youngest son and my favorite, can you tell? Lol. He actually just called me. "Mom am I getting an Easter basket in April?" Yup. "Are my roommates getting an Easter basket in April?" Yup. "Are we having Easter feast". Yup. As I said in my other post, he really likes his Easter basket. Lol.

When J was still home, he loved to sing along with his CDs. He likes oldies. Petunia Clark's "On Broadway" (I think that's it's name) was his favorite. He would put it on, crank it up, and sing along-off key of course. One day my oldest son came by and remarked, "You never let me play my music that loud when I was a teenager."

My response-"When you were a teenager I could still hear." There is a twenty year difference between the two.

The neighbors never complained. In fact, one neighbor said they liked to come out, sit on their porch in the evening, enjoy the cool air, and listen to him serenade them.
 
No problem 911, J has Down's syndrome-you can google about it. We adopted him when he was six weeks old. He was expected to live less than a month. (I fed him with an eye dropper.) He is now in his early thirties. He went to a group home when he was 22. When I die, my oldest son will take "overwatch" duties and supply Easter baskets. Lol.

This should not be confused with a juvenile group home for kids in legal trouble. Juvenile group homes for young offenders are different. Some are in the foster care system and some are in locked homes. So, yes, J is in the home voluntarily. The others would be considered to be in the home voluntarily as well. Although, I suppose some could not be.

A group home for disabled people would be called assisted living if you were elderly. But works a great deal differently. Also these group homes have people from 18 till they die. Very few disabled people live pass 60.

J lives with two other disabled men. They split the rent and all other common bills. They buy their own food and other stuff. People with Disabilities is the oversite agency. This state agency contracts with private companies to provide caseworkers to oversee the individuals in care. Then there are many different companies that provide the actual care.

Some companies own the homes the clients live in, some don't. Clear as mud? It gets so confusing. When a disabled child is 22, the option is available for them to move into a group home. But there is a waiting list, and it's best to put your child on that waiting list at birth which we did as we are older parents.

The worker (or staff) in this case works for the company that provides the actual care for J. The laws the worker broke would be laws in both the American with Disability Act (ADA) and other laws concerning the treatment to of persons in care. I could have filed a complaint with federal government. They could have been fined 5000 dollars for each act.

I could have filed with the state department of Adult Protective Services as well. I went this route with J when he and others were abused in a previous group home. The state found against the group home and was forced to make changes to protect the clients. I keep a really close eye on my kids in care. (I have another son in a group home as well.)

There are no cost to me for this care. This is taken care of by the state. J has Medicare and Medicaid. J, as I said, pays his personal expenses out of his SSI. He qualifies for a housing voucher which will reduce his rent. But it's a 7 year wait and he hasn't got it yet.

J goes to sheltered work place during the day. This is paid for by the state. But in our state those able to work have to work. This law was passed a couple of years ago. He works at a restaurant two mornings a week. He wraps the silverwear in napkins and puts butter into the cups for the baked potatoes. He gets the same pay as anyone else would.

When he got this job his siblings promptly nicknamed him "butter boy." Lol.

J can not be left alone. He would go with anyone, so he can't take a bus. He has a job coach paid for by the state. The job coach drives him to work, stays there with him at work, and drives him home. The job coach is overseen by another state agency created for this purpose. He has a supervisor to insure J is treated correctly.

Anyway, that's how it works.
 
J loves his breakfast out. Since we have a coupon, we take him out to breakfast. I actually hate paying for breakfast out. It's just eggs plus whatever, and far too expensive. We take him to buffet. He and my husband love buffet. We get seated and go get our food. I pick up the receipt to move it and notice I was only charged for two meals. Sigh.

I tell my husband. The pay line is long, I hate to stand in line again. We walked a lot on Friday, my feet hurt. J overhears. Just leave it. I explain to J I can't leave it. That would be stealing. "Stealing?" He says. "You can not steal mom, you will go to jail".

No, I explain to him. You are eating the meal I didn't pay for. You will go to jail. He says he doesn't want to go to jail. I tell him he will if I don't pay for his meal. He thinks about it then he replies, " Ok, mom. I'll go to girl jail." Lmao.

Typical man! I called the waitress over, showed her the bill, gave her the money, and she brought me the change. No one had to go to jail, lol.
 
My oldest son, in his fifties, has become a great guy. He works two jobs to make ends meet, has a girlfriend I'd like for a daughter, and is on call for us 24/7, except when he is out of town. He"ll answer his phone, but won't come home during a medical crisis. Oh, well, you can't have perfect.

The other day he called to use our small trailer. Explained why he needed it, what he was going to use it for, how long he was going to have it, and when he would bring it back. Lol. I've given up reminding him we no longer have a car with a hitch so we no longer use it. I"ve given up telling him he can take it anytime.

I tell him I will have his dad put all the junk in the trailer into the back of his suv so he can take it to the dump this weekend. He apologizes that he doesn't have time to take that stuff to the dump. No problem.

So, he goes and gets his stuff-some kind of stuff you put under a patio which is very expensive. He friend has a lot left over and will give it to him if he gets it tonight. Ok. He goes over shovels it all into the trailer and says it was more than he thought. Now he can't get the trailer off the car, cause it's too heavy. Lol.

So he has to shovel it all out of the trailer tonight onto his driveway, cover it with tarps, and he can't get the trailer back till late. I suggest he bring the trailer here, take it off his car with the lift he has stored here and park it at our house until he's ready to use the contents in two weeks.

Really? He says. You don't mind my leaving it there? I remind him, again, we only keep the trailer for his use. Lol. When he has the trailer parked he comes into the house and asks is there anything we need done while he is there. There is one thing. Leave. Lol, it's my bedtime and husband is headed to work. Stop showing us pictures of your lastest trip and go.

He is a wonderful son. But J is still my favorite!
 
Aneeda72 said:
No problem 911, J has Down's syndrome-you can google about it. We adopted him when he was six weeks old. He was expected to live less than a month. (I fed him with an eye dropper.) He is now in his early thirties. He went to a group home when he was 22. When I die, my oldest son will take "overwatch" duties and supply Easter baskets. Lol.

This should not be confused with a juvenile group home for kids in legal trouble. Juvenile group homes for young offenders are different. Some are in the foster care system and some are in locked homes. So, yes, J is in the home voluntarily. The others would be considered to be in the home voluntarily as well. Although, I suppose some could not be.

A group home for disabled people would be called assisted living if you were elderly. But works a great deal differently. Also these group homes have people from 18 till they die. Very few disabled people live pass 60.

J lives with two other disabled men. They split the rent and all other common bills. They buy their own food and other stuff. People with Disabilities is the oversite agency. This state agency contracts with private companies to provide caseworkers to oversee the individuals in care. Then there are many different companies that provide the actual care.

Some companies own the homes the clients live in, some don't. Clear as mud? It gets so confusing. When a disabled child is 22, the option is available for them to move into a group home. But there is a waiting list, and it's best to put your child on that waiting list at birth which we did as we are older parents.

The worker (or staff) in this case works for the company that provides the actual care for J. The laws the worker broke would be laws in both the American with Disability Act (ADA) and other laws concerning the treatment to of persons in care. I could have filed a complaint with federal government. They could have been fined 5000 dollars for each act.

I could have filed with the state department of Adult Protective Services as well. I went this route with J when he and others were abused in a previous group home. The state found against the group home and was forced to make changes to protect the clients. I keep a really close eye on my kids in care. (I have another son in a group home as well.)

There are no cost to me for this care. This is taken care of by the state. J has Medicare and Medicaid. J, as I said, pays his personal expenses out of his SSI. He qualifies for a housing voucher which will reduce his rent. But it's a 7 year wait and he hasn't got it yet.

J goes to sheltered work place during the day. This is paid for by the state. But in our state those able to work have to work. This law was passed a couple of years ago. He works at a restaurant two mornings a week. He wraps the silverwear in napkins and puts butter into the cups for the baked potatoes. He gets the same pay as anyone else would.

When he got this job his siblings promptly nicknamed him "butter boy." Lol.

J can not be left alone. He would go with anyone, so he can't take a bus. He has a job coach paid for by the state. The job coach drives him to work, stays there with him at work, and drives him home. The job coach is overseen by another state agency created for this purpose. He has a supervisor to insure J is treated correctly.

Anyway, that's how it works.
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This sounds all too familiar. Pennsylvania runs their facilities mostly the same way. It's good that people with these types of disabilities have these types of resources available to them. I never had a lot of connection with these agencies, but I do know a few people in our church that have children with DS. The one boy is our "Head Acolyte." The Pastor gave him that title years back and he really took to it, so we just agreed to allow him to keep the title. He handles his duties very well. Josh (not his real name) also works at Lowe's as a greeter. He knows every inch of that store. I watch people sometimes as they enter the store. They will look at him and I can generally tell that they want to know where something is, but will not ask him. Instead, they head to the Customers Support area and ask them. Once in awhile, I'll walk into the store and say hi to him. He thinks that he has to salute me for some reason, so I salute him back. Then, I will ask him where something is and he always knows. He's just an amazing kid, although he is really not a kid anymore. The people at the Customers Support desk keep an eye on him.

Thanks again for sharing your story.
 
Thanks Keesha and others,

I would like to write a book some day- a fictionalization account of my childhood. But mother has to die first so it has a happy ending. :). Seriously, she is embarrassed by dad's several marriages and doesn't want her family to know. Just waiting for the day.

All people with DS are amazing, IMO. You just need to get to know them. There is a wide range of IQ"s, but they imitate behaviors and most can appear higher functioning than they are. Some things they say are extremely funny. J liked older woman when he was 10ish or so. He would go up to them and ask. "Would you like to sleep to with me." Lmao

You should see their faces! Total shock, silly women. I would have to explain he meant, sleep, as in slumber party. Lord love a duck, some people"s minds stay in the gutter no matter what.
 
Aneeda72 said:
.......lives with two other disabled men. They split the rent and all other common bills. They buy their own food and other stuff. People with Disabilities is the oversite agency. This state agency contracts with private companies to provide caseworkers to oversee the individuals in care. Then there are many different companies that provide the actual care.

Some companies own the homes the clients live in, some don't. Clear as mud? It gets so confusing. When a disabled child is 22, the option is available for them to move into a group home. But there is a waiting list, and it's best to put your child on that waiting list at birth which we did as we are older parents.
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I understand (somewhat) the difficulties you are going through. I worked in a group home for several years. In our case, as staff, we did all the food shopping, cooking, medications, field trips, activities, for the men in the home. The house was staffed 24/7. There is a huge waiting list for this kind of arrangement. I'm biased, but I think the group homes are the best arrangement for Down's and TBI people that are out there. Of course, it depends on staff, as you have pointed out. You have to deal with all kinds of behaviors, understand underlying conditions, medications, and the distinct personality of all the people in the home as well as the group dynamics. It's difficult to attract and keep staff for a physically and mentally challenging job, requiring a lot of training, and low paying. Similar, imho, to CNA's in hospitals and nursing homes.
Anyway, good luck. I have to say, the experience, at a personal level, was an eye-opener for me. I worked with many really good, dedicated, caring people. And yes, unfortunately, a few 'slackers'.
 
Well, let me tell you about what happened to my other adopted son. We adopted T when he was 18 months old. He appeared on the local news which featured hard to adopted. He was so cute! Dressed in a pink snowsuit (ugh), crossed eyed, white/American Indian baby with lovely brown skin, black eyes, and black hair. Love at first sight, lol.

We adopted him before we adopted J. He was supposed to have fetal alcohol syndrome. He was supposed to be able to walk, read, talk etc. Just a little delayed. Within a week, he had his first seizure. Then we realized he would never walk, talk very well, etc. Total care, several surgeries, you get the picture.

By 19 years of age, he is very tall. J is very short, and can walk. Proving God does has a sense of humor. We, with T's agreement, place him in a group home. In fact, T is excited to move out and move on.

One day, on a walk along the river, staff gives T to a client to push as T who is in a wheelchair. The client lets go of the wheelchair. T and his wheelchair roll off the walkway into the river. His face hits a concrete pillar, and T goes underwater. The story becomes unclear from here on in. But staff does jump into the water, keeps his head up, until paramectics arrive.

He is life flighted to the trauma center. I am called and the group home says a bicycle ran into him and they are taking him to the doc. at the ER. Doesn't make sense and I'm not stupid. I call my oldest son, I call my daughter, tell him/them I am leaving work, but he/they are closer so GET THERE. I call my husband to leave work, I'll meet him at home.

Then my husband and I will go. When I get home, my son and daughter call. I am not allowed to come to the hospital. It's really bad. He was life flighted. He is covered in blood. (They are worried, I have heart problems.) I can come tomorrow. I wait. They will make sure he is taking care of.

I go to the hospital. His face is swollen, blood is leaking out of his eyes, he may be blind. Four of his front teeth are missing. His kidneys are bruised and various other injuries. But we notice that his top mouth looks funny. We make an appointment with a dentist.

When we we first got there we found him down in X-ray, left alone on a table. We request he be moved to another hospital. They refuse. We point out something is wrong with his jaw, they said no. So, we pick him up, put him in his wheelchair take him to children's hospital. Even though he is overage, they take him. He has broken the front of his jaw off, and it is simply hanging down by the skin.

He gets proper care in the children's hospital, and is released back to the group home. I learn that the staff member is still employed by them. I insist he be fired. The group home manager says, "we can sue them". Oh, yeah dude, I am so suing you. We sue, he got less money because he was already very disabled. We move him to a new group home.

Later we have issues in the new group home, another story. It is ALL about the staff. Some are good, some are mediocre, some are abusive and dangerous.
 
My daughter calls and wants to have the baby's one year old birthday party at my house, YAY! This baby is her only grandchild, and my third great granddaughter. So I say I'll call everyone and set it up. Nope. No? Just us she says. Hmm. Us being my daughter, her husband, her daughter, my husband, me, and birthday girl. What about your brother?

Nope. Hmm. You know how it is. Relatives. She loves her brother, and his girlfriend. She doesn't like her brother's daughter cause five or so years ago, his daughter said something about her daughter-blah, blah, blah. So they are out, and because they are out Joey can't come. Cause he will ask questions. Hmm, oh well, OK.

I call my son. Come over and get the trailer now. Why? Cause we are having the baby's birthday party, you are not invited, and I want you and the trailer gone before she gets here. Is she mad at me (how would I know?). Nope, she just wants a small party. It's not a lie, it could be true. Everyone will be at the Easter party in a couple of weeks anyway.

He comes to get the trailer (he knows his sister is moody). The trailer is filled with dirt and has been at our house for a month. Can't get the hitch to work, lol. You know how it is, they back up and pull forward, this way, that way. Time passes. Ugh. Finally with the ball is partially hooked, they hook the chains up, hope for the best, and pull out into the street, ball pops off. Nooooo.

Now they are blocking our street, time is passing, two cars are waiting, and my son and husband try and set the ball again. Success! Son finally leaves. We shut everything up, go back into the house, and my daughter and her family arrives. The birthday baby is here, she calls out.

I look up, she comes into the family room, and, lol, she is carrying her youngest toy poodle who is also a year old today. The pup is wearing a pink dress, birthday hat, and bib so she doesn't get cake on her dress. Here's the baby, she says, and hands me the dog. Sigh. Then granddaughter walks in with the star of the show.

We have salad, pizza, and a pie. Baby has a smash cake. Apparently, you make a small cake for the baby. You put the baby on a blanket on the floor, you put the cake next to baby, and baby goes to town. Lol. But our baby is nobody's fool. She shoves her hand into the cake, grabs a fistful, and shoves it into her mouth. Oh, yeah, CAKE!

Handful after handful of cake is shoveled into that baby's face. Her tummy gets bigger and bigger. Finally, she slows down and is finished. She goes upstairs for a quick bath, and the other baby, the toy poodle, moves in. The poodle baby cleans up the cake crumbs. We sing happy birthday to each baby separately and then it's time for presents.

Human baby opens her presents. Poodle baby opens her presents. They pack up and leave. Grass does not grow under my daughter's feet. An hour later Joey calls. Mom, guess what?

What?

Your daughter came to see me. (He always calls her my daughter, lol.). She brought me pizza and a cupcake. Are you jealous?

Yup.

And she brought the baby and everybody to see me.

Yup. She did. Joey is so happy. She also went and saw her other brother in the other group home. But not her oldest brother. Sigh.

Relatives. What can you do? But they will all be at my house for the Easter party. Next year, when baby is two, I will insist that everyone come to that party. After all, it's not my daughter's party; its baby's party and the whole family needs to be there.

Still, it was great.
 
After posing on a thread about wanting to buy a fiat, and reading the responses, I decide not to buy one. Again, thanks to all who replied. I start looking again and find a car with over 100000 miles in my price range which I like and decide to buy it. Call my oldest son, Andrew, and tell him about it.


He says, no. No buying a car with that many miles. He won't even look at it. Instead, while he's at work, he hops on the computer and looks at cars. Finds several he likes and emails them to me. Sigh. But I do like the looks of a used Chevy spark, small, cute, and cheap. But it's electric. I don't want an electric car.

I get on the computer put in used Chevy spark and find one very close by for sale. A 2017 certified pre owned Chevy Spark with 21,000 miles. Internet price is 10,000-YAY. Get my husband up, go to dealership, test drive car, I love it. Plus my husband can barely fit into it so he can't drive it. Finally, a car of my own!

Call son, tell him about the car. He can't find it on line. Sigh. Finally he finds it. Questions me, asked if I drove it, tells me to be prepared to walk away, and finally, lord love a duck, hangs up. We go to start the paperwork. Son sends a text. Do you want me to come down there? I can take an early lunch and come down there. (And help my idiot old parents.). Sigh.

Sure I text. (Somebody just kill me. Kill me now.). Don't you want me to come? He texted. (No, cause this means it will take longer, and I might not get the car and I want a car. My own car). I text, sure I want you to come. I just didn't want to bother you at work. He comes.

Sigh. After several texts about where it is exactly, he shows up. I'll test drive the car, he says. Sigh. Ok. He is gone forever. He comes back, says he heard a rattle. OMG. He, and the service manager, take the car for another test drive. Sigh. Takes forever again. Decides the sound is nothing. Then we talk. Then we have to talk in private.

This car was in a small fender bender, do I want to buy a car that was in a small fender bender blah, blah, blah. I want to buy a car I can AFFORD. I can afford this car. My husband has a 2001 Ford Explorer, I can not drive this car. We just bought a new 2018 dodge van, I don't want to drive this car around town. I want a small car.

Son finally leaves. Now it's lunch time. Finance managers go to lunch, we sit doing nothing for an hour. They are done, we go to finalize. What about the extended warranty? Ugh. We are already over the 10,0000 and at 11,500 or so. Husband wants it, I don't. I won't live another 7 years. Call son, he is on the fence. Sigh. We buy the warranty.

We are now at 13,800 plus. Ugh. 72 months, 213 a month. But I have a car. YAY.
 
On Easter break our granddaughter and her family went to see her husband's grandparents so our March family party was cancelled. Everyone but me was busy. Nothing to do, nowhere to go. Sigh. I called yesterday to make sure they got back safe, find out how the trip went, and let her know that one year old Maia is walking up a storm. YAY.

She is as excited as I was to learn Maia is walking. We both want her two children and Maia to grow up as close cousins and have a firm understanding that the entire family loves them dearly. Anyway, I mention that we plan on taking/dragging her, and the girls, to the golden spike this summer as she mentioned she wants to go. Blah, blah, blah, we hang up.

Then I get another text from her. May is the 150 anniversary of the golden spike. She is super excited. (Oh, super, sigh.). I had envisioned going in July, she envisions going in May for the anniversary. Alrighty, then. I tell her to let me know what Saturday she wants to go. She says she will consult her husband. Oh. Goody. He's coming also.

This means J is coming. (I got a message from a member asking me to put initials in bold print. I don't know how. I will start using names just hope I remember what I name everyone. Lol. J will be Joey.). The van seats 7. Seven will be going-the four of them, the two of us, and Joey. I call my son to see if he wants to go as well.

He says how funny. The state just opened up the old railroad track path (rails now removed) to four wheel drive vehicles. He and his girlfriend were planning to drive up to the golden spike in May. LOL. I say he has to come with us. He says no, they are just doing the path. We will see. This is to be continued.

Next I call my daughter and let her know what we are doing. She's in, which means she, her daughter, and granddaughter are coming. Her husband might come if he can get off work. Alrighty then. Today I've got to call the granddaughter, let her know, and have her pressure her dad, and his girlfriend, to join us. I may have to use "mother" guilt as well. Lol.

Meanwhile, my daughter mentions they are thinking of moving to Texas. They are going to drive down and check it out. Fine, I say. Yup, I will miss her, but she's been growing more distant over the years and if she wants to move then I will support her decision. My husband is not happy. Too bad. It's her life. We will miss then all greatly.

But we have no right to tell her what to do. Meanwhile, we will enjoy them all while we can. She is not taking her daughter or granddaughter on this trip. Her daughter works Sunday nights so baby needs a babysitter. We want her to let our son's daughter babysit so she can spend time with her cousins. Our son wants this also. This matter is yet to be resolved.

Extended family life is so complicated in today's world. I find I really have to work hard to keep this diverse group of people, who I love dearly, together. This holds a clue as to why I never knew much about my parents extended families. Those generations were larger and harder to hold together. Neither of my parents put any effort into achieving this.

I so wish I knew my cousins. I am determined that this last generation of my family that I will know will know each other.
 
Saturday was coming up and had not yet heard from Joey when I got a call on Thursday. "Are we going out on Saturday?", he asked. Lol. He entered the group home system when he was 22. With few exceptions, we've take him out every Saturday for 11 years. Yup, we are taking you out on Saturday.

I was was surprised he had not asked if we would take him to see dumbo. He is usually on top of the movie situation. I asked him would he like to go see it. "That would be fine", he replied. Lol, so very formal, he always surprises me. Dumbo has been playing a couple of weeks so there should be fewer little kids attending. We buy the tickets on Friday.

Saturday, we get up, get Joey, and go to breakfast. The movie starts at 11 which is too early for lunch. Breakfast over, we head to the movie. Joey walks in and screams. What? "I didn't know mom", he screams. We look over, we scream. Tyler! Our other disabled son is here with his group home. Lol. They are going to see Dumbo as well.

We end up in the same theater and I've got Joey on one side of me and Tyler on the other, so funny. It's been years since we were all at a movie together. Course we know everyone in Tyler's group home and say hi to them all. Everyone loved the move. I took a short nap during it :). Once it's over it's lunch time. "We getting lunch mom". Yup.

We get Joey McDonald's on the way home. That's why he loves movie day, breakfast, movie, snacks, and lunch, you can't go wrong. He's an expensive date. I turn my phone back on, several messages from my daughter. Sigh. My daughter has decided to move out of state to Texas. My husband is super unhappy about this.

After making clear to husband that she is free to move wherever she wants, I support our daughter to do what she wants. I am heartbroken, of course. The entire family will be upset, but it's her life and not fair to try and hold her back. I'll miss the baby most of all. Not seeing my great granddaughter grow up as long as possible saddens me so much.

Anyway, I get the blow by blow of the trip. Tons of pictures and MLS of varies houses they are looking at. Finally, I tell her to send me the one she plans to buy. I don't need to see every house they look at. She does this every few years, goes to a state, looks at houses, but this seems more serious. I keep telling myself it's her life. She will move or not.

Course, that sticks our son dealing with our old age all by himself. It's funny how he points this out to us. Declaring how she doesn't help us now and complaining to us about us. He is against her moving, worried about her as well. Wether she realizes it or not, she needs a lot of family emotional support. But she can get that long distance.

Meanwhile, on the drive home with Joey, while texting my other two, my mother calls. Lord love a duck. I answer-wish I hadn't-the woman can't hear on a phone and we are in the car. "Grandma" Joey yells, and the nightmare of a phone call with my mother begins. She has moved and wants to give us her new address. I'm in the car, send me a letter.

Nope, she's got to give it to me. I pretend I'm writing it down. Joey tries to talk to her. She can't hear him. Who's that? JOEY. It's no use. After she speaks for several more moments she asked if we want to talk anymore. Hmm, NOPE. She finally hangs up. YAY.

We drop Joey off. The rest of the day is spendt texting with my daughter. And another Saturday gone.
 

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