Name the most important thing you wished your child would learn, (and/or tried to instill)

[grahamg]

I know I tried to instill in my child at an early age the feeling that when she communicated with other children she should try to put herself on the same level, for example by learning to share things well, being aware of how others might feel, and trying to treat them as she would wish to be treated herself.

I think this was very important to try to instill, though it wasn't something you could force a child to do necessarily. When she wasn't too keen on sharing a toy you could intervene obviously, but it took a leap of faith on her part to wish to "put herself on the same level", (in transactional analysis terms this is described as responding to someone using "the same ego state" I believe, and this is part of it).

You want your child to become a good and caring person/adult, and I'd argue you do this as muchbecause you think it will benefit them in the long run, as it will obviously benefit society at the same time.

In a world of "one upmanship" it may seem counter intuitive to believe encouraging your child to avoid that kind of behaviour is the right thing to do, and of course you want them to be able to stick up for themselves when necessary too, but children or adults who are over competitive aren't all that good to be around are they, (or is it just me?).

 

[Trish]

To value themselves and never waste time on people who make them feel disrespected.

 

[NorthernLight]

I was kind of a hands-off mother, partly by choice and partly not. I wanted my child to figure things out for herself and learn what she was capable of.

A couple of months before her 3rd birthday, she insisted that I take the training wheels off her new bike. Then she spent the next half hour falling off it, until she figured out how to ride it.

I didn't like reading children's stories, so I taught her to read as soon as I could.

She turned out fine, but she took great pride in spoiling her own child.

 

[grahamg]

To value themselves and never waste time on people who make them feel disrespected.

I think you're right so far as trying to instill good self esteem.

A good friend of mine said he made sure his daughter understood the need to ensure men didn't take her for a mug, but I can't fully remember if the same thought crossed my mind so far as my daughter, maybe I just hoped for the best, (and luckily things have turned out very well for her in that regard).

 

[grahamg]

I was kind of a hands-off mother, partly by choice and partly not. I wanted my child to figure things out for herself and learn what she was capable of.
A couple of months before her 3rd birthday, she insisted that I take the training wheels off her new bike. Then she spent the next half hour falling off it, until she figured out how to ride it. I didn't like reading children's stories, so I taught her to read as soon as I could.
She turned out fine, but she took great pride in spoiling her own child.

Reading children's stories was "one of our things", well really one book in particular, written in South Africa, or at least about a family there called "Not so fast Songalolo".

My daughter's school had a policy of teaching children to read by their having to grasp whole words, rather than break them down.

A lecturer at another teaching establishment once told me this delayed their learning to read, compared with teaching systems where words are broken down, but was done to try to foster a love of books and reading, (and it succeeded in this regard with my child, though she was six or seven before she could read properly, and at another school, though then you couldn't stop her, so much did she love it!).

 

[Pinky]

Respect for self and others.

 

[Jamala]

Respect, respect, respect. Face the music and apologise when you invade someone else's space especially when they make a request.

 

[Nathan]

Name the most important thing you wished your child would learn, (and/or tried to instill)

To be honest
To be kind and compassionate
Keep your room clean

 

[C50]

Now that's a challenging question since you only want one answer.

I will say resourcefulness.

Being resourcefull encompasses about every aspect of life. Think about it.

 

[Warrigal]

Resilience and independence. And I agree with @C50.

 

[Beezer]

I always told my two girls...

You might have to kiss a few frogs before you find your Prince.

And...

You're not going to care what anybody thinks of you by the time you're 30, so why not start now?

 

[grahamg]

To be honest
To be kind and compassionate
Keep your room clean

The "keep your room tidy/clean" could be a toughi for so many I'd guess!!!!

 

[grahamg]

I always told my two girls... You might have to kiss a few frogs before you find your Prince.
And... You're not going to care what anybody thinks of you by the time you're 30, so why not start now?

My old boss had this very sage comment, (maybe taken from a Dickens novel), "When he was twenty he thought his father such a fool but by the time he reached thirty he couldn't believe how much his father had caught up"!

 

[grahamg]

Resilience and independence. And I agree with @C50.

Putting themselves first or second, (if that isn't a false dichotomy?)?

 

[grahamg]

Respect, respect, respect. Face the music and apologise when you invade someone else's space especially when they make a request.

Respect is a good one BUT it does have some negative connotations in my mind, (not that I'd have wished my child to be anything other than respectful generally).
She did shock one of my girlfriends by saying "You won't last long",..., (and she didn't, never recovering from the comment perhaps!).
People who demand respect all the time can be a pain though can't they!

 

[Gary O']

Name the most important thing you wished your child would learn, (and/or tried to instill)​

Try acting like yer listening on others
It's not working on me

 

[grahamg]

Respect, respect, respect. Face the music and apologise when you invade someone else's space especially when they make a request.

My daughter understood the need for duplicity sometimes from a very early age,.

For example aged three she showed me affection, when both her mother and gran's attention was distracted, in the knowledge they wouldn't appreciate it, (in the case of the ex anyway), after I hadn't seen her for six months due to illness.

Is that showing respect or just world!y wise from an early age?

 

[grahamg]

Name the most important thing you wished your child would learn, (and/or tried to instill)

Try acting like yer listening on others
It's not working on me

You didn't try to instill that did you!

 

[Lavinia]

Don't put on an act to please other people, just be yourself. My children were brought up on a rough estate with little money. I urged them not to behave like the local children but to keep the nice manners I had taught them. They were picked on for being different but when they became adults, they were grateful when they moved away and were able to fit in with more respectable people.

 

[Gary O']

You didn't try to instill that did you!

No
We just had some fun back and forth banter
I taught 'em how to dish it out by example

They're all very caring, considerate folks now
But they're not easily duped, either

 

[Warrigal]

Putting themselves first or second, (if that isn't a false dichotomy?)?

How does developing resilience and independence equate to putting themselves first or second?

Resilience is the ability to cope when things go wrong. Resilience can also be described as: Bouncing back after difficult times. Dealing with challenges and still holding your head up. Giving things a go or trying your best. Being strong on the inside.

And as for independence - This involves being able to think for oneself and to make decisions independently of other people, especially the peer group.

 

[Della]

Kindness.

 

[grahamg]

How does developing resilience and independence equate to putting themselves first or second?
Resilience is the ability to cope when things go wrong. Resilience can also be described as: Bouncing back after difficult times. Dealing with challenges and still holding your head up. Giving things a go or trying your best. Being strong on the inside.
And as for independence - This involves being able to think for oneself and to make decisions independently of other people, especially the peer group.

My question was a false dichotomy though wasn't it, (everyone after all puts themselves first in some situations and chooses to put the other person's interests or wishes first, if we love them for example, or simply think it their turn).
However, my father who was a very strong minded man for most of his long life, did tell all his children: "Its everyman for himself in this world", and there is a great depth of understanding in that statement in my view, (hence being as independent as you can be and not trusting everyone you meet, or anyone completely all follows from his statement, as does the need for resilience).
Did my father put himself first, (following his own advice),...., I'd say no when it came to his family, but yes in the hard nosed business sense, and I'd guess my daughter does too when necessary, though her popularity and success suggests she well and truly knows how to relate well to others, and this involves being prepared to put oneself on the same level emotionally, or whatever it is helps people connect.

 

[grahamg]

No
We just had some fun back and forth banter
I taught 'em how to dish it out by example
They're all very caring, considerate folks now
But they're not easily duped, either

With you now.

I just had an email from an interesting guy from Australia I'd expect you'd like, who unfortunately had one of the most difficult childhoods I think I've ever been told about, (I read more about it this morning). You'd have to say he came out well, succeeded in his various professions, including becoming an award winning farmer after his marriage failed, in spite of having what you'd have thought were all the wrong lessons strictly applied to him as a youth, (including beaten into him).

He seems caring to me, and writes what I think is very good poetry. His own children have done well at school too, and are now very successful in their careers, though they have shunned him for a very long time regardless, (just an aside there, no intention to derail the thread).

 

[Capt Lightning]

Be yourself - not what other people want you to be.