Need some advice (living alone, meeting someone)

[Blessed]

Living alone was not hard for me after my husband passed away 10 years ago (although I experienced much grief) because I had my son. He was cheerful and a blessing. When he started college a few years ago, I still saw him on holidays, etc, I went back to school then and got a higher degree that has earned me an online job teaching. Now, he will be leaving out of town for good to go to seminary. I am experiencing "teenage" feelings of "freedom" and trying out new things. I have been going to a watercolor paint class these past few weeks. I also started playing again in an orchestra

I have decided that I am where I need to be in this moment in life. No more. No less. And I am happy with that. I hope you find your happy spot.

I admire you, I was in much the same position. The son has completed college. He is now happily married and in a home of his own. He lived with me in between college and marriage. I had no outside interest, that has been hard. I also had my Mom here for a couple of years. I have yet to find things to fill the time on my own and it has been difficult. That has me made me depressed, I can't say I don't miss my son. I work very hard at not letting him know my new reality. He, his wife and her child lived with me for about 3 1/2 years before they married. I miss them all everyday. My Mom was placed in care when I could no longer keep her safe at home. She has since passed.

It is a shock, here you are, you have done everything, made sure everyone is taken care of and at the end of the day, you are alone. Each and every day it is a torture of what to do with yourself. Cleaning the house is now longer a need or desire. Cooking no longer brings a sense of accomplishment. Doing the yard work is no longer a possibility. I need to do something but I have no clue what. I am not crafty, can't sew, knit, paint. So.I am caught in a never ending cycle of boredom.

 

[Mggs11]

I admire you, I was in much the same position. The son has completed college. He is now happily married and in a home of his own. He lived with me in between college and marriage. I had no outside interest, that has been hard. I also had my Mom here for a couple of years. I have yet to find things to fill the time on my own and it has been difficult. That has me made me depressed, I can't say I don't miss my son. I work very hard at not letting him know my new reality. He, his wife and her child lived with me for about 3 1/2 years before they married. I miss them all everyday. My Mom was placed in care when I could no longer keep her safe at home. She has since passed.

It is a shock, here you are, you have done everything, made sure everyone is taken care of and at the end of the day, you are alone. Each and every day it is a torture of what to do with yourself. Cleaning the house is now longer a need or desire. Cooking no longer brings a sense of accomplishment. Doing the yard work is no longer a possibility. I need to do something but I have no clue what. I am not crafty, can't sew, knit, paint. So.I am caught in a never ending cycle of boredom.

I’m so sorry to hear of your depression. Have you sought therapy,or are you on any antidepressants? It might help, and allow you to feel better to seek the things you enjoy.

 

[Blessed]

I’m so sorry to hear of your depression. Have you sought therapy,or are you on any antidepressants? It might help, and allow you to feel better to seek the things you enjoy.

Yes, I have had therapy and am on medication. I know that this is not normal, but then again I have never been so called normal. My doctor says to stop agonizing and not worry about every little thing. We all function differently, I have learned to accept that this is my life now and for the ost point I am happy. I do not want a partner but I would like to be able to keep a nice yard on my own.

 

[Teacher Terry]

I have been alone for 2 years after divorcing cheating husband #3. At first I thought I would be open to another relationship but my life didn’t change that much as I still had all my friends, my kids and my dogs. I would never live with anyone again. I am done taking care of men.

Luckily I have always worked on developing friendships outside of my family and it’s smart not to put all your eggs in one basket. I have known people that did that and they are devastated if the person dies or leaves.

 

[Lavinia]

Deb, do you think you would be as bothered by people, if you didn't have us..AKA a forum where you chat with people on a daily basis ?.. Do you think you might feel differently about connecting with people in real Life, if you had no Virtual chat every day ?

I know your question was directed at deb. but I feel the same as she does. I have never been in love or had a loving relationship. I can't imagine having it now. This site and others like it give me the opportunity to read about other people's lives and opinions. This is enough for me. Some of us don't feel complete unless we are someone's 'other half'. Some of us are sufficient unto ourselves.

 

[hollydolly]

I know your question was directed at deb. but I feel the same as she does. I have never been in love or had a loving relationship. I can't imagine having it now. This site and others like it give me the opportunity to read about other people's lives and opinions. This is enough for me. Some of us don't feel complete unless we are someone's 'other half'. Some of us are sufficient unto ourselves.

I uderstand , but my question really was.. if this forum or other virtual chats were not available.. would i make a difference to how you'd ( or Deb).. about not wishing to go out and interact with people..

 

[Teacher Terry]

I enjoy forums but I can’t imagine them being a replacement for real life friends. But I am an extrovert and need socialization.

 

[CallMeKate]

Yes, I have had therapy and am on medication. I know that this is not normal, but then again I have never been so called normal. My doctor says to stop agonizing and not worry about every little thing. We all function differently, I have learned to accept that this is my life now and for the ost point I am happy. I do not want a partner but I would like to be able to keep a nice yard on my own.

I'm so sorry you're having to go through this, @Blessed . My personal feeling is that if a doctor
of all people says to "stop worrying" or "snap out of it", they don't understand clinical depression or
severe anxiety disorder at all. It's not a choice to have that anxiety or to worry!

 

[hollydolly]

I admire you, I was in much the same position. The son has completed college. He is now happily married and in a home of his own. He lived with me in between college and marriage. I had no outside interest, that has been hard. I also had my Mom here for a couple of years. I have yet to find things to fill the time on my own and it has been difficult. That has me made me depressed, I can't say I don't miss my son. I work very hard at not letting him know my new reality. He, his wife and her child lived with me for about 3 1/2 years before they married. I miss them all everyday. My Mom was placed in care when I could no longer keep her safe at home. She has since passed.

It is a shock, here you are, you have done everything, made sure everyone is taken care of and at the end of the day, you are alone. Each and every day it is a torture of what to do with yourself. Cleaning the house is now longer a need or desire. Cooking no longer brings a sense of accomplishment. Doing the yard work is no longer a possibility. I need to do something but I have no clue what. I am not crafty, can't sew, knit, paint. So.I am caught in a never ending cycle of boredom.

pretty much what's happening to me now.. last thing I expected was to be alone.. and I am not a person who enjoys traditional crafts... but my photography is a joy to me , and gets me out of the house sometimes when the last thing I want to do is go out.. Why don't you try that ?

 

[Blessed]

pretty much what's happening to me now.. last thing I expected was to be alone.. and I am not a person who enjoys traditional crafts... but my photography is a joy to me , and gets me out of the house sometimes when the last thing I want to do is go out.. Why don't you try that ?

I don't have a camera or cell phone for pictures. I do get out and walk, but don't have the beautiful area where you live. It will soon be so hot that walking anywhere will be unbearable.

 

[Blessed]

I'm so sorry you're having to go through this, @Blessed . My personal feeling is that if a doctor
of all people says to "stop worrying" or "snap out of it", they don't understand clinical depression or
severe anxiety disorder at all. It's not a choice to have that anxiety or to worry!

She, my doctor, understands, but I tend to be drowned in my discomfort of everyday life. She just wants me stop being so afraid of everything. Just get out there slowly and it will get easier.

 

[hollydolly]

I don't have a camera or cell phone for pictures. I do get out and walk, but don't have the beautiful area where you live. It will soon be so hot that walking anywhere will be unbearable.

can you buy a camera or cellphone ?.. can you drive to places to take photos ? just trying to help !

 

[Lady]

Ive been a widow for 2 years and they have flown by , Im happy in my own company , if i wanted company I would look to joining a club like U3a which Ive done in the past , Have you thought of that Blessed? or even Church . If you really want the company of others then you must push yourself . I had to once and it gave me a reason to get up in the morning ..Choose something you really like ,and you will meet people of the same mind set ...

 

[NorthernLight]

Choose something you really like ,and you will meet people of the same mind set ...

I think this is important. For me, meeting people just for the sake of meeting them goes nowhere.

 

[Bella]

I know your question was directed at deb. but I feel the same as she does. I have never been in love or had a loving relationship. I can't imagine having it now. This site and others like it give me the opportunity to read about other people's lives and opinions. This is enough for me. Some of us don't feel complete unless we are someone's 'other half'. Some of us are sufficient unto ourselves.

I understand where you're coming from. You've never been in love or had a loving relationship. And some of you are "sufficient unto ourselves." That explains a lot about why you can't imagine yourself in a loving relationship now and being content with your life exactly as it is and has been. People who have never been in love or had a loving, stable, committed relationship don't know what it's like to actually have one or to have ever had one. It's true that some people who have experienced a fulfilling romantic union choose not to pursue it again at this time of their lives. Others, however, might prefer to remain alone throughout their lives and are content to occupy themselves with whatever resources are available to them.

In that regard, I can only speak for myself. I maintain myself and am perfectly self-sufficient. However, I was very happily married for many years. Wanting a partner or companion is not about needing someone else to "complete me". I'm quite complete. What's lacking and what I miss is something that you've never experienced: love on a romantic level, which is different from experiencing love with family or friends.

When you fall in love with the right person, it's not just about s ex. It's sharing intimacy on all levels with someone who genuinely loves you and cares about you and your well-being. I know it might be difficult to understand what I'm saying unless you've experienced it at some point in your life, but those who have know exactly what I'm saying.

However anyone chooses to live their life, I hope they're able to fill it with things that make them happy and content.

Bella

 

[Teacher Terry]

I have been in love 4xs but at this age if it happens naturally that’s fine but I definitely don’t feel like seeking it out. Plus most older men want to live with someone and also want someone to take care of them. I don’t want to do either.

 

[Trish]

The advice I would give to anyone is, don't look for love, seek friendship. Build bonds with people you warm to and who hopefully share the same values and interests as you. If you do meet someone you want to couple up with, don't let your friendships go, a new partner should be an addition to your life, you shouldn't need to give up people who have been there for you. I often think that there are so many people looking for love but, romantic relationships so often breakdown whereas, friendships should last a lifetime.

 

[Teacher Terry]

Trish, you are right and the people that do that are devastated when their love relationship dies versus for me it’s just one part of my life. It’s still really sad of course but luckily not my entire life.

 

[Blessed]

can you buy a camera or cellphone ?.. can you drive to places to take photos ? just trying to help !

Yes, I can buy a cell or camera but no, there is not the beauty of your area nearby. I have parks, but true beautiful areas are too far for me to drive. I don't do the highway, add to that I have no sense of direction makes it even harder. No, I do not have a car with GPS. If I ever get a new car that will be a feature I will insist upon. I know you want to help and I appreciate it, there are often times I don't consider or think of all the options.

 

[Teacher Terry]

If you bought a cellphone you could use the gps. That’s what I do because I have never had a good sense of direction.

 

[Blessed]

I'm so sorry you're having to go through this, @Blessed . My personal feeling is that if a doctor
of all people says to "stop worrying" or "snap out of it", they don't understand clinical depression or
severe anxiety disorder at all. It's not a choice to have that anxiety or to worry!

You are correct I have always been this way. It is not a choice, it is just part of who you are. I also think it has given me the gift of empathy, I may not understand others struggles but I have no judgement. If only we could all find that part of our self, to recognize our own feelings, accept who we truly are, to live a life full of wonder and love. I was lucky to find a boy who could accept the differences of my so called disability. It did not phase him at all, he was always there with support, love, he gave me the opportunity to do so many things. I did not have to be uncomfortable or afraid, he was right there to take care of me. When push came to shove he had given me the strength to take care of him when he was sick.

 

[palides2021]

I admire you, I was in much the same position. The son has completed college. He is now happily married and in a home of his own. He lived with me in between college and marriage. I had no outside interest, that has been hard. I also had my Mom here for a couple of years. I have yet to find things to fill the time on my own and it has been difficult. That has me made me depressed, I can't say I don't miss my son. I work very hard at not letting him know my new reality. He, his wife and her child lived with me for about 3 1/2 years before they married. I miss them all everyday. My Mom was placed in care when I could no longer keep her safe at home. She has since passed.

It is a shock, here you are, you have done everything, made sure everyone is taken care of and at the end of the day, you are alone. Each and every day it is a torture of what to do with yourself. Cleaning the house is now longer a need or desire. Cooking no longer brings a sense of accomplishment. Doing the yard work is no longer a possibility. I need to do something but I have no clue what. I am not crafty, can't sew, knit, paint. So.I am caught in a never ending cycle of boredom.

Here's a suggestion - try and find what brings you pleasure or happiness. Maybe it's cooking, or gardening. Maybe it's watching TV or listening to music. Don't focus on others (I learned that with my son). Focus instead on yourself and on your own needs. You've done so much for everyone else. Now it's time to do something for yourself. Pamper yourself. Get your nails done or your hair done. Do something that will lift your spirits. Hope this helps!

 

[Blessed]

Ive been a widow for 2 years and they have flown by , Im happy in my own company , if i wanted company I would look to joining a club like U3a which Ive done in the past , Have you thought of that Blessed? or even Church . If you really want the company of others then you must push yourself . I had to once and it gave me a reason to get up in the morning ..Choose something you really like ,and you will meet people of the same mind set ...

No, church is not for me. Too many people that are just there to look acceptable in the community. They are mean and hateful to those that do not meet their financial situation. You mut live in the best neighborhood, drive a fancy car, dress like a King and Queen. Truth be told, GOD LIVES IN YOUR HEART AND HOME< you do not have to attend church to recieve his blessing< he is with you always> Sorry for the crazy type, computer acting up.

 

[Gaer]

Not trying to be "sanctimonious" (as I've been called) just trying to help.
This has worked for me.


All of you must realize to find happiness, go within yourself. Go deep within to the source of thought.
it's a natural movement for the mind to go to what brings you the most joy. Go to the finer and finer
states to reach the state of Being or bliss consciousness.
So much exists which you might not be able to see or hear; Angels are always with you! Talk to them!

Don't ever be afraid of ANYTHING. Find the courage inside you to handle anything.
Don't ever make any decision out of fear. The natural state of mankind should be increasing happiness.
Another soul is not going to make you happy or fulfill you. You fulfill yourself!
Your circumstances are what you have chosen for yourself, perhaps even before you were born.
Take great care in the quality of your thoughts, your feelings, your words. All your thoughts
affect not only your life but go into the atmosphere to affect the entire world.
KNOW YOU have divine powers to achieve anything. All this creative intelligence is within you.

Cooking, having a pet, taking pictures, painting, traveling; all good things but temporal deviations.

From varied religious beliefs: "Know thyself." "Behold, The kingdom of God is within you."
"Be a lamp unto your own feet." "Look within." "It is not a thing external to us, It is within us."
"The greatest wisdom is to know thyself", "Seek him, therefore in your heart." (these throughout
history from many different belief systems)

If you believe in a personal God, no religious organization is necessary. Communicate one on one
with the Being. If you don't, your solitude and introspection may be necessary for you at this time.
We are not on this world to be with another soul. We are here to grow and evolve to higher and
higher states of consciousness. Remember, Your soul will ALWAYS be alive! Cultivate HAPPINESS!

 

[CallMeKate]

I was lucky to find a boy who could accept the differences of my so called disability. It did not phase him at all, he was always there with support, love, he gave me the opportunity to do so many things. I did not have to be uncomfortable or afraid, he was right there to take care of me. When push came to shove he had given me the strength to take care of him when he was sick.

It sounds as if you were indeed, as your name states, "blessed" to have found that boy. You just be you and never let anyone bully you into doing anything you don't want to do because of what their perception is or what *they* think should be done. @Blessed