Never So Alone As I Am, Now!

Ian McKlatchie said:
Well, it's the day after my hysterical crying phone call to The Samaritans. My head still feels foggy. My therapy key worker is due to phone me in around 1/2 an hour. I doubt that there's anything she can do to help me. Since my last phone friend dumped me, around 6 weeks ago, the silence and emptiness has been pretty total. I have no idea what to do and no idea how to proceed against depression this strong.

I just have to hope that there is a higher mood period that I can find, during every day, and set course for it, no matter what I have to force myself to do to make the time go faster. So, that's what I might as well do. The phone just sits there, deathly silent, on the bed, like a very expensive paperweight.
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Listen to Derek Prince.


Or send these people a prayer request. They're from Kiambu Kenya. They pray live online every day. I pray along and just skip the parts where they preach in African.

Screenshot_20260513_094110_YouTube.jpg
 
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That terrible crying fit that I had, the other day, made me realise that I am more mentally ill than I thought. I literally couldn't speak on the phone to the Samaritan without crying just exploding out of me. In the end, I had to just give up trying to speak and let the crying take over.

One thing I learned from that episode was...I'm in big trouble.

The medical profession are no longer able to help me. This depression thing will return, again and again, and I have to get used to that fact. There will be other such episodes. Maybe, I need to get those out of me. Maybe, I should phone The Samaritans, and other helplines, and get all the talking out of me, including the crying if it bursts through like that. I honestly don't know!
 
Ian McKlatchie said:
That terrible crying fit that I had, the other day, made me realise that I am more mentally ill than I thought. I literally couldn't speak on the phone to the Samaritan without crying just exploding out of me. In the end, I had to just give up trying to speak and let the crying take over.

One thing I learned from that episode was...I'm in big trouble.

The medical profession are no longer able to help me. This depression thing will return, again and again, and I have to get used to that fact. There will be other such episodes. Maybe, I need to get those out of me. Maybe, I should phone The Samaritans, and other helplines, and get all the talking out of me, including the crying if it bursts through like that. I honestly don't know!
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You need a good church, where they pray for you and give good lessons/help, but I wouldn't know if there is one where you live.

My mom had a woman in her small church in Holland who often went to Africa to T.B. Joshua with a group of patients from mental hospitals who they said were incurable and could not get helped here and they got healed there, but he died. Still his video's help and also those from Derek Prince.

People still get healed when they watch them when they pray for people, although they are already in heaven. Derek Prince used to be very depressed and got healed. T.B. Joshua, one man with a mental disorder walked around in the woods and got healed.


And that church from Kiambu is always online. They pray every day at 8 pm and you can send a prayer request.


Prayers for Families ||12th May 2026 || Minister Julia Wakesho


1989 Revival in Kiambu, Kenya - BEAUTIFUL FEET
 
Messy said:
You need a good church, where they pray for you and give good lessons/help, but I wouldn't know if there is one where you live.

My mom had a woman in her small church in Holland who often went to Africa to T.B. Joshua with a group of patients from mental hospitals who they said were incurable and could not get helped here and they got healed there, but he died. Still his video's help and also those from Derek Prince.

People still get healed when they watch them when they pray for people, although they are already in heaven. Derek Prince used to be very depressed and got healed. T.B. Joshua, one man with a mental disorder walked around in the woods and got healed.


And that church from Kiambu is always online. They pray every day at 8 pm and you can send a prayer request.


Prayers for Families ||12th May 2026 || Minister Julia Wakesho


1989 Revival in Kiambu, Kenya - BEAUTIFUL FEET
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Thanks, for this, Messy! :) Losing my Faith was the worst loss of all, in all this!
 
Ian McKlatchie said:
That terrible crying fit that I had, the other day, made me realise that I am more mentally ill than I thought. I literally couldn't speak on the phone to the Samaritan without crying just exploding out of me. In the end, I had to just give up trying to speak and let the crying take over.

One thing I learned from that episode was...I'm in big trouble.

The medical profession are no longer able to help me. This depression thing will return, again and again, and I have to get used to that fact. There will be other such episodes. Maybe, I need to get those out of me. Maybe, I should phone The Samaritans, and other helplines, and get all the talking out of me, including the crying if it bursts through like that. I honestly don't know!
Click to expand...
I was also thinking about you going outside, to the sunshine, and letting yourself feel the sun. Also, what are you eating? Are you eating enough food? The right food can help with depression. I asked the AI, and this was its answer:
Yes — diet can contribute to depression for some people, and improving nutrition can help reduce symptoms alongside other treatments. Below is a concise, practical guide.

How food can contribute

  • Nutrient deficiencies (e.g., B12, folate, vitamin D, iron, omega-3s) are linked to low mood and depressive symptoms.
  • Highly processed diets high in added sugar, refined carbs, and unhealthy fats are associatedwith greater risk of depression.
  • Gut microbiome effects: low-fiber, low-fermented-food diets can reduce beneficial gut bacteria that influence mood.
Foods and patterns that help (practical “right food” guidance)

  • Whole, minimally processed pattern (Mediterranean-style) — vegetables, fruits, whole grains,legumes, nuts, seeds, olive oil, moderate fish and poultry, limited red/processed meat andsweets.
  • Fatty fish (salmon, mackerel, sardines) — rich in omega-3 EPA/DHA linked to improved mood.
  • Leafy greens and colorful vegetables — provide folate, magnesium, antioxidants.
  • Whole grains and legumes — steady glucose and B-vitamins.
  • Nuts and seeds (walnuts, flaxseed, chia) — plant omega-3s, magnesium.
  • Fermented foods (yogurt, kefir, sauerkraut, kimchi) and high-fiber foods — support a healthygut microbiome.
  • Lean protein at meals — supports neurotransmitter synthesis (e.g., tryptophan → serotonin).
  • Foods high in vitamin D (fatty fish, fortified foods) or safe sun exposure; supplement if low.
Foods/patterns to limit

  • Sugary drinks, sweets, and refined carbohydrates.
  • Highly processed foods, fast food, and trans fats.
  • Excessive alcohol.
  • Very low-calorie or highly restrictive diets (can worsen mood).
Practical daily blueprint (simple)

  • Breakfast: whole-grain oatmeal or yogurt with berries + nuts.
  • Lunch: large salad or grain bowl with vegetables, legumes, olive oil, and lean protein or fish.
  • Snack: fruit + handful of nuts or veggie sticks + hummus.
  • Dinner: fatty fish or chicken, a variety of vegetables, and a whole grain or legumes.
  • Include fermented food a few times/week; aim for 25–35 g fiber/day.
When to see a clinician

  • If you have persistent low mood, suicidal thoughts, or functional impairment — seekmedical/mental-health care. Dietary changes can help but do not replace therapy ormedication when needed. Consider testing for B12, vitamin D, iron, and thyroid function if symptoms persist.
 
palides2021 said:
I was also thinking about you going outside, to the sunshine, and letting yourself feel the sun. Also, what are you eating? Are you eating enough food? The right food can help with depression. I asked the AI, and this was its answer:
Yes — diet can contribute to depression for some people, and improving nutrition can help reduce symptoms alongside other treatments. Below is a concise, practical guide.

How food can contribute

  • Nutrient deficiencies (e.g., B12, folate, vitamin D, iron, omega-3s) are linked to low mood and depressive symptoms.
  • Highly processed diets high in added sugar, refined carbs, and unhealthy fats are associatedwith greater risk of depression.
  • Gut microbiome effects: low-fiber, low-fermented-food diets can reduce beneficial gut bacteria that influence mood.
Foods and patterns that help (practical “right food” guidance)

  • Whole, minimally processed pattern (Mediterranean-style) — vegetables, fruits, whole grains,legumes, nuts, seeds, olive oil, moderate fish and poultry, limited red/processed meat andsweets.
  • Fatty fish (salmon, mackerel, sardines) — rich in omega-3 EPA/DHA linked to improved mood.
  • Leafy greens and colorful vegetables — provide folate, magnesium, antioxidants.
  • Whole grains and legumes — steady glucose and B-vitamins.
  • Nuts and seeds (walnuts, flaxseed, chia) — plant omega-3s, magnesium.
  • Fermented foods (yogurt, kefir, sauerkraut, kimchi) and high-fiber foods — support a healthygut microbiome.
  • Lean protein at meals — supports neurotransmitter synthesis (e.g., tryptophan → serotonin).
  • Foods high in vitamin D (fatty fish, fortified foods) or safe sun exposure; supplement if low.
Foods/patterns to limit

  • Sugary drinks, sweets, and refined carbohydrates.
  • Highly processed foods, fast food, and trans fats.
  • Excessive alcohol.
  • Very low-calorie or highly restrictive diets (can worsen mood).
Practical daily blueprint (simple)

  • Breakfast: whole-grain oatmeal or yogurt with berries + nuts.
  • Lunch: large salad or grain bowl with vegetables, legumes, olive oil, and lean protein or fish.
  • Snack: fruit + handful of nuts or veggie sticks + hummus.
  • Dinner: fatty fish or chicken, a variety of vegetables, and a whole grain or legumes.
  • Include fermented food a few times/week; aim for 25–35 g fiber/day.
When to see a clinician

  • If you have persistent low mood, suicidal thoughts, or functional impairment — seekmedical/mental-health care. Dietary changes can help but do not replace therapy ormedication when needed. Consider testing for B12, vitamin D, iron, and thyroid function if symptoms persist.
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@palides2021 Yes! My eating is a disgrace and that must change - I thank you for that timely kick in the pants, there. I must be deficient in many things. The UK healthcare system wouldn't even bother to look, to see if I have any kind of nutritional deficiency, so we, as patients, are left to experiment, ourselves.

Also, yes...I will be going out. It won't be in Sunshine - it'll be late evening warm Summer night walks. But, I need to get out of this chair (12 hours a day on this computer) and out of this room and out of this house. Real UK Summer cannot come quickly enough...I need the exercise for a psychotherapy, if nothing else.
 
Messy said:
You need a good church, where they pray for you and give good lessons/help, but I wouldn't know if there is one where you live.

My mom had a woman in her small church in Holland who often went to Africa to T.B. Joshua with a group of patients from mental hospitals who they said were incurable and could not get helped here and they got healed there, but he died. Still his video's help and also those from Derek Prince.

People still get healed when they watch them when they pray for people, although they are already in heaven. Derek Prince used to be very depressed and got healed. T.B. Joshua, one man with a mental disorder walked around in the woods and got healed.


And that church from Kiambu is always online. They pray every day at 8 pm and you can send a prayer request.


Prayers for Families ||12th May 2026 || Minister Julia Wakesho


1989 Revival in Kiambu, Kenya - BEAUTIFUL FEET
Click to expand...
Not in this country...unless you're jewish or muslim where their faith supports them within their places of worship...... churches here for Christians are all but dead....
 
Ian McKlatchie said:
@palides2021 Yes! My eating is a disgrace and that must change - I thank you for that timely kick in the pants, there. I must be deficient in many things. The UK healthcare system wouldn't even bother to look, to see if I have any kind of nutritional deficiency, so we, as patients, are left to experiment, ourselves.

Also, yes...I will be going out. It won't be in Sunshine - it'll be late evening warm Summer night walks. But, I need to get out of this chair (12 hours a day on this computer) and out of this room and out of this house. Real UK Summer cannot come quickly enough...I need the exercise for a psychotherapy, if nothing else.
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It really IS extremely important to maintain the most nutritious diet you can. It needn't be expensive in fact fresh fruit. veggies, tinned fish whole milk, cheese.. can be bought very cheaply if you shop in the right places.. which begs the question, how are you getting your food if you are not leaving the house ?

Consider supplements also.. ''sunshine supplements'' suh a VitD3with K2... now you must not buy Vit D3 without the K2.. available online.... but take it every day.. you may also be deficient in other vitamins like iron for example... and probably Vit B...so a VitB Complex for men would be a good choice..

Key Vitamin Deficiencies
  • Vitamin D: Often called the "sunshine vitamin," low levels are frequently observed in depressed patients, and it plays a key role in mood regulation and brain health.
  • Vitamin B9 (Folate/Folic Acid): Deficiency in folate is strongly associated with depression, with some studies showing depressed individuals have 25% lower blood levels of folate.
  • Vitamin B12 (Cobalamin): Low levels of B12 are linked to depression, dementia, and poor brain function, particularly in older adults.
  • Vitamin B6 (Pyridoxine): Crucial for neurotransmitter synthesis (including serotonin), deficiency in B6 is linked to poor mood regulation.
  • Other B Vitamins: Deficiencies in B1 (Thiamine) and B3 (Niacin) are also associated with mental health changes.
  • Vitamin C: As an antioxidant, lower plasma levels of vitamin C have been found in individuals with depressive symptoms. [1, 2, 3, 4, 5]

Key Mineral & Nutrient Deficiencies
  • Magnesium: Essential for nervous system function, a deficiency can affect the body's ability to handle stress and increase depressive symptoms.
  • Zinc: Low levels of zinc are often found in individuals with depression.
  • Iron: Deficiency is associated with symptoms like fatigue, apathy, and poor concentration, which overlap with depression.
  • Omega-3 Fatty Acids: While not a vitamin, these essential fats are crucial for brain function, and lower levels are linked to a higher risk of depression. [1, 2, 3, 4, 5]

Causes of Deficiency
Depression itself can lead to these deficiencies through reduced appetite, poor diet choices, gastrointestinal issues that reduce absorption, and increased metabolic utilization of vitamins during stress. [1, 2, 3, 4]
 
hollydolly said:
Not in this country...unless you're jewish or muslim where their faith supports them within their places of worship...... churches here for Christians are all but dead....
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I once met a former ballet dancer from the UK, Colin Dye. He had a big church in London. Kensington Temple. Really friendly guy. He helped me when I was feeling horrible. Met him in the hall. He preached in a small church in Holland.



https://www.kt.org/prayer-requests/

https://www.kt.org/pastoralcare/
 
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@hollydolly

I am trying to work on the nurtition thing, but I have some serious limits. I never eat meat, fish, cheese, or eggs. The only veg' I eat are baked beans - one large tin a day. The rest of everything I eat is brown bread, butter and biscuits. I have a lot of fears to do with everything related to dietary changes. I think, personally, that I am an ARFID (Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder) patient that was never diagnosed, but that's only a quite recent suspicion. I fit the template for that condition, almost perfectly, in fact.

That would need to be factored in. I do, however, acknowledge that supplementation is not entirely out of the question and I will be looking into that. Because of my bad kidneys, I cannot process Vitamin D, so I have to take activated Vit D in the form of alfacalcidol, daily. As you can see...I have a lot of obstacles standing between me and an adequate diet.

Thank you for your post. :)
 
Ian McKlatchie said:
@hollydolly

I am trying to work on the nurtition thing, but I have some serious limits. I never eat meat, fish, cheese, or eggs. The only veg' I eat are baked beans - one large tin a day. The rest of everything I eat is brown bread, butter and biscuits. I have a lot of fears to do with everything related to dietary changes. I think, personally, that I am an ARFID (Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder) patient that was never diagnosed, but that's only a quite recent suspicion. I fit the template for that condition, almost perfectly, in fact.

That would need to be factored in. I do, however, acknowledge that supplementation is not entirely out of the question and I will be looking into that. Because of my bad kidneys, I cannot process Vitamin D, so I have to take activated Vit D in the form of alfacalcidol, daily. As you can see...I have a lot of obstacles standing between me and an adequate diet.

Thank you for your post. :)
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You could have serious nutritional deficiencies..
 
Messy said:
I once met a former ballet dancer from the UK, Colin Dye. He had a big church in London. Kensington Temple. Really friendly guy. He helped me when I was feeling horrible. Met him in the hall. He preached in a small church in Holland.



https://www.kt.org/prayer-requests/

https://www.kt.org/pastoralcare/
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yes as I said lots of Jewish worshipping.. and Muslim.. and even Baptists.... did you know he recently retired..?

481054146_1178393196980116_8625372336194040699_n.jpg
 
Ian McKlatchie said:
I have prayed to God and asked him to deliver me from enough of the anhedonia to let me feel my Faith the way I used to. There is no change in me. When you pray, you should believe that you will receive that for which you have prayed. In order to feel confident in receiving it, I have to be in touch with my reward centre in the brain, to believe that anything good will happen, from praying. The irony is...that's probably why my prayers are ineffectual...I can't generate any confidence in getting relief enough to feel even my Faith, again. To be able to say that is so bizarre...believe me. :(
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Hang in there (and I'm so proud of you for hanging in there all these years). But trust in God that He will answer your prayers according His perfect will...1 John 5:14-15. Sometimes His answer is "no" or "wait," trusting that His plan is ultimately best.

Don't worry Ian, if you are a believer but unsure how to pray, the Holy Spirit will intercede for you and align your requests with God's will. Prayer is meant to bring a person’s heart and desires into agreement with God’s, rather than demanding compliance with human wishes...Romans 8:26-27.

Praying in Jesus' name involves asking according to His character and will, rather than simply as a phrase at the end of a prayer.

Now you've got this and I will be praying for you in this way as well. We can do this according to in His perfect timing so be patient. I know, easier said than done.

Meanwhile, take your Vitamin B12 and take a 60 Billion Probiotic (1 capsule over-the-counter) and cut way back on sweets to practically nothing (try coconut water without added sugar...and eat your vegetables. Also warm Organic Bone Broth is so healing if it is a jelly consistency (that means it's been made with slow-cooked bones from organic and cage-free chickens).
 
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