New here and would like friends

Welcome @Seeincolors

...... the only thing I think of in your situation, with nothing to gain by staying put, I would strongly consider moving to a new town.
A new location might regenerate you to living life again.

There are so many reminders of him in this small town. He is a builder and built practically the whole town.
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^^ That in itself would make me ready to find a new place.
 
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Hi Seeincolors, welcome from New Zealand. After reading your post my first thought was why do we women, or should I say some women, tolerate the mental abuse ,because tolerate it we do by staying with them. I distanced myself from the relationship ,that didn’t stop the mental abuse, but I stayed living in the house thinking I was keeping the family together. At our age we should be thinking of what is best for ourselves, we do count after all. I have since moved out of the house and live in the caravan at the back, I should have done this many years ago. But it’s never too late.
 

A warm welcome to you from Sydney
So glad you found us, there are so many good people here who have good advice and support to give you, including me. I hope you keep posting updates of how you are getting through this terrible, traumatic episode in your life. Sending you much love and support.
 
Bellbird said:
Hi Seeincolors, welcome from New Zealand. After reading your post my first thought was why do we women, or should I say some women, tolerate the mental abuse ,because tolerate it we do by staying with them. I distanced myself from the relationship ,that didn’t stop the mental abuse, but I stayed living in the house thinking I was keeping the family together. At our age we should be thinking of what is best for ourselves, we do count after all. I have since moved out of the house and live in the caravan at the back, I should have done this many years ago. But it’s never too late.
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That's so unfair, he should be living in the caravan.
 
Welcome @Seeincolors !

I read your posts and do feel bad for you. Wish I could fix things, but I can't of course. All I can do is listen.

You sound like an intelligent and interesting woman, I am sure you can build a new life of your own. Travel, get involved in something, find a new relationship, lots of possibilities. I'd bet you can figure out something. Be interested in seeing what.
 
Hello @Seeincolors, and welcome! We are all good listeners here, although I'm not sure how much practical advice we can give. There was a recent thread about how often we can give advice to others that we don't take ourselves. Perhaps you will run across some constructive advice here.

I'm so sorry about what you've been through and can only say from what you've shared with us that the fault seems to lie with your husband, not with you.
 
Bonnie said:
Welcome @Seeincolors

...... the only thing I think of in your situation, with nothing to gain by staying put, I would strongly consider moving to a new town.
A new location might regenerate you to living life again.



^^ That in itself would make me ready to find a new place.
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Believe me, I think about moving all the time. I would have to sell my house for pennies on the dollar and would never be able to have the “comfort” of my kids and grandkids coming back to where they grew up. I think eventually I will try to find a community of people in my situation, be it assisted living or independent living on some scale. I’m just not ready yet. Sometimes I think I need a drastic change, then I remember I take myself with me!
Thanks for responding. Food for thought!
 
Hi @Seeincolors, happy to have you join us! I'm sorry you're feeling the way you do, and although I can't relate personally, I will offer some advice...food for thought. Couples should never stay together unless they both love and respect each other, once one person has the desire to leave and be with someone else, best to let them go.

Also, please try and get out of your rut or habit of thinking of the past, it only depresses you, and you don't deserve that. All the moments we spend reviewing, regretting and obsessing about the past are precious moments in our present life that will be wasted and never gotten back.

Try and stay positive, don't think about him all the time and move forward with your life. At out age our years should be cherished, with no grey clouds hanging over our heads every day. I know it's not easy, but you really have to try and make a change for the better. Good luck and hugs, glad you're with us now, I think that will help. Work to let some sunshine into your daily life, you won't regret it. 💚

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SeaBreeze said:
Hi @Seeincolors, happy to have you join us! I'm sorry you're feeling the way you do, and although I can't relate personally, I will offer some advice...food for thought. Couples should never stay together unless they both love and respect each other, once one person has the desire to leave and be with someone else, best to let them go.

Also, please try and get out of your rut or habit of thinking of the past, it only depresses you, and you don't deserve that. All the moments we spend reviewing, regretting and obsessing about the past are precious moments in our present life that will be wasted and never gotten back.

Try and stay positive, don't think about him all the time and move forward with your life. At out age our years should be cherished, with no grey clouds hanging over our heads every day. I know it's not easy, but you really have to try and make a change for the better. Good luck and hugs, glad you're with us now, I think that will help. Work to let some sunshine into your daily life, you won't regret it. 💚

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Thank you for your advice! Everything you say is spot on! Some days are easier than others, of course, but what you say is appreciated!
 
So sorry for the pain and loneliness you are feeling. I know it's hard to realize but being divorced may be a blessing in disguise. Were you really happy knowing in your heart that your husband was cheating? Feeling that your so called friends knew what was going on behind your back couldn't have been a good feeling either. I say so called friends because if they were really your friends, they wouldn't have abandoned you in your time of need, whether you were in a position to "give them something" or not.

Sometimes we perceive ourselves as being a burden on our children. But they may not feel that way. As far as what to talk about with them, for goodness sakes, there's so much more than politics to talk about. Maybe good memories from when they were children or how things are going on their jobs or any of their interests. Sometimes it really helps to focus on others, not our trials and tribulations. There's a meme which I can't find right now but it says something like.."When you hold on to pain, your hands are not free to receive blessings."

I know it's hard to feel you've lost your grip on independence. I sincerely hope your health and frame of mind improves soon. You'll find supportive friends here...I promise! So I'd like to welcome you.

Welcome Butterfly Glitter.gif
 
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Welcome SeeinColors,

My heart is really going out to you because your situation rings of being widowed while you’re forced to watch your live husband go on with a new life.

You have lost a lot, much in the sense that a widow would, except the husband.

I think that @Aneeda72 is right though, the new wife has done you a favor, as from some of the things you’ve said, it doesn't seem your husband was much of a gem. Maybe he was just what your life had become and all that you knew. And now you are feeling “off a cliff” and lost. Which is completely understandable.

I once read a book called, “Maybe You Should Talk To Someone: A Therapist, HER Therapist, and Our Lives Revealed” by, Lori Gottlieb, wherein one of the patients featured was a woman, in her 70’s, who worked through some issues and ended up finding a new love in her life.

I'm not saying therapy is the answer, but I'm not saying it would hurt either.

Have you thought of or is it a possibility that you might be able to move to a retirement community where you would have the opportunity to create a new circle of friends?

In any event, I'm glad you're here because there are a lot of wonderful people here and I think you will find some friendship and comfort. Stay. ♥
 
Seeincolors said:
Sometimes I think I need a drastic change, then I remember I take myself with me!
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I love that! Yeah, that exactly; remember to bring you with you. ♥:giggle:

EDIT: So I've just re-read this and realized you might have been doing a "Wherever you go, there you are," kind of thing. But the thing is, yeah, there you are. You, in a new place, starting new things that are about you. And that can happen outside or inside your mind. ;)

So I'm sticking with my answer: Take you with you. :)
 
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Yes, you’re correct. I need to work on making myself my friend, because that’s the only constant! Im a good person, but for some reason I have very little self confidence. I recognize various “reasons” for these feelings in my life, but some days are harder than others to live in spite of myself. One day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time. Most days are so long! Lol
I really don’t mean to sound so fatalistic. It just feels good to sound off! Have a pleasant day.
Seeincolors
 
Seeincolors said:
Yes, you’re correct. I need to work on making myself my friend, because that’s the only constant! Im a good person, but for some reason I have very little self confidence. I recognize various “reasons” for these feelings in my life, but some days are harder than others to live in spite of myself. One day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time. Most days are so long! Lol
I really don’t mean to sound so fatalistic. It just feels good to sound off! Have a pleasant day.
Seeincolors
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the-more-you-love-yourself-the-less.jpg
 
First off, I want to welcome you here to this lovely place. I am also new here and you have come to the right place to meet friendly people . You have been through quite a lot and you have chosen a great place here as an outlet which is full of wonderful people who will put a smile on your face everyday. They have done it for me already and I have only been here a week. The community here is amazing.
 
Medusa said:
Welcome SeeinColors,

My heart is really going out to you because your situation rings of being widowed while you’re forced to watch your live husband go on with a new life.

You have lost a lot, much in the sense that a widow would, except the husband.

I think that @Aneeda72 is right though, the new wife has done you a favor, as from some of the things you’ve said, it doesn't seem your husband was much of a gem. Maybe he was just what your life had become and all that you knew. And now you are feeling “off a cliff” and lost. Which is completely understandable.

I once read a book called, “Maybe You Should Talk To Someone: A Therapist, HER Therapist, and Our Lives Revealed” by, Lori Gottlieb, wherein one of the patients featured was a woman, in her 70’s, who worked through some issues and ended up finding a new love in her life.

I'm not saying therapy is the answer, but I'm not saying it would hurt either.

Have you thought of or is it a possibility that you might be able to move to a retirement community where you would have the opportunity to create a new circle of friends?

In any event, I'm glad you're here because there are a lot of wonderful people here and I think you will find some friendship and comfort. Stay. ♥
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Hi Medusa. I’m having a little trouble navigating this site. I’m not the most tech savvy person in the world, so I’m seeing posts I didn’t know were there and out of order, etc. But, oh well…
You are exactly right about my being like a widow, but I have to watch my ex go on with his life. He killed me, but I have to keep breathing. He did not marry his new love, just built her a beautiful home and moved there with her. It helps a bit that our children have a, let’s say ”strong dislike” for her, as do his siblings and our grandchildren. People cannot figure out why he is with her and not with me. In a slightly evil way that gives me a little comfort. His loss!❤️
 
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