Adam in Aus
New Member
- Location
- Perth, Western Australia
Hi there
well, I am approaching 62 now and been retired temporarily for about 15 months following recovery from prostate cancer. While receiving secondary radiation therapy I found to my surprise that of all the guys being treated, I was the only one still working full time and thought, well this sucks so I retired.
We then took the opportunity to visit my wife's family in Indonesia and spend a year in our villa in north Bali but have returned to Perth as our 14yo Indonesian son is much happier here. So is my wife for that matter.
So here we are back in Perth, I do need to get back into the workforce though, with the way the property market is, my self funded retirement is no longer possible unfortunately. Certainly though, it is no easy feat getting back into the workforce in my 22 year career which I left. Some 20 applications later, with a lifetime of knowledge and experience, I cannot even get an interview. So it looks like I will have to work toward some menial low wage employment to see me through until the aged pension or the grave whichever comes first.
To tell you the truth, I have not taken to becoming older very well at all, which came as a bit of a shock to me. I was fine in my 50's but the day I turned 60, everything changed. My mindset completely altered, I did not feel like me any more. I have had almost 2 years to adapt but it is not going well. It is partly because of the way others treat me without them realising it. As an example, driving back with friends and family after a trip in the country and sharing driving in the last week or two. Without even consulting me, they decided that I would not need to drive, my 21yo son would. I have a faultless 44 year driving record so there was no reason I could not drive but still, the decision was made without asking me.
And, to be honest, I do not feel so confident on my feet any longer, I don't feel so stable and have developed a fear of heights that I never had before. I don't like it and it stops me from doing many things that I would have not even hesitated at a few years ago. We were down in Albany, WA just the last few days and the climbing over rocks etc and over the past few months through Bali at waterfalls near our home was certainly more difficult for me. So, there are changes happening within myself that I don't like at all but cannot do anything except accept them.
It makes me wonder then, what do my family and friends really think of me now? Are they just being nice to me? Do they see these changes that must be occurring to me as a real sign of me being older and less competent? I know that the younger generation treat me differently, I do not speak the same language as them, I am sure of it. It is difficult to be part of their lives because their mindset does not include socialising with an older person, I am not one of them.
So, my self confidence which up until recently was fine, is now having big self diagnosis problems, it simply does not trust itself. I used to think, I am older now, I am wiser, others will appreciate that and with my years of life and experience I can handle anything and anyone. But the truth is, that is not the case. Others do not see that in me, I am just getting older, easy to replace in this high tech fast moving world where old means obsolete, it does not equate to experience at all.
I feel sorry for my lovely wife of 10 years and 12 years my junior. (My first wife passed away of bowel cancer at the age of 46). My lovely Indonesian wife loves me completely it would seem and it upsets her me thinking I am of no value to her any longer apart from her loving me and me loving her. I am a logical person, having worked in law and policy for a long time and to be honest, I think she would now be better of with a younger person who can give me more of the life she deserves. This is partially a result of my prostate cancer but is much more as I have stated above. It is very hard for me to be the man she needs now, on many levels even though she thinks that is not so. To me it is.
Anyway, that is more or less my story thus far. I know it is not what a lot of you may want to hear, you will just think stop whinging and get on with things, but is not as easy as that and to be honest, I don't think I want to. The thought of growing old simply does not appeal to me and while I have the utmost respect for others, I can't equate myself to old age.
Thankyou for listening.
Adam
well, I am approaching 62 now and been retired temporarily for about 15 months following recovery from prostate cancer. While receiving secondary radiation therapy I found to my surprise that of all the guys being treated, I was the only one still working full time and thought, well this sucks so I retired.
We then took the opportunity to visit my wife's family in Indonesia and spend a year in our villa in north Bali but have returned to Perth as our 14yo Indonesian son is much happier here. So is my wife for that matter.
So here we are back in Perth, I do need to get back into the workforce though, with the way the property market is, my self funded retirement is no longer possible unfortunately. Certainly though, it is no easy feat getting back into the workforce in my 22 year career which I left. Some 20 applications later, with a lifetime of knowledge and experience, I cannot even get an interview. So it looks like I will have to work toward some menial low wage employment to see me through until the aged pension or the grave whichever comes first.
To tell you the truth, I have not taken to becoming older very well at all, which came as a bit of a shock to me. I was fine in my 50's but the day I turned 60, everything changed. My mindset completely altered, I did not feel like me any more. I have had almost 2 years to adapt but it is not going well. It is partly because of the way others treat me without them realising it. As an example, driving back with friends and family after a trip in the country and sharing driving in the last week or two. Without even consulting me, they decided that I would not need to drive, my 21yo son would. I have a faultless 44 year driving record so there was no reason I could not drive but still, the decision was made without asking me.
And, to be honest, I do not feel so confident on my feet any longer, I don't feel so stable and have developed a fear of heights that I never had before. I don't like it and it stops me from doing many things that I would have not even hesitated at a few years ago. We were down in Albany, WA just the last few days and the climbing over rocks etc and over the past few months through Bali at waterfalls near our home was certainly more difficult for me. So, there are changes happening within myself that I don't like at all but cannot do anything except accept them.
It makes me wonder then, what do my family and friends really think of me now? Are they just being nice to me? Do they see these changes that must be occurring to me as a real sign of me being older and less competent? I know that the younger generation treat me differently, I do not speak the same language as them, I am sure of it. It is difficult to be part of their lives because their mindset does not include socialising with an older person, I am not one of them.
So, my self confidence which up until recently was fine, is now having big self diagnosis problems, it simply does not trust itself. I used to think, I am older now, I am wiser, others will appreciate that and with my years of life and experience I can handle anything and anyone. But the truth is, that is not the case. Others do not see that in me, I am just getting older, easy to replace in this high tech fast moving world where old means obsolete, it does not equate to experience at all.
I feel sorry for my lovely wife of 10 years and 12 years my junior. (My first wife passed away of bowel cancer at the age of 46). My lovely Indonesian wife loves me completely it would seem and it upsets her me thinking I am of no value to her any longer apart from her loving me and me loving her. I am a logical person, having worked in law and policy for a long time and to be honest, I think she would now be better of with a younger person who can give me more of the life she deserves. This is partially a result of my prostate cancer but is much more as I have stated above. It is very hard for me to be the man she needs now, on many levels even though she thinks that is not so. To me it is.
Anyway, that is more or less my story thus far. I know it is not what a lot of you may want to hear, you will just think stop whinging and get on with things, but is not as easy as that and to be honest, I don't think I want to. The thought of growing old simply does not appeal to me and while I have the utmost respect for others, I can't equate myself to old age.
Thankyou for listening.
Adam
