Not that anyone is asking

Yes, true love and devotion can be a shock to so many men. So many men think sex is the end all of true love. They fail to see the everyday little things, a lovely hot dinner, a foot or back massage, clean laundry and fresh sheets on the bed, a cup of tea or soup when you have a quesy stomach, bringing the ice pack or heating pad when you have an ache. So many little things that confirms she adores you, wants you to be happy, does not want you to feel bad or worry. You have that, and you know what, YOU HAVE EARNED IT BY YOUR LOVE AND DEVOTION TO HER!!
 

Murrmurr said:
Meesh is SO good to me. She wants to take care of me. Not like a built-in nurse or maid or whatever, but like in a bunch of little ways - make my tea for me, bring me some socks or a lap-blanket, massage my hands...that kind of stuff. That's all totally new to me. Took some getting used to, honestly.
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I did all those things for my husband... and more... . I was also his Joey whenever he did a job, I;d fetch and carry..do all the prep, clear up after him. I was always the designated driver.. didn't drink so he could... ... really and truly all he had to do was go to work.. and I worked full time myself too.... but it didn't stop his wandering eye... 🥺
 

Pepper said:
My father had small cell lung cancer. I'm so sorry, Frank. There is no chance.
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I've been getting info online and it sure looks that way to me.

She just called me. She's not talking very well today but she said she saw her Dr yesterday and he said "We have to treat the lung cancer first, and, like the cancer, the treatment will find the pathway to the brain." He referred her to a lung specialist who she'll see today.

And she said someone's hooking her up with home-health services. Once that person is in place, I don't really need to be the person her doctors call to get her status and make sure she's doing what she's supposed to do...which hasn't happened yet anyway. She probly keeps forgetting to tell someone.

Peps, how long did your dad survive after he was diagnosed?
 
hollydolly said:
I did all those things for my husband... and more... . I was also his Joey whenever he did a job, I;d fetch and carry..do all the prep, clear up after him. I was always the designated driver.. didn't drink so he could... ... really and truly all he had to do was go to work.. and I worked full time myself too.... but it didn't stop his wandering eye... 🥺
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One thing I never did was cheat. Once me and the lady I was in a relationship with decided to be monogamous, I behaved.

Meesh looks after me, but she also does her own thing; school and work and friends and all that; and that's totally fine with me. I prefer it. I don't like being glued to each other, you know?

We do things together every single day. Like, when she gets home in the evening, first thing she does is put on some music so we can dance for a while. Sometimes we cook together, we have movie night and cook-outs, and when she has a couple days off in a row we take a day trip or visit family...it's simple stuff, but it's nice. I'd probly just sit on my keister all day if Meesh wasn't around.
 
hollydolly said:
Frank is there anything any of us can do for Bonnie that might cheer her up a little bit in this horrendous situation for her... is there anything we could give her/send her ?

I remember you saying she's your baby sister but how old is she actually ?
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She's 52.

Thank you for the offer. Her boyfriend and her friend Cheryl help her out a lot. It'll be great when she gets a visiting nurse, or whatever the doctor's assistant is working on, but if I think of anything, I will let you know. Might brighten her day to just get cards and letters once in a while, but I'll feel that out and let you know. Thank you, seriously.
 
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Blessed said:
I think the best thing is to tell her the truth, at the doctor so he can answer her questions on the options. It is important to let her digest the information and decide what she wants to do. She may decide to fight while doing things she has also wanted to do. Visit special places, spend time with people that mean a lot to her when she is well enough to do so.
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Bonnie called this morning. Since she won't see her lung specialist until May 6th, I went ahead and told her what I've learned about average survival rates and treatment results and all that. I figured that gives her a couple weeks to fall apart and then pull herself together and fall apart again so she can discuss treatment with the specialist *relatively* sensibly. In fact, after crying for a while, she told me she thinks she'll give treatment a shot, and if she hates it, she'll stop.

And she'll go back & forth on that, but the thing is, she has a couple weeks to do that and have her crying jags and tantrums and episodes of craziness, so I thought the timing was about perfect.
 
I am glad that she knows the worst of it. It will help her decide how to move forward. I will say for myself, I would prefer palliative care as chemo is so hard. I would be happy to have those last few months, feeling well enough to travel a little, spend time with loved ones.

The only thing I can say is respect her wishes. She will know the truth when she sees the doctor. I will also say that a timeline means nothing. They could tell her 6 months to a year, the truth is she could be gone tomorrow. I think she is well into it since the cancer has metastasized.

I wish I could say it will be okay but the truth is a bitter pill to swallow for her and everyone in her life. I know you get it and will provide her all the love and support you can.





,
 
dobielvr said:
This is all just so sad..
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Jules said:
Yes it is. Just when her life seemed to be turning around.
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She was doing really well, loved her job in the Macy's jewelry department and she was starting to build a good following, which meant decent commission checks. Plus, she was being invited to demonstrate (and sell) at all their designer shows. And she loved her apartment. Loved girling up the place. She's super-girly.

I was sweeping the floors one day shortly after she moved out from our place, and my granddaughter Ariel was here. I was annoyed about it and said, "Man, look at this glitter all over the floor...some over there, there's a bunch under here..."

And Ariel said, "Oh my, was Aunt Bonnie shedding?"
😂

She was so pleased with herself...Bonnie, I mean. Like, finally. Took til she was in her 50s, and she still didn't always make the best decisions, but she was finally getting somewhere. And she was learning.

It just really sucks, man. But she achieved a lot this past year. Nobody saw that coming, to be honest. Including her. I should probly start reminding her of that. She can be proud of herself.
 
Just a word of caution there - about anyone here doing anything? - she could react quite badly like that - like cards arriving from strangers or flowers or what - alarms bell ring there for me? - I think you can handle things best MM
 
davey said:
Just a word of caution there - about anyone here doing anything? - she could react quite badly like that - like cards arriving from strangers or flowers or what - alarms bell ring there for me? - I think you can handle things best MM
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She knows I have friends on SF, and I'd tell her to expect mail from this one or that. Plus, I'd give out her address in a PM, and no one would have to put their return address on anything.

What I'm saying is, she wouldn't be broadsided with a bunch of mail from strangers. I'd let her know before hand.
 
@Murrmurr, can you share how she found out? What symptoms made her go the doctor. For my husband it was our 17 year old son. We were all sitting in the den on a Sunday afternoon just talking. Son noticed Dad had a wet area on his jeans and asked what that was. Husband said, I don't know but arm seems to sweat these days, I think it might be a little swollen.

I look over there and I realize that doesn't look good or sound good. Of course, I start fussing, telling him he has to go to the doctor. Hubs is having a fit, he does not want to go, miss work. The kid says Dad that is not right, not normal, you have to go.


Hubs agrees to go, doesn't want kid upset. At the doctor next day, small lump in his armpit. Fluid and arm swelling was lymphedema from the lump in his armpit. Was put on antibiotics for 2 weeks, as they thought infection but it did not help. Sent to a surgeon to take this little lump. We go, get it done. Surgeon comes out, he does not know what it is but it looks bad. He tells me at that point that his pre-surgery chest xray showed little tumors all through his lungs.
 
Blessed said:
@Murrmurr, can you share how she found out? What symptoms made her go the doctor. For my husband it was our 17 year old son. We were all sitting in the den on a Sunday afternoon just talking. Son noticed Dad had a wet area on his jeans and asked what that was. Husband said, I don't know but arm seems to sweat these days, I think it might be a little swollen.

I look over there and I realize that doesn't look good or sound good. Of course, I start fussing, telling him he has to go to the doctor. Hubs is having a fit, he does not want to go, miss work. The kid says Dad that is not right, not normal, you have to go.


Hubs agrees to go, doesn't want kid upset. At the doctor next day, small lump in his armpit. Fluid and arm swelling was lymphedema from the lump in his armpit. Was put on antibiotics for 2 weeks, as they thought infection but it did not help. Sent to a surgeon to take this little lump. We go, get it done. Surgeon comes out, he does not know what it is but it looks bad. He tells me at that point that his pre-surgery chest xray showed little tumors all through his lungs.
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Bonnie stopped by here for a visit on Easter evening and then got lost on her way home that night. She lives only about 15 minutes from us, but after over an hour of driving she wound up about 30 miles away from her home going in the opposite direction of it. She had no idea where she was, so she pulled over to call her boyfriend, Bob.

She has an app on her phone where she could have just said "Call Bob" but she couldn't say it. She said she tried to say Call Bob 3 or 4 times, but the words just didn't come out. She finally gave up and just started tapping icons (and panicking). Eventually, I guess by luck, she got to where she could text Bob, but she couldn't think of the words or the letters to the words, not even the word "help". So she hit a series of emojis pretty much like this: 😨😭☹️☠️🚑❗

Bob called her right away. Then he used a GPS app that picked up her location, went there, and drove her to the nearest hospital emergency room where she told a nurse she thought she was having a stroke and a doctor ordered a brain scan. And they saw the 2 masses, one in the left parietal area and a smaller one on the left frontal lobe. Plus white matter disease at the base of her brain.
 
Thanks for sharing that. I know it was very personal of me to ask such a question. I have found it important to share the details of my husband's cancer so people can understand that is not wise to put off going to the doctor. Just can be a little thing that is so much more than we think. It seems to a common thing with most of society these days.

It is wise to go to the doctor for little bumps, bruising or weight loss that can't be explained. When someone is ill it maybe just a small thing, many people feel well and are shocked when they get a bad diagnosis.

That was the case with my husband. He had many basal cell carcinomas removed over the years. We were told he was okay, just do skin check every year, which we did. His diagnosis was basal cell carcinoma, metastatic spread. It is very rare for basal cell to metastasize to organs, in our case, it spread to the lungs. I could not fault the doctors as this happening are almost impossible.

The more we share, the more lives we may help save. It is why I advocate for clinical trials. It may not be a cure but can add years to a death sentence often without the bad side effects of chemo. Important to know Bonnie will have to go through normal chemo before she can apply to a trial.
 
Also @Murrmurr I am dreadfully sorry about your sister. I do wish you and her and all of you the very best. I can't really read anymore of this tragic situation as it scares me so. (my mom and all)

You're always in my thoughts, Frank. You're a fine man. I want you to know that if I don't post replies here, it's not because I don't care. Rather, the opposite! 🫂💔:cry:
 


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