Not that anyone is asking

So I talked to 2 people at Amador County CPS (AmCo) and 2 people at Sacramento County Resource Family Approval (SacCo).

I will definitely have Paxton this weekend, Fri-Sun, and every other weekend going forward. Also, AmCo urged me to renew my foster care license, and SacCo is putting a rush on it. The reason is because AmCo might have to remove Paxton from his current foster home, and if they do they want to place him here even though it's out of their county. And the reason they might have to remove him is because his 2yr-old brother viciously attacks him every day, causing some pretty bad injuries. In fact, when I offered pictures I have of Paxton all bruised and scratched, the caseworker said "Oh, we have plenty." ...Holy frig.

I hope they get the 2yr-old brother into therapy. He might even need medication. I mean, he might have a disorder caused by Tara's drug habit while she was pregnant, it's not uncommon. He yanks the hell out of his twin sister's hair every chance he gets, too, but Paxton is his main target. That could be because their mother treats Paxton differently; she's cold and curt and angry, and the little brother was seeing that all the time.

Anyway, Paxton's gonna visit every other weekend, then probably every weekend, and then maybe he'll move in. And maybe his little sister will, too....aaand Michelle's wish will come true. 😳
 

So I talked to 2 people at Amador County CPS (AmCo) and 2 people at Sacramento County Resource Family Approval (SacCo).

I will definitely have Paxton this weekend, Fri-Sun, and every other weekend going forward. Also, AmCo urged me to renew my foster care license, and SacCo is putting a rush on it. The reason is because AmCo might have to remove Paxton from his current foster home, and if they do they want to place him here even though it's out of their county. And the reason they might have to remove him is because his 2yr-old brother viciously attacks him every day, causing some pretty bad injuries. In fact, when I offered pictures I have of Paxton all bruised and scratched, the caseworker said "Oh, we have plenty." ...Holy frig.

I hope they get the 2yr-old brother into therapy. He might even need medication. I mean, he might have a disorder caused by Tara's drug habit while she was pregnant, it's not uncommon. He yanks the hell out of his twin sister's hair every chance he gets, too, but Paxton is his main target. That could be because their mother treats Paxton differently; she's cold and curt and angry, and the little brother was seeing that all the time.

Anyway, Paxton's gonna visit every other weekend, then probably every weekend, and then maybe he'll move in. And maybe his little sister will, too....aaand Michelle's wish will come true. 😳
Gosh Murrmurr, remember just a month ago you were hoping something like this would happen, and here it is now...all happening right before your eyes.

So happy for you!! :)
 

I picked Paxton up Friday evening from the CPS visitor's center in a small town about 55 miles away and took him back this afternoon. 110 miles round trip. From now on, they'll bring him to me every other Friday and I'll take him back the following Monday until he starts preschool and has to be back on a Sunday.

When I walked into the visitor's center, Paxton ran to me, his arms in the air, yelling "Unco Pwank! Unco Pwank!" and laughed himself silly while we hugged hello. The Family Services lady who works there said it was the first time she'd ever seen him smile, let alone laugh. She said he doesn't like to hug his mom, doesn't even like to say hi to her, and just mostly plays with the toys there during their 2 hour 3x/week visits.

When I took him back to the same place, I was confused because the doors were locked, so I called that lady and a few minutes later Paxton's foster parents came to get him. No one told me I'd be meeting them there, but it was good meeting them. We talked for a little while. They seem like good people. Paxton cried and said "No, no, no!" while the foster mom buckled him in his car-seat. She told me that was a first. He never cries when she picks him up from visits with his parents.

Her name is Jennifer. She asked me a few questions about Tara, Paxton's mom, and she asked what did I know about Paxton's history. She was shocked when I told her he lived with me from age 3 1/2 weeks to age 2 1/2 years. She said "So, to him, you're essentially his father." She also didn't know that Tara had only gotten her kids back last November, so she only had them for about 9 months when they were taken again.

That got me thinking. Family Court isn't going to look favorably on that. And I told Jennifer that Tara and Cole disappeared when Paxton was 5 months old, and weren't seen again until shortly before his 1st birthday. And they'd visited Paxton sporadically before that. Sometimes they didn't show up because they were high on meth, other times it was because they were sleeping all day. And Tara was pregnant with the twins at the time. The court will be given all that history. Problem is, the judges don't always read through the case file, and will just make a decision based on the case summery instead. That, and the parents' testimony.

But anyway, we had a great weekend. Went to Chuck E Cheese's, visited a farm, helped cousin Eileen plant a tree, and had a belated 4th of July barbecue with my sons and their families.

This is Paxton with his Buzz Lightyear water gun.

packin' chill.jpg
 
That's a bittersweet post, bud.

Glad things came together.

The little ones are so precious.

Oh, that's killer
That'd tear my heart out

Not much affects this ol' geezer....but the little ones.....whoa
Honestly, I could barely keep it together. After dropping him off I drove half the way home navigating through watery eyes.

It's gotta stop. I keep envisioning Paxton in the future, as a man, and if this keeps up it's not good. Not good at all. That shatters me.
 
t's gotta stop. I keep envisioning Paxton in the future, as a man, and if this keeps up it's not good. Not good at all. That shatters me.
On the flip side, you, sir, may be the example that pulls him thru.

My grandson sent me a text not that long ago
While doing his army stint

In it, he really laid it on
Busted me up into a blubbering heap of wet grey hair and sawdust

I really didn't know the influence I had on him when he was little
 
Paxton's weekend is coming up. He'll be here sometime Friday afternoon. I was told by Amador County Family Services that his caseworker will call and ask if the twins can come, too. Mommy requested I have all 3 kids on Paxton's weekends. I talked to Michelle about it and she asked, “In the six months ‘Mommy’ dropped Pax off [almost] every weekend, did she ever ask you to take all 3 kids?”

No, she never did. In fact, Mommy never even took the twins out of the car when she'd drop Paxton off; never considered bringing them inside to visit with Uncle Frank for a while. I barely know the twins. I suppose Mommy figures I can handle all 3 now that Michelle is here to help, but I feel like she's forgetting what these weekends are about. Or she doesn't care.

Paxton’s foster mother reported to the kids' caseworker that Paxton's younger brother attacks him numerous times a day, and Paxton just takes it, just folds up on the floor and cries. The foster parents intervene, of course, but they haven’t managed to prevent it happening. I suppose that because Paxton does nothing in the way of fighting back, and suspecting his little brother might be targeting Paxton because Mommy did, the caseworker assigned Paxton a mental health worker. A child psychologist.

The psychologist assessed Paxton, and decided they're gonna meet a couple times a week. Her initial diagnoses are Significantly Depressed and Emotionally Detached.

Duh. Of course he is. Suddenly and permanently taken from his Daddy (me), from the very happy life he had here, and the only family and only home he’s ever known, not to mention all his belongings, of course he’s depressed and detached!

And yet, at least currently, CPS is still focusing on Reunification. Mommy is going to classes to learn how to be a good person. Naturally, that’ll go well. That’ll fix everything. Nothin’ to it, just change the leopard’s spots. And, if at first they don’t succeed, I wonder how many times Paxton will be put through this?
 
Tara isn't going to change Murr. You recognize this, sadly, the folks running the show are brainwashed into thinking they can change the world. If the twins are with you as well, you at least can keep an eye on the one targeting Paxton and intercede. That kid needs a lesson or two on being a decent human being. God bless your patience. Good job with Paxton.
 
Tara isn't going to change Murr. You recognize this, sadly, the folks running the show are brainwashed into thinking they can change the world. If the twins are with you as well, you at least can keep an eye on the one targeting Paxton and intercede. That kid needs a lesson or two on being a decent human being. God bless your patience. Good job with Paxton.
I agree. Or if she does change, it will be years from now, when she won't be able to deny the impact her actions are having on her kids; like when one is in and out of jail, one is a pregnant teen, another addicted to drugs, and they're all telling her to go to hell.
 
So who has brainwashed him into thinking that he should be going to visit with you. You were never directly part of his life. Tara wants her weekends free.
I talked to the caseworker about this yesterday. SHE's the one who's suggesting I take the twins, too. I wish I'd asked her why but I didn't. I just told her I'd think about it. Today, I think not. When I picked up Paxton last Friday his little brother cried because he wanted to come, too. But starting next Friday, a CPS driver will be bringing Paxton here and I'll be dropping him off there on Mondays, so the little brother and sister won't be seeing me picking Paxton up, only dropping him off. Problem solved, and Paxton gets to have HIS weekends.

I only would have said yes because I'm a softie. But I'd have probably seen that it was a bad decision because Paxton probably would have become angrier. I figured I could work on bringing them closer, but maybe they're too young for that, and I'd have just made things worse for Pax. I'm sure they'll grow closer as they grow older...naturally, you know? If nothing else, they'll realize they have a lot in common.
 
Paxton is your priority. You can’t solve all the problems in that family, even if you are a softie.
Good advice. I need to stop even trying. No one is listening anyway.

We had a great weekend. Chuckie-Cheeses, a little-league game, and we played in the sprinklers here a few times. Paxton has become clingy. He always wants to sit with me me while I'm in my chair, and puts his arms around my neck a lot and puts his forehead against mine and says "Unco-Pwank" kind of soft and sweet. Turns my heart to molten moosh, but it makes me angry too. Life sucks for this kid, and it didn't have to. This was 100% preventable.
 
Occasionally, my legs go out, and suddenly it'll feel like they aren’t even there. They go completely numb and lose all strength. It usually happens when I get out of bed, and it’s weird because I can swing my legs out of bed and put my feet on the floor, no problem, but when I go to stand up, I just collapse. It’s only then that I realize I can’t feel my legs. Or my feet. After a few minutes my legs feel like they’re on fire, and the heat intensifies and then ebbs several times. It comes in waves, and it hurts like hell when each wave reaches its peak. I’ve actually yelled really loud a few times, that’s how intense it can get. It literally feels like lava is flowing through the veins in my legs and feet.

Anyway, that used to happen about every 3 to 6 weeks, but it hasn’t happened for several months, until early this morning. Must have been about 3am when I got up to go to the bathroom and when I stood up I immediately did a face-plant onto the carpet. My chin hit pretty hard because my not-fully-awake brain thought I was walking when I wasn’t, so my head and shoulders had all this momentum while the rest of me hadn’t budged.

The fall alone was alarming enough for my poor wife, but when I started getting the sensation that feels like someone’s taking a blowtorch to my lower extremities, she totally freaked out. Every time that sensation peaked, Michelle yelled “I’m calling 9-1-1!” And I kept yelling back, “It’ll pass! Just give it a few more minutes, I’ll be fine!”

Well instead of a few minutes like usual, the fire finally died out after about half an hour. And that’s when my legs usually just tingle, and maybe twitch a bit for a while. Usually. And then I can get up and walk around with my walker until the feeling comes back 100%. But that didn’t happen. Both legs just laid there….dead.

At 6am I finally told Michelle she could go get Josh, a close friend who lives upstairs. He helped Michelle get me to the bathroom (at last! >whew<) and dug my walker out of the closet. Even with my legs gone, just holding myself up on the walker stretched my spine, and after about 10 minutes of holding myself up and letting my dead legs act as traction, they started tingling and I could move them, and started walking…sort of. I had to use the walker till around 8 this morning, and I fell down a few times, unhurt. Michelle went to work late, but she called in so they’re ok with it. She was still kind of freaked out when she left, though.

I’m pretty freaked out too. I don’t know what’s happening. I mean, I know it has to do with my spinal nerves, somewhere between L4 and S1, probably, but I don’t know exactly what’s going on there. I’m really worried I might have to be back in a wheelchair soon. :(

Fortunately, I have an appointment with my back surgeon next month. I asked my PCP for a referral last week because of a fierce, very localized new pain in my lower back. The surgeon's office scheduled me for an MRI on Aug 15th, and then I see the surgeon on the 22nd. So, that’s all good. And something that’s really cool; I can go to the medical center’s website and then log into my medical chart to see detailed results of the MRI before I see the surgeon. It’s cool because when you know what’s in the analysis, you can make sure the surgeon doesn’t skip anything, and you know what questions to ask.
 
That's definitely upsetting, for both of you, @Murrmurr :confused:

Of course, it is good that you have those appointments already planned.
I wondered if anything you did in your movements over the past week, might have exacerbated this episode. If so, avoid those!
Also, possibly modify anything you can, that might possibly make it any worse.

Perhaps some alternate method of swinging the legs out of bed, might possibly help to not bring it on? Such as placing a flat surface, partway, so you are not slinging them or sliding your legs all the way to the floor in one go.
 
That's definitely upsetting, for both of you, @Murrmurr :confused:

Of course, it is good that you have those appointments already planned.
I wondered if anything you did in your movements over the past week, might have exacerbated this episode. If so, avoid those!
Also, possibly modify anything you can, that might possibly make it any worse.

Perhaps some alternate method of swinging the legs out of bed, might possibly help to not bring it on? Such as placing a flat surface, partway, so you are not slinging them or sliding your legs all the way to the floor in one go.
Yeah, I need to slow that process down; like, not think I can just spring out of bed like a 3rd-grader on summer vacation.
From experience, I know that if I have my hips in a certain position before getting up I can prevent this happening. Just need to take my time.
 
What an awful thing to have happened Murr. I feel so bad for you. It sounds serious but you recovered so it may not be as serious as it sounded at first.

I'm glad you already have your appointments scheduled. I can't imagine what it could be. You think it's your spine? I wish you luck with your visit and I hope you don't need any surgery and that physical therapy will help to improve your condition.

🌹 🌹 🌹
 


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