Not that anyone is asking

I have that same thing with my legs as you. So did my mother. It wasn't uncommon to hear her yell, in the middle of the night, "Charley Horse!" I giggle just thinking about that! :LOL:
 

Pepper said:
I have that same thing with my legs as you. So did my mother. It wasn't uncommon to hear her yell, in the middle of the night, "Charley Horse!" I giggle just thinking about that! :LOL:
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This isn't a charley horse, though. I get those occasionally but I used to get them a lot more when I played ball. This feels and looks totally different. The twitching in my calves is almost constant. That was tested, and it's a nerve firing off when it's not supposed to. The root of your leg nerves is in your back, so something's going on there at the source...pinched nerve or whatever. When my feet cramp up really bad they look like the feet of a person with palsy, all curled up and facing the wrong way. It's so painful, and makes me think people with palsy must be in constant horrible pain.
 
Pepper said:
Yes, I've gotten that feet, esp. toes all curled up thing. It's so scary looking. My leg pain is from my lower back and..............god it sucks to be old! 😠
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YES! Age probably has something to do with it (in my case) but also I had a very serious back injury about 25 years ago and I was born with a defect as well, a non-crippling type of spina bifida. That's why I couldn't enlist in the military. I was in great shape but failed the physical because of that defect. I didn't even know it was there until then.

Anyway, it's sure a drag that you get those foot cramps. The pain is so intense! If you still get them, try what I do, walk around in hard-soled shoes until it starts to subside and then sit on something firm. For me, it's my office chair, which is kind of old and the cushion is all flat. It cuts the pain by half and can make it stop within 10 minutes or so.
 
Had a nice weekend with Collin. His mom and I walked him to the door (I carried his bags) and when she said goodbye to him, it's the first time I ever saw him ask for a good-bye kiss. She looked thrilled.

As usual lately he seemed off-balance the first day and was kind of emotional but not as much as the last visit. I think that happens because he's forgotten the big picture of his life here, like our daily routines and my physical limitations, but he remembers details like his toys and where some things are kept (but not everything). So it's kind of new but at the same time it's very familiar and he has to reset.

Like, for the first hour or two he wants me to play games with him that I'm not familiar with, and usually it's a "chase me" type game, and I'm not so good at that. I can chase a few times and then I have to sit for a while, and I don't know what I'm supposed to do when I catch him, or even if I'm supposed to, and it's very obvious that he's disappointed and a little angry about that. Obviously these are games he plays at home, and he doesn't like it that I don't know them because, in his mind, I should know them. Because the one thing he hasn't forgotten is me. I'm still a constant in his life.

So anyway, I've been letting this first hour or two unfold. It tells me he's getting plenty of playtime at home that he's enjoying it very much. But then we make up a new game so that we both know the rules, and we play that for a while. And then I was getting his puzzles or his art supplies out, and he'd sort of settle into that "old" routine, but never 100%, which was a little awkward for both of us. So this time I just let him choose what he wanted to do next. He gave me this car and had me sit over there, and he took that car and sat over there, and when he said Go, I sent my car toward him and he sent his car crashing into it. And we crashed our cars into each other for a good 20 minutes or so. Then he went straight to his books and sat in my lap for a read.

Collin brings me the same book several times a day - Pete the Cat; Crayons Rock! It's about this cool cat who draws and colors a lot, and one day he decides to draw and color a picture of each of his friends, and then gives them to each friend as a gift. But his friends see something wrong with every drawing; Grumpy Toad says Pete got the colors wrong, and Callie Cat said it's close but something's missing (her whiskers), and so on. It's a brutal experience, and Pete gets really discouraged and so in school the next day he refuses to draw. He has given up the crayons that used to rock his world. His friends suddenly have a change in their thinking (like magic, so we don't know the impetus behind this, other than Pete's resignation...bc it's a toddler book, I guess, but whatever) and they all tell Pete to just Be Him and do his crayon thing, and it doesn't matter if the product isn't perfect. And the friends all draw pictures of Pete that day in class, and Pete draws his masterpiece; he draws his crayons.

I'm not sure what Collin's young mind makes of this story, but of the several books he has here, it's obviously his favorite.

Both his parents picked Collin up yesterday evening and his father talked to me for a bit. He got a job and he's obviously very proud about it. It's a good job, too, with Caltrans; Calif Dept of Transportation. He'll be working on bridges and highways and the pay is really decent. And they hire parolees. Also, he'll move in with Tara and the kids today. He finally got his case transferred to a parole officer in that county.

This could mean that I won't have weekends with Collin anymore. Knowing this, I offered to babysit all 3 kids if the need arises, which could be the death of me (Collin will be 3 in June, the twins will be 2 in April), so I said "for 2 or 3 hours", and Tara said she just might take me up on that.

Now that both his parents live with him, it's possible this was me and Collin's last weekend together, and it's feasible that I'll never see him again.
 
Pepper said:
A thousand hugs. (((Murr)))
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Thanks, Pepper. It's bitter-sweet, you know? He has to move on, that's a given and it's happening. I only hope that years down the road, if he has any memories of me at all (which is doubtful) they'll be good ones. But they might be associated with the trauma of a sudden unwelcome change, and that's how "false memories" happen and those are usually creepy, so if that's going to be the case I'd really prefer he forget.

If I taught Collin only 1 thing in the 30 months he lived here, I hope it's that he's a lovable person, a person deserving of love. He'll go far with that.
 
Murrmurr said:
These foot cramps have been waking me up every morning lately, anywhere from 3 to 6am. Man, they hurt. At least they don't last long. I figured out months ago that if I put on my shoes or hard-soled slippers and walk around for a few minutes and then sit in a firm chair, it goes away pretty quickly. I used to roll around in agony for 10 to 20 minutes. That still happens if I don't manage to get my shoes on quick enough, before my feet and toes start curling up. The pain is almost unbearable then.

It starts with a minor back spasm, then a feeling of extreme heat sort of drizzles down to my hip, like a little lava flow. Then the calf of my leg, or sometimes both legs start twitching and that's when I jump outa bed to put my shoes on, because what happens next is horrible cramps in my feet. They start curling weirdly, slowly turning sole-side up, and my toes bend backwards. Looks freaky and it's extremely painful. I was prescribed muscle relaxers for it but they don't work. I think that's because it's a nerve thing, not entirely a muscle thing.

But it stopped now, so I'm gonna go back to bed. Collin's coming to visit till Sunday. I went and bought us some water-based paint, brushes, and a couple of poster boards and a big sketch pad. He loves to draw and he's pretty good at it, but this will be his first experience with paint.

😴
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I get foot crams, ankle cramps and leg cramps and you are right, they DO hurt!!!! 😫. I’m trying to drink a lot of water, they say that helps...and now that I’m thinking about it, I don’t think I’ve had any for a couple of months! **looking desperately around for wood to knock on**. I havevavfriend who swears by some leg cramp ills that she takes...will have to ask again for the name of them.
Have fun with Collin 💕
 
Murrmurr said:
Finally, mom's interment and graveside service is scheduled for the 10th, exactly a month after she passed. We're advised to keep the number of attendees to no more than 20, to wear masks and distance, except each household can group together. Hers will be the second of five funerals scheduled that day.
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Will be thinking of all of you. Glad you finally get to have the closure. Will say a prayer for Mom too 🌹
 
Kathleen’s Place said:
I get foot crams, ankle cramps and leg cramps and you are right, they DO hurt!!!! 😫. I’m trying to drink a lot of water, they say that helps...and now that I’m thinking about it, I don’t think I’ve had any for a couple of months! **looking desperately around for wood to knock on**. I havevavfriend who swears by some leg cramp ills that she takes...will have to ask again for the name of them.
Have fun with Collin 💕
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I'm positive the cramps in my feet are caused by a problem my lower back because there's a sequence - a minor back spasm, same spot every time (right side), then extreme heat runs from that spot to my right hip and burns there for a while - and I say "runs" because it feel like a lava flow. When I feel that burning sensation in my hip, I know those foot cramps are gonna start. I can sometimes stop it by shifting the position of my lower back and hips just slightly. If that doesn't work I get to my feet asap and start walking. But sometimes my right leg goes completely numb and I can't walk, I fall to the floor. But if all goes well I walk for a few minutes and then sit on something firm and the spasm, the heat, and the foot cramps stop within 10 minutes.

I wanna try this thing a friend told me - pour some rice into a pair of socks about half full and shove another pair inside. When the cramps start, heat the socks in a microwave and put them on. So, your feet are in the inside pair of socks and the heated rice is between that pair and the other pair. Quickly shift the rice around so your entire foot and both ankles get heat, put on an oversized pair of slippers and relax. She said this works great for her.
 
Murrmurr said:
I'm positive the cramps in my feet are caused by a problem my lower back because there's a sequence - a minor back spasm, same spot every time (right side), then extreme heat runs from that spot to my right hip and burns there for a while - and I say "runs" because it feel like a lava flow. When I feel that burning sensation in my hip, I know those foot cramps are gonna start. I can sometimes stop it by shifting the position of my lower back and hips just slightly. If that doesn't work I get to my feet asap and start walking. But sometimes my right leg goes completely numb and I can't walk, I fall to the floor. But if all goes well I walk for a few minutes and then sit on something firm and the spasm, the heat, and the foot cramps stop within 10 minutes.

I wanna try this thing a friend told me - pour some rice into a pair of socks about half full and shove another pair inside. When the cramps start, heat the socks in a microwave and put them on. So, your feet are in the inside pair of socks and the heated rice is between that pair and the other pair. Quickly shift the rice around so your entire foot and both ankles get heat, put on an oversized pair of slippers and relax. She said this works great for her.
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or you could use a microwave heat pad like this which can wrap around your whole foot....

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Original-M...ugstore&sprefix=heat+pad,drugstore,150&sr=1-3

sorry for the long link... this is amazon UK... hopefully you'll find something like it in the US
 
Murrmurr said:
Had a nice weekend with Collin. His mom and I walked him to the door (I carried his bags) and when she said goodbye to him, it's the first time I ever saw him ask for a good-bye kiss. She looked thrilled.

As usual lately he seemed off-balance the first day and was kind of emotional but not as much as the last visit. I think that happens because he's forgotten the big picture of his life here, like our daily routines and my physical limitations, but he remembers details like his toys and where some things are kept (but not everything). So it's kind of new but at the same time it's very familiar and he has to reset.

Like, for the first hour or two he wants me to play games with him that I'm not familiar with, and usually it's a "chase me" type game, and I'm not so good at that. I can chase a few times and then I have to sit for a while, and I don't know what I'm supposed to do when I catch him, or even if I'm supposed to, and it's very obvious that he's disappointed and a little angry about that. Obviously these are games he plays at home, and he doesn't like it that I don't know them because, in his mind, I should know them. Because the one thing he hasn't forgotten is me. I'm still a constant in his life.

So anyway, I've been letting this first hour or two unfold. It tells me he's getting plenty of playtime at home that he's enjoying it very much. But then we make up a new game so that we both know the rules, and we play that for a while. And then I was getting his puzzles or his art supplies out, and he'd sort of settle into that "old" routine, but never 100%, which was a little awkward for both of us. So this time I just let him choose what he wanted to do next. He gave me this car and had me sit over there, and he took that car and sat over there, and when he said Go, I sent my car toward him and he sent his car crashing into it. And we crashed our cars into each other for a good 20 minutes or so. Then he went straight to his books and sat in my lap for a read.

Collin brings me the same book several times a day - Pete the Cat; Crayons Rock! It's about this cool cat who draws and colors a lot, and one day he decides to draw and color a picture of each of his friends, and then gives them to each friend as a gift. But his friends see something wrong with every drawing; Grumpy Toad says Pete got the colors wrong, and Callie Cat said it's close but something's missing (her whiskers), and so on. It's a brutal experience, and Pete gets really discouraged and so in school the next day he refuses to draw. He has given up the crayons that used to rock his world. His friends suddenly have a change in their thinking (like magic, so we don't know the impetus behind this, other than Pete's resignation...bc it's a toddler book, I guess, but whatever) and they all tell Pete to just Be Him and do his crayon thing, and it doesn't matter if the product isn't perfect. And the friends all draw pictures of Pete that day in class, and Pete draws his masterpiece; he draws his crayons.

I'm not sure what Collin's young mind makes of this story, but of the several books he has here, it's obviously his favorite.

Both his parents picked Collin up yesterday evening and his father talked to me for a bit. He got a job and he's obviously very proud about it. It's a good job, too, with Caltrans; Calif Dept of Transportation. He'll be working on bridges and highways and the pay is really decent. And they hire parolees. Also, he'll move in with Tara and the kids today. He finally got his case transferred to a parole officer in that county.

This could mean that I won't have weekends with Collin anymore. Knowing this, I offered to babysit all 3 kids if the need arises, which could be the death of me (Collin will be 3 in June, the twins will be 2 in April), so I said "for 2 or 3 hours", and Tara said she just might take me up on that.

Now that both his parents live with him, it's possible this was me and Collin's last weekend together, and it's feasible that I'll never see him again.
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I don't think at this stage of the game, Tara will cut you off from Collin completely, Murr. I think she may realize you are like his grandfather now and will want him to spend time with you. If they can keep their lives turned around, that is.
 
Driving around with 10yr-old Ariel today

Grampa, is it okay if I say a dirty word?
You mean now? Sure go 'head.
Sh!t.
Sh!t, what?
What?
Well... I mean what ...why'd you say sh!t just now?
Because you told me I could.
Well yeah, but what was the reason?
Grampa, there IS no reason for dirty words.

Touche, Ariel
 
Collin will be here tomorrow to stay the weekend. It's been a couple weeks, just about. So, yay, that wasn't his last weekend here.

The timing is kind of uncanny because I've been in quarantine since Feb 6 when I ...well, here's what went down; On the 6th I went to get the covid vaccine at our medical university clinic here, and they were screening everyone with the rapid covid test about an hour before giving us the vaccine. My test was positive for covid, so I was sent home and advised to quarantine until they could do an actual test (rather than a screening) there at their lab.

So, hard as it was, and even with masks and evrything I chose not to go to my mother's funeral yesterday. Well, I haven't gone anywhere since the 6th.

Anyway, Tara took the kids (Collin and the twins) to put flowers on my mom's grave this morning, just out of respect for my mom (and for me I s'pose) and then she called me after she got home to ask if I wanted Collin this weekend. She said she wished she would have called while they were at the cemetery because it's only about 20 minutes from my place (they live over an hour away). But I would have had to say No at that time because of the positive covid test. But it just so happened that right around the time Tara and the kids got home from the cemetery, my doctor called to tell me the first test was a false positive. Two re-tests (different from the rapid test) were both negative for covid-19.

So because Tara waited, her call came after the doctor's did, so I could say Yes! Bring him over!
 
It was another great weekend with Collin. He didn't have school on Monday so he stayed 4 days this time, Fri-Mon. The problem with staying that long is it's even worse when he has to go...or that's what I expected, anyway. And, as usual, when his mom text to say she was pulling in, Collin started crying and telling me he didn't want to go. Every time my phone made a sound that day, he cried because he figured it was his mom. Whenever it's her who comes to the door to collect him, he's inconsolable, but when it's his father he cries but he calms down pretty well by the time they get to their car. Fortunately it was his dad this time.

Collin likes his dad. He loves his mom, he's told me so, and he tells her too, but he likes his dad's company. Mom is always busy with the other kids and all that and Collin doesn't like it. That's an assumption on my part, but I never see signs of abuse or neglect, and I know what it's like to have 3 little ones under one roof. Collin is obviously unhappy with his general situation but he's growing like a weed, still has a sense of humor, plays with his toys and stuff like always and is as inquisitive as ever, so I'm sure no abuse is happening. But some months ago, after his dad told him to stop crying because he's a "big boy", I told the dad that if he expected Collin to act like a big boy, he needed to treat him like one - take him on exploration hikes and do simple projects and chores with him alone, without the younger siblings.

And he took my advice!

Tara complained about it for a while, getting on the father's case for not including the twins and "playing favorites". But the guy stuck with it. Apparently it sounded reasonable and right to him. And it's apparent that Collin really enjoys their father-son time.

Collin likes to tickle my beard. It's white (all white now) and short. His father has a huge, thick black beard that's almost mid-chest length. Collin sticks both hands right up in there when his dad carries him. :LOL:
 
So it turns out I'm eligible for a decent chunk of change for having a dependent in 2020 if I file a tax form, so I did.

I haven't filed a tax form since I started getting SSI and retired from working back in 2014 (or 2015, don't remember). Collin's parents told me that if I file a tax form I could get around $3K for being sole provider of Collin. I filed and sure enough, I got money! Closer to half the amount they told me, but he was my unrelated foster son so maybe that's why. Doesn't matter, I'll take it.

Now I'm thinking I should file retroactively for the years 2018 and 2019. Collin came to live with me on June 1st, 2018, so not sure that would be enough months in that year to qualify, but he lived here the whole year of 2019 (and until Nov in 2020, so apparently, 11 months is a year to the IRS).

I won't be penalized for filing late because I'm not required to file, and I wouldn't owe any back taxes. Also, for 2019 I might qualify for an additional COVID relief payment that I read about. If you had a minor dependent, you can get that one.

So I think I'll go to H&R Block or some place like that. I did the 2020 filing through TurboTax online but I don't know if I can retro-file with them. Haven't checked it out yet.
 

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