Not what I wanted

Mr. Ed

Mr. Ed

Be what you is not what you what you ain’t
Location
Central NY
When I was I young I wanted to do, to be someone meaningful. I failed in the most meaningless way. I did not apply myself, hell, I didn’t who I was until my mid-fifties. It fruitless to want something different than what you have because you are what you is, not what you ain’t. So don’t try to be what you ain’t because you are what you is.
 

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Mr. Ed said:
When I was I young I wanted to do, to be someone meaningful. I failed in the most meaningless way. I did not apply myself, hell, I didn’t who I was until my mid-fifties. It fruitless to want something different than what you have because you are what you is, not what you ain’t. So don’t try to be what you ain’t because you are what you is.
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I'd go a step farther. Discovering ones self is hindered by the family that you grow up in.

I was the youngest, and impressionable. I learned a lot from the behavior of my elder brother who was/is a loser. I learned bad habits from my father, and thought all women reacted as my mother did. It takes a long time to weed out all that learned stuff and expose the real you. It's a bit like starting all over again.

I've told my story on here many times. But to recap a tiny bit - I did what I did with a life dedicated to work in a professional I loved. It was decades later when I realized that my own obsession was harming others (and no, I don't mean physically, just that opportunities were missed, incorrect (selfish) decisions were taken, etc.

Sadly, too few people take a step back and examine who they are without being defensive.
 

My life was circumstantial on many levels, poor parenting, trauma, neglect and abandonment. Then out of the blue I was diagnosed with a serious mental illness. I lost 30 years of my life due to mismanagement of medication and lack of productivity. When I finally got to the place I could turn my life around, I was already in my mid-fifties.

Even though I acted quickly by working and attending college part time my days were numbered and forced into retirement. I would have liked to have had more time to see what I could with my life, but I never got the opportunity.

Nowadays, I can't do anything because of my health Sometimes I feel cheated, however, there are no guarantees in life so I should be grateful for what I have and I am. But it is hard being grateful when I could have accomplish so much more if circumstances had been in my favor.
 
Mr. Ed said:
When I was I young I wanted to do, to be someone meaningful. I failed in the most meaningless way. I did not apply myself, hell, I didn’t who I was until my mid-fifties. It fruitless to want something different than what you have because you are what you is, not what you ain’t. So don’t try to be what you ain’t because you are what you is.
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Ed, I think you ARE someone meaningful. I'm sorry if you don't see it that way.
 
Mr. Ed said:
My life was circumstantial on many levels, poor parenting, trauma, neglect and abandonment. Then out of the blue I was diagnosed with a serious mental illness. I lost 30 years of my life due to mismanagement of medication and lack of productivity. When I finally got to the place I could turn my life around, I was already in my mid-fifties.

Even though I acted quickly by working and attending college part time my days were numbered and forced into retirement. I would have liked to have had more time to see what I could with my life, but I never got the opportunity.

Nowadays, I can't do anything because of my health Sometimes I feel cheated, however, there are no guarantees in life so I should be grateful for what I have and I am. But it is hard being grateful when I could have accomplish so much more if circumstances had been in my favor.
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Sorry to hear that Mr. Ed. I echo some of your experiences.

I think we should be careful not to imagine how great everything would have been, if only. Fact is, everyone's life is full of ups and downs, and a lot of the time we have no idea of the daily challenges people go through. A perfect life doesn't exist.

Still, none of that means you can't give value to your life. Tomorrow is a new day. For example, I have plans to begin to paint. I've never painted before, but I have in mind a series of pictures I'd like to do. They're very simple designs, and don't require real artistry, so should be doable even for me!

I also have a novel I'd like to get back too. I started it perhaps ten years ago, but stopped at Chapter 3. I'd like to think I'd finish it before I fall into the hole in the ground.

So, figure out what brings you pleasure. We all have a journey, and some of it is going to be going over rough ground. But it ain't over until it's over.
 
More times than not a funk in my disposition is usually attributed to medication or a lack of. With that said, I feel better now and thank you all for your support.
 
Mr. Ed said:
More times than not a funk in my disposition is usually attributed to medication or a lack of. With that said, I feel better now and thank you all for your support.
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Medication for mental health isn't a cure. It can't prevent you from having ups and downs, doubts, answer questions, and so on. It's all about balance, and getting as close as you can to it. There is no cure for the human condition, my friend.
 
VaughanJB said:
Medication for mental health isn't a cure. It can't prevent you from having ups and downs, doubts, answer questions, and so on. It's all about balance, and getting as close as you can to it. There is no cure for the human condition, my friend.
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I appreciate your diagnosis, perhaps you would like to step inside to get a better view?
 
Most likely the best way to make a difference is too quit looking at making a difference.
React with an open mind and do what you want to do. I see young handicap mental
Young people with a parent or elder all the time. I can't fix incest, none of my business.
The Child isn't locked in an 8'x8' room forever.
 
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