Now that you are older and wiser....

Now that you are older and wiser! Who, me? :LOL: :LOL: :LOL:​

Would I inflict myself onto any lady? A difficult decision, but if I got sufficient encouragement, like lots of kisses and cuddles, plus the odd haircut, and as long as she was a fantastic cook, painter and decorator, comedian, gardener, and have more than a few shillings in the bank, then perhaps I'd consider jumping over the broomstick with her, but it would need to be a short engagement, possibly 8/9 years and a bit. :LOL:
 

Pepper said:
I can't deal with the question anymore. What's done is done; what was is past. It was what it was, it is what it is because of what was. No do-overs.
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I agree with this. Although I'm glad Marci started the discussion and I've enjoyed reading the replies (also enjoy listening to people discussing this IRL), I don't enjoy thinking about it when it applies to me; no way I can change my past or the situation I'm in now, too depressing to start up that kind of daydreaming or wishful thinking.
 

I married the man I loved and lost him all to soon to a war we never should have been involved in. I raised our son, and never married again. No one else ever seemed to measure up. Or perhaps, I just never gave anyone else that chance. Dated a lot and do love male company, but to marry one? Just not for me as I had my career and became too independent.
 
Rosemarie said:
make sure you see them with their family first....they can put on an act with other people, but no-one can fool their family.
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Good point about seeing their family. Sometimes they’re exactly like them and that may not be a good thing.

One of the things that I should have listened to was “You’re never going to change the things that bother you. It’s only going to get worse.”
 
It was never really a decision to remain single for me. I had an episode one day when I was maybe 10 years of age. I will never know the reason but I had a moment when I said to myself I will never marry. I was too much in love with life to share it is the only explanation I have ever come up with.
 
If I had it to do over and could marry the one I did originally, then yes, I'd do it again. I believe it's our interdependence that has made it work for the last 49 years, and counting. It was the first marriage for both of us so there wasn't an added issue of comparing this one to a previous one to deal with. I'm not saying that's good or bad, just an observation. We were very young and the odds were astronomically against us from the get go but somehow, thankfully, we navigated the highs and lows and through it all, believe it has been worth it. I'm older but not quite convinced that equates to wiser, however if allowed to offer a helpful bit of advice. Ditch the silent treatment, most essential to the survival of any relationship is communication, no, not screaming and yelling, but open, honest, constructive communication. Contrary to popular opinion, your mate cannot read your mind and I'm not sure that would make things easier anyway lol. Sorry, didn't mean for this to be so long. Don...
 
Macfan said:
If I had it to do over and could marry the one I did originally, then yes, I'd do it again. I believe it's our interdependence that has made it work for the last 49 years, and counting. It was the first marriage for both of us so there wasn't an added issue of comparing this one to a previous one to deal with. I'm not saying that's good or bad, just an observation. We were very young and the odds were astronomically against us from the get go but somehow, thankfully, we navigated the highs and lows and through it all, believe it has been worth it. I'm older but not quite convinced that equates to wiser, however if allowed to offer a helpful bit of advice. Ditch the silent treatment, most essential to the survival of any relationship is communication, no, not screaming and yelling, but open, honest, constructive communication. Contrary to popular opinion, your mate cannot read your mind and I'm not sure that would make things easier anyway lol. Sorry, didn't mean for this to be so long. Don...
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i agree about the silent treatment. my 2nd refused to talk at all when there was a disagreement. he would just clam up completely. all that did was make me angrier. i still to this day don't know why he refused to even respond let alone try to talk things out.

thanks for your response and it wasn't too long. it was good.
 
fmdog44 said:
It was never really a decision to remain single for me. I had an episode one day when I was maybe 10 years of age. I will never know the reason but I had a moment when I said to myself I will never marry. I was too much in love with life to share it is the only explanation I have ever come up with.
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That sounds similar to why we have no children. They don't come with an instruction manual, they certainly come with demands, on your time, your wallet and (tongue in cheek,) your sanity. So many times we heard, "just have them, it will all work out." But the enormity of it simply overwhelmed us, so despite the well meaning advice, we didn't.

The sanity quip came from some forum or other when I was surfing around. It read: "Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids." Cracked me up.
 
Great questions...my biggest regret was listening to my father discourage me from studying psychology:confused:. He talked me into a 'practical career'. I studied Microbiology and ended up working in quality control. Years later my father said to me..remember when u wanted to study psychology? You would have been good in that' Thanks Dad:rolleyes:..
lol but such is life and I write it off as what was 'meant to be.' He only wanted what he felt would be best and it was my weakness for not pursuing my real interest. After my girls were older I went into Real Estate and enjoyed that. My entire life I have read self-help psychology books and love them.

I was married for 50 years..he died 9/11/19 and I would do it again. I have daughters that I cherish and can't imagine having a life without them.
 
Jules said:
It’s other people who are upset with your decisions. They should mind their own business no matter how they’re related to you or how tight your friendship is.
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Jules, you have got it in one, well done you. Life's decisions are just that, our country was racked with political anguish over Brexit, neither side could understand why on earth anyone would vote for/against the way they thought. Opinions were entrenched. It's much the same when anyone chooses to swim against the tide. Be that political choice, children or anything that is not of the herd instinct, people feel threatened, heaven knows why.
But if we all adopt the attitude of, live and let live, nobody would ever feel excluded. Sadly, I'm not holding my breath on that being the default action of the mainstream.
 
I have been happily married for 36 years and would remarry this particular lady in a heartbeat.

But I would run for the hills before marrying number one (cannot keep her pants on). And number two was so bad that she made number one look downright wonderful. I was single for quite some time after number two.
 
Pecos said:
I have been happily married for 36 years and would remarry this particular lady in a heartbeat.

But I would run for the hills before marrying number one (cannot keep her pants on). And number two was so bad that she made number one look downright wonderful. I was single for quite some time after number two.
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maybe there's hope for me yet. lol!
 
If you had it to do all over again...would you still get married or stay single and why?

We will have been married 55 years in September. In those years, we have navigated speed bumps and chuckholes. Every day, I thank the Good Lord... the lucky stars... dumb luck... whatever happened that allowed me to spend my life with this lady. I would not think twice about doing it all again. I never could have celebrated the successes or made it through the tough times without the support of this lady.

Bonus question...Did you end up in the career you wanted or did you get stuck in whatever was available to you at the time?

Plans my parents had for me as a career went bye-bye in my second year of college. Plans my bride and I had made for my/our career went bye-bye in our first month of marriage. In survival mode, we bounced in and out of a couple dead-end jobs. After a devastating financial disaster, a good friend offered me a job in a field I was totally unfamiliar with. 40 years later, I retired from that field. Went from zero formal education in engineering to owning part interest in a large firm from which I retired. Lots of hard work. Lots of diving into projects and responsibilities "above my pay grade". But, spent the time and energy to do whatever was asked... and do it well. The time spent in that career has given my resources and abilities which have kept me extremely busy during my retirement.
 
Patch said:
If you had it to do all over again...would you still get married or stay single and why?

We will have been married 55 years in September. In those years, we have navigated speed bumps and chuckholes. Every day, I thank the Good Lord... the lucky stars... dumb luck... whatever happened that allowed me to spend my life with this lady. I would not think twice about doing it all again. I never could have celebrated the successes or made it through the tough times without the support of this lady.

Bonus question...Did you end up in the career you wanted or did you get stuck in whatever was available to you at the time?

Plans my parents had for me as a career went bye-bye in my second year of college. Plans my bride and I had made for my/our career went bye-bye in our first month of marriage. In survival mode, we bounced in and out of a couple dead-end jobs. After a devastating financial disaster, a good friend offered me a job in a field I was totally unfamiliar with. 40 years later, I retired from that field. Went from zero formal education in engineering to owning part interest in a large firm from which I retired. Lots of hard work. Lots of diving into projects and responsibilities "above my pay grade". But, spent the time and energy to do whatever was asked... and do it well. The time spent in that career has given my resources and abilities which have kept me extremely busy during my retirement.
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that's awesome...thanks for the post Patch!
 

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