Nursing Homes

[StarSong]

@Lethe200, both my mom and my FIL spent the last periods of their lives in assisted living facilities. My mom was in memory care, my FIL's Alzheimer's didn't get that bad before he died of an upper respiratory infection. (Both lived to 92.) They were in different ALs because their needs were different. Both facilities were excellent though, and I have highly recommended them to others.

ALs were a godsend to my mother and my father-in-law. The ALs provided far better care than I could have, plus much better socialization opportunities along with time with people in their own generation.

 

[officerripley]

@Lethe200, both my mom and my FIL spent the last periods of their lives in assisted living facilities. My mom was in memory care, my FIL's Alzheimer's didn't get that bad before he died of an upper respiratory infection. (Both lived to 92.) They were in different ALs because their needs were different. Both facilities were excellent though, and I have highly recommended them to others.

ALs were a godsend to my mother and my father-in-law. The ALs provided far better care than I could have, plus much better socialization opportunities along with time with people in their own generation.

Too bad that the AL's are so expensive, around here anyway AL's start at close to $5,000/month.

 

[OneEyedDiva]

I've had experience with SNF (skilled nursing facilities) via three elderly family members plus one close friend who were patients. Here's what I've gleaned:

The very best of these were barely adequate. They're almost always severely understaffed, patients' clothing gets lost and shows up on other patients (even when marked, PLUS the family says they'll bring laundry home), the food is heavy on starches, fats and sodium, aka institutional fare, and many times the facilities reek of urine or a disinfectant intended to mask that scent.

Medical personnel? One RN or LVN on staff, the "house doctor" shows up now and then - mostly to collect a paycheck from my observation. In all of my loved ones' cases, the house doctor was an uncaring, complete waste of time. The RN/LVNs were harried, overworked and consumed by details the SNF couldn't legally foist on other employees.

Their PT and OTs were all very good though.

My advice is to have family members visit daily, and when on premises be sure to check in with those who are responsible for their loved one's care. Bring food if there aren't dietary restrictions.

It's helpful to arrange a visit during their scheduled PT or OT session to see the progress or limitations for yourself, and to learn the objectives (walking 30 feet with a walker, or being able to get dressed without help, or transferring from bed to wheelchair, for instance).

Once those objectives are reached OR progress has stalled, the patient is released even if the patient or loved one doesn't think the patient is ready to go home.

When staff know they're being observed on a regular basis, they step up their game. Frequent visits also sends the message to staff that this patient is someone of value.

Of course, the main reason to visit is that SNFs are mind-numbingly boring. Yes, there's TV, but patients mostly sit in bed all day long with the exception of a 45 minute PT/OT session. Loved ones want and need those visits. Put them in a wheelchair and go for a walk around the block, sit outside, or do whatever will bring a change of pace and fresh air.

Thank God the nursing home my mother lived in for most of her time having to be in one didn't have the issues you speak of, at least not on her "side". There was an East & West. My (half) sister's aunt was on the opposite side from my mother and my sister wasn't pleased with her care at all.

I started out visiting my mother three times a day (when I wasn't sick due to my A-Fib). Then I cut it down to twice a day...morning and late afternoon or evening. Most of the time my uncle visited her at dinner time (when he wasn't sick). Sometimes we'd be there together. Thing is, they never knew when I'd pop up, which I'm sure helped but basically it was a nice, clean place and she was tended to well. I liked the activities as well. I feel for those who are stuck in nursing homes like you described Star. I know there's far too many of them.

 

[Lethe200]

Sadly, when it comes to eldercare in the U.S. we can easily see the difference between the "haves" and the "have nots".

 

[StarSong]

Sadly, when it comes to eldercare in the U.S. we can easily see the difference between the "haves" and the "have nots".

Very true. Both my mom and my FIL had sufficient assets to cover their monthly rent ($3000-ish) which wasn't terribly expensive given the care they received, but it would difficult for many to cover using SS alone. I'm sure it's quite a bit more now because everything has gone up in price.

 

[Lethe200]

@Lethe200.... ALs were a godsend to my mother and my father-in-law. The ALs provided far better care than I could have, plus much better socialization opportunities along with time with people in their own generation.

Your last point is excellent, StarSong. My MIL's experience really struck us. All her old friends had either died or moved away, or were in SCN already. It was the socialization with her peers that made the difference in changing her from isolated/depressed into cheerful/busy.

It got to the point where we had to make appointments to come see her because she was having such a good time with her new friends and activities!

It's one of the biggest drawbacks of the whole "stay at home until you die" argument. I love my home, but I don't want it to be a prison. The highlight of one's day should NOT be the arrival of the mailperson!

One's family and friends may no longer be able to come visit you on a frequent or regular basis. Isolation is not good for anyone, even those of us who enjoy time spent alone.

 

[officerripley]

It's one of the biggest drawbacks of the whole "stay at home until you die" argument. I love my home, but I don't want it to be a prison. The highlight of one's day should NOT be the arrival of the mailperson!

One's family and friends may no longer be able to come visit you on a frequent or regular basis. Isolation is not good for anyone, even those of us who enjoy time spent alone.

So true and something I'm already worried about (just wish I could get my huzz to see this).

 

[StarSong]

Your last point is excellent, StarSong. My MIL's experience really struck us. All her old friends had either died or moved away, or were in SCN already. It was the socialization with her peers that made the difference in changing her from isolated/depressed into cheerful/busy.

It got to the point where we had to make appointments to come see her because she was having such a good time with her new friends and activities!

It's one of the biggest drawbacks of the whole "stay at home until you die" argument. I love my home, but I don't want it to be a prison. The highlight of one's day should NOT be the arrival of the mailperson!

One's family and friends may no longer be able to come visit you on a frequent or regular basis. Isolation is not good for anyone, even those of us who enjoy time spent alone.

Exactly. They listen to music from their glory days, enjoy movies from the 1930s forward, and don't feel old because almost everyone is a similar age. There's no embarrassment about slow maneuvering with canes, walkers or wheelchairs because many are in the same boat. The fully able-bodied have patience for those who took a little longer to get around. Staff are schooled in safe transfers and physical assistance for those who need it.

The biggest merit of nicer ALs is that the employees work 8 hour shifts. They go home after work and come back the following day fully rested. Caregivers don't clean the rooms, cook, do laundry or manage other housekeeping chores. Meds are dispensed by a med team. Even so, when someone on another team comes across a resident in need of assistance, they lend a hand.

Attempting to create this kind of environment in one's home is an exhausting, resentment-creating, 24/7 ordeal that takes a huge toll on the person who needs the care as well as the caregiver.