On the yacht of life, adrift in a sea of failure.

[seadoug]

First, I'm sorry you feel your life has been a failure because you don't have someone to share it with. You sound very accomplished and the kind of person who would be very interesting to spend time with.

I'll go out on a limb and say that unless you are happy with yourself and feel like a success it might be difficult to find someone else. Happiness and success attract other people. Also, please look inside yourself and, if you aren't happy with your life, identify the reasons you are not because happiness is found from within, not from having another person in your life.

I went through a string of failed relationships for a decade when I was younger and the last one was so awful I'd given up on trying to find someone and had decided to focus on myself, look inward and live a solo life. I was also accomplished but had low self-esteem and needed to correct it. That's when I met my partner and we have now been together for years.

If I've misinterpreted your OP, I apologize, but based on what I'm reading that would be my advice.

 

[Rindee]

Hi: First of all I think you are a very accomplished courageous individual. Not everyone needs (or even wants) a partner in life in order to feel successful. You sound like you like a circle of friends around you – people to get out and about with.

Marriage is OK – I’ve been married (widowed now) and honestly, I wouldn’t change the life I have now for anything. I enjoy the freedom, like being by myself (guess you might say I am an introvert) yet I also enjoy the company of good friends or a date night. Immerse yourself in the things you love doing and as a few posters mentioned, love just might find you. You have gone through quite the transition and you mentioned some people are unaccepting of who you are now. It must be confusing to them as well – give it time - people do get their heads around changes even if it takes some time. Best of luck to you Rindee.

Thank you astralcat, for your compliments to me, and for telling me your story and your input and suggestions. You are enjoying a well-rounded life, enjoying your time alone, friends and dating, that is what life is all about! For me, I always did enjoy friends, although my circle of friends was not big, those I had were dear and trusted, for many years. I didn't necessarily have to have them around me all the time, but it was nice when we did get together, (for many years I was the only 1 with a house, so it was always party time at my home and my expense lol!).
I have 2 things working against me in the mainstream dating arena...age and being a transgender. I have joined a chess club that plays at a library on Monday nights, I still jam occasionally in open jams with bands, or I go to guitar center and jam with the guys there. And I do go out to bar and grill restaurants, where occasionally a guy will send a drink my way, and I have to tell him what I am. The responses are usually for me to enjoy the drink and have a good night, no requests for my phone number though., oh well..
So even at times when I did think I had opportunity to make a connection, I knew I would have to reveal myself to them, no surprises. I didn't want to play along with it, then at the moment of truth..."Guess what I'm a transgender!" Omg...I didn't want that to happen, so I am always honest from the beginning. I don't know if I will ever find love and at 62, time is not on my side ;( I do appreciate your message of encouragement to me, it means a lot, and I hope you keep rockin' the guitar of life and continue to enjoy it to the fullest like you have! Best wishes to you always, Rindee

 

[Rindee]

First, I'm sorry you feel your life has been a failure because you don't have someone to share it with. You sound very accomplished and the kind of person who would be very interesting to spend time with.

I'll go out on a limb and say that unless you are happy with yourself and feel like a success it might be difficult to find someone else. Happiness and success attract other people. Also, please look inside yourself and, if you aren't happy with your life, identify the reasons you are not because happiness is found from within, not from having another person in your life.

I went through a string of failed relationships for a decade when I was younger and the last one was so awful I'd given up on trying to find someone and had decided to focus on myself, look inward and live a solo life. I was also accomplished but had low self-esteem and needed to correct it. That's when I met my partner and we have now been together for years.

If I've misinterpreted your OP, I apologize, but based on what I'm reading that would be my advice.

I am so happy you found a partner and are still together to this day, that's wonderful, and what life is all about. Thank you for your message, but I wouldn't say I have ever been accused of not being happy with myself, and many who know me, can attest to that lol!
I am very happy with myself and my life, but it's just that I never found anyone to share it with.! As I wrote, I have done all I can to facilitate opportunities for love or relationships to enter my life, but again, I am a transgender woman, and despite what is shown in the media, the market for those like me, is not good, especially at my age, so it never happened. I have spent my life focusing on myself, as I wrote, but it was all in the name of finding love one day, making a nest so to speak.
I guess I could say you misinterpreted my honesty in my message as poor self-esteem, nothing could be further from the truth. So, as I wrote, I have succeeded at everything in life but love, but that doesn't make me unhappy with myself or my life.

 

[Rindee]

I agree with CallMeKate. Stop looking for love and start giving yourself to others. Find something local where you can give your time, energy and heart to other people. Become a volunteer, forget your own problem by helping others people with theirs.

What follows after that, and how long it takes, is not something that you can engineer, but I'm pretty sure that over time, one way of the other, you will find happiness and fulfilment.

This step requires a leap of faith because there are no certainties. However, you are only 62 years old. Why not take a chance?

Hmm, after 33 years of teaching music, I think I have spent a lifetime "giving myself to others." I would go out of my way to teach anyone, often bought instruments for those who could not afford one, even sent a violin and an instruction book to a friend from my chess site in Nigeria, who could not afford to buy one, and his daughter dreamed of playing the violin. She eventually became a 1st Chair Violinist in school!
I Taught people how to read music when at one time they could not read a note. Outside of that, I am not the volunteer type. Stop looking for love and forget my own problems? Wow, a solution made so easy, I just wish it was so easy. But that plan is not for me, thank you.

 

[Rindee]

You are frankly beautiful. I wish you would grow to know we often have to find our own way forward…there is no fairy tale existence. You have community here….so see it IS possible. .

I am 62 by the way, so, I am well aware of those things (not being beautiful though, I do thank you for that compliment!). Thank you for the confidence, glad to be a part of this community! Best wishes!

 

[Rindee]

Hi Rindee... I've often heard that good things happen when we least expect them. So I'd say hold your head high and keep smiling because you never know when what you're looking for is right around the corner. Maybe literally!

Thank you, Kate, thank you so much, that message is powerful and means a lot! All the best to your and yours, Rindee

 

[Warrigal]

Hmm, after 33 years of teaching music, I think I have spent a lifetime "giving myself to others." I would go out of my way to teach anyone, often bought instruments for those who could not afford one, even sent a violin and an instruction book to a friend from my chess site in Nigeria, who could not afford to buy one, and his daughter dreamed of playing the violin. She eventually became a 1st Chair Violinist in school!
I Taught people how to read music when at one time they could not read a note. Outside of that, I am not the volunteer type. Stop looking for love and forget my own problems? Wow, a solution made so easy, I just wish it was so easy. But that plan is not for me, thank you.

My apologies. I could not have known all of that from your Op.
You must navigate your own ship as you move forward.

You are sure to find your niche here on Seniors. I wish you well in that regard.

 

[Rindee]

My apologies. I could not have known all of that from your Op.
You must navigate your own ship as you move forward.

You are sure to find your niche here on Seniors. I wish you well in that regard.

Thank you and likewise! I do navigate my own ship, even if at times it is headed for an iceberg lol!

 

[Rindee]

View attachment 386293 This picture says it all...I'm always in control of everything (in my world that is). As far as relationships, and this includes family and friendships, I am pitching a perfect game, of failure. I was always the 1st among my friends to get things done! First to graduate college, first to buy a home, first to pay off a home, first to retire. Thinking I had really moved ahead of the crowd in life, looking back, I was really going nowhere.
What are all those achievements without having someone to share them with. People told me they were proud; I had done well for myself (emphasis on that word), but what was missing in my life that I needed to make me complete? Romantic relationships came and went, never lasting long. Friendships began to fall by the wayside as they met significant others, got married, had families, business as usual. Eventually, they had little or no time for me. Many of them I had helped along the way with money, a place to stay, a shoulder to lean on. I once talked a friend off the ledge after his girlfriend broke up with him.
He was ready to end it all! Calling me at 4am, I didn't know what to do! I got dressed and went to his apartment. All I could do was listen, but just my being there he told me, helped him through. Finally exhausted, he fell asleep. In the fullness of time, he met another woman, got married and had a family. To this very day, he thanks me, but can't some see me anymore, or talk as friends do. I get an email from him now and again. I never had a good relationship with my parents. They loved and cared about me because I was their only baby, not because they wanted to.
When they divorced, the blame was put on me despite all that I had done to try to be the kid they always wanted, to make them proud of me. They both passed years ago. Now, as alone in the world as anyone could be, I am quite used to it. I get a birthday card now and then, an occasional Christmas card when anyone remembers me. Emails here and there.
Many friends have far less than I do, but they are happier than I am, why is this? Because I succeeded at the things in life that are perceived to make us happy and complete. Somewhere along the way, love would find me, I just knew it, but it never did. As far as my friends, they succeeded at the one thing in life that makes people happy even if they have nothing.....and that is love.
At 62 now, what then must I do? There is nothing I can do; I did all I could to make my world a place that I hoped someone would want to share with me.
Someone to share the happy, the sad, the good the bad and yes, the ugly of life. Someone to be there for me when I was on the ledge, and I have been there many times, (taking a deep breath here). I have 2 black cats, and still have 2 wonderful friends in music, and the game of chess. But eventually the music stops, and the game is over, and I am alone again...naturally. Rindee

I want to thank everyone here who took the time to write to me your thoughts, views, compliments, encouragement, suggestions and experiences, it really means a lot to me, more than words can ever express........, wishing all the best to you all and yours now and always! And thank you! Rindee

 

[seadoug]

I am so happy you found a partner and are still together to this day, that's wonderful, and what life is all about. Thank you for your message, but I wouldn't say I have ever been accused of not being happy with myself, and many who know me, can attest to that lol!
I am very happy with myself and my life, but it's just that I never found anyone to share it with.! As I wrote, I have done all I can to facilitate opportunities for love or relationships to enter my life, but again, I am a transgender woman, and despite what is shown in the media, the market for those like me, is not good, especially at my age, so it never happened. I have spent my life focusing on myself, as I wrote, but it was all in the name of finding love one day, making a nest so to speak.
I guess I could say you misinterpreted my honesty in my message as poor self-esteem, nothing could be further from the truth. So, as I wrote, I have succeeded at everything in life but love, but that doesn't make me unhappy with myself or my life.

I am glad to hear that you have found happiness within yourself. I was only sharing my own experiences when it came to low self-esteem. You clearly have it together. I had only read your initial post when I responded and didn't realize that you are transgender until I later read through the thread. I can only pretend to understand how difficult that must be in terms of finding a partner. I didn't mean to seem condescending.

I will admit upfront that I am going to sound awkward, but I am a gay man and went through lots of oppression when I was younger so I completely empathize with what you must be feeling, especially in today's climate. It must be similar to what I went through in the 80's and 90's.

I do hope you find a life partner. 62 is still young and you are beautiful. I think I am one of the few gay people in this forum and I am so happy to see there is someone here who is trans. We are all under the LGTBQ umbrella. You are entitled to a great life, so please do share your feelings. And don't let anyone hurt you.

Also, please don't hesitate to PM me if you ever want to chat.

 

[Rindee]

I am glad to hear that you have found happiness within yourself. I was only sharing my own experiences when it came to low self-esteem. You clearly have it together. I had only read your initial post when I responded and didn't realize that you are transgender until I later read through the thread. I can only pretend to understand how difficult that must be in terms of finding a partner. I didn't mean to seem condescending.

I will admit upfront that I am going to sound awkward, but I am a gay man and went through lots of oppression when I was younger so I completely empathize with what you must be feeling, especially in today's climate. It must be similar to what I went through in the 80's and 90's.

I do hope you find a life partner. 62 is still young and you are beautiful. I think I am one of the few gay people in this forum and I am so happy to see there is someone here who is trans. We are all under the LGTBQ umbrella. You are entitled to a great life, so please do share your feelings. And don't let anyone hurt you.

Also, please don't hesitate to PM me if you ever want to chat.

Thank you and I wish the same for you. Do not despair, you should hear about the number of guys who didn't know I was transgender until they read about it in a profile description (which most don't bother to read at first), or a post. I always make it clear up front so there is no confusion, but there always is. Most go to the profile and just look at the pictures, then race to try to get to know me, and then...SURPRISE! LOL! Thank you for sharing your feelings and thoughts. Back in our time, it wasn't as accepted as it is now, to be gay.
I understand what you went through, and I thank you for sharing that with me because yes, I did have times when I felt that way, and I had friends like you who did too. People, even friends, kept me at a distance, and most of the time the same is true today. You are very handsome looking, well built, athletic and you too are entitled to a great and happy life, hold yourself high and proud!
Yes, we are under the same flag, and because of many like me and you, who back in the days endured much negativity, bullying, teasing and ridicule, we stood our ground, and sometimes took the fall....and because of that price that was paid, many today have much better lives than we did. Don't let anyone hurt you either, always be yourself, be proud and make your life extraordinary!

 

[seadoug]

Thank you and I wish the same for you. Do not despair, you should hear about the number of guys who didn't know I was transgender until they read about it in a profile description (which most don't bother to read at first), or a post. I always make it clear up front so there is no confusion, but there always is. Most go to the profile and just look at the pictures, then race to try to get to know me, and then...SURPRISE! LOL! Thank you for sharing your feelings and thoughts. Back in our time, it wasn't as accepted as it is now, to be gay.
I understand what you went through, and I thank you for sharing that with me because yes, I did have times when I felt that way, and I had friends like you who did too. People, even friends, kept me at a distance, and most of the time the same is true today. You are very handsome looking, well built, athletic and you too are entitled to a great and happy life, hold yourself high and proud!
Yes, we are under the same flag, and because of many like me and you, who back in the days endured much negativity, bullying, teasing and ridicule, we stood our ground, and sometimes took the fall....and because of that price that was paid, many today have much better lives than we did. Don't let anyone hurt you either, always be yourself, be proud and make your life extraordinary!