Perspectives on becoming selfish

R

Rose65

Well-known Member
Location
United Kingdom
Selfishness is not fashionable, it's not seen as a positive. Yet the truth is that it is wonderfully liberating. Your time, energy and focus is at last on yourself, to do what you want. Being self-sacrificial is promoted as so admirable but is it always good for mental health?

I am now unapologetically selfish. I used to run around looking after others and getting exhausted and resentful. Now I just don't and I am starting to find myself again. I like it!
 

I worked as a teacher from 1981 to 2023. I retired at the end of this school year. During all of this time I found myself always on someone else's time. This it not the case any longer. I am on MY time now. I do for myself and I like it. I wake up when I want to. I go to bed when I want to. I choose when and where I want to go on vacation. It is my time now.

Sure, I enjoy spending some of this time with my Son and his wife and my granddaughter, but that is also on my schedule.
 
Rose65 said:
Selfishness is not fashionable, it's not seen as a positive. Yet the truth is that it is wonderfully liberating. Your time, energy and focus is at last on yourself, to do what you want. Being self-sacrificial is promoted as so admirable but is it always good for mental health?

I am now unapologetically selfish. I used to run around looking after others and getting exhausted and resentful. Now I just don't and I am starting to find myself again. I like it!
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Who cares if itā€™s fashionable. Everyone needs time to themselves and everyone should be able to live their life according to their personal preferences. I see nothing selfish about it.
 

David777 said:
You are making an invalid overly simplified social connection by suggesting a need to share activities with others lest such be considered selfish. It is not narrowly black and white so with a significant range of situations.
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Perhaps. But others will demand of you as long as you let them.
 
Retired Monica said:
I worked as a teacher from 1981 to 2023. I retired at the end of this school year. During all of this time I found myself always on someone else's time. This it not the case any longer. I am on MY time now. I do for myself and I like it. I wake up when I want to. I go to bed when I want to. I choose when and where I want to go on vacation. It is my time now.

Sure, I enjoy spending some of this time with my Son and his wife and my granddaughter, but that is also on my schedule.
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You worked a long time as a teacher. I spoke with a teacher from somewhere in Pennsylvania that was down here vising the different battlefields from the Civil War. He told me that many of the teachers in his area only teach for 28 years and then they can retire with about 75% of their salary for life. They had a strong union.
 
Rose65 said:
Selfishness is not fashionable, it's not seen as a positive. Yet the truth is that it is wonderfully liberating. Your time, energy and focus is at last on yourself, to do what you want. Being self-sacrificial is promoted as so admirable but is it always good for mental health?

I am now unapologetically selfish. I used to run around looking after others and getting exhausted and resentful. Now I just don't and I am starting to find myself again. I like it!
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I have seen seniors that become very selfish and self centered as they age due to hurt they have suffered in life.

I understand how one can become this way out of survival. Itā€™s just sad to see seniors become selfish, self centered, and bitter.

If we age properly we will still care for others out of a loving heart. Itā€™s a matter of boundaries.
One should never be a door mat but should continue to be authentically kind.

Itā€™s about knowing who you truly are as a person. Be kind to others while being your authentic self.
 
I do not think I am selfish but I don't have a lot of people in my life either. There are certain things I don't accept or put up with now and it has nothing to do with being self-centered. It is accepting the fact that I have to love myself first before I can anyone else.
 
A degree of selfishness is not a bad thing ...
Setting healthy boundaries and making your own self-care a priority and not allowing others to run roughshod over you is
having respect for yourself.

You know the saying ā€¦. Look after yourself first then you will have the ability to look after others.
 
Hopeful1 said:
I have seen seniors that become very selfish and self centered as they age due to hurt they have suffered in life.

I understand how one can become this way out of survival. Itā€™s just sad to see seniors become selfish, self centered, and bitter.

If we age properly we will still care for others out of a loving heart. Itā€™s a matter of boundaries.
One should never be a door mat but should continue to be authentically kind.

Itā€™s about knowing who you truly are as a person. Be kind to others while being your authentic self.
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Spot on.
 
Been There said:
You worked a long time as a teacher. I spoke with a teacher from somewhere in Pennsylvania that was down here vising the different battlefields from the Civil War. He told me that many of the teachers in his area only teach for 28 years and then they can retire with about 75% of their salary for life. They had a strong union.
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My entire career was as a teacher. Started the following year I graduated out of college and never looked back. I mostly taught 1st grade, but also taught 2nd grade and also 3rd grade a few years mixed in there. I loved teaching so much. It was a passion for me to see these children learn. The only time I did not enjoy it was during the pandemic.
 
There is a difference between selfishness and self care. If you a naturally compassionate and empathic person you've got to learn to self-care or you will burn out! Being a single Mom when my boys were little taught me that the hard way. For decades even when physically tired i got up early just so i could have some time for myself.

As i get older i find i less have patience with anyone wasting MY time. From cashiers on their phones when they should be ringing customers up to long automated phone systems and hold sessions.
 
I think as we age especially if we were the ones who always put ourselves second or third .......behind family, spouse , job etc We see the hourglass looking short of sand and we think ... what about me?

i have started to take more ME time and if others do not like it .......sorry..... i gave and gave now is my time. I no longer am "the whatever you like" person that i was .........and some have called me selfish.
I would rather do things on my own ..........taking as little or as much time as i chose........ not rushed through or standing around on someone else time frame.

It is OK if people think it is an age thing .......but in reality i wish i did this decades ago.....
 
Some if they actually knew all my life activities, might criticize my life given my skills, especially since I am a Christian, of not spending much time helping others, serving society, actively working to make the world a better place.

As a young adult was there awhile, but gradually concluded that society, culture, and we Earth monkey's political systems were hopeless. Like being a trivial flotsam twig floating down the immense Mississippi River unable to effect where it all was going. So instead outside of career, for decades have shielded myself from much of that, while directing my activities towards enjoying myself during what appears to be an all too short finite mortal lifetime of existence. Especially since this fragile unique blue water planet is certain to be considered a paradise within the Universe by any other intelligent entities.

Hell in a Bucket

...You imagine me sipping champagne from your boot
For taste of your elegant pride
I may be going to hell in a bucket, babe
But at least I'm enjoying the ride, at least I'll enjoy the ride.

...You imagine me sipping champagne from your boot
For taste of your elegant pride
I may be going to hell in a bucket, babe
But at least I'm enjoying the ride, at least I'll enjoy the ride.
Ride, ride, ride
Ride, ride, ride
Ride, ride, ride
At least I'll enjoy the ride.
At least I'll enjoy the ride.
At least I'll enjoy the ride.
 
Multi-tasking is fashionable; wearing beards (for men) is fashionable; getting deep in debt to buy "toys" is fashionable too. However, what is fashionable is not necessarily right for you nor is it good for the environment.

Don't let anybody push you around or take advantage of you!
 
Packerjohn said:
Multi-tasking is fashionable; wearing beards (for men) is fashionable; getting deep in debt to buy "toys" is fashionable too. However, what is fashionable is not necessarily right for you nor is it good for the environment.

Don't let anybody push you around or take advantage of you!
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Not now I don't, but I used to.
 
Between my career in human services, family and friends I always put myself last. I have helped friends stay in their homes, helped people empty their homes, pack to move, helped take care of friendā€™s kids, ran errands, gave rides, etc and always quick to help.

When I divorced my husband almost 3 years ago I decided it is my time. Now I only have to care for myself and my dogs and my life is so much easier.
 
Now that I have been living alone for the past 14 years since my husband died, I really do enjoy my time alone. I will always be available to my family and friends i.e., helping them move, lend an ear to those going through a bad time, and sitting with my dear friend whom I've known for 65 years and fading, in the nursing home. She doesn't know I'm there most times and people say, "Why do you bother"? Why not, maybe one day when it's my time some kind person will do the same for me.
 

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