Please help me find some motivation

Ronni said:
In Nashville, the apple blossoms and day lilies, redbud and Crepe Myrtle, so many other trees and bushes and flowers, are evidence of Spring’s imminent arrival. This is the time of the year that I have always looked forward to, because it meant I could start planting.

My patio pots would be first. Lantana and daisies, lambs ear and asparagus fern, sweet potato vine and coleus are my go-to’s. I’d plant my favorite herbs in my herb pots by the kitchen door, till and prep the vegetable garden to receive whatever vegetables we decided on for this year, hang huge Boston germs around the patio area.

……..and I want none of it. 😣

I’m still so sad. This is so hard.

But I have always been a firm believer in the “fake it till you make it” approach, though that saying has become so hackneyed that it’s lost all meaning. I guess I just mean that I’ve tried to never be a “wallower.” I work hard to not give in to that impetus to just fold when the going gets rough. To push on through in spite of everything.

I’ve grieved for 4 months. I’m still grieving and I guess I always will. But life keeps moving forward and I have a husband and kids and grandkids who are more than worth living life for.

So help me will you? Help me find the motivation to keep going, to plant this spring, to do what ai can to enjoy the sun and flowers, to make the most of whatever time I have left. It’s the least I can do for my family.
Click to expand...
Honey, you are grieving. Grieving is a process that can not be avoided. Your push-through reaction to the bumps in life's road is part of your problem right now because that only delays recovering from grief.

Just stop, and cry your eyes out. Crying is very important to grieving as it literally washes away the chemicals involved in emotional pain and this is healthy. Googling why we cry gets many explanations of the biological and social reasons we cry. Here is one good explanation that is in line with the values you expressed.

Emotional tears make you feel more vulnerable, which could improve your relationships. Crying often connects people, whether it’s out of grief, love, passion, or another strong emotion. Crying may cause others to be empathetic and compassionate toward you, softening anger or unpleasant emotion that caused the tears to flow in the first place. Why We Cry
Click to expand...

There is a lot of good information about grieving and you might read a book or listen to an audiobook about grieving. YouTube has many choices. If you go to the one I am posting, it will give you other choices.

 

Oh, @Ronni.....I feel your pain. My dear husband died suddenly (from a rare heart disorder we didn't know he had) in October. It's been a shock every.single.day that he's no longer with me. I've cried and screamed. My grief is different then yours, I'm sure, but grief is grief no matter what the loss. You feel like life will never be the same...and it won't. Getting use to the loss and changes in your life can feel overwhelming and never ending.

I had put all his pictures away a couple months ago. I couldn't look at them. I just couldn't look at them. Then, last week, I decided to get the tote out of the basement that had all our pictures stored in it. I sat down and went through all of them. Surprisingly, they made me smile and they brought back such wonderful memories of our time together through the years. I sorted out some special ones of him and me and I put them in frames I had other pictures in. I cleared away a couple book shelves and set up a display of pictures.

I talk to him all the time and I talk about him a lot with a nice neighbor lady that just loved him, too. She says as long as we're talking about him, we're keeping him alive. I believe that's true. His kids have abandoned me and never gave me any emotional support so I've truly been alone in this journey. Cling to that family of yours. Don't take anyone for granted. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. Continue to go forward.

Nothing will bring them back but I'm looking forward to the time when I'll see him again and spend eternity with him.
 
I lost a loved one through an accident. I was going to propose to her at Christmas. Never got over it and it still pains me. I still visit the cemetery alone. I try to keep the good memories alive and when I start feeling alone, I rely on those memories to help pick me up.

I came to the conclusion that it just takes a lot of time, but it’s up to me. Do I want to think about her death or think about the good times?
 
Gee, I don’t know what to tell you, but I hope you find peace sooner, instead of later.

I do agree with 911 that it probably takes lots of time before you are able to move forward. There is no time limit on healing after such a severe loss. You will know when that time is, so don’t rush it.
 
I can’t really add anything to the advice others have already given you. I do like the idea of planting a bush or something in your son’s memory. Something that will bloom each year.

just want you to know you are thought of on your journey through grief.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Back
Top