Pride Month... My Journey to Pride

Trade said:
I would like to be able to say I'm not, but I guess I'm somewhat homophobic. If I'm watching a movie and there's a scene with two dudes making out I have to fast forward it, or at least turn away till it's over. On the other hand if it's two chicks making out that's a whole differnt thing. That's a major turn on. Does that make me a bad guy?
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Dave03 said:
I do this with any scene like this, regardless of the genders involved. LOL. 99% of the time, it's just gratuitous and doesn't add anything to the story being told.

It's what the fast forward button was invented for.
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I'm that way with violent scenes, but there's a fun fix for this. Take a page out of the college kids' book with their drinking games (they'll watch a movie and every time the character says a certain word or something, they take a drink). So do that every time there's one of those scenes. Don't like alcohol? Use something else, like a piece of candy or a potato chip or a salted nut. That's my excuse for my indulgences sometimes and I'm sticking to it. :D
 

Essential Tremor shaking is a disorder so publicly unknown that when our shaking is seen we receive remarks such as alcoholic, nervous, scarred, weird, cold, druggie, and so on. Perhaps us tremorers should get together and have a pride parade too. 😁
 
Elsie said:
Essential Tremor shaking is a disorder so publicly unknown that when our shaking is seen we receive remarks such as alcoholic, nervous, scarred, weird, cold, druggie, and so on. Perhaps us tremorers should get together and have a pride parade too. 😁
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Why not? 🤔

“I think the more we know the better we are. I mean not just facts. The more we know about each other, the closer we are to learn something about ourselves.” - Maya Angelou
 
This stood out to me from the OP: "I did have a wonderful partner for 6 years. My parents loved him, but when we broke up my mother said 'now you can finally marry a woman'."

This has been bothering me, so I need to say it: I could not help feeling some pain for the mother because I believe in her heart she wanted what she thought would be best, and probably dreamed (most mothers do) of having grandchildren.

The thing is, we cannot choose who our children love, or map out their adult lives for them. That right does not belong to us, and a marriage of misrepresentation is not a marriage.
 
seadoug said:
Ignore it if you don't care. This is my journey to pride. Full disclosure.

I was an only child. From a young age I was feminine. My grandmother used to put me in her high heels when I was 3 y/o. I was a chubby, "sissy" kid when I was in elementary school. We moved from NC to FL when I was 8 y/o and I gave up all my friends. The older kids in my new neighborhood used to knock me off my bike and ask me if I was a girl. I went to bed crying every night.

I was determined to lose weight when I went to junior high. I went through puberty, took Dexatrim and starved myself. It worked. I was 135 pounds. I gave a girl a "steady bracelet" in junior high. We went steady for a few days, then one of her friends gave it back to me and said she no longer wanted to go steady because I was a "sissy and a queer". I was devastated and decided I needed to act more masculine. I did everything from giving up certain clothes to walking with a more manly gait.

I then went to a Southern Baptist high school, and since I hated myself for being gay I chose to have a girlfriend for 3 years. I was finally masculine-acting a decent looking. She pursued me until I agreed to date her. I truly loved her and we were intimate, but I knew I preferred men. I continued to date women in college, until I came out at 22 years old. It was a difficult time because I still had low self esteem so establishing a long-term relationship was almost impossible. I had several, but they never worked out. When my mother found out I was gay, she sent me to a psychiatrist who told me I was fine.

I lived through a very homophobic time in the 80's, where my new car was keyed with "queer" on the side and some of my friends died of AIDS. It was a horrible time. I also lived through a couple of abusive relationships. I did have a wonderful partner for 6 years. My parents loved him, but when we broke up my mother said "now you can finally marry a woman".

It wasn't until the early 90's when I was in my early 30s and started to be more comfortable with myself that I met my hubby. There were many years during my career when my co-workers didn't know about him. We have now been together for 34 years. It was when I was resigned to being alone and focusing on myself that we met.

I went through a deep depression in 2006. I went to a therapist who asked me to revisit my "8 year old self". He said I had "buried that boy". I cried uncontrollably when I thought of the sacrifices I had made just to not be my true self.

It has not been an easy journey to self-acceptance but I can now say that I'm happy with who I am and I have pride for what I have accomplished. For me, that is the true meaning of Pride.

Whew! This was cathartic.
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Obviously you have had a difficult journey but, you achieved what most people wish for - self-acceptance and being happy with who they are - never lose that and always celebrate it :)
 
MACKTEXAS said:
Many people have made the mistake of trying to live their lives to please others, and it never works, nor is it honest.

Two stanzas from the anonymous poem, "The Man In The Glass":

For it isn't your father or mother or wife
who judgment upon you must pass
The fellow whose verdict counts the most in your life
is the one staring back from the glass.

He's the fellow to please - never mind all the rest
for he's with you clear up to the end
And you've passed your most dangerous difficult test
if the man in the glass is your friend.
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@MACKTEXAS "The Guy in The Glass" is one of my favourite poems! It was written by Peter Dale Wimbrow. (1934) He was an American composer, recording artist and writer. The first time I read it was in a library book at college and I never forgot it.

You may be interested in his children's website:

The Guy in the Glass, by Dale Wimbrow
 
Beezer said:
Kindness is a big sign of higher intelligence. Let's just say Eupher isn't the brightest candle on the cake.
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Do you realize what your comment says about YOU? :unsure:
feywon said:
This can happen to seniors with balance issues too, people thinking someone is drunk.
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Yes, I've read posts from people with that problem. One woman said she hangs on to her husband's arm for balance when they walk somewhere. She joked it looks like she's being romantic. :)
 
MACKTEXAS said:
probably dreamed (most mothers do) of having grandchildren.
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I don't know about that; sometimes I think that's a romantic myth people have about mothers. None of my mothers or grandmothers ever acted like they wished they'd even had kids let alone grandkids. I've had women tell me to my face that they wished they'd never had the kids let alone dream of grandkids. One mother told me the only reason she had kids was someone to take care of her in her old age.

I don't know, maybe some women *think* they want grandkids and then find out they dislike it as much as having kids? They're maybe hoping it'll be better with the grandkids?
 
officerripley said:
I don't know about that; sometimes I think that's a romantic myth people have about mothers. None of my mothers or grandmothers ever acted like they wished they'd even had kids let alone grandkids. I've had women tell me to my face that they wished they'd never had the kids let alone dream of grandkids. One mother told me the only reason she had kids was someone to take care of her in her old age.

I don't know, maybe some women *think* they want grandkids and then find out they dislike it as much as having kids? They're maybe hoping it'll be better with the grandkids?
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Since neither of us know the answers to all of that, I will not attempt to address it.
 
MACKTEXAS said:
This stood out to me from the OP: "I did have a wonderful partner for 6 years. My parents loved him, but when we broke up my mother said 'now you can finally marry a woman'."

This has been bothering me, so I need to say it: I could not help feeling some pain for the mother because I believe in her heart she wanted what she thought would be best, and probably dreamed (most mothers do) of having grandchildren.

The thing is, we cannot choose who our children love, or map out their adult lives for them. That right does not belong to us, and a marriage of misrepresentation is not a marriage.
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Good catch on your part. My mother was devastated when she found out I was gay because I was her only son and she somehow felt responsible for it. My parents used to go to get-togethers in the neighborhood and when someone asked about me she broke down crying. Little was known about "nature vs. nurture" at the time.

Also, since I had a steady girlfriend for 3 years in high school and a year in college I think she couldn't grasp what I really felt inside. The irony is that she loved my partner of 6 years and called him her son when we would all go to dinner together.

I don't think she ever quite dealt with it, but she lived with hubby and I when we moved to Dallas and we both visited her every weekend in assisted living. The two of us completely took care of her move to Dallas, her 55+ home and her move to assisted living. I'm not sure if I'd had a family I could have spent as much time making sure she was comfortable.

In the end, I think she loved hubby more than me.

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Eupher said:
You're partially correct. I care enough to call attention to the scourge that homosexuality is, especially when it's (figuratively) shoved down my throat.

Here's the kicker -- I would not have commented on ANY of this had the OP not insisted on braying his sexual orientation. On that basis, I don't care about that just like I don't care about anyone else's orientation. None of my business.

For those who find it necessary to bray about somebody's sexual orientation as a sign of "support", perhaps you need to examine what's important. Who somebody has sex with should not be a public pronouncement.
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I've kept pretty quiet when it comes to your posts, but I will simply say I wasn't "braying" about my sexuality any more than someone who posts a thread about overcoming addiction is braying about being an alcoholic, someone who has come out of an abusive relationship asked for the abuse or someone who overcame depression chose to have it.

We all share our stories in this forum about our struggles and triumphs. Just because it was connected to Pride doesn't make it sexual. How you feel about my sexuality is of absolutely no concern to me and no hateful comments will provoke me. I have been the only consistently gay man in this forum for years and if I help other people learn about what others go through so be it. I have many friends here who look at me for the person I am and what I contribute... not for my sexual preference.

It is just a shame that you are unable to acknowledge someone else's victories in life without bringing your biases into it. Nothing more to say to you. You have received enough attention. See you in another thread.

Peace Out.gif
 
Elsie said:
Do you realize what your comment says about YOU? :unsure:

Yes, I've read posts from people with that problem. One woman said she hangs on to her husband's arm for balance when they walk somewhere. She joked it looks like she's being romantic. :)
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same thing happens with MS... my eldest brother.. and my ex mother in law both had/have MS... both had lots of instances where people thought they were drunk because of the staggering and occasional slurring of words... the irony being neither one of them drinks alcohol at all.
 
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Alcohol can slow or stop essential tremors for awhile. (Bad solution in the long run.) To slow the shaking of her in hands, a young woman began to drink some wine to "stop" her shaking while attending a party and a (jerk) man seeing this said she wouldn't be shaky if she didn't drink so much. His words were like a hard punch to her gut. sheesh, Heads you win, heads you lose.
 
seadoug said:
Good catch on your part. My mother was devastated when she found out I was gay because I was her only son and she somehow felt responsible for it. My parents used to go to get-togethers in the neighborhood and when someone asked about me she broke down crying. Little was known about "nature vs. nurture" at the time.

Also, since I had a steady girlfriend for 3 years in high school and a year in college I think she couldn't grasp what I really felt inside. The irony is that she loved my partner of 6 years and called him her son when we would all go to dinner together.

I don't think she ever quite dealt with it, but she lived with hubby and I when we moved to Dallas and we both visited her every weekend in assisted living. The two of us completely took care of her move to Dallas, her 55+ home and her move to assisted living. I'm not sure if I'd had a family I could have spent as much time making sure she was comfortable.

In the end, I think she loved hubby more than me.

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He didn't challenge her expectations. Some people hate that.
 
Beezer said:
I'm the 1% with my schizophrenic affliction.

Can't count how many of my daughter's friends just up and left when their parents found out I had schizophrenia during their childhood. @seadoug is in the minority like me. Our make-up doesn't define us, but we still can talk about it from time to time...hopefully without fear of retribution.

I've always found seadoug to be an engaging and thoughtful poster. I would call him 'friend' all day long! :)
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I find that so hard to believe. In my experience people experiencing schizophrenia have no sense of humor and you are a laugh a minute. Is it just that you have it under control?

None of my business of course but I am curious.
 

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