Ramblin'

Patio Life said:
Those moments are normal.
Hugs.
Click to expand...

Thanks for that. She's a person a try not to think a lot about, but yesterday it wasn't working. She was sort of a stray I took in. She had brain cancer, and I tried to help her. Took her through the whole process. Dr appts, hospital stays, visited her in hospice when it got that far. No one else would help her. I held her hand when she died.

She tried to plant sunflowers in my yard. They wouldn't grow. That's what I remember the most. Funny, how those things stick.
 
Very little rambling today. I'm trying to sort though some fabric I have, so I'm rambling through fabric? Trying to sort them by colors. I have some 1930's stuff that's really pretty. And some ballerina stuff. I always wanted a granddaughter, as I had 5 sons. I have enough for two granddaughters, and I have 4. Then there's the grandson. What does he get, if I figure out something for the girls?

What's a grammie to do?

There is a trip to Lowe's hardware planned for later. I guess I will ramble through Lowe's?

I'm still looking forward to the beach ramble. That will be here soon.
 
I got pictures from Iowa today. One picture of the three girls, and a picture of the whole family. Everybody was so beautiful.

I'm still sorting crafts. I can't believe how much junk I have. It's all very useful though, even though there are things I have never used. Someday, right?

I spent about an hour yesterday trying to figure out a quilt. They're kind of like a puzzle, if you think about it. I had cut out pieces, about 20 years ago, but had no instructions and didn't remember what I was making. I gave myself a bad headache arranging those pieces in different patterns. I think I better keep to the simple stuff like I made for my boys. I can make beautiful stuff, but this one has me completely baffled.

Anyway, I'm doing a great job of procrastination. I'm sitting here beside about 20 totes that I'm trying to sort. I've done some. There's a couple of drawers with real pretty fabric that I'll probably never do anything with. But-see above-it's useful. For something. I keep hoping the grandkids and I will make something. That's it. I'll google crafts for kids with grandmas that save junk. I wonder if that will work.
 
Here's a very serious ramble. In the book I've been reading, there was mention of the fact that "if you save someone's life, you are responsible for that person for the rest of their life." I've heard of that before. So it got me to thinking.....(uhoh)

Is it the same thing, if you try to save someone's life, and they are beyond saving? I've done that. I really tried. And what does it mean, if it is the same thing? You really aren't responsible for them, because they aren't around anymore. I tried to save someone, she's still in my mind, I can't shake her, but there was no way I could save her. And that bothers me. I thought I was treating her as well as I could. Sometimes I wonder if I should have done more. No one else wanted the responsibility. No one else wanted to care for her. I felt like I was good to her, but was it enough? I think she was happy. I just don't know how well I did.

Sheesh this is morbid.
 
The Hawkeyes are on later!

Not much happening today. I'm going to work on those furry puff balls for the girls' hats. I've gotten sad thinking about the girls. And how much I miss their dads. And if I'm doing things right or wrong with the kids or with the dads. I even had songs to sing with the little ones going through my head. Maybe we need to try them some time. They might like it. I think Nathan and Travis would like that. Who knows if anyone else would. How do you entertain so many little people? Especially when you are the weird grammie? Who is supposed to have an imagination, and she just doesn't have the imagination of a three year old? *sigh* I think I worry to much. I know I would be told I worry too much. I want to be the best grandma ever. It's kinda funny. I didn't like my mom. At all. But she didn't do too bad at the grandma thing. She never spent much time with the boys when they were young. But they tell me that she was a great grandma. I think they would tell a different story about me. I guess I'm a little closer to their lives. And I don't think I measure up compared to the other grandparents in their lives. I know it's not a contest, and I don't understand my need for all the kids to like me. But I do have that need. I wish I had someone to talk to about it.
 
I'm still unhappy about the text I got from my son earlier. I had a good memory about him, and he blew me away. I thought everyone liked to hear things about themselves when they were young. Things they did that make good memories. Obviously he doesn't. I tried to tell him about stuff of his I found, and a memory it made me recall, and he told me I had told him about it a few dozen times. I said I figured I had, but I liked it.

I didn't think it was bad to talk to him. I guess he's busy making his own memories, and I'm busy holding on to mine. I gotta learn to leave my kids alone. I'm too clingy, I guess. I think I just miss everybody. I'm lonely.
 
On the road again.....Just can't wait to get on the road again.....

I was corrected by my middle son that I had the lyrics to the song wrong. I really don't care. I like to sing very loudly. And very off key. I have some family members that think it's funny, and some that are very offended. Go figure.

I find that very amusing. My oldest son, Nathan, had the most beautiful singing voice, when he was in 5th grade. I changed his school. I believe it was in February or March. For some reason, his music teacher decided he would sing a solo in their spring musical. He was so nervous, and practiced constantly. When I went to the musical, he sang so beautifully that I almost cried. (And I don't cry. In public, anyway.)

Now, he can't carry a tune in a bucket. But he constantly makes noise. He'll go around the house beatboxing? I think it's called? And make ridiculous noises. He sings, and no one can stand the noises he makes. I don't know if he's doing it on purpose or not.

Anyway, back to being on the road again....

A beach trip is in my near future, and I am so excited! I whole week of doing absolutely nothing. We had been aiming for The Birthday Week (which is next week. My birthday is Monday, my SO is the day after mine. Cool, huh?) but reservations weren't available. So the trip got put off till anniversary week, which will begin Oct 8th, anniversary being on the 10th.

I'm hoping for something cool from my boys for my birthday. They're usually pretty good with gifts. One year my youngest son gave me my very own key to a beach house. I don't own a beach house, but I own a key to one. It has a dolphin key chain. It is one of those decorated keys? With a beach theme. It's on my key chain. My key chain is very valuable. It has the butter cow on it. It's more of an honorary key chain. Doesn't unlock stuff, but boy, do people like to give me key chains. I think I'd break my car if I used it.


I think that's enough ramblin' for now.:sleep:
 

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