Re: Your last marriage - who asked whom out, and who proposed first?

VintageBetter

VintageBetter

Senior Member
Or, if you have been married multiple times, discuss the marriage of your choosing, or your favorite marriage. Or all of them. It’s up to you.

I have only been married once. There was never a formal asking out. We were friends who spent a lot of time with another friend, three of us together, and then we were alone one evening and that became a date. He might have planned that? IDK. Proposal: that was a discussion, not at all romantic, more like a “Where are we going?” discussion, and then later when I asked for a proper proposal, he said the words.
 

I have never really understood the surprise marriage proposal. If a couple has reached this point, haven't they at least discussed the probability of marriage and their views on the subject. I think my husband-to-be said something like "If I land the job in the other state should we get married right away?"
 
Alizerine said:
I have never really understood the surprise marriage proposal. If a couple has reached this point, haven't they at least discussed the probability of marriage and their views on the subject. I think my husband-to-be said something like "If I land the job in the other state should we get married right away?"
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I understand surprise marriage proposals because some people really love surprises. If one partner knows that about the other, then let them have at their way of doing things.
 
My wife and I lost our spouses about the same time, and we both found a grief recovery chat room. I was impressed with her caring attitude, and after much discussion, we discovered we lived only 40 miles apart.
My late wife was brain injured, and I was involved with a brain injury chat room, where people actually met others in person.
I suggested we meet for lunch half way, and she agreed. Neither of us had a date in 40 years, so we were both a little nervous. Lunch went well, and we agreed to meet again for lunch. This led to many lunches and dinners.
From there we began to travel together, and we booked a cruise from Venice to Istanbul. One of the ports was Santorini, Greece.

We were watching the Food Channel one day, and were watching Rachel Raye. Kathy happened to mention that Rachel got married on the Greek island of Santorini. I said, “Hey! We are going to go to Santorini on this cruise!”

Well, that got my wheels turning, and I Googled Santorini Weddings. It turns out it is a very popular place for weddings, and there are a number of wedding coordinators on the island. I e-mailed one named Anna, and she was very helpful with the information.

I then called Kathy, and told her my suggestion, and she started laughing. I asked what was so funny, and she said, “Do you know what my first thought was?” I said yes, I do, you thought,”What will I wear?” because you are a woman. And Kathy said, laughing, “You are absolutely right”.

We will be celebrating our 17th anniversary in November.

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Well after going our with a bunch of bozos and then getting engaged to a bigger bozo (I broke the engagement luckily), I decided in my mid-thirties I was not going to meet anyone and I reconciled myself to that fact and got on enjoying my life as a single. Well, a few months later, I meet this guy ( my husband) and we got on like a house on fire. But I still was not looking for a ring on my finger, just going out, maybe living together in the future, but not marriage. He had other plans. A few months later, he got down on his knees in a restaurant and proposed to me. I was so surprised and of course I said yes! We have been married 34 years now.
 
I know it's hard to believe, but Michelle proposed to me. I knew I really, really loved her, but I didn't plan on ever proposing marriage because of our age gap. It's sizable. We discussed marriage a few times, but I always said "No, we're not gonna do that....you're too young for me" and yada yada.

And then one day over lunch, she held out a ring and said "Will you marry me? I'm actually proposing right now. I really want to marry you. Don't argue with me." :p
 
My "ex' and I never legally got married, but we were together for ten years. We met at work. At first, we went out once a week after work with a bunch from work. Then I guess one by one, the "bunch" whittled down to us two. We became a "couple"- hosts had to invite both of us, we came as a set. I can't remember a dramatic moment, with birds singing, and harps playing, when we pledged out undying love. I'm not a romantic, I probably said something like, " Get your coat".
 
fuzzybuddy said:
My "ex' and I never legally got married, but we were together for ten years. We met at work. At first, we went out once a week after work with a bunch from work. Then I guess one by one, the "bunch" whittled down to us two. We became a "couple"- hosts had to invite both of us, we came as a set. I can't remember a dramatic moment, with birds singing, and harps playing, when we pledged out undying love. I'm not a romantic, I probably said something like, " Get your coat".
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Well, my ex was highly devoted to non-verbal communication. Truly. He would much rather give someone a look that kills rather than speaking actual words. Words are a lot of trouble to him. Likewise, he also doesn’t like reading. Tried to get him to read a pregnancy book when I was first pregnant and some parenting books. No was his answer. (This was long before YouTube. Maybe I should have looked for books on tape, but then again, why should I be searching for Learning Accommodations for him like he was a Special Ed. kid? “You’re having a child - is this not worth some reading time to you?” No, it wasn’t.)

From what I have read online, a LOT of men are big fans of non-verbal communication. Blank that. I’ve had far too many years of that. But, they would like my ex.

Contrast that with me and the kids: I LOVE words, I love reading, I like to write. All of the kids are good writers and one of them simply cannot own enough books. The others are not quite as adoring of books, but they were good readers in school and college.

I think the reason I asked this question is because I had never asked a group of similar-age peers this before. I just wanted to hear what others’ LTRs were like and how they began.
 
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Both my husbands proposed to me. The second one was the bigger surprise because he'd had a string of girlfriends after his early divorce in his late 20's.. and had lived with them all for periods of time but had never wanted to get remarried despite 2 of them going as far as to buy wedding dresses...... which had scared him off.. We'd been friends socially for about 10 years prior, so it was a big surprise when he proposed to me just 2 months after we got together as a couple.
 
I have been married three times. All three proposed to me. My last marriage was the one I think I loved the most. We became best friends as well as passionate lovers. We had worked together at a nursing home for over a year before we became more than friends and started dating. We lived together for 4 years and he was driving a over the road truck. One time he came home and proposed.
 
Pregnant. Told my guy I was surprised, but really didn't want a kid out of wedlock. Surprised myself being so 'old fashioned.' Subject dropped. Few days later he looking at calendar. Saying 'this day works for me.' He didn't have to explain what he meant. I knew. That was my proposal. Till death did us part.
 
((Re: Your last marriage - who asked whom out, and who proposed first?))

In my time and my place women did not ask men out, and did not propose marriage. But I do understand that times have changed --in many many bewildering ways.
 
I was 49 years old when I married my first (only) wife. We knew each other in our teens. (1966-1970). We sang in the church choir together.

Jump ahead to 1999. I joined Classmates.com, and reconnected to her. I flew from Florida to Maine to see her again, after over 30 years. We had a good night. I looked at her in bed the first morning, and proposed to her.

We were together for 5 years. We finally admitted we were better as friends, and parted in a friendly way. (2005). I saw her again in 2013 before I moved from Maine to Minnesota to be near family once again.

She was doing well, and happy. I told her I was glad she was happy.
 
Well my only marriage continues, now 67 years, I think he asked me out because he was related to my aunts husband not sure if it was him or my aunt. However I know he asked me to marry him.Silly boy, he thought I was really good looking. Grandma said I had to finish high school, which I did. Then we got married, everyone knew it wouldn't last because he was only 19 and I was 17. Well they are all dead and DH and I are still married.
 
Only married once at age 33 and am lucky I didn't die from the nerve-wracking experience of constant bickering during those 14 years. I can't recall the exact moment when I proposed since the incessant bickering blurs the past. I had been told by her family and her friends that bickering was her nature but I didn't listen. So I guess I am to blame for the entire mistake.
 
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