Reflecting on a southern boy's life

I have had two friends (both 69 yrs young) tell me about their insurance today. One was cancelled by Blue Cross for all his doctors in our area. Had to go to Humana. My other friend sees a NP in her very small town but it is connected to UF Health out of Gainesville Fla. She has excellent care there. She only gets SS. Her company says no more will they support it. When a country says we must suck as much profit from healing sick and disease and accidents we have a problem. Real problem.

My Medicare works very well for me and I have supplemental too. All of my care is from UF Health. Except my dermatology. Twice a year I go there and they ask for a copay. I finally said my supplemental picks up what Medicare doesn't and suddenly there is no copay. I feel badly for my friend just living on SS. My other friend is wealthy enough to survive anything that comes.

My friend from Tallahassee is coming today. He taught music at my old school. Very talented and has all kinds of gigs to live on. Nursing homes, students , playing at bars. His son is having surgery in Gainesville so Im letting him stay here a few days. He gets up and does Tai chi in my backyard. It looks like a great sort of slow standing yoga. Steve is Jewish and is now single because his wife passed a few years ago. Smart man. He got my daughter to sing a solo in elem. school because he didn't know she would never do it. Just said "Stephanie, you are going to sing this" And she did. I am forever grateful for that.

The snow missed us by about 30 miles. My daughter was disappointed. I like cold weather having grown up in Fla when we had no AC for many years and then I taught outside in it. So not a fan now of the heat, especially with my incontinence. The last great book I finished recently was on Charles Schulz. His life was as amazing as his wisdom in that little comic he turned into am empire of books, TV and all things Peanuts. I recommend it if you like his characters. He was a very complex man who was never real happy it seemed.
 

I saw and tasted a miracle today. My grandfather bought dozens of Texas red grapefruit trees back in the 1940s to plant in his grove. By the time I was picking them in the mid 60s they had grown and matured in size. I grew up picking them for him to sell and eat. They were the finest citrus I ever had. They were not red on the inside but pink. When I was an adult I used to bring many home to eat and squeeze for juice. And I would throw the pulp and seeds beside my house in Gainesville. Well, this year I noticed a grapefruit tree had grown up beside this house with fruit on it. One grapefruit was hanging over the house but I could not quite reach it.

But knowing it came from a seed I figured the fruit was yellow (we called it white grapefruit) and full of seeds. But still good to eat. Well today I went over to see Spencer and he had gotten that one picked for me. I brought it home and it was PINK inside. I was shocked. Most seedling trees revert back to a root stock. I tasted it and reminded me of all that wonderful fruit I had picked and eaten as child and young man. I rescued two seeds from it. I'm gonna try and grow another tree like my grandfather had grown all those years. After my grandparents died they sold that grove and house and bulldozed all that wonderful citrus into oblivion.

I was visiting my son because he was recently fired from his job is in bad place. Panic attacks keep him from driving. So he and sat and discussed that among other things. He does stand up comedy and worked at Lowes (no more). He missed some work when his mom had emergency surgery. They are close and it affected him badly. But we had a great time talking and I think I he is getting better. His half brother is going to stay with him this week. They are very close. Kevin is 20 and Spencer is 35. They speak the same language. Kevin has Aspbergers.

Well today has been a good one. My incontinence seems better so I worked out and took a walk. Most I have done in awhile since it reversed on me and got worse. I'm making some brownies for my kid(s) and tuna salad to add to my romaine based salad. If someone would make me a salad each day I would eat it. For some reason a salad made by ex wives always tasted better than my creations......or even by a friend.
 
It is graduation time and I actually have an 18 yr old graduating from Fla Virtual High School. I wrote this about three years ago regarding HS graduations. I have taught so many children these events are a little more special to me.

The BHS graduation.
Recently my pomposity has been pointed out to me. A pompous a@@ I appear to be. I guess guilty as charged but I try to do it in private. As I was walking from the library to the stadium last night for the 2022 graduation I observed complete families arriving for the event. I smugly thought "why are 12 people coming to an event like this.) Woody Allen once said that 95% of life was just showing up. That seemed like my high school years. I was there for the social and team sports. School work was just a distraction.

Thank God I loved to read so that got me through college. But I digress, (poorly). My son had to stay late to help clean up so I saw, what turned out to be, the best part of graduation. And along with that an epiphany for me. It started when a former student came up and we talked for a long time about our lives and her kids. It was , like always, wonderful catching up. Then a good friend I made teaching a dozen years ago came up and sat in front of me. His middle son was graduating and he had some family with him. I love the guy. I kept txting my son about leaving because usually they hold the JROTC sabres up and then he can go.

But tonite other forces were at work. I must have stayed another hour after the last student name was called and then I saw the magic. People stayed and stayed and stayed. I saw hundreds of big hugs, smiles and joy in faces of all those extra family members. Black and white. Young and old. Well dressed and casual like me. I saw aunts uncles, grandmas, baby sisters and every relative and friend you can imagine. And they were all either happy or proud or both. I had moved down to the last row and was by myself just watching the good will among friends families and students. One lady as she passed remarked "you have the best seat in the house" And it turned out she was exactly right.
 

Watered the dying petunias this morning and moved my bird bath near my feeders so I can see more bird activity. The ex's birthday is Fri so we (our kids) are taking her out to eat and then home for cake and presents. Tuesday is huge next week. My daughter is graduating from FVHS, Florida Virtual High School but we have to go to Orlando for the ceremony. Center of the state for many of the kids. Not looking forward to that drive in that city.

Too many days in the 90s now with hardly any rain at all the last 2 months.......I learned that coffee is an irritant to the bladder today so gonna try going without coffee to improve my incontinence......AND I had to finally give up my two political forums and many FB groups from the toxicity of the interactions. Self preservation I guess.
 
The Buoy Bar

When I was 18 my dad bought a bar and marina. Mostly a beer joint but he was determined to make it more of a marina fish camp with bait, ice and storage for boats. He even had a lift to put boats in the intracoastal water way. In fact that is why he ended up buying the place. We stayed at the beach each year and one time our boat eye broke. This was Casey Key just north of Venice, Fla. The ring you hooked to to crank it up on the trailer. The very steep ramp was across the intracoastal water way from that bar and marina. So he drove it over there so the guy would lift it out and put on our trailer.

Dad began talking to the owner about leasing it. Then he said “why dont I buy this place” And suddenly dad owned a beer joint (and marina).
This was 1973. Kevin and I moved two families down to Nokomis, Fla that summer. The bar came with a small two bedroom house, large enclosed wooden shed and long covered boat storage. It was right on the intracoastal water way from the gulf. We pulled the biggest U-haul trailer behind my old 67 Chevy Biscayne. At least 3 or 4 trips full. Dad began selling lots of bait and ice and beer. It still had a pool table that attracted rowdies but dad’s wife, Margaret, discouraged that behavior. I would work at the bar on weekends as I had a construction job during the week.

They had just lowered the drinking age to 18 so I was allowed to tend the bar. Just beer and wine. And a few snacks. Dad would work behind the bar in his bare feet. When the inspector came he told dad he needed shoes so dad put his flip flops on. They soon came off after the guy left. Dad and Margaret made many friends through that business. One was a retired gentleman named Ken that tended bar on some weekends. He had gone to college at Notre Dame and had swam against Johnny Weismuller in college. Or with him. I cannot remember. I made friends, too. I thought it was cool meeting people that came to drink beer at that bar.

But after a month or two I began to feel sorry for them needing that liquid courage (dad called it that) each day. The best story I have is a guy named Moose (the largest man I ever saw) loved dad. He was afraid of Margaret. And she was tiny. One night he drove up to the bar after hours and it was open somehow and a few idiots were stealing beer and making a mess. He threw them into the waterway and stopped it because Stuart was his friend. Stuart was my dad.
 
My son. He turned 21 yesterday, Aspbergers and all. For his birthday I bought tickets to the movie Dogma rereleased again on the big screen,. Took his best friend and another named Apollo. Apollo was a friend from HS named Lillie at one time. He went out with her once. Seemed odd. Then he comes back and said this other friend wanted to see it and now its in Tampa about 3 hours away. I said not happening. I could tell he was agitated. Then he said its in Tallahassee on the 12th and I said ok. He had never driven that far or there before.

Turns out she is Aurora and also a former HS classmate. Picked her up in Lake City on the way. But he said its not a date as she has a boyfriend.....I posed that it may cause problems you driving her hours away to see a movie. But it all turned out well from what I could see. He just got on the Amtrak to Virgina to help his older brother take care of my oldest daughter's two autistic children. My daughter is pregnant with a girl this time. So my two sons (by different moms) are helping out up there. If I wasn't so incontinent I would be there helping. These two sons love each other very much and are really connected. they are 21 and 36 years of age.
 
I wrote this last year for some reason.

Kitchens
I remember two places I always felt loved and safe. One from my very first memories as a boy and then later after I became a man.
My grandparents lived in a small town just south of Lakeland Fla called Medulla. It had a very old school my dad attended for elementary school, a RR running through it and a swamp and orange groves. My grandparents had an old mining house right on the edge of a swamp where grandpa planted his grove. The most wonderful citrus I never get anymore.

The front room as you come in the back of the house was a big square kitchen with at least a twelve foot ceiling. I remember it was yellow with two windows facing north and west. Grandma spent much of the day there. When we visited I never could get there before her in the morning. Always ready to make my favorite breakfast it seemed. Grandpa would sit at a small side table reading the Lakeland Ledger or Tampa Tribune where he had a small reading light.

I always headed to the fridge when we rolled in at night from our ride from Archer. She had a jar of maraschino cherries I swear she kept just for me. I have a picture of my dad and youngest brother sitting in there reading the paper. Acrees always read newspapers,. Both are gone now along with the real newspapers we used to read. Grandma’s kitchen was my safe place. Where I saw her work for her family to have wonderful homemade rolls, pancakes and bacon, old molasses cookies and ambrosia from their citrus grove.

I can still see the phone on the wall with the old green children’s high chair under it. Just a seat at the top of two little steps. No safety to it. I kept it for many years. I keep her kitchen in my heart and memories now.
My other kitchen came along when I graduated from HS. Her name was Grann Grann and she was close to the battles in WW2. A nurse and extraordinary woman. She basically adopted me when her youngest daughgter brought me home to become part of the family for three decades.

Emily was the mother I dreamed about. Her kitchen was bigger than grandmas. But had much of the same thing. A small metal grease catcher to season her amazing vegetables. In the stainless steel sink I washed many dishes. And a long old table with sweet and low along with instant coffee in the middle. I cannot tell you the color of the kitchen but it was warm and always waiting for me to grab a chunk of her incredible pound cake. Seems like there was one always sitting there, much like the maraschino cherries grandma had.

I've never tasted a cake that good anywhere. Always made from scratch. She made mustard greens I could eat everyday. They were so perfect and I still tell people about her liver and onions and pies. But more important was her love for all of us. She was so positive and caring and it was unconditional for me. She bought me my first suit jacket and pants from the old Penneys downtown Gville.

She did so much for me I am tearing up as I type this. I have some apologizing to do in heaven one day but seeing her again will be a real highlight. Kitchens may mean different things at times but I had two that were run by two amazing women born long ago and touched my life in ways I can never repay.
 
Loving my dad was always easy. Well, maybe not when he was spanking me but that was so long ago I never think about it. I figured he was trying to keep me alive until I reached the age of reason and knew better. My entire life he referred to his parents as momma and daddy. The world he grew up in and having both parents born in the 19th century is so alien to what we live in now. He was the youngest of four children.

I am the oldest of three boys. He was a big man more like Mike than me. I can see him diving off the raised dock at Blue Springs near Bronson and swimming almost to the far corner under water. Many years later that is how I would enter a spring. The water being a shock but quickly becoming so wonderfully invigorating. My daddy took chances. He had different jobs and bought a business. He loved to talk. We would talk on the phone almost everyday on my home from Hampton his last few years.

To say I loved him would be like saying I loved playing basketball. I played five years at Newberry and he never missed a game. He loved sports and I guess watching his kids play. I was so damned lucky to have him into my 60s and will be forever grateful for it. If your dad is still around, listen to this song
I was fortunate that I never had these problems with him. The last thing I told him was I was always proud to be his son…….I still am.

Fathers day I think more about my father than being a father. Three of my kids are all together in Virginia now and my youngest will be here today. All so different but so wonderful. I am a lucky man having four wonderful kids that are so kind and decent to other people. Of course their moms had a huge part of that…

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My four kids about 11 years ago in Williamsburg VA My oldest was getting married. My youngest was her flower girl. Happy Fathers Day to all of you.......
 
I am not doing very well. I sit on the couch. I do a few things but mostly sit. And watch Netflix. And sit. My PT for my incontinence is not working very well. It makes me angry. It makes me sad. It feels hopeless at times. I have prayed. Prayed and begged. I have good people around me that want to talk but I ignore them at times.

I worry about Stephanie and SPencer a lot. ANd Kevin and Presley. I want them to be safe and happy and able to function in this world. I hate being wet. I hate feeling helpless to go and do things. I can do things but I worry about my getting wet where ever I go…….IT Makes me crazy in a quiet way.I am watching the Intern right now and its about being 70 yrs old. Aging seemed easy before I had prostate surgery.

Now I feel like this big wall is blocking me from living. Before, I used to always think I can do stuff anytime or tomorrow. Now I feel like I cannot do anything but sit and worry. hate this movie because its about me at one time…….and I failed. I ****ing failed. But I know Presley and Kevin are supposed to be here. I know it with all my heart……But I know I broke hearts and that breaks mine…..So over 22 years later I am still dealing with this. Or maybe just putting it in words makes me really think

Tomorrow I begin acupuncture to help with my problem. And next week we go to Memphis. I'm really worried about the long drive and staying dry. I am writing this to confront my crap. Belinda said it was good to write about your stuff……
 
Jobs
One day you are meeting six PE classes a day, teaching reading and getting up for work by 5am and suddenly you are wondering why you need so many pills. Or why you have to think when getting up from the floor. Or how you even got down there. My life of jobs began a long time ago. Mowing the yard. Working in watermelons in the summer with a stop in a hay field or tobacco patch at times.

working in a grocery store my best friend’s father built. He sold it to a man with a very cute daughter so of course I applied to help him re-organize it. Great job for a few weeks. The manager said “Steve, I want you to wear a button up shirt and tie” . No problem sounds workable. Then it's “And I need you to cut your hair”. Well, everyone in Archer knew me and my hair was personal at the age of 17. So I went back to playing HS football, basketball and running track my senior year. I guess I did some school work, too. I graduated.

Then my first real job happened. Dad bought a business in Nokomis Fla. Marina and beer joint on the intracoastal waterway just north of Venice. Our favorite place in the world for vacation. After Kevin and I moved two families down there with the biggest Uhaul trailer behind my worn out 67 Chevy Biscayne it was time to find work or go to college. Work was the choice. First job was working in a small factory beside a machine stamping out plastic #1s. They were to be little banks. Boring all night long and paid 2.50 an hour.

The local paper then had an ad. Healthy males wanted to work for pipeline company in South Venice. $4.50 an hour. I was quickly hired and even faster was up on the LARGE front end loader, John Deere 544C. I was on top of the world it seemed. The stories I could tell working for Burt Chapman in that rag tag group of men. To make a long story short I banked $3000 in about 9 months and that paid my tuition for four years of college. Which led to teaching PE for about 40 yrs……….$3000 would pay for one class now……….different world back then.
 
Three summer ago.....

Ever have one of those day........I had one today. In life we have three hats we wear much of our adult life. Employee, spouse and parent. I feel good about my career and had a great time. Im still working on being a spouse. Definitely messed up a few times. I take all the blame. But parenthood is where I feel so blessed and lucky. I did it early in my thirties and then in my fifties. I can say with certainty that I appreciate it more the 2nd time. You have more experience with parenting and with life. I was lucky because my career was dealing with young kids.

A friend asked me one summer when I was doing stuff with mine and hers "how I had the patience" My reply was I was used to 40 at a time and three of four was a piece of cake. Today I took my two teens to a spring and to lunch. When they were little we did this all the time. I would suggest a trip to the park, grandpas, flea market, Manatee Springs etc and they would beat me to the car. Now at 15 and 18 their interests are elsewhere. But today they both were on board with a trip to Rum Island, a beautiful spring right beside the Santa Fe River.

I love being with them and hearing their stories and what interests them. They are both very different kids but are funny and interesting. Their knowledge about the world amazes me but that little phone with google and youtube is amazing too. I know they will be on their own before you can blink but Im gonna have as much fun with them as I can. BTW I had a lot of fun with the first two, too. A friend of mine had a post about living now and not waiting until you have time. The time is now.
 

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