Reflections of My Life

katlupe said:
I finally got my area, that I call my living room (not a room since this is a studio apartment) arranged so I can fit a recliner in it, IF I decide to get one. For now, I am using my rocking chair with a foot stool (that my father made). I sit there in the morning with my first cup of coffee and if I sit there too long, it is not comfortable. I cleared off my dresser so I can turn the flat screen toward the living room or the bedroom. Easy to do. The key is to remove all clutter and only keep on the dressers what has to be there. So yes, I most likely will be getting a recliner.

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I think you should get a recliner, you can find the right spot which works best for you, and be as comfortable as possible. Btw, love the lamp.
 

I had my hair cut on Tuesday and now today I am having my nails done this afternoon. I can't wait. They really look horrible since I did manage to remove the previous set of gel nails. I know it sounds like a trivial thing but my hands look old to me and when my nails are done, they make me feel good about myself. My bf, Sonny is coming to take me to the appointment, but he cannot go inside. I forgot when I got the appointment that on Fridays he usually races his RC cars. But he said it was okay and that he is willing to skip it tonight. If we have time after my appointment, we might stop at the furniture store to look at the recliners. I have room for one now. I changed my living room area around and now I definitely have a spot for it. So I will check them out and see what I think.
 
I am reading a book by Brigitte Nioche called Getting Over Growing Older ~ A Humorous Memoir Of Discovering The Challenges of Aging. It is my second time of reading it. She mentions the phrase, "reinventing yourself" and that doing so is the way to stay active and feel alive. It reminds me of the people on the YouTube channels who are older men and women and video their life doing many different things. I follow a lot of these videos because it is interesting to me for some reason or other. A few that I follow are women my age, or at least in the ball park, and they talk about their day to day life, or their fashion, what they bought in the store (food or clothing), their make up (showing how they apply it and cover up their flaws), etc. I am not sure why I started watching the people who live in vans, rvs, trucks, etc. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I lived on the road with my husband when he drove an over the road truck. We went all over the country with my Siamese cat, Nutmeg. I put all our belongings in a storage area and left our car at my parents' house. It was fun, but he was working. We would be out on the road for 7 + weeks at a time. At least I got to see most of the country. We were out west a lot and I didn't really like it out there so much. I love the green landscape of NY and PA the most. Ah, I got sidetracked.

Reinventing yourself though is something we probably do many times through out our lives. I know when I mention something I did when I was a young woman, people will express surprise. Surprise about things that seem out of touch with the woman I am now. That is why I don't always judge people based on doing something wild (or what I think is wild now) when they are in their twenties. In your twenties, life is an experiment. Especially if you are not attending college or working on a career. Maybe then too, but I can't comment on that as I didn't have the money for that, or the urge. I was a teenage mother and that is what directed my life at that time.......a child raising a child. Thank God for my mother!

In your thirties you start settling down and it is true that some people never do that. I have a friend, well she used to be my friend, but she was like that. She is a drinker, a pothead and a life time party person. We were very close friends for many years even though I outgrew that life long ago. I had responsibility with a child and then a husband who owned an accounting firm so my life took a different turn. She had a good job, working for the state, she married too but never had children. She stayed the same. We would go out shopping or to lunch or occasionally with our husbands together to dinner. For some reason, she liked to steal. Out of stores. From her job. I was 36 when my husband wanted to divorce me so he could marry his girlfriend, a topless dancer (who had been my friend too, or so I thought). So it was time for me to reinvent myself again. I did it wrong though, I remarried quickly and the wrong man. An alcoholic. Marrying an alcoholic is not good to do when you barely even drink. I think I thought I could save him. No, you can't. I couldn't and was with him only about 2 or 3 years. I told him I was not going to watch him kill himself. Which he did. At 52.
 
This morning, I got up around five to go to the bathroom. Since it was so early, I went back to bed. Rabbit wanted me to give him some oats but I was tired and just went back to bed. All of a sudden, I hear a loud "thump thump"..........I ignore it. Then again, "thump thump" so I figure maybe I should give the starving bunny some oats. But before I could get up, he started chewing rather loudly on the plastic back to his cushion frame so it hits against the wall! So much for a quiet bunny who can't bark, meow, cluck or whinny...........

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I went grocery shopping yesterday. I like to shop before the checks come out so I don't have to be in the store when it is so crowded. That is the day the shelves are empty of everything I want or need. Just went to Aldi's yesterday. I noticed they are not sanitizing the carts outside like they were before, nor keeping track of how many people are going in and out. They had a sanitizing dispenser with wipes telling you to clean your cart before using it. But it is near the door, so you already have gotten the cart and handled it before you even see that.

I would have no trouble with this quarantine if I did not have other people in my life that I see often. My son lives down the street and comes here every day. Or almost. He is not as careful about the masks, social distancing and sanitizing as I am. Nor is my boyfriend. There is no way I can police what they do. Neither can I not see them. I have to make sure my son (who is a disabled adult) has food to eat and is okay. My boyfriend brings hay for Rabbit and water for drinking and cooking and takes me to the stores when I need to go.

The problem I see is that a person can be tested and is negative, then the next day catch it from another person but thinks they are negative. I think the only thing a person can do is to try to improve your own immune system. I have been researching this and watching videos about doing so. I am not sure how good my immune system is. I cannot walk very well, my doctor said it is Osteoarthritis. Other than that, I am not inflicted with anything else I can think of. I am constantly battling my weight. I catch colds and a stomach bug every now and then.

I understand about people wanting their businesses to open up so they can start making a living again. But some businesses are focused on having many people at one time in their place of business. Like a bar, a restaurant or a sporting event. It is hard to not want them to open up and have life go on like normal. Except it is not normal. If one person becomes positive with the virus and does not know that, he or she can spread it around in many different areas. And it goes on and on. How can you possibly track or contain that? It all comes back to building your own immunity, even if you have a compromised condition. I am doing the best I can with what I can afford. Not worrying about it all the time or thinking about it is most important. If you think you will get it, you probably will. I always follow the positive thinking way of life. It has always worked for me.
 
I haven't done such a good job the last two weeks sticking to my keto food plan. As I said before, ice cream is my downfall. And people I have to eat with. Once I have gone off it, I have a heck of a time getting back on it. Once again, I start over and over. Like an old tractor. As soon as I go off it, the grain and sugar actually, really affect me. And I KNOW THIS! Why am I so stupid and allow it to happen? Not sure. But I have to go back on this way of eating. I don't eat large amounts, just the wrong stuff. And portion control does not help me. I did buy a few things I shouldn't have at the grocery store the other day. I think I will give those to my son if he comes here today. Life is strange. I thought when I moved here, I would not have the problem of eating with anyone else and could stick to my keto foods with no problem. The problem I see is not the other people, but me. I have to be strong and say, "no thank you."
 
katlupe said:
I haven't done such a good job the last two weeks sticking to my keto food plan. As I said before, ice cream is my downfall. And people I have to eat with. Once I have gone off it, I have a heck of a time getting back on it. Once again, I start over and over. Like an old tractor. As soon as I go off it, the grain and sugar actually, really affect me. And I KNOW THIS! Why am I so stupid and allow it to happen? Not sure. But I have to go back on this way of eating. I don't eat large amounts, just the wrong stuff. And portion control does not help me. I did buy a few things I shouldn't have at the grocery store the other day. I think I will give those to my son if he comes here today. Life is strange. I thought when I moved here, I would not have the problem of eating with anyone else and could stick to my keto foods with no problem. The problem I see is not the other people, but me. I have to be strong and say, "no thank you."
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I eat sugar and carbs and am diabetic with only one kidney and I am in stage 3 kidney failure. You are not stupid, I am not stupid. We do have poor impulse control. Don’t give the food to your son, you will just buy more, probably. Just eat it over time, in moderation, or on the weekend as your special treat. This is what I do. Just a suggestion.
 
Aneeda72 said:
I eat sugar and carbs and am diabetic with only one kidney and I am in stage 3 kidney failure. You are not stupid, I am not stupid. We do have poor impulse control. Don’t give the food to your son, you will just buy more, probably. Just eat it over time, in moderation, or on the weekend as your special treat. This is what I do. Just a suggestion.
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Thank you for the suggestion. I will do that mostly because I can't afford to replace it with something else right now. One of the things I do is to buy what I call "cold foods" so I don't have to cook, especially when it is hot. Cold foods are the salad sides, like potato, macaroni, coleslaw and cottage cheese. Then I just keep a dish of that and nothing else. I will stop beating myself up over this.
 
I am noticing people in my building snipping at or about each other lately. I wonder if it has to do with this quarantine? Some people have not gone anywhere the whole time. Maybe it is getting to them. These apartments are not real big. I have one of the smallest but it does not seem small to me. Maybe because the ceiling is so high. I try to stay out of the line of fire. No gossip. No telling someone else what another person told me. Even if it is good thing. If they want someone else to know it they will tell them.

One lady who stops in to talk to me a couple of times a week told me another resident upstairs is scared of my son when he comes to see me. Instead of getting on the defensive about him, I said he would not hurt a fly. He wouldn't. She might be afraid of him because he is not friendly to people he doesn't know. That is because he is really shy. And he is very tall, 6'5" last I knew. He is getting older so might have a lost an inch or two. Another thing is that he does dress in mostly black and in the winter he wears a top hat (don't ask me why.........I don't know).

One thing I am thinking is that since everyone is staying in their apartments and not having potluck dinners, Bingo or tenant meetings now, they have drifted apart. Not as close as they were when seeing each other weekly. The only time I see others is at the mailboxes, in the laundry room or on the elevator. As far as I know, everyone on my floor is getting along. No fighting in the hallway! Ha ha.

I did my laundry this morning, then when I took my garbage out, I rode to the corner park on Jazzy. It was nice and seems like there are a lot of people around. The park was empty though. There are 4 parks within walking distance of my building. One of the perks of living here for me. Maybe I can't lose myself in the forest anymore, but at least I can sit in the park if I want.

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Kat,

It might be helpful to meet your son in the lobby a few times and gradually introduce him to the residents.

People's fears usually melt away when they become familiar with people and get to know them well enough to offer a friendly nod or hello.
 
Aunt Bea said:
Kat,

It might be helpful to meet your son in the lobby a few times and gradually introduce him to the residents.

People's fears usually melt away when they become familiar with people and get to know them well enough to offer a friendly nod or hello.
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That sounds like a good idea.
 
I have finally figured out how to handle the grocery shopping issue on the 3rd. It is a very busy day in this small city. People everywhere! Walmart is packed! Everything is picked over. You are lucky to get eggs or butter. Instead I went grocery shopping last Friday, I think. I didn't need a lot but I got what I needed..........except paper towels. I want to get a certain brand and size so I don't have to buy them for awhile. Yesterday I had to get money orders at the post office for Jeff's and my rent. Neither of our landlords do the paying online thing. I wish. Then got Jeff some cash. So it was not such a stressful day for me. Sonny took me and he went inside the post office for me and Walmart too. I needed to get a new cordless phone for Jeff and coffee creamer for me. I sat in the car and could not believe all the people going in and out the store. I was so thankful that I did not have to go inside.

I have started researching the ordering groceries from my local stores online. Not sure I will do it, but learning how the process works. I can always go to Tops on my own to buy small amounts, which is usually all I need. Living alone has made many things in my life so much easier and I really like it. It sounds like I am selfish, maybe so. But when you don't have to do so much cleaning and cooking, which means standing for long periods in the kitchen, life is much nicer. Still waiting on the okay for my aide to start. You know that paperwork thing through these agencies is never ending. They talk to you like you are a child and then they mess up on their end......every time!

I went for physical therapy last year and they said my thigh muscles (yeah, there are actually muscles in there, lol) and leg muscles are weak and had me doing stretching exercises for them. I am following the instructions they gave me and starting to do them here at home. I also ordered a wedge for my bed to elevate my legs. It is supposed to be delivered today.
 
katlupe said:
I have finally figured out how to handle the grocery shopping issue on the 3rd. It is a very busy day in this small city. People everywhere! Walmart is packed! Everything is picked over. You are lucky to get eggs or butter. Instead I went grocery shopping last Friday, I think. I didn't need a lot but I got what I needed..........except paper towels. I want to get a certain brand and size so I don't have to buy them for awhile. Yesterday I had to get money orders at the post office for Jeff's and my rent. Neither of our landlords do the paying online thing. I wish. Then got Jeff some cash. So it was not such a stressful day for me. Sonny took me and he went inside the post office for me and Walmart too. I needed to get a new cordless phone for Jeff and coffee creamer for me. I sat in the car and could not believe all the people going in and out the store. I was so thankful that I did not have to go inside.

I have started researching the ordering groceries from my local stores online. Not sure I will do it, but learning how the process works. I can always go to Tops on my own to buy small amounts, which is usually all I need. Living alone has made many things in my life so much easier and I really like it. It sounds like I am selfish, maybe so. But when you don't have to do so much cleaning and cooking, which means standing for long periods in the kitchen, life is much nicer. Still waiting on the okay for my aide to start. You know that paperwork thing through these agencies is never ending. They talk to you like you are a child and then they mess up on their end......every time!

I went for physical therapy last year and they said my thigh muscles (yeah, there are actually muscles in there, lol) and leg muscles are weak and had me doing stretching exercises for them. I am following the instructions they gave me and starting to do them here at home. I also ordered a wedge for my bed to elevate my legs. It is supposed to be delivered today.
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I’d like to live alone 🥰
 
katlupe said:
It is actually the first time in my life. I know it sounds crazy, but it is also the happiest I have been. At this age and with all the trouble i have walking.
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I have never lived alone either. Once mom kicked me out, when I was 17, I lived with grandma for a couple of weeks. Then I lived at a home for young woman and shared a room, then the army. Was discharged from the army when I got married and had a miscarriage. After I divorced first husband my son and I, of course, lived together-single mom.

Then I have been remarried for, hmm, 49 years. I would like to just be by myself and have room to breathe. Unfortunately, I would have to choose between breathing free and other stuff like eating, living in a house, having toilet paper. 🤦🏻‍♀️ Nope got to stay married, got to have toilet paper. 😂
 
Aneeda72 said:
I have never lived alone either. Once mom kicked me out, when I was 17, I lived with grandma for a couple of weeks. Then I lived at a home for young woman and shared a room, then the army. Was discharged from the army when I got married and had a miscarriage. After I divorced first husband my son and I, of course, lived together-single mom.

Then I have been remarried for, hmm, 49 years. I would like to just be by myself and have room to breathe. Unfortunately, I would have to choose between breathing free and other stuff like eating, living in a house, having toilet paper. 🤦🏻‍♀️ Nope got to stay married, got to have toilet paper. 😂
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I used to say that too. I stayed too long. I have been married 3 times and I gained experiences that I would not have had if I hadn't married those three. My son benefited from his dad, due to getting SSD on his dad's benefit so he gets a good sized check (I am his payee rep).
 
katlupe said:
I used to say that too. I stayed too long. I have been married 3 times and I gained experiences that I would not have had if I hadn't married those three. My son benefited from his dad, due to getting SSD on his dad's benefit so he gets a good sized check (I am his payee rep).
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Yup, I have stayed too long and now will stay to the end-his or mine 😂. My two boys get more money now that he gets SSI. Before they got only got 500 a month now they get 800. It will increase when he dies.
 
Yeah, my son was on SSI and was getting about $700 a month. So he could barely afford to live. Ghetto apartments. Or they would let him live with me but if he lived with other people he got less. When my first husband went to the hospital and applied for SSD, I got a letter from SSI saying that Jeff had to apply for SSD. One good thing my ex did for my son. He ended up arrested by the FBI and I had a 4 hour interview with a FBI investigator (Thank you very much for that! ex husband). Well he died before he could go to prison but at least Jeff got his SSD since he is a disabled adult child. He gets a lot more than I do (his father was an accountant with his own firm so he made good money). But things are good for both of us right now. I like living close to my son, but not with him.
 
This morning I made my own body lotion/moisturizer. I am using it on my body and face. I love it! Came out perfectly. I found a recipe and followed it almost exactly. No essential oils since I cannot tolerate the fragrance any more. As soon as I put it on my skin after my shower I could see the difference. I only made a half of the recipe to see if I like it. I do. I guess I will be buying these ingredients regularly now. If I have to get old, I will do try to do it the best I can.
 

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