Ron's ex has escalated. Any advice?

Ronni. Unpredictability is one of the most frustrating aspects of dealing with people whose behaviour is consistently irrational. You can do right action up the wazoo, yet uncertainty remains. Ultimately, all you can hope for is that the measures you have set in place will suffice. No one,

including professionals such as myself, can offer more than behavioural probabilities. At least, you can feel empowered by firmly taking the reins in those areas you can control, and exercise vigilance in those areas you cannot. I think you are to be commended for keeping grounded during a chaotic situation.🤗
 

911 said:
I am no psychiatrist, but from what I have learned and using my own wisdom, I can give you a little advice. First is that you and Ron have to learn to "let go." Just stop communicating. You owe her nothing, Ron's daughters are old enough to make their own decisions and choices, so there is no need for contact in that regard. Secondly and the most important is that each time one of you, no matter who it is, contacts or answers her call or questions, you are keeping her in your life and validating her existence. This in turn gives her reason to keep playing the game.

There is an excellent book on the shelf titled, "The Art of Letting Go" by Melody Beattie. Really good reading.

Ask Shalimar. I'll bet that she is familiar with it.
Click to expand...
@911 I agree completely. My more recent posts cover all your points in detail.

I read The Art Of Letting Go years ago, as one of many books I considered required reading after leaving my abusive ex. Thanks for the reminder though, I’d forgotten that one. I’ll add it to my current reading list of books I’m re-reading to give myself a bit of a refresher course about this personality type.

I just finished re-reading The Gift of Fear by Gavin De Becker. Fascinating reading!! I recommend it if you’re not familiar with it.
 

Last edited:
Shalimar said:
Ronni. Unpredictability is one of the most frustrating aspects of dealing with people whose behaviour is consistently irrational. You can do right action up the wazoo, yet uncertainty remains. Ultimately, all you can hope for is that the measures you have set in place will suffice. No one,

including professionals such as myself, can offer more than behavioural probabilities. At least, you can feel empowered by firmly taking the reins in those areas you can control, and exercise vigilance in those areas you cannot. I think you are to be commended for keeping grounded during a chaotic situation.🤗
Click to expand...

Thanks so much Shalimar. That means a lot coming from you. 💜

Yeah, the unpredictable volatility is hard to manage, which is why I found that distancing myself, going no contact in situations like this is the best course of action. Putting distance between myself and the toxic person removes me from the effects of the fallout for the most part. Education is key. Until I immersed myself in a thorough education about the various toxic personality types, I was just floundering around, because I tried to approach the situation rationally, and of course there's nothing rational about toxic people!!
 
Dear Ronni,
I am so sorry you have to go through this. It brings flashbacks to my years of harassment when I got divorced. I finally learned not to engage her and had my phone number changed.
I finally realized that the opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference. I do not care one fig about what she is doing and whether she lives or dies.
 
Ronni said:
Thanks so much Shalimar. That means a lot coming from you. 💜

Yeah, the unpredictable volatility is hard to manage, which is why I found that distancing myself, going no contact in situations like this is the best course of action. Putting distance between myself and the toxic person removes me from the effects of the fallout for the most part. Education is key. Until I immersed myself in a thorough education about the various toxic personality types, I was just floundering around, because I tried to approach the situation rationally, and of course there's nothing rational about toxic people!!
Click to expand...
You are most welcome.🥰
Bingo! This is all about crazy, and crazy making behaviour. Rational doesn’t cut it, education helps u separate reality from the mind crushing chaos which can leave you feeling as if you live your life sliding down a razor blade
 

You must log in or register to reply here.

Back
Top