Self care.

Ronni

Ronni

The motormouth ;)
Location
Nashville TN
The idea of self care is a concept I've had zero connection with for most of my life. Me, care for myself? But..but...I've always put my loved ones first. I've always considered myself 2nd, or 10th, or not at all...usually not at all. My picture could've been next to "selfless" in the dictionary, at least when it came to my kids. Yes, we all do for our kids, we all take care of them because as parents it tends to come naturally, but I took that to an unhealthy degree.

There were all kinds of things tied up in that other- care; codependency, a driving need to over-compensate for their abusive father, my very vague boundaries about where they stopped and I began...so many issues, so much dysfunction. My son's addiction is when I first began to realize how badly I needed some self care. A lot of water under the bridge and a lot of hard, soul searching work on myself, peeling the layers and laying myself bare for my own scrutiny and critique, and then slowly putting myself back together again, but this time jigsawing the pieces differently than I did before.

My kids, and now my grandkids, and more recently my beloved fiancé Ron are the most important people in my life. And they always will be because that's just how I roll. But for the first time in my life *I* am important too. I'm not a second class citizen, the chick who's happy with scraps, the afterthought. Nope. Not me. Not anymore.
I'm still learning, still looking for the right balance, that sweet-spot-mid-point pendulum swing. Sometimes it still swings too far in the direction of my loved ones, because I am, after all, a work-in-progress. But I'm learning. And fingers crossed when I fall off the path I'll jump right back on again, because that means I'm continuing to grow and expand and flex and become more and more emotionally healthy.

So how about you guys....do you practice self-care?
 

For the 22 years I was divorced/single, I had to pretty much take care of myself. Oh, I had a couple of friends that helped me out a few times and that help was greatly appreciated, but no family at all around to help with anything. They lived states away. Being that it was just myself, I definitely put myself first in everything.

Today, wife and I definitely take care of each other. No family.
 
I try mainly because I don't want to become a burden to others.

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You won't be able to help anyone if you don't take care of yourself.
 
Being in a career where I took care of everyone all of the time, I knew the importance of keeping up with the care for myself. Even in the beginning when I was married I was always the one who took care of everything, my husband, son, and even myself or it wasn't going to be done. Once I became divorced at the age of 40 it was just me and my son and I just continued that role. I suppose being a PT and in the health field for almost 40 years of my life showed me the importance of not only caring for others, but also caring for myself.
 
I always take care of mysel. Always have, always will, until the end. I look after my family, too, when they seem to need it, but everyone's grown. I help the gf, when she needs it.
 
Sure I do -- being somewhat of an introvert, I'm exhausted by too much input and sometimes a day is just like that.

I listen to my favorite podcasts when I crawl into bed for the night -- one where a person reads old books or the other which is just plain goofy, but designed to gradually lull the listener to sleep. There are also some great old radio comedy shows. A good night's sleep makes all the difference!
 
Absolutely! I learned to care for myself early cause nobody was caring for me and kept it up. I’m extremely independent and also believe that if you can’t take care of yourself first then you aren’t any use to others. That’s the number one rule in FIRST AID and Life Saving Skills; save yourself first.


Since I didn’t have kids, I’ve only known caring for a husband and dogs and I’m good with that. Plus since I’m 5 plus years older than my husband I feel the need to keep in shape and maintain my own personal health and self care. Yes indeed.
I don’t wish to burden anyone.
Im an introvert as well.
 
Because I have so recently (relatively speaking) begun to focus on a modicum of self care, I'm still learning what that means. Depending on who you talk to, self care can be anything from pedicures to regular doctor visits to bubble baths to alone time to caring for ones appearance to countless other scenarios.


I've taken care with my appearance for most of my life, so it sure ain't that for me! Personally it's in a couple of different areas. First of all are the things that I consider luxury items like pedicures, dance lessons, weekend getaways, trying out various activities/hobbies to see if I like them, (zip lining, paddle boarding, painting, throwing pots, pole dancing etc. ) that kind of thing. These were things that I used to consider frivolous, especially when there was little money and little time so finding dollars and hours to pursue them seemed selfish because it was always going to take away from someone else's time with me, or time that I would spend doing for someone else.


And the other thing was my own mental health, caregiving that in whatever way I needed to, whether is was seeing a counselor, time for meditation and reflection and introversion, self-help studies and education to better understand what makes me tick.


Both those things were in very short supply for me until very recently. When I was married, I was certainly not encouraged in any of those pursuits! And I became so controlled that I just simply didn't have the temerity to defiantly pursue them. And then when my son's addiction hit, all my time and my money, every resource I had or could create fueled my countless attempts to "help" or "rescue" (enable) him. I was so completely immersed in his life that I had none of my own.


That was the beginning of my awakening as to how dysfunctional I had become and the beginning of my journey out of the pit I'd dug for myself.
 

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