Seniors, Have You Ever Been In An Abusive Relationship?

I'm late to this discussion, but most abuse I've suffered was when growing up, the same for my siblings.

Thinking about stuff like that which happens in those early, formative years, I heard something the other day: if you have a happy childhood, you have a 50 percent chance of being happy as an adult. If your childhood was bad, that chance of happiness as an adult drops down to about 15 percent. Sad.
 

@AnnieA, I am on the other side of that. My husband and I started dating at 15, bit really dating as neither of us could drive yet. We went through the tough turbulent years of growing up together. We knew each other so well. We married at 20. My husband died at 51 but I still wear my rings and considered myself married, we just happen to be apart not of our choice.

I knew I would never even date when he died. I still had a son to put through college. I would never choose a relationship over my child. For me, I would never have that kind of trust with anyone else.
 
PeppermintPatty said:
Do you mean mentally you feel like you are losing it? Do you live with anyone else? I’m sorry you aren’t doing well. I’m having a difficult time cognitively so please forgive my ignorance. I didn’t really understand your post.
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Sorry. My grip on things isn't that slim but I appreciate the concern. I never meant to alarm anyone.

I've been through some grief over loss in the past, but this time I suppose I'm trying to externalize it and get past it, and learn not to ever get into such a position of vulnerability again.
 
Jules said:
The thing that others that haven’t dealt with mental abuse don’t realize is that it is slow in coming. Little comments that degrade you, make you question yourself, small criticisms … every little bit weakens the person. Until one has walked in those shoes, don’t be so sanctimonious.
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So true.
 
My hubby works for a non-profit that has several shelters for survivors of domestic abuse. Two are for women and one is for men (mostly gay). Regardless of how bright or strong someone is, domestic abusers have a way of charming and doting on them, isolating them from friends and family, then starting either emotional or physical abuse.

Many times women can't leave an abusive relationship because there are children involved. My hubby had an elderly woman visit his store recently who said she had been referred there by her pastor. He was sympathetic, and provided her with the hotline number. He has interacted several times with victims of domestic abuse and most have been very withdrawn from being controlled for so long and have been very grateful for assistance.

I was in an abusive relationship at one point in my life, with a violent partner who was charming at the beginning then began to use emotional and physical abuse to control me. He first started to demean me. Then it got violent. I went to work with a black eye once. He would always cry and apologize afterward but the cycle of violence continued. Inexplicably, he left one day saying I was "too good" for him. I'm sure he had found someone else to prey on, but I made sure he left his key to the apartment behind. I was an intelligent, reasonable person with a good career at the time so it can happen to anyone.

I agree with @Jules comment about being sanctimonious. Just be glad it hasn't happened to you.
 

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