Seniors Who May Be Alone Near the End of Life, Do You Have Some Fears?

[ndynt]

Just catching up on the comments here and I was wondering how many of you would fill out something to leave with your doctors/family/will that lays out how you want to have your medical treatment handled if they find you on the floor or couch or wherever and you haven't passed yet?

In Canada the Dying With Dignity association has written Advance Care Planning Kits, available for each province, that ask you to answer a series of questions so that your loved ones can know what you want as far as treatment and life support and such. My husband and I both have ours completed and filed with our will and have told our daughters that they are there. We really should send them copies I guess. But for anyone that wants to take a look here's a link: http://www.dyingwithdignity.ca/download_your_advance_care_planning_kit

Just clicking on one of the provinces named in the list in the centre of the page would open one up.

"5 Wishes" is a similar document in the US. https://www.agingwithdignity.org/five-wishes.php Also, if you sign a out of hospital DNR, there is a yellow sheet that instructs you to place it on your refrigerator. (at least it was the yellow sheet when I still worked) All emergency medical personnel are trained to look for this, if on a rescue call.

 

[Underock1]

Just catching up on the comments here and I was wondering how many of you would fill out something to leave with your doctors/family/will that lays out how you want to have your medical treatment handled if they find you on the floor or couch or wherever and you haven't passed yet?

In Canada the Dying With Dignity association has written Advance Care Planning Kits, available for each province, that ask you to answer a series of questions so that your loved ones can know what you want as far as treatment and life support and such. My husband and I both have ours completed and filed with our will and have told our daughters that they are there. We really should send them copies I guess. But for anyone that wants to take a look here's a link: http://www.dyingwithdignity.ca/download_your_advance_care_planning_kit

Just clicking on one of the provinces named in the list in the centre of the page would open one up.

We both had Advanced Directives and Power of Attorneys filled out long ago. I actually used my wife's. Her early onset dementia proceeded rapidly in her last few days and she never knew she was dying. When they found a tumor on her colon, it was time to end things. Being a diabetic on dialysis, it was simply a matter of ceasing the dialysis. Thankfully, its an easy way to go. Life presents us with hard choices sometimes. I remember thinking her death would be the worst thing that could ever happen to me, while carrying the paper in my pocket giving me permission to hasten it. My son has my directives and POA, and knows that when the time comes I want out as quickly and simply as possible.

 

[Manatee]

Here where I live the police have a program where after you sign up you receive a phone call every day. If you fail to answer and haven't notified them you would be gone that day, they come out to check. I also have a special lockbox near the front door so they can come in.

The Maricopa County Sheriff runs that or a similar program. It is called R.U.O.K. It has helped many folks who are down and can't get up to phone for help. From time to time someone is found that never signed up and has died a slow death alone on the floor.

 

[Butterfly]

Just catching up on the comments here and I was wondering how many of you would fill out something to leave with your doctors/family/will that lays out how you want to have your medical treatment handled if they find you on the floor or couch or wherever and you haven't passed yet?

In Canada the Dying With Dignity association has written Advance Care Planning Kits, available for each province, that ask you to answer a series of questions so that your loved ones can know what you want as far as treatment and life support and such. My husband and I both have ours completed and filed with our will and have told our daughters that they are there. We really should send them copies I guess. But for anyone that wants to take a look here's a link: http://www.dyingwithdignity.ca/download_your_advance_care_planning_kit

Just clicking on one of the provinces named in the list in the centre of the page would open one up.

I've already done this, as have most of my friends. Different form, I'm sure, but the same intent. I don't want a bunch of tubes prolonging my life when there's no hope of meaningful recovery. Besides which, I don't want friends and family to agonize over making such decisions -- I've already made them.

 

[Pookie]

I'm not afraid, but I have everything in place. When and if I am unable to care for myself, my husband will hire folks to help me here at home. If it gets really bad, we have my retirement and all my investments to take care of me in a nursing facility.

He and my family knows if I am leaving us they will be here. I won't pass alone, which is so nice. If I go quickly, that's not so bad. That might be easier on them.

I visit seniors in a rest home here. I visit the ones who have no one. I bring them flowers, cookies, and gifts. Some of them have passed alone, found by a nurse. My Dad passed that way. I kissed him good-night, made sure he was tucked in and his last words to me was, "I love you, Joyce. I'll see you tomorrow."

He just went to sleep. I hope I do that!

 

[Shalimar]

I have everything organised also. My family is aware that when assisted suicide becomes legal next year, provisions will be made to include that option. I will "go gently into that good night."

 

[Underock1]

I'm not afraid, but I have everything in place. When and if I am unable to care for myself, my husband will hire folks to help me here at home. If it gets really bad, we have my retirement and all my investments to take care of me in a nursing facility.

He and my family knows if I am leaving us they will be here. I won't pass alone, which is so nice. If I go quickly, that's not so bad. That might be easier on them.

I visit seniors in a rest home here. I visit the ones who have no one. I bring them flowers, cookies, and gifts. Some of them have passed alone, found by a nurse. My Dad passed that way. I kissed him good-night, made sure he was tucked in and his last words to me was, "I love you, Joyce. I'll see you tomorrow."

He just went to sleep. I hope I do that!

Very nice, Pookie. I hope you do that too, but not quite yet.

 

[Underock1]

I have everything organised also. My family is aware that when assisted suicide becomes legal next year, provisions will be made to include that option. I will "go gently into that good night."

Good for you, Shali. Its a great poem, but I could never see the point in "raging against the dying of the light". The inevitable will happen regardless of how much you kick and scream. Why make everyone around you miserable in the process.

 

[Shalimar]

Thanks Underock, I agree. Loved ones will grieve enough as it is. I am so grateful to have been a part of my mother's and a Friend's beautiful deaths.

 

[Pookie]

I hope I go suddenly. But if I become ill and at the end, I hope I'll have the time to say to my loved ones, "Thank you for being in my life."

 

[ndynt]

On my last visit my cardiologist told me that my heart stops beating every once in awhile. Think I shocked him when I said wonderful. What a wonderful way to go...if one day it does not restart itself.

 

[Underock1]

On my last visit my cardiologist told me that my heart stops beating every once in awhile. Think I shocked him when I said wonderful. What a wonderful way to go...if one day it does not restart itself.

I like the way you think, Nona. Your my kind of person. I can hear myself saying exactly that in the same situation.
Don't leave before I do, though. :wave:

 

[Keesha]

Since we don't have children, or any close family near to us, I sometimes think of what would happen if my husband or myself would die, and the other was left on their own. I can only hope for physical old-age disabilities, because mental ones, like Alzheimer's, would cause a problem for either of us if alone.

I know that many people pass on while living alone in their golden years. Sometimes they are discovered by a neighbor or friend, and sometimes they make it to the hospital and pass on there. Someone living has to see who their next of kin is, etc.

I really don't obsess over it, but the thought certainly does cross my mind.

I really fear not being able to think for myself, or have my husband alone in that state. Do any seniors here thing about being alone when they need real care or are in the process of passing on?

I think of this often, especially now that I’m caring for my parents.
We have no children either so I sometimes worry about us. How will we manage?
We have plenty of nieces & nephews. I can worry myself sink thinking about this.
My husband’s younger than me by 5 years but I’m in much better health than him.
My parents have health care workers who come in and help them care for themselves, do general housework and sometimes cook for them. It’s a great service so that gives me hope because there will be more options once we get that age.

 

[WhatInThe]

I know families where for what ever reason a very by the book widow has basically chased away her children. They either want nothing to do with them or the other children although giving perfunctory visits haven't made themselves the most available children in the world They are also starting to alienate extended family. After a medical event nieces, nephews and friends helped them out more than their children. They are so ready for the end they've pre arranged everything even having their grave stone engraved minus one date.